TTIO's fanfictions

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TTIO's fanfictions

Post by TTIO on Tue 30 Dec 2008 - 17:55

Expect this topic to become dead pretty quickly and for a long time... I don't write that much.

Anyway, I started an orgin fic for Keetha, only one chapter so far (the prelude), but hey. Here it is: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4755285/1/Keetha

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The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Tennyson - 1851
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TTIO
CEO of Cheese Pie Inc.

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Forum Posts : 1111

Location : Eng.

Fan of : Triela!

Original Characters : Keetha & Alcide

Registration date : 2008-07-02

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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by Whatface on Tue 30 Dec 2008 - 21:54

Yay! More Keetha stuff.

The numerous flashbacks and flashforwards got a bit confusing though. Maybe you should describe the setting a bit more too?

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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by Guest on Wed 31 Dec 2008 - 4:49

I liked it. Specially because it shows that, even after the conditioning and medication and all that, the person remains more or less the same. But I'm afraid I must agree with Whatface: it's a bit confusing at first. Not enough to make you lose the thread of the history, but enough to make you have to stop and think for a few seconds. Come think of it, probably even Sima has to stop and think with all the memories...

Other than that, I'd say it's well written. As far as my knowledge of English goes, there are no mistakes (after carefully reading it three times, I only found one, "miniutes", in the last paragraph), the history makes full sense, and as for the character, well, its your OC, so I don't know whether it's IC or OOC.

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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by TTIO on Wed 31 Dec 2008 - 6:27

Thanks guys Very Happy

As for the flashbacks, it gets better later on, don't worry Wink This is just a prelude, so I want it to be a little different. Chapter 1 goes into proper prose, but the ending is atrocious and I have no idea how to sort it out Sad

And thanks for spotting that mistake, Bloedzuiger. Corrected Very Happy

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Tennyson - 1851
avatar
TTIO
CEO of Cheese Pie Inc.

Male

Forum Posts : 1111

Location : Eng.

Fan of : Triela!

Original Characters : Keetha & Alcide

Registration date : 2008-07-02

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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by Whatface on Wed 31 Dec 2008 - 6:37

Wait a minute... All these flashbacks. Does Keetha actually remember them?

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Whatface
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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by TTIO on Wed 31 Dec 2008 - 8:26

Sort of. Rather, she conciously doesn't know that she has those memories, but subconciously the connections are still there. Like if someone gets amnesia, they will still recognise things that used to be important to them before as important without knowing why.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Tennyson - 1851
avatar
TTIO
CEO of Cheese Pie Inc.

Male

Forum Posts : 1111

Location : Eng.

Fan of : Triela!

Original Characters : Keetha & Alcide

Registration date : 2008-07-02

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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by TTIO on Tue 10 Mar 2009 - 12:38

Woo! I actually updated for once! Added Chapter 1 (sorry, Whatface, but I didn't manage to get much setting description in. Couldn't think where to put it... Sad )

Currently writing Chapter 2 Wink At this rate, I think this story might be finished sometime after 2012, maybe Razz

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Tennyson - 1851
avatar
TTIO
CEO of Cheese Pie Inc.

Male

Forum Posts : 1111

Location : Eng.

Fan of : Triela!

Original Characters : Keetha & Alcide

Registration date : 2008-07-02

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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by Whatface on Wed 11 Mar 2009 - 5:19

Its not just for me. Its for everyone else who reads it too.

I suggest describing the setting at the start, or whenever the setting changes. For example, chapter 1 could have started like this:

Keetha sat hunched over her desk, which was scattered with notes and various textbooks. Her dad stood silently at her side, curiously looking over her shoulder.


Something as simple as that would do.
If you don't include the setting, for all we know, she could be lying down at the beach or sitting on the Moon.

And I'm pretty sure everyone knows what a 'living room' is Razz

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Whatface
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Re: TTIO's fanfictions

Post by TTIO on Wed 11 Mar 2009 - 14:27

Whatface wrote:Its not just for me. Its for everyone else who reads it too.

I suggest describing the setting at the start, or whenever the setting changes. For example, chapter 1 could have started like this:

Keetha sat hunched over her desk, which was scattered with notes and various textbooks. Her dad stood silently at her side, curiously looking over her shoulder.


Something as simple as that would do.
If you don't include the setting, for all we know, she could be lying down at the beach or sitting on the Moon.


Didn't think of that (I suck at writing. So sue me). I'll go through the uploaded version tonight and try and get some more stuff like that in Wink

Whatface wrote:And I'm pretty sure everyone knows what a 'living room' is Razz


Meh, they probably do. But hey, I'll undoubtedly end up using far more specialised British English at some point, and I get the impression that most Americans don't understand it as well as we Brits understand American English Razz

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Tennyson - 1851
avatar
TTIO
CEO of Cheese Pie Inc.

Male

Forum Posts : 1111

Location : Eng.

Fan of : Triela!

Original Characters : Keetha & Alcide

Registration date : 2008-07-02

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