HydraFic News

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HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Sun 12 Jul 2009 - 22:44

Ok, well here's what i've come up with.This is the first time I wrote something worth putting online. This is my re-imagining of Urasawa's re-imagining of Tezuka's classic child-friendly drama Astro Boy a.k.a. Tetsuwan Atom.


The Greatest Cyborg On Earth

ch.1
Golden Eyes


[Germany]

It's past midnight and it is pitch-black. It was a perfectly tranquil night, but while the residents of this solitary building were sleeping, there was something moving among them. It ran throughout the entire building without making a single sound. It planted an object wherever it went. It then exited the building and waited. "Fiive, foour, threee, twoo, one". Suddenly, there were many explosions in the building and it was full of flames.
"I'll prove it to you, I am the greatest".

- - - - - -

Zaron was awakened by the noise thinking,"Just great, another stupid practice drill, I don't need that". His short blond hair was sticking out in different directions and his pale blue eyes were bloodshot from all the late night training he went through this week. He could hear people running and yelling in the hallway. He was about to ignore the drill and go back to bed, until he started feeling very hot. He looked into the hallway and saw fire everywhere, then he heard gunshots and screams. He immediately grabbed his Corner Shot and thought he was ready for a fight.

He looked out the front window and saw the residents being defeated with ease. He couldn't see who was attacking them, but he knew that their enemy was far stronger than any of them, so he wisely decided to abandon his "comrades". He silently dropped out of the window on the side of the building and hid behind a bush. He kept absolutely quiet because he certainly wanted to stay alive so that he could fulfill his ambitions, which now included getting revenge on whoever put him into this demeaning position.

Soon, he saw dark figures coming, he could barely tell that they were residents and they were running right to him and he thought,"Those freaking imbeciles!". They were soon knocked down by something that had terrifying golden eyes that glowed in the darkness, they were on the ground begging for mercy. Then he heard a girl's voice arrogantly say,"Why do you people have to so boring, put up a fight!". The trigger was pulled and each shot made a flash that allowed Zaron to see the shooter.

He was baffled that the person he was afraid of was just a young girl. She had a black dress, long dark blue gloves, and black hair that was slightly messy. Very strangely, she had cat ears and a tail, but the strangest things were her piercing golden eyes.

He was ashamed that he was afraid of a girl, but he knew it would be foolish to reveal himself. After she killed them all, she looked around and said,"Hiding won't do you any good". He felt a chill rushing through him, and he thought," I guess this it". Then, someone jumped out of a tree, but was shot down in a second. Then she bounced off into the building to look for more victims. Without any remorse for the "idiots" that couldn't get away, Zaron used this chance to escape that prison-like home by running into the dark woods and didn't look back. As he ran, all he could think of was that terrifying, yet amazing girl and her golden eyes.

ch.1 FIN


Well, there it was. Did you guys like it? I know it was short, but I couldn't think of anything else. Please criticize me if it'll help me make this and me better.

Edit: His name is Zaron now. Pronounced like Aaron with a z in front.


Last edited by hydra282 on Mon 3 Aug 2009 - 10:50; edited 16 times in total (Reason for editing : To make better.)
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by Ghostfriendly on Mon 13 Jul 2009 - 3:29

It's quite good; maybe saying something about who Nero is, and about the place he lives at first would be good, and saying if has some regret about abandoning his friends like that. The bit about dreams and revenge was very nice and succinct, interested to see where this goes.
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Thu 16 Jul 2009 - 18:47

All right here's the latest and best version of chapter 2
Enjoy On Cloud 9

p.s. Thanks for the advice Ghosty


*REVISED* ch. 2

[The Director]


{Josie}

After I blew up the bombs I set in the building, I waited for all the scared people to scatter out like cockroaches. They all brought guns, but didn't know who they were up against; I simply shot their brains out before they could even see me. Those gunshots made the next batch of youths come out, actually thinking that they were going to die. I killed those guys easily too. Now the adults must have been truly scared, because they ordered all the children to attack at the same time. They all jumped out of the windows in waves; shooting them all while they were blindly hunting for me in the dark was one of the funnest things I ever did. I loved the horrified look on their faces when they saw their friend's head explode, splattering blood on them. It was awesome; it made me feel like a goddess playing with mortals' lives.

After my massacre outside was over, I noticed some people trying to run away. I fed them some bullets after I told them how boring they were. I lifted my x-ray eyes, and there was my target, hiding behind a bush. I was about to kill him, but let him live, so that I could save some fun for another day. I looked around and saw some idiot hiding in a tree; I called him out, he jumped towards me, I put a bullet in his face, and that was the end of that. With no other targets outside, I entered the burning building to finish off the rest. I quickly eliminated anybody that attacked me, but out of boredom, I decided to play around a bit with the ones that were too scared to move, by torturing them with light punches and non-lethal gunshots. Although, I let my main objective go, my orders were to eliminate everyone, and I wanted to have fun doing it.

While exploring the inferno, I found a locked door, and was curious as to what was behind it. Although, I appear to be quite weak, all I needed was a quick punch to send the door off it's hinges. Inside I found an office with some guy sitting on his chair watching me. I asked why he looked so calm, and he said,

"Did you get him?"

"If you're talkin' about the guy I'm lookin' for, then... Wait, why should I tell you anything?!"

He started laughing for a few seconds and said,

"You idiot, now there's nothing to stop him. We've kept him here since he was a boy. He was the first to get pulled into the new Kinderheim project. He absorbed all the nonsense we taught. He's Kinderheim's greatest creation. We were trying to make all of these children into the perfect warriors and generals that would help Germany rise to power, but he... he can take over all of Germany and more. Whoever sent you here clearly put their faith in the wrong person. You may be powerful, but he's sure to find allies that he'll use against you."

"How dare you say that he's better than me! The Great and Powerful Josie can beat anybody!" I angrily said.

"Are you going to kill me now?" said the man.

"Duh"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you going to kill me?"

"Because, I'm better than you! I'm a giant among-"

"A giant among insects"

"How did you know that?"

"That's the same motto we teach our children"

"Hmm, tell me more"

"Heh heh, it's no use telling you anything else, he's going to kill us anyway."

"I'll kill ya right now, if you don't- Hey, whudda ya doin'? You should know that a simple human like you, can't kill me with a gun like that"

"No, it's not for killing you"

"Whudda ya mean?"

BANG

"Oh"

The man's body lied lifeless on the floor of his office. Since there was nothing of interest left in the room, I immediately left to see if I could find anybody else. Once I had searched the entire building, I gathered all the corpses outside and tossed them into giant flaming grave. I knew I had "failed" my mission and that my master was going to disappointed in me. I was a bit tired from running so much, so I laid back on the grass outside and started singing a sad song to the moon and stars looking down on me.

*sigh*

It was a bittersweet night.


Last edited by hydra282 on Mon 3 Aug 2009 - 18:02; edited 10 times in total (Reason for editing : Making it better and better!)
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 16 Jul 2009 - 21:23

nice

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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Sat 18 Jul 2009 - 16:33

ElfenMagix wrote:nice
I liked it too, but doesn't it have flaws that need fixing?

I've upgraded the 2nd chapter quite a bit. I'll try to put these on FF tomorrow, if my friend lets me use his computer.
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Mon 3 Aug 2009 - 13:28

I changed the story to first person, so that I can get more into their heads. It kind of feels like Death Note now. I've got chapters 3-5 waiting to be published. I did them almost a week ago, but every time I go to my friend's place, he or his brother hog the computer. I hope you enjoy this preview of ch. 3.


[Live In Peace, Frideswide]


{Zaron}

That girl freed me from Kinderheim's grasp, but to survive I needed to at least get myself some money. I thought about robbing a church, but I got the better idea of killing a few birds with one stone. So, I walked into the dark drug filled streets, killed all the dealers, stole all their money, and buried their drugs in pile of garbage. I used the money to illegally get on a train to Switzerland, so that I could meet the famous Frideswide.


I arrived in Switzerland, and asked for directions to Frideswide's house. Nobody knew exactly where he lived, but they all knew that he lived in the nearby forest. I went into the huge forest alone and it took me two days to find a cabin that I assumed was his. I didn't find much of anything in there, except for a photograph of a man and a lady that were in their early twenties. I guessed that they were a couple. While I was looking at the picture, the door was opened by a large man in overalls that escorted me outside.

"Who are you?" he said in a way that made me feel like he wasn't mad.

"My name is Zaron, and I'm terribly sorry about snooping around your house"

"It's all right" the man said while blissfully tending to his garden.

"Are you Frideswide?"

"I am, can I help you"

"I think you can, I'm from a German orphanage and... my friends... they were all murdered. I was barely able to come here; I walked for two whole days just to find you"

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did you want me to do?"

"I think the girl that killed my friends is still going to try kill me!"

"Why would she want to kill you?"

"I don't even know why, but I heard that you're very powerful, so I came hoping that you would protect me"

"Actually, I hate violence, so I don't want to get into a fight, but I can call the govt. to come and hide you somewhere"

"I guess that's all right, but I'm still scared. I can't even sleep, because I'm afraid that she'll find me"

"No need to worry, little buddy, I'll go make the call right now"

"Thank you very much, sir"

Frideswide walked into his house and came back out a minute later.

"All right, they'll be here first thing in the morning, so there's nothing to worry about"

"Wow, thank you, thank you!"

"Oh, no, no, no, all I did was make a phone call"

"Well, I'll never forget what you did for me"

The sun went down and Frideswide was happily having a conversation with his small garden. I was confused and annoyed while watching this grown man talking to flowers as if he was a child with imaginary friends. Watching this fool was making me sick.

"Why are you talking to flowers?"

"Everything is alive, my friend, nature likes to be treated well, just like us humans. Unfortunately, most people don't understand how plants and animals feel. I am incredibly lucky that I'm in tune with nature; it gives me a whole different kind of life. I love it out here. I don't have much technology, because it's just an unnecessary pain to the Earth"

"Yeah, it is, but most people would never give up those things"

*sigh* "I just wish other people could enjoy the splendor of nature" Frideswide sadly said

"The world would be a better place if-"

That moment a cold wind blew that gave me the same chill I had back in Germany. I tried to ignore it, but it got worse and I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Is something wrong?" asked Frideswide caringly

"No, do you have an outhouse or something?"

"Yeah, it's behind the house"

"I think I'll be in there for a while"

"Ha ha ha!"

I ran around the cabin, but I didn't go to the outhouse. Instead I ran back into the forest as fast as I could. I knew something bad was about to happen and I was right. I could hear Frideswide yelling "Run!" and a girl wickedly laughing. I was afraid and wondered how she found me. I couldn't stay in the country, I had to get away to somewhere safe.

In order to survive I left the Swiss cyborg to be another of that girl's many victims.


Chapter 3 Fin


In other news:
my being prone to changing names for the better has caused me to rename this thread. Norse has had her name changed to Belle.

Since Belle is my favorite, she will have the honor of having the first chapter in my backstory collection. I am quite happy with what I came up with for her. Zaron will be one of the last chapters, with it being an expansion of what's already in his bio. That collection will be called Before Greatness.

I've been thinking of doing a fic that focuses on Belle. She'll be chasing a pirate named Sargasso. He was originally going to be the bad guy in Josie's fic, but then I gave Josie the role of Pluto. I am a bit worried about it, since that story was going to be kind of wild, which made it more suitable for Josie, but we'll see.

I'll probably update the chapters 1 & 2 by the end of the day. Ch. 2 has two new paragraphs added to the beginning, which tell what happened before she went into the building.

Coming Sometime:
4. [Home, Sweet Home]
Josie has gotten back home, and her master isn't happy.
5. [Rest In Peace, Frideswide]
Josie is in Switzerland for more sadistic hijinks.
On Cloud 9
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by Ghostfriendly on Sun 9 Aug 2009 - 18:35

I was really wondering if the old guy was legit, or about to turn the boy in. Zaron certainly has strong opinions, nice stuff.
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Wed 19 Aug 2009 - 22:57

Hmm, if you mean the man that talked to Josie, then he probably would have kept Zaron there since he was the best, although he might have been getting second thoughts about their dangerous disciple.


+ I've done 4 more chapters of Embrace which introduce Liberatore and steer the story onto a darker road.
+ 1 more for Greatest and Zaron has to partake in something he doesn't like with Celene.
50 Lashes!


I want to make sure everything is even better before I release these.

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Re: HydraFic News

Post by emperor on Thu 20 Aug 2009 - 5:03

Why don't you going to the Internet cafe around your house/home?

It'll be more easy to post and everything.

Very Happy

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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Sat 22 Aug 2009 - 21:21

I've never gone to one of those before
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Mon 11 Jan 2010 - 18:06

I started this story a couple days ago. Here we go.


Marching Into Fire


ch. 1-Remember

"Hey Chiara, do you remember the day we met?"

"You didn't forget did you?"

"Yeah, I kind of don't remember, ehee hee" she said sounding embarrassed.

Chiara had heard that memory loss is a very bad omen for cyborgs, so she started telling the story in an attempt to remind her best friend.

[Flashback]
"We're done training for the day, Chiara" said Nathan

"Yes, sir"

The brother and sister walked over to his favorite spot. A place where he stands and looks at a large tree with dark green leaves on it. The tree was rather average, but there was something about it that pulled Nathan toward it every day.

Chiara was a little nervous about asking this question, but she asked it. "S- Sir, did you know about the new girl here?"

Nathan looked over to her for a second before turning his head back to the tree, "I heard"

"Do you know her name?"

"No"

The wind was blowing and the leaves were rustling to the side.

"Go ahead" said Nathan

"What?"

"Go introduce yourself"

"Yes, sir"

Chiara left her brother there, watching the leaves being blown harder.

After some walking, she found a long-haired girl sitting in the doctor's office. The girl was very happy to see another person as small as her.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"My name is Chiara. Excuse me, but didn't you know that it is impolite to ask for someone's name without giving your's first?" Chiara said as respectfully as she could.

"But, I can't give you my name"

"Why not?"

"Because it's mine"

"What I meant was that I want to know your name"

The girl giggled and said, "I'm Silvia"

[End of Flasback]
Silvia smiled and said, "Oh, now I remember. After that we played with our dolls and then we..."

Chiara was incredibly relieved when she heard this, although all she showed was a smile. Every word that came out of Silvia's mouth made both girls happier and happier.

ch. 1 End

I'm calling Silvia's handler Alvaro. Cya!
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Re: HydraFic News

Post by hydra282 on Tue 26 Jan 2010 - 14:54

I'm don't like the name Agresta, so i've changed it to Nathan.

Marching Into Fire

ch. 2- Brothers & Sisters

"So, how's Chiara today Nathe" said Alvaro as he came up from behind him.

"The same as always" replied Nathan

"Is she?"

Nathan seemed to be insulted, but sort of calmly said, "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that she had a little scare today, as did I"

"What happened?"

"Silvia forgot something very meaningful today, but it was only a false alarm"

"Oh, well that figures" he said snidely

"Hm?"

"Things like that are expected from you and your cyborg"

Alvaro smiled and said, "I knew you'd say that." Nathan threw a sharp glare at Alvaro and walked away.

%%%%%
Early the next morning, Nathan woke up Chiara and told her to get ready without waking Silvia, her roommate. It didn't take long for Chiara to exit her room and walk down the lonely hallways to the indoor shooting range. Nathan was already there practicing. They simply said "good morning" to each other and went on with their training.

Silvia was awake now and said "Good morning Chiara" but then she noticed that Chiara wasn't in her bed. Silvia was worried, so she ran around searching until she found Alvaro eating some type of sandwich in the cafeteria.

"Alvaro! Chiara's gone missing! I asked everyone, but nobody knows where she is"

"Cheer up kiddo, I'm sure she's alright somewhere"

"Please brother"

"Okay, okay, let's go"

"Hurry"

Silvia tugged Alvaro along while he tried to finish his sandwich. They wound up at the range, which Nathan knew was inevitable. Silvia hugged Chiara from behind, which surprised her since she couldn't hear with her hearing protectors on. Chiara was glad that her best friend had arrived, even though her handler didn't look too happy about it.

%%%%
Later in the day when the girls weren't around

"So we meet again Nathan" said Alvaro

"..."

"You know Nathe, I don't like the way you make my sister worry"

"That isn't my intention, I just want my cyborg to be focused on what she's here for"

"They're are still children, you shouldn't be stripping away the little bits of good that remain in their lives"

"They are not children anymore Alvaro. I didn't choose this for them, it's just the way it is"

"I'm not saying this is your fault, I'm just saying you have to let Chiara be happy"

"She is happy"

"Come on, you know what that is"

"This isn't any of your business"

Nathan then walked away angrily until Alvaro put his hand on his shoulder "Can't you see the joy she gets when they're with each other?" Nathan stayed silent for a few seconds before continuing his walk.

*sigh* "You're starting to irritate me Nathan"

ch. 2 End
Glomp
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