The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 15 Feb 2010 - 11:51

@Professor Voodoo wrote:I will explore the characters of the 4 "Bomb Squad Girls" more in future stories. They're meant to be a bit of comic relief.

With every new episode of So ra no wo to that features NoŽl Kannagi, the more I want to create an OC around her. She's a mix of Beatrice and Yuki Nagato and I think she'd be a natural as a "Bomb Squad Girl". Yes Indeed


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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 15:18

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Professor Voodoo wrote:I will explore the characters of the 4 "Bomb Squad Girls" more in future stories. They're meant to be a bit of comic relief.

With every new episode of So ra no wo to that features NoŽl Kannagi, the more I want to create an OC around her. She's a mix of Beatrice and Yuki Nagato and I think she'd be a natural as a "Bomb Squad Girl".

When concocting the bomb-squad characters I tried hard not to make them clones of Beatrice. They do feel emotions, it's their ability to show it that's muted. Bernardo was a gregarious character, but all 4 of the bomb-squad girls have apathetic handlers.
I'm going to do a character sketch (someday) but all I've decided so far is that while they all look different, they have the same blank expression, and all wear their hair in practical, identical pony-tails.
________________________________________

My episode #9 is finally complete & posted. This is a weird episode, with little to no "Gunslinging," which is probably why it took me so long.

Fear not...episode 10 is about 75% done & it's almost all action.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 15:29

@Professor Voodoo wrote:When concocting the bomb-squad characters I tried hard not to make them clones of Beatrice. They do feel emotions, it's their ability to show it that's muted.

Which makes sense, as you'd want someone with nerves of steel and cold as ice when working disarming IEDs and bombs.


@Professor Voodoo wrote: Bernardo was a gregarious character, but all 4 of the bomb-squad girls have apathetic handlers.

Which also makes sense, as the handlers probably don't expect their charges to "reach the end of their warranty period" and therefore why get attached to them?

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 15:44

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Professor Voodoo wrote: Bernardo was a gregarious character, but all 4 of the bomb-squad girls have apathetic handlers.

Which also makes sense, as the handlers probably don't expect their charges to "reach the end of their warranty period" and therefore why get attached to them?

To tell the truth I just imagined them as jerks.
Free from the commitments of investigation, and endless safe-house raids, they set their girls to work on just one thing...building bombs, and disarming them (the BSqG's are also responsible for causing explosions)...freeing their own lazy selves to sit around playing cards all day.

The other girls like Kara & Marisa are given a basic primer course in EOD, but they hate that block of their training because it's "soooooo boooorrring." The bomb-squad handlers just toss them a manual and tell them to "build a bomb...hand it to the girl on your right...disarm it."

I'm toying with the idea of Michele & Elio taking a walk over to to inspect things for themselves (responding to complaints from their own cyborgs). Pagani tries to tactfully convice the men to reconsider their training methods...Elio kicks their table over and tells them to "get your arses to work and teach the kids something."

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 16:05

@Professor Voodoo wrote:I'm toying with the idea of Michele & Elio taking a walk over to to inspect things for themselves (responding to complaints from their own cyborgs). Pagani tries to tactfully convice the men to reconsider their training methods...Elio kicks their table over and tells them to "get your arses to work and teach the kids something."

Good

Also, read Chapter 9. Might not have had any gunslinging, but it was still really entertaining. Yes Indeed

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 16:27

That's interesting. I was thinking about the Bomb Squad myself a while back, although my own musing went in exactly the opposite direction - I imagined that all of the girls shared a single handler, as part of a next-gen Agency experiment into commanding group units instead of forming individual partnerships. Part of the reason why the cyborgs are so heavily conditioned wasn't just to give them heightened calm control over sensitive components, but also because the experiment was a failure - if the girls could express any more than the most subdued personality traits then bilious jealousy would have them ripping each other's heads off. Thus the beleaguered handler, even though he clucks like a mother hen around his little brood of disarmers who are all perfectly obedient, would always have a worry in the back of his head about whether or not he was sitting on a bomb himself.

Anyway, sorry, don't mind my ramblings - I don't mean to start imposing myself into your own writing. This doesn't entirely fit anyway - I quite liked the girls' friendly if methodical-expressed interactions during the party scene (the "error of omission", the dance moves) in your earlier stories and this sort of scenario with its undercurrent of tension would undermine and spoil that really quite appealing scene, so pay my thoughts no mind.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 17:30

@Robert Frazer wrote:That's interesting. I was thinking about the Bomb Squad myself a while back, although my own musing went in exactly the opposite direction

Wow...that is good. I wish I'd considered that when constructing the BSqG's...but it's a bit late to go back now. I especially like your vision of one overworked handler supervising 4 cyborgs. Perhaps someone can make use of that idea.

I've had a few ideas myself that were very promising but just wouldn't work out in the long run. For example; when I was feeling creative ( ) one night I dreamed up a conclusion to my saga. Turns out Elio is a mole sent by the Prime Minister to fullfill his prophecy of ending Section 2. Alboreto poisons the organization from within, setting handler against handler, while Marisa assassinates the most powerful cyborgs until she herself falls. Elio's last thoughts before he dies are that he was probably successful in accomplishing his mission, but in doing so he threw away the only meaningful attachments he'd ever had.

When the weed wore off I still liked the idea, but didn't have the heart to do it.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 17:41

when I was feeling creative ( ) one night I dreamed up a conclusion to my saga. Turns out Elio is a mole sent by the Prime Minister to fullfill his prophecy of ending Section 2.

Yow. Well... that's one way of downsizing government bureaucracy and enacting real-term budget cuts, I suppose!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 17:43

They're both really neat ideas, frankly.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 17:49

Historic Note: That post marks the first time I have ever deigned to use a utilize a smiley on any internet forum.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 17:51

Historic Note: That post marks the first time I have ever deigned to use a utilize a smiley on any internet forum.

One of us!

One of us!

ONE OF US!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 22 Feb 2010 - 17:54

@Robert Frazer wrote:
Historic Note: That post marks the first time I have ever deigned to use a utilize a smiley on any internet forum.

One of us!

One of us!

ONE OF US!

Resistance...is futile.


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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Tue 23 Feb 2010 - 2:51

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
When the weed wore off I still liked the idea, but didn't have the heart to do it.

I've been having a few of those "can I do it" moments...


Wow, I totally missed chapter 9 going up, which is annoying 'cause new Marisa and Elio is usually something I'll drop other stuff to go read.

Great chapter, it was cool to see how the fighting would effect every-day Italians through Mari's daydream... and to see what some of her own wishes might be.

"what if I hadn't gotten shot at all? What if Elio & I had a
life that didn't involve getting shot at...ever? What if I was
hisÖnormal girl?"

To be honest, this felt a little clumsy to me... I was expecting a ripple effect and little jangly bells to sound through the transition. I was originally going to say that it might have worked better starting in her daydream and finishing with the hospital. However, once I realised the daydream was the majority of the chapter that sort of died in the arse.


"anything too big for a plaster I can seal with super-glue."

Been there, done that... stings like buggery but works. Nothing quite like gluing your fingers to a wound to make you a bit more cautious the second time 'round though.


The only other thing I could mention is that Mari (as the one doing the daydreaming) seems to have a quite intimate knowledge of how a bar functions. Has Elio talked to her? Or has she been watching too many movies? Either way, I think it might have been cool for her to make a few wrong assumptions. However, it didn't impact on the story itself so: le meh.


Either way, another good read... shall keep a closer eye for the next installment.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Wed 24 Feb 2010 - 14:57


The worst came during her daily dialysis sessions. Mari spent 2 hours each afternoon hooked to the machine which filtered toxins, as well as excess medication from her blood. During these hours she felt her most significant conditioning declines, and her symptoms became violent. Ironically, the temporary loss of her cyborg strength made things easier...she still needed to be restrained to avoid ripping out her dialysis lines, but at least this could be done with soft straps instead of steel shackles.

My favourite part of your last story was Marisa's wounding and the airlift back to Rome - the description of cyborg mechanics was very involved and convincing. It's good to see the ramifications still unfolding here.

All the children laughed. The hours after school would just be no fun if they didn't get chased by an angry adult at least once

Not a bad seuge - even if Normal Marisa can't exactly match her cyborg counterpart's way of measuring success by the volume of gore spread out behind the latest body, they both still have the same sense of mischief.

and a few workmen watching it (apparently taking the world's longest lunch break)

Sounds like an authentic European setting, alright...!


Elio, who was polishing beer mugs, called out from the bar; "Not at all Vincenzo...I approve wholeheartedly. This marriage will save me a lot of money because I won't have to pay a dowry...I'll just forgive that huge bar tab you're probably never going to pay off." The entire tavern laughed at his jab, even the silent workmen watching their game.


Ah, idyllic.


Her father laughed, and put his arm around her. "That's right" he told her. "What you did was noble...sticking up for a stranger...but think about what might really help this new boy. Perhaps if you welcomed him, and helped him make some friends he wouldn't have problems with bullies anymore, eh?"
He could always do this...take a situation and show it to her from a different perspective that she had not considered. "You're right" Marisa sighed "as always."

It's an interesting alternative spin, certainly.



"In our top story tonight; violence escalates even as Padania politicians offer public denouncements of bombings in Rome, Genoa & Milan. Secretary of Defense Monica Petris released a statement today directly implicating the Padania political movement with terrorist activities of the radical right-wing Five Republics Faction..."

When the story began I was expecting it to be a slice-of-life affair with Marisa living out a life wholly removed from the insurgency, so showing the "civilian view" of the civil war as you do surprised and interested me.

"Ancient Rome was powerful because it was united & diverse...wealth benefited not only the capitol, but the entire Empire. Even so, some of the people in conquered territories still hated Rome." That only made things more confusing...she knew that studying history was important as a way of understanding modern times, but how did that example fit with all that was going on all around her? The girl sighed. "I knew I should have started with maths."

Heh, a bit of subtle adjustment to the history curriculum to emphasise Italian unity there? Whenever it comes to school policy, the nature of history that's taught always tends to be some of the more fiercely-contested divisions and most prone to accusations of social engineering. The final remark is another good one, emphasising childish innocence - however many troubles there may be in the world, it still rests lightly on her shoulders and is easily shed off.

He went to the wine cabinet (a much smaller version of the closet sized walk-in cooler downstairs in the tavern) and selected a vintage. Without allowing his daughter to see the label he quizzed; "So what type of wine goes well with a pasta & cheese dish in a tomato based sauce?"
"A Chianti; would that be right?"

Teaching the trade, eh?


The speaker banged his fist and shouted slogans, but it was difficult to hear what he said over the shouts of the crowd. Some cheered at his words, but others booed and waved their fists. Most in this dissenting part of the crowd waved the tricolore of the Italian Republic. A third group separated the two factions, but these police in riot gear seemed woefully outnumbered.

A neat little verbal trick here, making the police a group of the crowd (and so ineffective at separating it) and simulatenoeusly seem almost incidental and inconsequential within it.


---------------------------

I'll have to leave it at that for now, but more to follow later.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Wed 24 Feb 2010 - 21:54

@Alfisti wrote:
Wow, I totally missed chapter 9 going up,
Okay...point taken...I kind of snuck the notice in at the end of another post, sorry. So this time I'll use big text to announce that episode #10 is posted.
__________________________________________________________________
Anyway, regarding episode #9...
@Alfisti wrote: To be honest, this felt a little clumsy to me... I was expecting a ripple effect and little jangly bells to sound through the transition.
Well that was kind of what I was going for...making fun of the clichť.

Mari (as the one doing the daydreaming) seems to have a quite intimate knowledge of how a bar functions. Has Elio talked to her? Or has she been watching too many movies? Either way, I think it might have been cool for her to make a few wrong assumptions.
Good point...but I'm sure I've made enough of my own wrong assumptions in writing this to make up for her.

@Robert Frazer wrote:My favourite part of your last story was Marisa's wounding and the airlift back to Rome - the description of cyborg mechanics was very involved and convincing. It's good to see the ramifications still unfolding here.
I liked writing that as well. I guess the abundance of medical-drama programs on television are proof that it's a topic people really relate to.


Sounds like an authentic European setting, alright...!
I did not witness many scenes like that while living in Germany, but I did in Turkey, where men idle around the bars & shops all day playing dominoes & backgammon, and the amount of work one does seems inversely proportional to one's age.


When the story began I was expecting it to be a slice-of-life affair with Marisa living out a life wholly removed from the insurgency, so showing the "civilian view" of the civil war as you do surprised and interested me.
Well, something had to happen to make a story of it. A romantic "coming of age" tale was out...cyborg or civilian, Mari will probably kill the first boy who tries to kiss her.

Heh, a bit of subtle adjustment to the history curriculum to emphasise Italian unity there? Whenever it comes to school policy, the nature of history that's taught always tends to be some of the more fiercely-contested divisions and most prone to accusations of social engineering.
I also tried to keep the text of that passage very simple, like one would see in a primary school textbook. They are only 11 year olds after all, so a college or professional level discourse on ancient Rome would be out of place. Either way, it's not a wholly inaccurate passage.
Without allowing his daughter to see the label he quizzed; "So what type of wine goes well with a pasta & cheese dish in a tomato based sauce?"
"A Chianti; would that be right?"
Teaching the trade, eh?
Bartender or not, I think it's every parent or guardian's duty to introduce their child to spirits and their proper consumption. Elio shows appropriate restraint...

A neat little verbal trick here, making the police a group of the crowd (and so ineffective at separating it) and simulatenoeusly seem almost incidental and inconsequential within it.
As the story progresses it becomes an important point that there are no friendlies out there. Elio & those surrounding him may be anti-Padania, but that doesn't make it safe to get caught by a pro-Republic mob, or by the police.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 24 Feb 2010 - 22:18

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Alfisti wrote: Wow, I totally missed chapter 9 going up,
Okay...point taken...I kind of snuck the notice in at the end of another post, sorry. So this time I'll use big text to announce that episode #10 is posted.

Darn, and here I was hoping it would just be a "day off" story.

But I'm okay with that because it was awesome as always.

My pedantic note for the day - Monica Petris is the Minister of Defense. Italy has Ministers, not Secretaries. Smile

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Wed 24 Feb 2010 - 23:33

@Kiskaloo wrote:
Darn, and here I was hoping it would just be a "day off" story.
But the whole first 1/4 of the story was Mari & Elio's day off! It's unfortunate for poor Elio that Marisa is just as hyperactive on her time off as on missions.

Jeeze...you're worse than your OC's!

Michele: Jean, Kara & I have been working since last Monday, so we're gonna need some time off.
Jean: But it's only Wednesday!
Kara: Hot damn! The weekend is here! (dons her Gucci double-beer helmet)

My pedantic note for the day - Monica Petris is the Minister of Defense. Italy has Ministers, not Secretaries.
Okay, good point...easy to fix. Good time to point that out too, I'm concocting a "Monica heavy" episode as we speak. Thanks. (note: Done)

Side note: In case anyone is unfamiliar, this is the M.C. Escher lithograph that Elio buys for the bomb-squad girls...
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 24 Feb 2010 - 23:58

I'm reminded of that line from I believe the show Newsradio.

Michele: "I thought I'd cut out a little early. Make it a long weekend."

Jean: "It's Tuesday."

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Thu 25 Feb 2010 - 9:38

@Professor Voodoo wrote:I did not witness many scenes like that while living in Germany, but I
did in Turkey, where men idle around the bars & shops all day
playing dominoes & backgammon, and the amount of work one does
seems inversely proportional to one's age.

I think the Germans are probably too efficient for that. As far as I can tell the further from Germany you get in Europe the more relaxed the lifestyle is


Congratulations, you damn near made me late for work, and I think I just set a new personal best between home and the hospital. Thanks for the more emphatic heads up though.

Funny you should give the puzzle loving bomb-squad girls that particular litho. We've got a 1000 piece version stashed in a cupboard somewhere downstairs.

"Are cyborgs ever allowed into mission planning?"

I can think of two that come to mind. One's Triela (before the first Pino incident)... and the other ain't canon.

I do like though that Elio spends as much time eating humble pie as dishing it out. He must have had some karma coming though to get the hyperactive cyborg at his age.

"Mustn't forget to pick up a new Cartier watch before I leave Switzerland"

Ugh... not a fan oddly. He's welcome to them.


I think you handled Triela's character really well through this too. I like that she's effected by the deaths of the GIS men. She's always been the most "human", as it were, canon cyborg and it shows. Morbid as it may be I've always wondered who'd turn up to Triela's funeral if it were public. I'd imagine there'd be significantly more people than for any other cyborg, simply by virtue of her having a lot of friends outside of the SWA.

Of course, the GIS deaths also gave her the prod to add that extra bit of panic to Janssen which helped...


...Monty and Jethro.

What can I say mate? You nailed them perfectly. They're properly professionally casual about the whole thing (if that makes sense). However, I think my favorite part of the whole sequence was that Jethro never really orders Monty to do anything but rather just gives her permission, or the option, to take her time with Janssen. To be honest I was a little worried when you first mentioned she was going to be at him with a cricket bat for revenge... envisaged Monty is a screaming rage, which isn't part of her repitoir. I should have know better, be cause quiet, cold, sadistic, efficiency suits her in this situation down to the ground.


Either way, I would have loved it without Jethro and Monty. Having them rock up however made the whole read just that much sweeter.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by MP5 on Thu 25 Feb 2010 - 9:59

That was freaking great in general, the whole thing. I can't really say anything else, it was awesome.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Thu 25 Feb 2010 - 22:40

@Kiskaloo wrote:I'm reminded of that line from I believe the show Newsradio.
A terrific ensemble comedy that never got the attention it deserved.
My favorite line: Andy Dick has just accidentally punched Phil Hartman in the face, leading him to believe he is now "King of the Office."
Andy Dick: (swaggering in slowly and looking over his co-workers) All my sweet bitches...toiling away...



@Alfisti wrote:
As far as I can tell the further from Germany you get in Europe the more relaxed the lifestyle is
Well, people from Poland, France & the BeNeLux always seemed to get a little tense when they saw large groups of Germans coming...


Congratulations, you damn near made me late for work, and I think I just set a new personal best between home and the hospital.
The thing that sucks about your job is that if you get into an accident on the way the ambulance still takes you straight to work.

We've got a 1000 piece version stashed in a cupboard somewhere downstairs.
Oh, God...are you some kind of masochist!?

"Mustn't forget to pick up a new Cartier watch before I leave Switzerland"
Ugh... not a fan oddly. He's welcome to them.
That was intentional. I think they're kind of gaudy & austentatious too...but Hubert Janssen is a tasteless, greedy arsehole...he'd love a suitcase full of them.

I would have loved it without Jethro and Monty. Having them rock up however made the whole read just that much sweeter.
Using J & M for that scene was the only option from minute one.
I did have second thoughts about humanizing the virtue-less Hubert just as he was being beaten to death...having his last desire to talk to his father before he dies.

@MP5 wrote: I can't really say anything else, it was awesome.
Thank you. Incidentally, the girl who asks Marisa if she had any posters of dolphins (prompting Mari to state "Dolphins are assholes") is Allison. I had her in mind when writing the scene, but since I hadn't yet asked permission to use her I kept the name out.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by MP5 on Thu 25 Feb 2010 - 23:37

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@MP5 wrote: I can't really say anything else, it was awesome.
Thank you. Incidentally, the girl who asks Marisa if she had any posters of dolphins (prompting Mari to state "Dolphins are assholes") is Allison. I had her in mind when writing the scene, but since I hadn't yet asked permission to use her I kept the name out.

Hey, just let me know, man. I can't wait to see The Spitfire make an appearance.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Fri 26 Feb 2010 - 2:51

@Professor Voodoo wrote:The thing that sucks about your job is that if you get into an accident
on the way the ambulance still takes you straight to work.

Yeah, but they'd only keep me there for a day. I don't have private health cover so it'd be off to a public hospital ASAP since I wouldn't be making them money. Then again, knowing our management:

"You have a broken leg, ribs, punctured lung and fractures in three vertibrae... we still need you to do dinner service though."


@Professor Voodoo wrote:That was intentional. I think they're kind of gaudy & austentatious
too...but Hubert Janssen is a tasteless, greedy arsehole...he'd love a
suitcase full of them.

I did have second thoughts about humanizing the virtue-less Hubert just
as he was being beaten to death...having his last desire to talk to his
father before he dies.

I actually think it was worthwhile giving Janssen that thought, so me it actually made him more of a dislikeable, slimy, Cartier wearing, prick... just the fact that it took Monty (litterally) beating the life out of him to make him realise he was wrong. That worked particularly well with the earlier statement that he hadn't planned for failure either.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Fri 26 Feb 2010 - 18:02

Some more thoughts on "Ginslinger Girl"

--------
--------

"Slide!" shouted Marisa, throwing herself down in a move that she had used dozens of times to avoid angry adults on her tail, sliding feet-first under the frame rails. Mehmet was less experienced at such maneuvers, and tried to go head-first, but his back pack got caught on the truck's drive shaft.

Good callback to her antics at the start of the flashback.

When the remaining youths finally produced identification Elio did not look at their dates of birth, but made careful note of the names.

You were very successful in conveying Elio's curt, terse manner in this section, and how he completely commands the situation (even inviting them to speak precisely so he can trip them up).

Into this festive scene walked a woman, and no ordinary woman. She was tall, with long dark hair and silk-clad legs that seemed to go on for miles.

Wheep-whoo, dig that craaaaaaaaaaazzzy chick...!

With a glance and a knowing wink they conspired; this one is for the boss.

Cheeky minxes.


"Apparently it was a long enough look that you got chased by thugs!" he growled, "Maybe I need to take you upstairs and give you a good reason not to disobey me again!"... "which is why I'm giving myself a while to calm down before I talk to her."

A show of stern but restrained parenting - Elio's as balanced a father as he is a handler.

Mari was not sure exactly why she had gone, but it seemed like a good idea to agree with Papa as long as her butt was not yet completely out of trouble.

Heh. Even though this is a serious section, Marisa's still a kid with a different ordering of priorities to the rest of us!

he got a feeling this reporter already knew what kind of article she intended to write.

This rings closely to my own perspective on the profession. Even when they're not terrorist spies, "journlistic integrity" is an oxymoron. Everyone's got an angle...

was a nightclub singer that I got way too involved with, and once she delivered Marisa she went straight back to that lifestyle...which involved a lot of dope.

Interesting alternative version of Gwendolyn's Irish backstory.


"Suppose you're digging for a little intrigue, Ms. Reporter?" jested the man, "Sorry, I was a bartender back there too. I worked under the table a lot to avoid paying taxes. Afraid my background lacks that excitement you're looking for."

Nicely setting-up for future developments - you've thought this through coherently.


"Well, I'm certainly not pleased with the way you acted tonight" he replied, "I don't see what you have against Ms. Mangielli...she was trying to be nice to you all night, and you ignored her until you decided to attack her."
"I just don't see why she has to be hanging around, especially right now." A nod to the distant fire left no doubt as to what she meant by right now.

While it might have been a little early in the game for her to start having suspicions about Silvanna's background, drawing it out from the usual childlike jealousy is an effective and believable origin point.

In a flash he rolled down the steel rouladens,

I generally enjoyed this section and its way of ratcheting up the tension without turning the dial all the way too full too quickly, but unless he installed them in response to the developing troubles (in which case it would probably be worth a mention to as another step in the esclation), would the home really have these?

It always amazed Marisa how quickly her father could be dressed and ready to go.

Too many mornings getting tipped out of bed at 6:01 A.M. by a bawling corporal, I expect.

It was like any other rainy night in Monza when they had only each other and stray cats for company. Unlike any other night though, there were the ever-present sounds of battle in the distance. Angry screams, the dull thump of bombs, shrill commands shouted over police megaphones, and the chilling moans of the wounded.

You'd think that the rain would dampen down activity, so the fact that things are fierce even despite the inclement weather which would normally slough off the casual rabble-rousers shows how high passions are running, and the curtain of rain also adds to the sense of confusion.

It's scary to think about people making decisions based on what I say!"

Particularly when you reflect on Operation Copperhead...!


"I know," she chirped, "that's why I stole the memory card out of your cell-phone."

While I eventually concluded that she must have picked it up after returning to the tavern with Mehmet, for a while I was wondering how Marisa had an opportunity to get hold of Silvanna's phone. It might be worth adding an explanatory line, something along the lines of "out of your cell-phone, while you were getting all huggy and clingy with Dad", also taking an extra bit of jealous satisfaction in punishing Silvanna for getting close to Elio.


Marisa took a look at the auto that the man motioned toward. It was a pretty silver Mercedes, but next to it stood only a blonde girl, about Marisa's own age, with an odd, short haircut. The girl concentrated intently on the man, but smiled and waved when she caught Marisa's glance. Puzzled, Mari waved back.

Hahah, worth a chuckle.

Captain stood up, and offered his hand to Marisa. "Miss, I don't even know your name, and you probably wouldn't tell me anyway, but it is great honor to have met you...may I shake your hand?"

Crikey, breaking through even Jean's stony demeanour - the handler's so wrapped up in his own bitterness that a show of genuine altruism completely knocks him for six. Impressive.


The girl shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno...I've probably forgotten half of it by now. Plus, it started out short but wound up being way too long, and it got kinda silly near the end."

A bit of self-deprecatory humour to diffuse the tension and wrap things up with a neat bow.

------------------------
------------------------

Altogether, the story was a worthwhile change of gear, and I can chalk it up as another success for you Voodoo.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Fri 26 Feb 2010 - 18:26

@Robert Frazer wrote:Some more thoughts on "Ginslinger Girl"

I'd pay real money for that.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Fri 26 Feb 2010 - 19:49

Well, until I get enough money to bankroll Season Three of GSG and I can put "From Alboreto's Cabinet" omakes at the end of each episode, you could always make do by watching episodes of Bartender and Ristorante Paradiso back to back.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 26 Feb 2010 - 22:37

@Robert Frazer wrote:Well, until I get enough money to bankroll Season Three of GSG and I can put "From Alboreto's Cabinet" omakes at the end of each episode, you could always make do by watching episodes of Bartender and Ristorante Paradiso back to back.

Henrietta practices cooking in her dorm room...Michele is a trained chef...Elio is a bartender...Avise's penchant for bursting into song might make him a decent lounge singer (appearing this week only, special guests Jethro & Monique); it's nice to know that if they all get laid off by the SWA they can get together and open a "Secret Agent" themed nightclub in Las Vegas.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Fri 26 Feb 2010 - 22:44

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Henrietta practices cooking in her dorm room...Michele is a trained chef...Elio is a bartender...Avise's penchant for bursting into song might make him a decent lounge singer (appearing this week only, special guests Jethro & Monique); it's nice to know that if they all get laid off by the SWA they can get together and open a "Secret Agent" themed nightclub in Las Vegas.

Monty the Lounge singer? I could see that Let her go back to her French roots for a bit:



Of course you'd have to let Verner Panton at some of the interior design...


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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 27 Feb 2010 - 23:44

@Robert Frazer wrote: --------
--------

"Slide!" shouted Marisa, throwing herself down in a move that she had used dozens of times to avoid angry adults on her tail, sliding feet-first under the frame rails.

Good callback to her antics at the start of the flashback.
I never quite figured out the particulars of how she slides feet first with a skirt on.

Kisk likes posting photos of his "outfit inspirations," so I'll play along...here's the uniform for Mari's school. It's in a sort of Italian setting too.

I don't know who owns the rights so I'll probably be sued now.



With a glance and a knowing wink they conspired; this one is for the boss.
Cheeky minxes.
These two are the only "imagined" characters from this story that I will miss. Maybe they will show up again with different names.

Mari was not sure exactly why she had gone, but it seemed like a good idea to agree with Papa as long as her butt was not yet completely out of trouble.
Heh. Even though this is a serious section, Marisa's still a kid with a different ordering of priorities to the rest of us!
Marisa: Hey, I may be crazy but I'm not stupid!


In a flash he rolled down the steel rouladens,

would the home really have these?
My home in Germany had them. They were terrific...blocking out 100% of daytime light when I worked the 2300-0800 "Graveyard" shift. Frustratingly, I can't find them here in the US...even in hurricane-prone Louisiana.


While I eventually concluded that she must have picked it up after returning to the tavern with Mehmet, for a while I was wondering how Marisa had an opportunity to get hold of Silvanna's phone. It might be worth adding an explanatory line, something along the lines of "out of your cell-phone, while you were getting all huggy and clingy with Dad", also taking an extra bit of jealous satisfaction in punishing Silvanna for getting close to Elio.
Damn...that's really good, I wish I'd thought of that. I hate doing edits after the fact, but in this case do you mind if I steal that idea?


Captain stood up, and offered his hand to Marisa. "Miss, I don't even know your name, and you probably wouldn't tell me anyway, but it is great honor to have met you...may I shake your hand?"

Crikey, breaking through even Jean's stony demeanour - the handler's so wrapped up in his own bitterness that a show of genuine altruism completely knocks him for six.
Oh...sorry if I wasn't clear there. The Police Captain and Jean are two different people. He sits down next to Silvanna, Jean walks up on her from behind. Jean & Rico are already gone when the Captain offers Mari her reward.


A bit of self-deprecatory humour to diffuse the tension and wrap things up with a neat bow.
Yeah, that was the intent. I'm poking a few holes in my own work using Marisa as my proxy.

Thanks for the feedback as always!
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Sun 28 Feb 2010 - 0:07

Damn...that's really good, I wish I'd thought of that. I hate doing edits after the fact, but in this case do you mind if I steal that idea?

By all means, go right ahead, it's not a problem.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 1:34

Okay, new episode...#11: Time Off.

Kisk finally gets his wish and gets to see what Marisa & Elio would do with a full vacation. Spoiler; they spend a lot of time underwater...
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by MP5 on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 3:31

Great job as usual, Voodoo!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 15:53

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Okay, new episode...#11: Time Off.

Kisk finally gets his wish and gets to see what Marisa & Elio would do with a full vacation. Spoiler; they spend a lot of time underwater...


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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 16:45

@Kiskaloo wrote: That picture with Spock in it.

Thanks, sorry if E&M ruined Michele's reputation at the Hotel Excelsior in Naples.

Head Housekeeper: Who is that odd man wandering around the lobby in his bath-robe?

Concierge: He seems to be looking for the parking valet.

Manager: Well go find the valet for him, damn it! Colonello Pagani says he is some sort of very important goverment official!
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 16:54

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Thanks, sorry if E&M ruined Michele's reputation at the Hotel Excelsior in Naples.

Nah, they're used to...eccentric...guests.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 17:10

Ah, one of the sorts of measured, reserved places that also prides itself on its dignity and "discretion", eh?

I'm afraid that detailed comments will have to wait for another time, Voodoo, but it'll suffice to say for the moment that seeing a new update from you made me immediately down tools and read through it before doing anything else - and it was a pleasure as always. Even if the sight of recreational divers crawling all over my precious underwater landscapes was an offence to my archaeological soul. *shakes his fist from the porch rocking-chair*

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 19:38

@Robert Frazer wrote:
Even if the sight of recreational divers crawling all over my precious underwater landscapes was an offence to my archaeological soul. *shakes his fist from the porch rocking-chair*

You bring up a very valid point. I tried to make it clear that the characters themselves were being very careful around any artifacts they found, but in the real world things get bumped into.

Hopefully Italy funnels some of the revenue that recreational diving generates back into preservation efforts (the Florida Keys charge a $10 per annum fee to dive on their wrecks). Personally I've never been diving in Pozzuoli Bay, so perhaps things are more strictly enforced (i.e. must have a guide, follow the guide-line), although my research turned up no mention of any conditions beyond the usual "leave only bubbles, take only photos."
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 20:20

@Professor Voodoo wrote: I never quite figured out the particulars of how she slides feet first with a skirt on.

Kisk likes posting photos of his "outfit inspirations," so I'll play along...here's the uniform for Mari's school. It's in a sort of Italian setting too.

I don't know who owns the rights so I'll probably be sued now.
Looks like something Rachel (is forced to) wears.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sun 14 Mar 2010 - 20:40

@ElfenMagix wrote:Looks like something Rachel (is forced to) wears.
I think Rachel might need a bigger sweater size than both Marisa and the model pictured.

At least in the boob area.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Mon 15 Mar 2010 - 11:52

Awesome as always man... as Robert said: new Mari and Elio made me drop everything else to have a read. More when I feel less shagged but I really enjoyed Mari's antics in the dive-shop. It was a very Mari moment to want to show off her abilities (even if it was in appropriate). Part of me wonders if she wasn't making comment about the dive gear there simply to feed her own ego as well


...I thought wandering around the place in a bath-robe was what expensive hotels were for.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Mon 15 Mar 2010 - 12:34


You bring up a very valid point. I tried to make it clear that the characters themselves were being very careful around any artifacts they found, but in the real world things get bumped into.

Eh, don't worry about it - that last post was more tongue in cheek than anything else, I'm not start going to be raining hellfire down on anyone. Heritage management is a big part of what I'm doing nowadays, and I know that just slapping down exclusion orders on everything is a good way of achieving precisely nothing - not least the reason why being that it's usually sports divers and interested individuals who actually find these sites in the first place (in Britain most of the designated protected wrecks are maintained by local hobbyists). The emphasis is on letting everyone get a bite of the cherry, and with a bit of communication most people are happy to help.

Oddly enough, while you might imagine them to be naturally at loggerheads industry has been a big friend to maritime archaeology lately, particularly in aggregate mining. It's beneficial to both parties - they can't feed bits of ship into their slurry so they're usually happy enough to make a log of the location and for us to take it off their hands.

While we're on the topic of pulling things up out of the action, here's a Fun Fact For Fact Fans: until 1995, the Receiver of Wreck in Britain - the public official to whom all recovered material has to be reported - could openly carry arms and literally had legal carte blanche to "kill, maim or harm" anyone that he perceived to be obstructing him! It goes back to the days when the Receiver was a genuinely dangerous job dealing with criminal wrecking gangs leading ships onto rocks to loot the jetsam, and was never repealed for centuries afterwards. Pity it was repealed actually - it's one of those little bits of colour that enliven dreary government.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 15 Mar 2010 - 17:15

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@ElfenMagix wrote:Looks like something Rachel (is forced to) wears.
I think Rachel might need a bigger sweater size than both Marisa and the model pictured.

At least in the boob area.
Rachel...o0O(grr... Men!): No Comment!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 15 Mar 2010 - 18:32

@Robert Frazer wrote:Eh, don't worry about it ... I'm not start going to be raining hellfire down on anyone.
I didn't take it that way at all. Marine preservation is a tricky balance between access & personal restraint...since there's really no way to stop a determined looter from stealing artifacts. To quote my own story (out of context) "It's not as if there are going to be bloody SCUBA police down there." At worst, you have divers removing human remains as souvenirs, like they've done on Empress of Ireland in the St. Lawrence Seaway.

Oddly enough, while you might imagine them to be naturally at loggerheads industry has been a big friend to maritime archaeology lately, particularly in aggregate mining.
It's a bit different here in the Gulf of Mexico. Because of the spaghetti-mess of pipelines we have just about every square kilometer is mapped using side-scan sonar & magnetometers, so there are few wrecks unaccounted for.

until 1995, the Receiver of Wreck in Britain - could openly carry arms and literally had legal carte blanche - it's one of those little bits of colour that enliven dreary government.
We've got a law in Cleveland, US, that prohibits any person from sitting in a public street curb and drinking beer from a bucket. Damn Fascists!

@ElfenMagix wrote:Looks like something Rachel (is forced to) wears.
Is she impelled to do so by Fernando, or by some other force in her life?
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 15 Mar 2010 - 23:49

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@ElfenMagix wrote:Looks like something Rachel (is forced to) wears.
Is she impelled to do so by Fernando, or by some other force in her life?
The former, not the latter.
We'll discuss details later on this matter.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 17:18

Next episode is posted; #12: Victory & Goodbye. Thanks to Alfisti for helping out with a little research for this one, which determined the name of the operation.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 18:07

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Next episode is posted...

And there was much rejoicing.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 18:43

"Goodbye"...? Oo-err. Ominous. *goes to read*

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by MP5 on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 19:31

Excellent job once again, Voodoo! Your writing never ceases to amaze me. First off, I'm glad to see smatterings of mention of Allison (rowdy as she was), the excellent action in the story, and the very emotional passing of dear old Mama Galati. She will be forever missed.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by crazyidiot78 on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 22:02

Awsome job. You combined action, humor and emotion together in an excellent narrative. It is always a pleasure to read your work.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 22:58

Awesome chapter as always man...

...despite constant jokes by the support staff, accusing them of copying an American comedy film from the 1980's.

Jean:
Where the hell were you!?

Mari: Traaaaaaining sir!

Jean: What sort of training!

Mari: Cyyyyyyyborg traing sir!


Anyway, really enjoyed it, great pacing... though I can't help but feel that the entire operation at the start was just setting up for the fall at the end. If so that worked brilliantly.

Of course I always enjoy seeing mentions of Monty. Glad to see she was out on her own (or with the GIS) for most of the op... and not mentioned at the after-party. I can't imagine her putting in more than a token appearance at such an event, if at all.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 23:19

Thank's everyone. Next episode will be comedic, again involving a lot of cyborgs.

@MP5 wrote: I'm glad to see smatterings of mention of Allison (rowdy as she was),
I'm happy to use her, and in every case that she did show up (welding, helping the Q-division) she was the only logical choice for that role.
As for her getting a bit tipsy at the celebration banquet; it just seems to fit her hyper personality. Allison will play a role in #13 as well, and have a bunch of conversational lines in #14.

@Alfisti wrote:Of course I always enjoy seeing mentions of Monty. Glad to see she was out on her own (or with the GIS) for most of the op... and not mentioned at the after-party. I can't imagine her putting in more than a token appearance at such an event, if at all.
Well, there is an open bar after the banquet...I can see Jethro wanting to stick around for that, and even Monty if she can sneak a few cocktails while the bosses aren't looking.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 23:23

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Alfisti wrote:Of course I always enjoy seeing mentions of Monty. Glad to see she was out on her own (or with the GIS) for most of the op... and not mentioned at the after-party. I can't imagine her putting in more than a token appearance at such an event, if at all.
Well, there is an open bar after the banquet...I can see Jethro wanting to stick around for that, and even Monty if she can sneak a few cocktails while the bosses aren't looking.

Kara will be sure to slip out a bottle of Tanqueray 10 for her. Wink

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Sat 20 Mar 2010 - 23:35

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Well, there is an open bar after the banquet...I can see Jethro wanting to stick around for that, and even Monty if she can sneak a few cocktails while the bosses aren't looking.

Well, Jethro's significantly more sociable then his cyborg is... though you're right, an open bar would see her sticking around a little bit longer. Honestly I doubt she'd give a shit as to who saw her drinking though, in her own head at least she's closer to staff then cyborg.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 12 Apr 2010 - 12:27

@Professor Voodoo wrote:When concocting the bomb-squad characters I tried hard not to make them clones of Beatrice. They do feel emotions, it's their ability to show it that's muted. Bernardo was a gregarious character, but all 4 of the bomb-squad girls have apathetic handlers.

I'm working on drafting Michele's reaction to NoŽl being conditioned to become a better sniper and I would like to reference this bit of background on the girl's and their characterizations if I may.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 12 Apr 2010 - 18:21

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Professor Voodoo wrote:When concocting the bomb-squad characters I tried hard not to make them clones of Beatrice. They do feel emotions, it's their ability to show it that's muted. Bernardo was a gregarious character, but all 4 of the bomb-squad girls have apathetic handlers.

I'm working on drafting Michele's reaction to NoŽl being conditioned to become a better sniper and I would like to reference this bit of background on the girl's and their characterizations if I may.

Sounds good. PM me if there's anything I can help with.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 24 Apr 2010 - 13:48

Sorry, no update yet. While I may not have been involved in any oil-rig fires, my hard drive is nonetheless dead. I lost everything since my last backup including...

E&M #13, which was about 66% done.
10,000 words of a new, non E&M stand-alone story.
A 4-panel comic I had just begun.

So unless anyone knows some dark secrets about recovering information from a non-functional hard drive, it will be a while before I'm ready with anything new.
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by crazyidiot78 on Sat 24 Apr 2010 - 18:18

Can't say i know any of those voodoo. sorry man
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Me- It has come to my attention that it is impossible to buy liver in Mongolia because it is bad, but it is perfectly ok to buy salt sheep heads

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by ElfenMagix on Sat 24 Apr 2010 - 21:32

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Sorry, no update yet. While I may not have been involved in any oil-rig fires, my hard drive is nonetheless dead. I lost everything since my last backup including...

E&M #13, which was about 66% done.
10,000 words of a new, non E&M stand-alone story.
A 4-panel comic I had just begun.

So unless anyone knows some dark secrets about recovering information from a non-functional hard drive, it will be a while before I'm ready with anything new.

Nonfunctional, as in how?
if its just ticking, loud high pitch screaming inside or you can shake and hear it like a rattle, best to send it out and have it repaired. Check prices but the average is like a $1 a gig. Most of the time they would swap out the patters to a new mechanism and the data is recoverable.

If its a fried drive board- you could get a clone drive and swap boards (done that on more than one occasion and it works, but you'll still have 1 dead drive...lol)

A possible attempt is to put the drive into a USB Enclosure and see it you can fetch the lost data that way. They are about $40 for a blank one or $under $100 with a 80 - 100 gig drive in it.

Everything else is running Norton Disk Doctor to get back those lost files due to lost clusters.

Dont go to Geek Squad, Best Buy or some other department store/commercial place. They will charge you $1600 to recover your data and put it onto DVD disks.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Sat 24 Apr 2010 - 21:41

@ElfenMagix wrote:Dont go to Geek Squad, Best Buy or some other department store/commercial place. They will charge you $1600 to recover your data and put it onto DVD disks.
WOW! That's ridiculous-expensive! Last time someone I knew needed a HDD recovered it ran them about $200... still expensive but not "cheap car" expensive.

Meh, maybe it's a difference in business practices between countries, who knows. I know there's plenty of stuff that I hear about in the States where the price makes me need to pick my jaw up off the floor (the tipping culture for example, it just isn't part of the Australian psyche), and I'm sure it's vice-versa.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

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