The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by dragonfire238 on Sat 11 Aug 2012 - 19:19

awesome job on this episode I really enjoyed it, also I did notice you skipped 19 and had to check to make sure I didnt miss it, hope it comes out just as well.

Spoiler:
When Marisa asked if she could keep the hatchet I had a flashback to when she asked to keep the ring in the first episode and couldn't stop laughing.

I was a little worried about Marisa when her first thought when stopped by a cop was to pull out her beretta and chamber a round

I thought it was fitting that Rico would have an agency credit card being the cyborg to the field commander

I feel a little bad for the cyborg that got reconditioned -Stephenie- I hope that she will be fine afterwards since any reconditioning is supposed to drop the cyborgs life span.

Oh and on a final note they probably didnt ruin the program for anybody ther probably will be an implantation of a saftey brief at the end of the week to ensure that the cyborgs are reminded to "stay under the radar"

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Il Direttore on Sat 11 Aug 2012 - 19:43

@Kiskaloo wrote:

The Series One girl looked at Marisa, gleefully clutching her new murder weapon like a macabre carnival prize. There was just something about it that made Henrietta feel uneasy...especially that blade covered in blood. She shook her head. "No...no sir...I don't need one" she said timidly, and went to go lean on Giuseppe, who eased her anxiety by putting an arm around her shoulder.




Guh?

Oh man, I totally missed that!!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Sat 11 Aug 2012 - 22:27

Nice chapter mate. More thoughts to come...

...for some reason I always had it in my head that Elio's M3 was the coupe. Learn something every day.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 13 Aug 2012 - 15:59

El Conservatore wrote: interesting, and hilariously in character, is Marisa's List of Gelato Flavors.
The next Elio & Marisa episode will be a flashback to the life of Marina & the first month of Marisa's life. We'll see more explanation of Mari's philosophy for life...and how it relates to gelato.
I do think that Allison might have been a little overly guilty in the Speeding Ticket Situation, but I also don't have a firm grasp of her character, so I'll leave that to you.
We'll have to leave that up to her creator, MP5.
@Kiskaloo wrote:Something I mentioned only in my cyborg profile, yet you callback to it. So cool.
Maybe I'm just inflicting my own personal tastes on the story but I like the idea of the girls (some of them...we all know how Emilie feels Razz ) being motorsport fans. Sure it's just a reflection of what their handler's like, but hell, who doesn't like racing go-karts?
It's that red juice your handler guzzles at breakfast.
Does Michele have a UTI or is he trying to squeak past a drug test?

Seriously, for the purposes of the story I just assumed the girls would not be familiar with a fruit exotic to Europe.

Kara: "Extra brussel sprouts for you tonight as a thank you!"
For Kara, is that an honest thank you or revenge? Frankly I don't know where all the hate comes from...I love the things.
I see what you did there Cat wrote:I see what you did there.
Yup, that's a direct callback to canon chapter 59.
@dragonfire238 wrote:I was a little worried about Marisa when her first thought when stopped by a cop was to pull out her beretta and chamber a round
I wonder if Officer Charon realizes he directly inspired that scene with a post about a traffic stop he made at work.
I feel a little bad for the cyborg that got reconditioned -Stefania-
I don't plan on making her a regular character but I will make reference to her in a future episode. As with all my characters, if somebody wants to use them go ahead; they're community property.
@Alfisti wrote:...for some reason I always had it in my head that Elio's M3 was the coupe.
Nah, he's got the E90 4-door. It's just more practical since that's his "work car." The Agency paid for it with his signing bonus after all.

Thanks to all for the feedback. Episode 21 is in the works right now...Ep.19 will be delayed until I do some diving, but a Nicolo & Dario chapter is probably going to come out next.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 13 Aug 2012 - 17:59

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
It's that red juice your handler guzzles at breakfast.
Does Michele have a UTI or is he trying to squeak past a drug test?

Seriously, for the purposes of the story I just assumed the girls would not be familiar with a fruit exotic to Europe.

I probably should have said "It's that red juice your creator guzzles at breakfast." Smile I just really like it, so I figure Michele would, as well.

And seriously, it was a good assumption.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Kara: "Extra brussel sprouts for you tonight as a thank you!"

For Kara, is that an honest thank you or revenge?

Marisa seemed to like them (she ate them off Kara's plate). Smile

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Frankly I don't know where all the hate comes from...I love the things.

I don't recall ever having Kara expressing an opinion on them before this story, so... Wink Razz

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Officer_Charon on Tue 14 Aug 2012 - 1:20

HA! I was wondering why that image was feeling so familiar! *chuckles* Well-played, sir!

And I've seen another M3 or two since I mentioned that. Still not gonna stop 'em. Nope nope nope! I don't care if it's doing 120 through a residential neighborhood.

Also, new Patchwork Fratello? Hell. Yes. *grins broadly*

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Il Direttore on Tue 14 Aug 2012 - 22:36

@Officer_Charon wrote:

Also, new Patchwork Fratello? Hell. Yes. *grins broadly*

Agreed, and *jumps in air pumping fist in joy*

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Odon on Thu 16 Aug 2012 - 22:47

@dragonfire238 wrote:
I was a little worried about Marisa when her first thought when stopped by a cop was to pull out her beretta and chamber a round

Actually she hiked up her skirt and pulled out her Beretta, which made me wonder if she'd been hanging around the older cyborgs too much!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Thu 16 Aug 2012 - 22:49

@Odon wrote:
@dragonfire238 wrote:
I was a little worried about Marisa when her first thought when stopped by a cop was to pull out her beretta and chamber a round

Actually she hiked up her skirt and pulled out her Beretta, which made me wonder if she'd been hanging around the older cyborgs too much!

Kara: "Trust me, opening your blouse and hiking up your skirt won't save you from getting a ticket at a traffic stop."

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Thu 16 Aug 2012 - 23:32

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Odon wrote:
@dragonfire238 wrote:
I was a little worried about Marisa when her first thought when stopped by a cop was to pull out her beretta and chamber a round

Actually she hiked up her skirt and pulled out her Beretta, which made me wonder if she'd been hanging around the older cyborgs too much!

Kara: "Trust me, opening your blouse and hiking up your skirt won't save you from getting a ticket at a traffic stop."
Well, hot day...nobody is wearing a jacket...it's kinda hard to hide a 9mm pistol. Rather than swap for something smaller Marisa goes for the thigh-holster; it was referenced in Palermo Round-up too.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Odon on Fri 17 Aug 2012 - 0:13

Just read Chapter 18: You left out the bit where Marisa steals the world's largest aircraft to go joyriding.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 17 Aug 2012 - 0:30

@Odon wrote:Just read Chapter 18: You left out the bit where Marisa steals the world's largest aircraft to go joyriding.
Elio, Ferro, Jean, Lorenzo & Hillshire: (in unison) Don't give her any ideas!

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kurosaka "Ery" Erika on Fri 17 Aug 2012 - 1:27

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Odon wrote:Just read Chapter 18: You left out the bit where Marisa steals the world's largest aircraft to go joyriding.
Elio, Ferro, Jean, Lorenzo & Hillshire: (in unison) Don't give her any ideas!

maybe she used the Antonov AN-225

Yuki: ooh look! a russian transport plane AN225
Petrushka: wait....is that Marisa on the cockpit?
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Kiskaloo on Fri 17 Aug 2012 - 8:56

@Odon wrote:Just read Chapter 18: You left out the bit where Marisa steals the world's largest aircraft to go joyriding.

Kara: "Sorry, my type rating maxes out at the P.180."

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Officer_Charon on Fri 17 Aug 2012 - 10:30

@Kiskaloo wrote:
Kara: "Trust me, opening your blouse and hiking up your skirt won't save you from getting a ticket at a traffic stop."

John: "Nope. On the other hand... it might just GUARANTEE one!"

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Fri 17 Aug 2012 - 10:49

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Odon wrote:Just read Chapter 18: You left out the bit where Marisa steals the world's largest aircraft to go joyriding.

Kara: "Sorry, my type rating maxes out at the P.180."
Monty: *Deadpan* I'm not certain what I should be more frightened of; being on a plane piloted by Kara, or being on the ground where there's a chance of being hit.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Sun 19 Aug 2012 - 3:19

Ok, so... Chapter 20

"Nothing sir" Marisa sighed, deciding that discretion was the better part of valor on this occasion.
She's learning.

Rather than attempt to fight it on its own terms Lucy went for the
low-tech solution and ripped the network cable out before it could
spread.
Sometimes the low-tech solution is the best solution. I well remember watching a tech scratch his head for hours over why someone couldn't get on a network... only to find out that there was this blue cable which had not been plugged into the back of the PC. Red faces all around.

See also: solar light + duct tape.

'Etta's signature maneuver did not provide the desired effects. The two
gunmen looked at her incredulously before unleashing a hail of bullets
which the cyborg only managed to dodge by centimeters.
I'm getting the impression that, now that the FRF are starting to cotton onto the cyborgs, this particular one-trick pony is going to need to find a new trick.

Somewhere on the floor was the undercover AISI man, so an extra measure of caution was warranted.
Monty: *absolutely deadpan* And they gave it to Marisa.

Flashing a toothy grin Fernando answered "I think Rachel & I might
need to drive down to Reggio di Calabria tomorrow to check up on...I
dunno, something."
Jethro: Wise man.

Monty: There's a lead at the Port of Genoa I could use someone to quietly chase up?

Ferro is already looking into getting waterproof encrypted radio sets for future missions.
Trust Ferro to have already jumped on dealing with the issue which directly effected her. Efficient lady.

Actually I liked this entire segment. It's a good portrayl of Jean: purposly not singling people out or naming names... at least untill someone raises his ire or tries to deny wrong doing.

When the two older men arrived they were greeted with handshakes and muted greetings of good morning.
...and probably no more amount of relief that someone older and more important had arrived to take charge and responsiblity.

Flavio Giuffre just nodded. He had come to the Agency 6 months ago,
enthusiastic, motivated and wearing a full head of hair. The strain of
having a cyborg who was not working out had aged him dramatically since
then.
I'll be honest here: I'd like to know more eventually about Flavio. It seems to me that few of the handlers come to the Agency enthusiasic about the work. Some might have an axe to grind and see the Agency as a way of accomplishing that, while others seem to see a second chance, get coerced in or just undertake their duties as they see fit, but actual, genuine enthusiasim seems rare. Does he genuinely like kids and see this as a way to make a difference, or does he enjoy being on the cutting edge?

So may questions.

It was like witnessing the execution of an innocent girl.
Not just "like"... if the death of a personality is the death of a person as you know them, then it is the execution of an innocent girl.

"when she wakes up she's going to need you...and you'll have a brand new cyborg to train from the ground up.
THAT would have to be hard. Having to pretend he'd never known her before, get used to a potentially different personality with potentially different quirks depending on how the second rewrite effects her. Man's got a tough time ahead of him, harder I'd think (with all respect to Elio and Jacob) than a hander who took on a second NEW cyborg.

Overall I loved this section: sweet, sad and heartbreaking. Unfortunately I think you've also opened up a massive can of worms, because I now want to see how Flavio and New Stefi get on at the second time around.

"I called Brian and told him how miserable it was here...he said he'd
requisition some electric fans for us but that won't be until Monday."
Heh, I well remember by Cadets SNCO course, we were out at RAAF Amberley in the middle of summer (we measured it at 53C on the tarmac we were drilling on). The pool filters packed up in the heat and our accomodation block had no aircon, so they got in a set of industrial blowers (of the variety used to dry out flooded buildings or ventillate confined spaces) to try and get some airflow. They sorta worked, but they also had to issue everyone earplugs so we could get to sleep at night.

Though this has kicked me into gear sorting out some way of plumbing my portable aircon into caisson windows.

"I called Michele and asked him to rescue me but he's got some thing in Ostia with the Prime Minister today and it's adults only."
This is still the Berlusconi analogue right?

"So how you holdin' up, Tree?"
Triela-tree is now fanon?

"Then why are you eating it?"
Because it's food and it's there.

"I'm sure Mr. A won't mind!" scoffed Allison
Is this one of those "give an inch and they'll take a mile" type instances?

"Oh, so you weren't planning to mention a thing about how it's lightened
with carbon-fiber reenforced plastic? Top secret carbon fiber
reenforced plastic that only the government is supposed to know about?"
Monty: I'm really curious to know who had the brainstorm of letting cyborgs off campus unsupervised. Because peer-pressure and government secrets are such a good combination.

A few boys came over to flirt with the two older cyborgs but here Marisa
filled the role of the snarling (figuratively, to Kara & Allison's
relief), challenging little sister.
I can't help but think she'd absolutely revel in playing that role.

I think we've got range practice, a communications security briefing and a geography test
One of these things is not like the other ones.

"Fine" grumbled Mari, hiding the pistol under her seat, "but you're
gonna wish we took out the cop when it's time to explain this to Mr.
Jean."
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't one of the SWA standing orders to NOT injure or otherwise harm figures of public authority? Including policemen?

"Well, it's not exactly a gift," Michele defended himself, "more like a piece of equipment."
Monty:


Great chapter mate, enjoyed it thoroughly.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Robert Frazer on Sun 19 Aug 2012 - 7:52

Correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't one of the SWA standing orders to NOT injure or otherwise harm figures of public authority? Including policemen?


Not necessarily. The Agency spends most of its time fighting right-wing extremists, and police are themselves the Tools of the Fascist Oppressor.







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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by dragonfire238 on Sun 9 Sep 2012 - 21:11



I saw this bed and immediately thought of marisa
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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Il Direttore on Sun 9 Sep 2012 - 22:37

So much and ALL the way. I'd guess that Marisa would spend the next few days drifting about in a sea of joy if Elio did this.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 10 Sep 2012 - 0:44

@dragonfire238 wrote:
I saw this bed and immediately thought of marisa
Elio: Well, it's certainly cheaper than some of the other options she's asked for...





...but I think she'll be lucky if the Agency is willing to install one of these.


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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

Post by Alfisti on Mon 10 Sep 2012 - 5:26

Problem is, if you gave any of these to Marisa it'd immediately have a shark, box jellyfish, or something equally deadly in it.

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Re: The Marisa & Elio Chronicles

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