Elfen's Stories...

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Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 10 Jan 2010 - 20:06

Strangely, I thought I was one of the first to put one of these up, so either I never did or it was deleted in the old days when Forum Pruning Ran Amok... until Natchsider shot it in the ass before it did more damage...

Ah the early days! *rocks back and forth in his rocking chair...* I'm Not That Old!

So here I am reinstalling it...


The stories I write are not short. Nor are they for the faint of heart or weak constitutions. They are Mind Benders because anytime one deals with assorted government agencies, one tends to get skull fucked. Thus the stories tend to be lengthy and overdrawn.

Thus far I have completed two, about to finish one with Boomer's help and about to start a 4th with Boomer.

Finished Stories:
Solution's Resolution (Wiki Entry)
SWA: Diclonius End Game (Wiki Entry)

Works in Progress:
UN Resolution (Wiki Entry)

Stories in Planning:
SWA Beginnings' wiki entry. Consider it a Spoiler.


Say what you want and what you will of them. If you can, also put up some reviews in FF.net on them. I know some do not like Elfen Lied, so I do not expect them to run to SWA:Diclonius End Game in droves, but for those willing to give the story a second chance- put something up. 0 Reviews makes it a bit lonely sitting up there in the FF.net Mature Listing.


Last edited by ElfenMagix on Mon 18 Jan 2010 - 11:37; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : URL-Link Fix)

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 14 Jan 2010 - 18:38

Just added a Major Story Implant!

Because the way things are in my world right now, with apologies to Boomer for jumping the gun, I have posted Francesca's 1/2 of SWA:Beginnings

I did it outside of Fanfiction.net, to give you a taste of it. Some 8 chapters long (in 3 parts per chapter), thus it (and Boomer's half) is not for the faint of heart. It explains many things (as per our view- you guys can take it or leave it) in the SWA Universe.

Currently. there are only 2 chapters posted, as I'm waiting for Boomer to put in his additions as well as his story half. Updates will occur upon each chapter on this site until Boomer gets his 1/2 done and then the whole she-bang gets listed on FF.net (I hope).

Enjoy what is there thus far.
You can post comments of it here.

Oh, I forgot. You will see a blank page. Just click on the links on the left side to get the chapters.

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If Fernando had Super Powers, He would be God!
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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by boomer_gonz on Sat 16 Jan 2010 - 13:57

No worries. It is I who should apologize for the constant delay's. In fact as soon as you posted this I had just finished with Parts 3 and 4. I was going to send it along with CH.17 of UN resolution but work got in the way...again. So, I'll send it ASAP.

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Sat 16 Jan 2010 - 16:02

Not to worry, Boomer.
Life is not what it seems and my uncle's funeral was a reminder of that.

I just wish more ppl would read it and post

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 16 Jan 2010 - 22:25

Sorry Elfen, I haven't forgotten about you...I'm just in the middle of 2 other very long fanfics, plus my own writing, plus trying to function in real life.

I will get to this story next...in fact I'm looking forward to it!
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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by boomer_gonz on Sun 24 Jan 2010 - 15:27

If anybody hear hasn't read Elfen's Diclonius End Game yet, I highly recommend it.

Also, I came across this and though it may be a bit of a cliche, I thought it would fit the story as an 'ending credits theme' perfectly.



Download link: Elfen Lied- Lilium(Music Box)

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by Jacen Starslayer on Sun 21 Mar 2010 - 0:35

So far I've read UN Resolution, Solution's Resolution and SWA: Beginning. So far, I have been and still are highly impressed by your stories, even thought they are written in Script format they are still easy to read and follow. Your plot is detailed and deep.

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 11 Oct 2010 - 6:12

@ElfenMagix wrote:Solution's Resolution

Chapter 01: Diplomatic Immunity
It's interesting that you're writing in the present tense...I think you're the only one on the forum doing that.
People take to terrorism in many different ways. The further one is to the act, the lesser the time they will be in favor to doing something about it.
This first passage is a little confusing...the opening sentence seems to imply that the Croce brothers have taken to terrorism themselves. In a way I guess you could say that...they just happen to be terrorists for the Italian government.

(Fernando) trains his 'little girl' on things of self defense, weapons and marksmanship, and basic life skills.
A bit of influence from the Luc Besson film Leon perhaps?

Courier: Oh, I've heard about that mutation of yours- hard wired nerves of silver, making impulses fly almost 10 times than us normal people.
I'm not so sure about this element...I think simply attributing Fernando's excellent reaction time to heightened sound & vibration sensitivity as a result of his vision condition would have been more subtle.

Having gone through this before, he knows what it is to be blind. On days which it has happened, Rachel stays over to help him out.
Speaking of his vision...I like how you establish that Fernando & Rachel's relationship is a two way street; both dependent on the other.

"Henrietta- Don't!", Jose yells (in Italian).

Confused, Henrietta lowers her weapon, softly saying, "Haij."
What is Henrietta saying here? I ran it through a translator and it didn't come up as Italian.

She looks at the guard, and asks. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

The police officer looks at her for the moment, thinking. She then raises her little arm, showing it shackled to the table she was in, saying, "I really have to go, mister…"
Henrietta is so brutally single minded here, it makes her innocent act that much more chilling. Great use of a canon character!

Once outside, she runs south, to where St Paul's Church was 1 block away. She hides between the Church and the Rectory for the time being, under the stair casement and one of the building's basement archways.
Accurate NYC geography I suspect.

Chapter 02: In The City's Darkest Hour
I love the pace of this chapter...very seldom does the action slow down.

Her being in what appears to be school girl's uniform will not add any favors with anyone tonight, least to say perhaps some pervert who is looking for a little girl to thrill.
I was half expecting 'Etta to run into one or more such perverts...with violently comical results.

All she can concentrate on is getting to the Waldorf Astoria Hotel (on 50th street and Park Avenue), where she and the rest of section 2 was lodging at.
The Waldorf, eh? Section 2 spares no expense. Juxtaposing the goal of the luxurious hotel that is her target with the rough Harlem neighborhoods she must cut through to get there sets the tone nicely.

Being from section 2, the Italian Embassy (on 67th street and Madison Avenue) would not give her or her fellow cyborgs any respect to set foot into their soil, even though they are a mile closer than the hotel they are residing at.
Probably an accurate detail.

Knowing that she was on Park Avenue, all she had to do was make it to the Waldorf Astoria, some 4 miles away.
Does she know that once she reaches 110th Central Park is only one avenue over? To be honest Henrietta is probably more comfortable navigating city streets than a wooded park anyway, but it would be easy to evade the cops in the park.

Most of the city's blocks are divided into a ratio of 20:1, where it takes 20 blocks to equal 1 mile. The problem is with the housing developments, where blocks were merged to create construction grounds for the complexes. Some of these blocks can be 4 regular blocks in length.
Some of the explanatory prose gets a little ponderous and slows things down here.

She seems to be holding them off at least for the moment with knife in hand. Heading their direction was the police, who have arrested other in the area for various reasons. Also heading in their direction was Henrietta, who was more busy looking back and not frontward as she runs into the group.
A fateful coming-together to be sure.

Jean orders Ricco to regroup with the girls at their room, as he starts an impromptu meeting with the other fratellos in his room. The girls have a meeting of their own, in their room.
I picture this happening a lot during joint fratello operations.

Ricco: Henrietta has escaped, and killed a police officer in her get away.

Triela: This is one messed up mission…




In Jean's room:

Jean: I trust that they had treated you well, Jose.

Jose: No better than any other prisoner they wanted information out of.
Interesting how you present the dialogue portions...in script format.

Jean: Granted. I just hope your cyborg has enough sense to make her way back here.

Jose: She knows her way.

Jean: Tomorrow morning, we're going to look for her.
I dare say the handlers (Jean especially, since he does not trust the cyborgs' judgment much) would be a little more concerned about having millions of euro's worth of Italian government hardware missing on the streets of a city where she does not speak the language. I suppose this way fits the course of your story better though.

Jose: Henrietta, to get some sleep. We will talk about this in the morning.

Henrietta: Jose… I think I may have killed an innocent during my escape…
Great way to close the chapter...Henrietta feeling shattered and guilty. Another good use of the canon character.

Chapter 03: Double Helix

And the emphasis returns to Fernando...
Doctor: This is from Italy. You have no jurisdiction over here.

Jean: One of our consulate workers daughter is missing, and this might be her.

Doctor: You have any proof?

Jean: We're just here to verify that its her.
Clever lie from Jean. He strikes me as a the kind of guy who would have a plan ready for every contingency.

The group gathers the girls and head onto to their way to the meeting. Before they go, they stop for a bit of lunch.
Hmmm...one wonders where a group of Italian agents & cyborgs go for lunch while visiting NYC...

Fernando arrives at his supervisor's office ... the darkest pair of Ray-ban glasses available. Unlike many, he does not take off his glasses.
Since we haven't seen Fernando for a whole chapter this is a good callback to remind the audience of his vision issue.

Ferro: Prankster?

Jose: Someone who is constantly pulling jokes on others.

Ferro: I see.
Good exchange, a subtle reminder that English is not the everyday language of the Agency.

Fernando rests on his couch, with his cat Meeshie resting on top of his chest.
Ahhh, the first appearance of the now famous Meeshie.

A voice answers back: I'm a reporter from the Italian Fashion News, wanting your opinion about this great city you live in for our readers.
Seems a bit amateur for Section 2.

Slowly, Fernando takes his time to open his door, seeing the one known as Jean, with his cyborg Ricco next to him,
Small issue here; this passage is from Fernando's point of view...but Fernando does not yet know about cyborgs, right?

Meeshie walks in between Fernando's feet and into the hallway, startling Ricco, who had never saw a cat before, at least not a live one. Her instincts kick in as she steps back and draw her gun at the animal. Meeshie just looks up at her.
Great moment.

Jean: Lets face it, Fernando. You are not the only one to face losses at the hand of another. I lost my younger sister and fiancée at the hands of terrorists. There is not a day I to see those bastards pay for what they had done. But for you, work with us and we can help you with yours. I believe that he leaves his cell in 5 years, once his sentence is completed. You can be there when he walks free, so that his walk will be a short one.
Jean executes a little power-play here, tipping his hand a bit to show the Agency does its homework

Fernando: Actually, that was just paying attention. Being observant, I find her reeking a strange scent of burnt gunpowder, gun oil, synthetic materials, and laboratory cleansers. What smell of human sweat she should have is minimal at best, epically for a girl of her age, that scent of sweat should be stronger.
...and Fernando makes a counter-play, showing off a little bit of what his senses can do. Despite his insistence that he is not interested I get the impression that he is doing a bit of subtle negotiation with Jean.
Before the day is over, Dr. Bianchi brings a small medical team to stabilize the girl for their purposes.
Little does he know other forces are at work...

Enjoying it...more to come...

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 11 Oct 2010 - 9:57

Many thanks for the review. Its something I've been wanting for a long time.

I try to write in the present tense, noting past tense for historical events. It makes it easy for me.

Hope you notified next of kin that you are reading this. People have been declared missing trying to read all 64 chapters at once.

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Fri 10 Dec 2010 - 21:53

Jay- forgive me, I did not see your post there. Many thanks on the kind words.
Glad you liked them.

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 24 Sep 2012 - 15:00

Damn, its been that long?!! THREAD NECROMANCY!!!

With the weirdest Gunslinger Girl crossover with Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers that I pulled off the acorn cafe with a friend (Hondo), we have been working on it and thus far is growing into a little collection of sorts. As it is weird, it is that vicious and cruel. As an admin at the cafe said, this is a noirish series and cant be allowed here because of such.

Anyways, Hondo and I are completing GsB III and I a started on a couple of prequels that sets things into play for GsB - Gunslinger Bink.

On Fanfiction.net its here: http://www.fanfiction.net/Chip-and-Dales-Rescue-Rangers_and_Gunslinger-Girl_Crossovers/312/2128/
It does not include GsB III.

The original stories are on Hondo's forum - Hondo's Cabin - and can be found here:
(Warning, they are in script format, where they were converted for normal text in ff.net. It does not include the Gunslinger Bink Prequel)
Gunslinger Bink - http://www.hondosackett.com/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1198466400
Gunslinger Bink II - http://www.hondosackett.com/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1198466405
Gunslinger Bink III - http://www.hondosackett.com/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1219722737

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 29 Jun 2014 - 12:27

Almost two years. Now an update to UN Resolution.

Secrets will be told, characters will be killed - not. But all around fun in the name of anger.

Enjoy.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4897457/29/UN-Resolution

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Re: Elfen's Stories...

Post by tremec6speed on Mon 28 Jul 2014 - 21:39

Cool Elfen,  head bang I like the how the tale is going so far, with the equipment stolen, I'm curious how that is going to play out. Who will benefit from the theft.
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