Pactio

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Wed 8 Dec 2010 - 16:20

Real moments of doubt and pain for Kara there, towards the end.
Interesting how you put is so.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 10 Dec 2010 - 6:44

I am way behind here...you're already up to what...chapter 17? I'm finding Pactio particularly hard to assemble some thoughts on as so much of it is re-hash from Once Again and your other stories.

Still, need to get going here and catch up...
Chapter One
“There is a trattoria up the road that serves an excellent tiramisu,”Jose noted to Michele as he sipped his coffee. “They’re open late since they get motorists coming in for a quick bite or a jolt of espresso to keep them going. I go there often.”Henrietta’s head snapped up and she fixed her handler with a stern stare. “You’ve never taken me there, Jose,” she accused.
“Uh, yeah…” Jose stammered, running his hand through his hair.
I hope you won't mind if I steal & expand on this idea in Patchwork. I see this tattoria/taverna as a place all the handlers and staff members have agreed to keep "cyborg free" as their adults-only hangout. This is where Michele reminisces to Nicolo Corelli about the early days of the Angelica project.
“I want you to join a fratello in the Agency,” the Prime Minister of Italy informed Michele Pagani
This entire section seems lifted from Once Again. You realize you'll have to re-write that story now as well, right?
“She doesn’t have to be a little girl,” Doctor Bianchi noted, indicating with a nod of his head the redhead in a two-piece bikini lounging in the hot tub at the front of the Sky deck.
Petrushka: Is this an actual mission? You seriously wanted me to come along and just hang out in the jacuzzi?

Prime Minister: Well, you could also join me for a cocktail in my private cabin.

Petrushka:

Note; you never actually state that the redhead in the hot tub is a teenager (until later)...we all know it's Petra but to an uninitiated reader it might be ambiguous.
“The whole reason I created the Agency was to give me the flexibility to operate independently of all those various groups and their innumerable turf wars,” the Prime Minister replied.
I really like this take on the SWA...and it cuts down on the research necessary to reconcile the Agency with the ever-changing Italian intelligence scene.
I need a fratello that knows their way around Europe and society circles to disrupt PRF activities.
I'd kind of pictured Pagani as a "new money" type, who has difficulty breaking into Old World high society (they types that can trace their ancestry back to Charlemagne). Of course, I'm sure many of his Padania targets fit into that category as well.
Chapter Two
It sounded more like science fiction than science fact, yet he’d seen the results with his own eyes aboard his motor yacht with Petrushka.
Did he? She didn't really demonstrate anything by coming along with the PM.
So no worries of being paired with a love-sick teenager,” Bianchi said
Well, we all know how that's gonna turn out!
Chapter Three
She felt the coarse cotton weave of he hospital sheets on her bare skin
Even before meeting Michele there are stirrings of the "high operating cost" girl Kara will become.

Kara: There sheets are not even 600 thread count! Unacceptable!
The next box, from La Perla, contained silk undergarments.
Kara: Now that's more like it!
adjusting her weight on the 50mm heels as she presented herself for inspection.
I was half-expecting disaster when you threw out the line about wearing heels at her first meeting with Michele.
Kara used her right hand to shield her eyes for a moment as she stepped out into the morning sun
I'd have thought cyborg eyes could compensate for bright light and glare rather easily. Of course, such a feature would completely cut Kara off from the world of designer sunglasses.
She noticed the low seating position and correlated that to the shortness of her skirt...Once properly seated, she stretched out her legs and the soles of her
boots sank into the deep pile carpet.
“Impressive,” Michele noted. “Did they teach you that in cyborg school?”
“It just seemed…the proper way,” Kara replied
At the risk of sounding voyeuristic, I think this might have been a missed opportunity for some first-day awkwardness. Let her do it perfectly later, as a way of showing her progress.
“You don’t need to append my name to the end of every sentence.”
A callback to Petra's habit of calling her handler Signor when she first woke up?
“My butt hurts,” Kara noted as she stood next to the car,
I dunno...somehow it's funnier when Rico says it.
“Well, no. But that was in the city, not the Autoroute. And I was in aPeugeot compact, not a supercar,” Kara noted.
“Ah, well then maybe…”
“But my boyfriend did let me drive his Clio RS a few times,” Kara quickly added
That's one of my favorite lines...Kara is wishy-washy about driving the Lamborghini until she sees the opportunity slipping away. Great human moment.
“So cool,” Kara exclaimed
That phrase seems to be a GsG meme. Triela says it in chapter 54...Mimi Machiavelli gets the line in the second season anime...and it's been repeated countless times in fanfiction (Marisa uses it when Claes tells her the story of Monty & Mr. Ramsey in Palestine).
In a small saucepan he combined an equal amount of whole milk and half-and half, bringing it to a simmer and adding fresh vanilla extract, fine white chocolate and a generous splash of Grand Marnier liquor
Question; where do you come up with these concoctions (i.e. this & Michele's famous coffee)? Are they things you've experimented with yourself or established recipes from Seattle coffee houses? Either way, it just wouldn't be Pagani without them.
Chapter Four
The change in Kara was as if someone had flipped a switch. She stopped stretching and sat up, pulling the duvet off her. She did atuck-roll forward, ending up on her knees. She slipped them out from
underneath her to sit on the edge of the bed, pulled on her boots, planted her feet on the floor and launched herself up off the bed, her posture one of immediate readiness.
Genuinely funny cyborg moment.
“Gee, and here I thought I would be done with school,” Kara quipped.
Oh just wait until you run read-first into one of Hillshire's German exams...
Kara’s smile fell, partly at the thought of missing the museum
How unfair! Elio & Marisa did both the Louvre & the Centre Pompidou (modern art) during their spare day in Paris.
Amande spent the next six hours teaching her...“Does she pass?” Michele asked Amande.
This is a scene I wished had been a little longer.
“I want to drive!” Kara exclaimed.
Hmm...perhaps it should have been a bit longer. Need to work on that "reserved & demure" stuff.
“Do you smoke?” Michele asked Kara, looking at the few patrons enjoying fine Cuban cigars.“No,” Kara replied. “Should I learn?”
“Absolutely not,” Michele said.
There is a scene in the 1958 musical Gigi where Leslie Caron's character is educated in the proper way to select and cut a cigar for a gentleman. I thought perhaps since this was Paris you were referencing that scene.
“You won’t be with me?” Kara asked, a hint of worry in her voice.
To me that's the most poignant line of the assassination scene. It goes beyond the mere tactical practicality of having Kara make the attack alone...Michele is also letting her know that she's heading into an area that's not his specialty, one in which she will have to seek instruction from others in order to get better.
(Kara) looked down at the satellite navigation unit, which had been pre-programmed with her destination.
That seems risky. If the bad guys capture the car they now know where Kara's support team is waiting.
I’m sorry about the dress,” she added.
That's a very "recently activated cyborg" thing to say. She's not used to the idea that anything is her's yet...apologizing for ruining what she considered Michele or the government's property. Soon I'm sure she'll be saying "Damn...ruined my dress!"
“Miss Deleroux, my name is Bob. I want to thank you for your service to your country this evening. You have eliminated a serious threat to the safety of the Fifth Republic.”
I'm guessing "Bob" is a code-name...it doesn't sound very French.
Michele once again made a mental note to have a talk with the medical staff about Kara’s modesty protocols.
She seemed to do alright earlier, getting into the Lambo. Showing a little skin for Michele's benefit I suspect...it's better to have Michele oblivious to that at this point though.

More to come...

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Fri 10 Dec 2010 - 12:14

@Professor Voodoo wrote:I am way behind here...you're already up to what...chapter 17? I'm finding Pactio particularly hard to assemble some thoughts on as so much of it is re-hash from Once Again and your other stories.

Yeah. Once Again is dead at this point, but I did like that bit, so I absconded with it for this story. I am working hard to chart a new course with this story as I agree it would be dull to re-read the original with just slight changes.

Note; you never actually state that the redhead in the hot tub is a teenager (until later)...we all know it's Petra but to an uninitiated reader it might be ambiguous.

I re-wrote that to "redhead cyborg" so even if someone doesn't know who Petrushka is, when the PM talks about her later on it's clear she's a cyborg, as well.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
I need a fratello that knows their way around Europe and society circles to disrupt PRF activities.

I'd kind of pictured Pagani as a "new money" type, who has difficulty breaking into Old World high society (they types that can trace their ancestry back to Charlemagne). Of course, I'm sure many of his Padania targets fit into that category as well.

Actually, that's a good idea for future chapters. He definitely is nouveau riche and it does show - fancy cars, bespoke suits - so while he'd be allowed in, true "old money" or displaced nobility like the Princess Maria Pia Elena Aldegonda Milenia Ludovica Caterina Francesca Gennara in The Sicilian Defense would certainly see him as nothing more than a poseur.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
It sounded more like science fiction than science fact, yet he’d seen the results with his own eyes aboard his motor yacht with Petrushka.

Did he? She didn't really demonstrate anything by coming along with the PM.

Another good catch. I changed that to:

"It sounded more like science fiction than science fact and a good bit more advanced than when they’d first started five years ago with the girl who would become Angelica."

Since it provides a bit foreshadowing as to Michele's being present when the Agency was created.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
adjusting her weight on the 50mm heels as she presented herself for inspection.

I was half-expecting disaster when you threw out the line about wearing heels at her first meeting with Michele.

The cyborgs seem to have excellent balance. Petrushka in the manga has no problem running around in stiletto heeled dress sandals.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Kara used her right hand to shield her eyes for a moment as she stepped out into the morning sun
I'd have thought cyborg eyes could compensate for bright light and glare rather easily. Of course, such a feature would completely cut Kara off from the world of designer sunglasses.

Yeah, it might be something better cut, but maybe it's a sign her cybernetics are still "calibrating".

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
She noticed the low seating position and correlated that to the shortness of her skirt...Once properly seated, she stretched out her legs and the soles of her
boots sank into the deep pile carpet.
“Impressive,” Michele noted. “Did they teach you that in cyborg school?”
“It just seemed…the proper way,” Kara replied
At the risk of sounding voyeuristic, I think this might have been a missed opportunity for some first-day awkwardness. Let her do it perfectly later, as a way of showing her progress.

Another good idea. The scene is actually based on one of Jeremy Clarkson's DVDs where he shows the difficulty of a girl in a miniskirt getting into a sports car. So I'll need to try and find that scene and write it where "it did not go well". Wink


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
“You don’t need to append my name to the end of every sentence.”
A callback to Petra's habit of calling her handler Signor when she first woke up?

Yes. Henrietta also seems to append many of her sentences with "Jose" when she is speaking with him.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
“My butt hurts,” Kara noted as she stood next to the car,
I dunno...somehow it's funnier when Rico says it.

Because it's Rico. Wink

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
“Well, no. But that was in the city, not the Autoroute. And I was in a Peugeot compact, not a supercar,” Kara noted.
“Ah, well then maybe…”
“But my boyfriend did let me drive his Clio RS a few times,” Kara quickly added

That's one of my favorite lines...Kara is wishy-washy about driving the Lamborghini until she sees the opportunity slipping away. Great human moment.

The girl has a mechanical body, but she's still a teenager. Wink


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
“So cool,” Kara exclaimed
That phrase seems to be a GsG meme. Triela says it in chapter 54...Mimi Machiavelli gets the line in the second season anime...and it's been repeated countless times in fanfiction (Marisa uses it when Claes tells her the story of Monty & Mr. Ramsey in Palestine).

Again, it just seems like something a teenager would say. Smile


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
In a small saucepan he combined an equal amount of whole milk and half-and half, bringing it to a simmer and adding fresh vanilla extract, fine white chocolate and a generous splash of Grand Marnier liquor
Question; where do you come up with these concoctions (i.e. this & Michele's famous coffee)? Are they things you've experimented with yourself or established recipes from Seattle coffee houses? Either way, it just wouldn't be Pagani without them.

You can thank The Barefoot Contessa for that one. Laughing


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Amande spent the next six hours teaching her...“Does she pass?” Michele asked Amande.

This is a scene I wished had been a little longer.

“I want to drive!” Kara exclaimed.
Hmm...perhaps it should have been a bit longer. Need to work on that "reserved & demure" stuff.

I like to think it is that teenage exuberance peeking through.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
“Do you smoke?” Michele asked Kara, looking at the few patrons enjoying fine Cuban cigars.“No,” Kara replied. “Should I learn?”
“Absolutely not,” Michele said.

There is a scene in the 1958 musical Gigi where Leslie Caron's character is educated in the proper way to select and cut a cigar for a gentleman. I thought perhaps since this was Paris you were referencing that scene.

Never seen the movie. Michele is not a smoker and he doesn't want Kara to pick up Petrushka's "habit" (even if Petrushka herself doesn't seem to be enamored of smoking).


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
(Kara) looked down at the satellite navigation unit, which had been pre-programmed with her destination.
That seems risky. If the bad guys capture the car they now know where Kara's support team is waiting.

Well there was a DGSE team backing Kara up, so if it had all gone pear-shaped, they would have been able to support her. Plus the security team doesn't know she has a car so if things went badly and she had to escape, they probably would not chase her and if they did, I like to think she's smart enough to figure out how to engage them.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
I’m sorry about the dress,” she added.
That's a very "recently activated cyborg" thing to say. She's not used to the idea that anything is her's yet...apologizing for ruining what she considered Michele or the government's property. Soon I'm sure she'll be saying "Damn...ruined my dress!"

Laughing

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
“Miss Deleroux, my name is Bob. I want to thank you for your service to your country this evening. You have eliminated a serious threat to the safety of the Fifth Republic.”
I'm guessing "Bob" is a code-name...it doesn't sound very French.

"Bob" and Amande are from La Femme Nikita and that is the name he went by in the film, so I agree it's probably some type of code name.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Michele once again made a mental note to have a talk with the medical staff about Kara’s modesty protocols.
She seemed to do alright earlier, getting into the Lambo. Showing a little skin for Michele's benefit I suspect...it's better to have Michele oblivious to that at this point though.


Maybe she's more comfortable being...comfortable...around her handler in private than in public...



Anyway, as always, I appreciate the detailed reviews you and others give. Especially with these earlier chapters that have been written months prior to publishing, I tend to glaze over them when reading and I don't catch these things.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Tue 14 Dec 2010 - 7:50

Argh, I'm falling back in reviewing again. So...

Chapter19

@Kiskaloo wrote:In the cockpit, Kara flew the aircraft under Michele's supervision. As Kara had barely started her pilot training, so Michele needed to be at the controls at all times.
Is this really the time to be teaching Kara to fly? Then again, it's probably best to keep her seperated from the girls who were part of the Venice operation... I doubt they feel like talking much right now and just need some alone time. Nice opener to the chapter by the way.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Rico asked.
Wow, it must be bad; even Rico doesn't have anything bright to say.

After landing and parking in their private hangar, they retrieved their car and headed for the compound. It was there that they learned of the deaths of Beatice and Silvia along with most of Major Sales' command.
I think this might have more impact if you seperated the final sentence from the rest of the paragraph. Give that final line a bit of "white space" as it were to emphasise its importance.

Even in sleep, Michele's brain sensed a presence in his room and commanded him to wake.
Guess some old habits die hard.

...and her speech curt and low, as if she could speak only so many words a day and had to ration them out.
Monty: Now there's an idea that could use persuing. I can think of a cyborg or two who would benefit from that.

Interesting to note the differences in responses to cyborg deaths between the Gen1 girls and the "more human" (for want of a better descriptor) Gen2s.

but fortunately Director Lorenzo had cancelled all planned activities for the day.
Guess Lorenzo doesn't follow the old adage of "keep 'em busy."

Monty appeared coming the other way, a small travel case in one hand.
Thanks again for giving Monty a role in your stories as well. I like the inclusion of her just having a small case with her right now. If she's too knackered for her usually impeccable appearance to, well, be less so then she's certainly not going to have bothered properly emptying the car.


Chapter20
(though at 17, she was too young to have a license)
Somehow I doubt aquiring fake identification for the girls is a big problem for the SWA, or aliases for that matter. I'm sure Monty's picture is in more than one archived school yearbook.

Lorenzo ordered the compound to effectively be in lockdown with the cyborgs restricted to quarters and the handlers forbidden from taking them out without express permission from himself.
Monty: Hmm, nope. Must have missed that memo.


Chapter21
Hilshire wore his usual dark suit.
Sometimes I wonder if young Victor doesn't just have a wardrobe full of exactly the same things. Two black suits, three white shirts... and so on. Ahh well, at least it makes it easy to pack in a hurry and saves time in the morning.

Triela wielding a Heckler & Koch MP7A1 and Kara her FN P90.
Seriously, logistics for the SWA must be an utter nightmare.

"Almaz-Antey, the builders of the Klub, have been marketing a covert attack system called "Klub-K" composed of four missiles and a transporter-erector concealed inside a standard 40 foot intermodal container."
I dunno, maybe it's just me but I'd probably have been tempted to have a bit more fun with his accent and grammar. Razz

"I really don't. Petrushka and Olga taught me some phrases," Kara noted.
Also one of Jethro's favorite tricks for languages he hasn't had the time to learn.


Chapter22

"I saw her in the hall. She looked right through me, like I wasn't there. I said hello and she just stared at me for a moment, and then walked on towards her room. It was horrible, Michele. She was like a zombie in those film's Laine watches. Please don't make me like that. I beg you!"
Great work with Kara's dialogue through here, like all the words are just falling out and she's not making any sense.

Powerful last chapter there, and an elegant solution to settling Kara and Michele's relationoship in the reader's mind. Nice work slipping the GSG tagline in as well. Wink

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Wed 15 Dec 2010 - 18:30

The only mistake I can see is in the very beginning...
When Michele entered the office that morning, Monty was at her desk, head down in a pile of paperwork
That desk would be Jethro's and not Monty's even though Monty work on it. No cyborg has his/her own office space to do work in. Even when Triela helped out in translating those documents from Italian to German and English, I'm sure at was at a barrowed station and not that of her own.

Michele thought, and not for the first time, that this staff girl definitely had the style to compliment her looks. He set his espresso cup and saucer on the desk and powered up his computer, a 27" iMac model he'd purchased at the Rome Apple Store to replace the standard PC.
Looks like Michele is not the only one using Mac OSX machines. Fernando has brought his own a long time ago into the agency and built a supercluster system from units he bought for which much of his code cracking and research work is done on.

"I saw a recruitment ad in the back of Better Lairs and Hideouts and it sounded exciting," Michele replied, earning him a scowl from Monty.
I think he should be studying what they have at http://www.villainsource.com . Fernando is always checking their wares to see what they came up with.

As he drove past the administration building towards the main gate, he noticed that lights still burned in one of the windows.
An interesting end to an interesting chapter. In thinking, cyborgs are not so liberal on who they go with during their free or work time, but then there is Triela asking Hillshire and Amadeo to take the girls out to see the meteor shower in Season 1. This gives the girls more freedom and one would read in the books.

Well done I have to say.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Wed 15 Dec 2010 - 22:33

@ElfenMagix wrote:The only mistake I can see is in the very beginning...
When Michele entered the office that morning, Monty was at her desk, head down in a pile of paperwork
That desk would be Jethro's and not Monty's even though Monty work on it. No cyborg has his/her own office space to do work in. Even when Triela helped out in translating those documents from Italian to German and English, I'm sure at was at a barrowed station and not that of her own.

As he drove past the administration building towards the main gate, he noticed that lights still burned in one of the windows.
An interesting end to an interesting chapter. In thinking, cyborgs are not so liberal on who they go with during their free or work time, but then there is Triela asking Hillshire and Amadeo to take the girls out to see the meteor shower in Season 1. This gives the girls more freedom and one would read in the books.
I guess I can probably answer a couple of the Monty-related points. In part addressing the first: at this particular stage it hasn't clicked on Michele that Monty's a cyborg. So it'd be natural for him to assume that, as an "office staff member" she is working at her own desk.

Moreover though, and it's something I've not really touched on in the comics yet for obvious reasons, but I imagine that, when she's on campus, Monty has a somewhat freer run of the SWA than the average cyborg. That's due in part to her tendency to walk around like she owns the place (born out of a combination of a solid superiority complex and not being around enough to bother "fitting in"), and a tendency to assume that inconvenient rules applied to the other girls somehow don't apply to her because she's Monty Blacker. You'll remember that, at this stage in Kisk's story the cyborgs are technically supposed to be confined to quarters.

The other contributing factor is that, when Monty's on campus, Monty's on business, so if she needs to be somewhere there's probably good reason for it. Her handler's kept busy as well during their returns and can't spare the time to escort her everywhere. Eventually the staff probably just gave in and let her have a key and a desk... it's not like she's going to be tearing the place up, hijacking the internet to browse YouTube or aiding in cyborg mischief.

At the end of the day Monty, rightly or wrongly, considers her role and position during her rare retuns to the SWA to be closer to adult staff than cyborg grunt. She sleeps in the handlers' dorms, spends most of her time working in the office or under maintenance in the medical wing and doesn't really bother to check in with the other girls. Combined with her aloofness and potential jelousy over her "glamorous" (to those who've never tried it) "jet-set" lifestyle, the extra privilages just drive a further wedge between her and the other girls, both in allowing her to isolate herself further and inciting the inevitable "what makes her so special" or "who the hell did she fuck to be allowed to do that?"

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Wed 15 Dec 2010 - 23:20

In Monty's point of view, all this is true.
But there is a line of definition where cyborgs belong and what they can do to a certain degree. Handlers should spot right away, "If she's this many years old and/or looks it, then she's a cyborg" with few exceptions. I have no argument on what Monty was doing. The issue here is Cyborgs dont have office/cubical space but can use their handlers' spaces for work that needs to be done.

As well, the handlers should know the names of the of all the cyborgs, or have a list of them somewhere so when a handler runs into a cyborg, he should be able to identify who s/he is and who is their handler, if for any reason, just to know. As Rabello once said, "This Blasé Attitude is going to get someone killled!" In that, I mean if any staff member treats an unknown as a staff member then infiltration of the place would be a breeze. Michelle should have checked, or at least asked who she was.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ChaosKin640 on Wed 15 Dec 2010 - 23:43

it's not like she's going to be tearing the place up, hijacking the internet to browse YouTube or aiding in cyborg mischief.
Lucy: Ok girls, I hear-by call this emergency meeting of the Cyborg Shenanigans Society to order.
Marisa: Would somebody tell me why she gets to be in charge of these meetings?
Lucy: Because I’m older than you, that’s why.
Marisa: But I have seniority!
Lucy: And I have the internet access! So pipe down shorty or it’s bye-bye Mexican wrestling coverage for you.
Marisa: Don’t you bring my luchadores into this! They never did anything to you!
Allison: Oh, both of you knock it off! Now what is this emergency meeting about Lucy?
Lucy: *ahem* Yes, thank you Allison. Back on topic. As I was saying, I have called this meeting to bring to everyone’s attention a mission of the utmost importance.
Marisa: Jean’s threatening to cut off cable to the common room?
Allison: He’s trying to cancel our X-Box Live subscriptions?
Marisa: Oh God no! Chief Lorenzo is dropping Sloppy Joes from the cafeteria menu?
Lucy: Wrong on all counts. Girls, this is a mission of the highest order; one that will strain the limits of all our cybernetically-enhanced abilities.
Allison: Wow, this sounds really serious. What’s the mission?
Marisa: Yeah, spill the beans.
Lucy: Girls, I have just received solid intel that Monty has expressed a complete disregard and disinterest in causing any kind of cyborg mischief.
Allison: *sigh* It’s true…she’s almost more staff-member than cyborg. I remember a year or so ago I tried talking her into planting a cherry-bomb in one of the public toilets.
Marisa: What did she do with it?
Allison: She took it down to storage and filed it under “Explosive Ordinance.”
Marisa: Abomination!
Lucy: Indeed, we certainly have a problem here. And so I propose this mission: by whatever means necessary, we must bring Monique Blacker…to the Dark Side!
*queue rumbling thunder*

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Wed 15 Dec 2010 - 23:59

@ChaosKin640 wrote:Lucy: Indeed, we certainly have a problem here. And so I propose this mission: by whatever means necessary, we must bring Monique Blacker…to the Dark Side!
*queue rumbling thunder*
Marisa: Okay...I'll get my Converting Others to the Dark Side gear.



Allison: Prepare ship for ludicrous speed!

Lucy: Oh god, look at what I have to work with.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 0:17

*Rachel leaves for her room and locks the door. She then gets her iPhone and looks up Blacker on the Agency directory which she crossed out Jethro and replaced it with Monty*

Rachel: Hello, Monty? Yeah, Its me... Rachel, who else I would be! No I dont have the 200 Euros... can you accept 50 when I get my allowance? Well anyways the girls planning something against you. What you mean you already know? Oh... cause they tried the same thing the last time... Well, just telling you.... I only have 50 Euros! Stop hawking me!

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 1:49

@ElfenMagix wrote:In Monty's point of view, all this is true. But there is a line of definition where cyborgs belong and what they can do to a certain degree. Handlers should spot right away, "If she's this many years old and/or looks it, then she's a cyborg" with few exceptions. I have no argument on what Monty was doing. The issue here is Cyborgs dont have office/cubical space but can use their handlers' spaces for work that needs to be done.

Jethro's official desk is across from Michele's, so in fact Monty is using her handler's desk - she just treats it as her own.

Also, Michele has been with the Agency about two months, and he's spent a not-insignificant time of it away from the compound, just as Monty and Jethro do. So Michele has yet to meet Jethro and has only seen Monty a few times - and never in a "cyborg environment" like the firing range or physical/combat taining.

Also, Monty might have been converted at 14, but she carries herself like someone who is 20 and her sense of fashion is completely at odds with what Michele would think a 14-year old girl would wear. So Michele believes she is at least 20 and therefore a member of the staff, and he treats her with that level of respect (beyond that he accords to cyborgs).


As well, the handlers should know the names of the of all the cyborgs, or have a list of them somewhere so when a handler runs into a cyborg, he should be able to identify who s/he is and who is their handler, if for any reason, just to know. As Rabello once said, "This Blasé Attitude is going to get someone killled!" In that, I mean if any staff member treats an unknown as a staff member then infiltration of the place would be a breeze. Michelle should have checked, or at least asked who she was.

When Michele first arrived at the compound and was shown to his desk by Ferro, Monty was present. Ferro did not note Monty was a cyborg and Monty did not note it, either (and considering how Alfisti describes Monty, she's not going to note she is a cyborg of her own volition unless directly asked). And Michele has yet to make the connection that she is a cyborg.




In the end, Monty's and Michele's relationship is an intentional choice made by Alfisti and I after much delberation and there is a planned unfolding of it going forward. We respectively ask that your "roll with it". Smile

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 2:21

@Kiskaloo wrote:Jethro's official desk is across from Michele's, so in fact Monty is using her handler's desk - she just treats it as her own.
Thats all I needed to know.
Good

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 2:29

Excerpt from Dr. Fernando Bianchi's Basic Cyborg Psychology:
Cyborg Logic 101: What belongs to my handler belongs to me by default.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 2:49

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Excerpt from Dr. Fernando Bianchi's Basic Cyborg Psychology:
Cyborg Logic 101: What belongs to my handler belongs to me by default.
Fernando G.: That chapter is missing from my book!


Meanwhile...


*Rachel and Francesca being nice, trying to do Fernando's Laundry...*
Rachel: That's Mine!
Francesca: No! Its Mine!
Rachel: It's Mine!
Francesca: No! Its Mine!
Rachel: It's Mine!
Francesca: No! Its Mine!
Rachel: It's Mine!
Francesca: No! Its Mine!
Rachel: It's Mine!

*RIP!* Goes the silk shirt with its ultra thin ballistic panel!

Rachel: It's yours now.
Francesca: No! Its yours!
Rachel: It's Yours!
Francesca: No! Its yours!
Rachel: It's Yours!
Francesca: No! Its yours!
Rachel: It's Yours!
Francesca: No! Its yours!

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 3:11

@ElfenMagix wrote:*RIP!* Goes the silk shirt with its ultra thin ballistic panel!

Rachel: It's yours now.
Francesca: No! Its yours!
Emergency! Call in the dorm's resident seamstress...

Rachel: (grumbling) Extortionist.

Henrietta: Hrmmph! Just for that I'm fixing Aisha's torn uniform first.

Aisha: (stressing out massively) Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you...


Last edited by Professor Voodoo on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 8:40; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 8:11

Professor Voodoo (Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:11) wrote:
Emergency! Call in the dorm's resident seamstress...

Rachel: (grumbling) Extortionist.

Henrietta: Hrmmph! Just for that I'm fixing Aisha's torn uniform first.

Aisha: (stressing out massively) Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you...
Heh, reminds me of SNCOs course. We were issued new uniforms while we were there, and the trousers were invariably too long for many. One of the girls from my squadron turned a tidy profit sitting in her cupboard after lights out taking up peoples' hems. Razz

@Kiskaloo wrote:Jethro's official desk is across from Michele's, so in fact Monty is using her handler's desk - she just treats it as her own.
Indeed, however I imagine the vast majority of Jethro's time at the SWA is spent with Priscilla's mob going over intelligence data that they either need clarification on, checking through how what they have matches up with what he brought, or just want an extra head for a brainstorming session. As such, that desk is probably generally acknowledged, at least by those who spend a bit of time in the office, as being Monty's... even if Jethro's name is technically on it.

@Kiskaloo wrote:and considering how Alfisti describes Monty, she's not going to note she is a cyborg of her own volition unless directly asked
Yes Monty is perfectly happy to not give the whole truth or allow people to form wrong opinions about her (though probably not outright lie... that would be just, so passe). For that matter, she's pretty content to let gossip and rumor run as well... it all adds to the mistique.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 16 Dec 2010 - 14:46

@Alfisti wrote:
@Kiskaloo wrote:Jethro's official desk is across from Michele's, so in fact Monty is using her handler's desk - she just treats it as her own.
Indeed, however I imagine the vast majority of Jethro's time at the SWA is spent with Priscilla's mob going over intelligence data that they either need clarification on, checking through how what they have matches up with what he brought, or just want an extra head for a brainstorming session. As such, that desk is probably generally acknowledged, at least by those who spend a bit of time in the office, as being Monty's... even if Jethro's name is technically on it.
Interesting on the Jethro part. Fernando usually finds the intel generated Priscilla's mob to be lacking and thus he spends a lot of time doing his own. Only time that he would call for Priscilla's and Ferro support mobs is when he would need back up on a case. Even then he still worries if it is enough. Through He has already trained Rachel in doing research and paperwork, he has yet to make Rachel his second. He is currently training Francesca the same thing, but such responsibility falls on Juanita when he's too physically bogged down on a case.

Both Fernando and Juanita have their own desks in the cubical cave, Fernando does not use his- referring to his 'office' in his room and Juanita occasionally uses her, preferring to use Fernando's office when ever possible.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Fri 17 Dec 2010 - 6:50

@ElfenMagix wrote:Interesting on the Jethro part. Fernando usually finds the intel generated Priscilla's mob to be lacking and thus he spends a lot of time doing his own.
Oh Jethro and Monty agree with Fernando, if only because the SWA's major intelligence focus would likely be domestic rather than international... not much use to the "away team". What I meant was that Jethro would be helping to clarify information that he and Monty had supplied to the SWA during their travels (since no small part of their role is intelligence gathering and assessment, that the SWA can then act on as they see fit). Since Monty can handle the paperwork, when Jethro's on campus he tends to get pinched to aide in analysing and fitting his and Monty's work together with domestic intelligence. I'm sure that, when Monty's not chained to a desk doing paperwork, she's right down there with them doing the same. One of the downsides of having an office-efficient cyborg is that, with the extra pair of hands available, the fratello's been handed the proverbial "bigger shovel". Razz

As an extension of that it's likely that a lot of Jethro's "on campus" time is actually spent off campus with organisations like AISE tapping their intelligence pool as well.

Concerning Ferro though; I'd say one of the reasons that Monty gets away with as much as she does is that Ferro likes her. Monty's on time with the paperwork, exacting, mostly keeps in budget and generally makes Ferro's life easy regards the fratello... the flipside of that is that it gives J+M someone on the SWA end who can quietly bend a few rules in a hurry if required.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Fri 17 Dec 2010 - 12:23

@Alfisti wrote:
@ElfenMagix wrote:Interesting on the Jethro part. Fernando usually finds the intel generated Priscilla's mob to be lacking and thus he spends a lot of time doing his own.
Oh Jethro and Monty agree with Fernando, if only because the SWA's major intelligence focus would likely be domestic rather than international... not much use to the "away team"...
As an extension of that it's likely that a lot of Jethro's "on campus" time is actually spent off campus with organisations like AISE tapping their intelligence pool as well.
This is what bothers Fernando, in the short 6 years doing international terrorism research, espionage and inflitration (3 with the CIA and another 3 with the CIA/SWA), tapping into such resources like those on the front lines in Afghanistan and the Black Market Information System, and often rewarding those sources of information (only when the intel is correct) when needed items should be easy for an agency since he tends to do it when needed. Sure a Black Market suitcase nuke goes for a million Euros, but information as to who has one is a lot cheaper but harder to get: like hospital supplies to a tent in the middle of Afghanistan or 2 tons of rice and 10,000 gallons of drummed drinking water in Solmalia with bribes paid to make sure it gets there intact! This is basically what he needs to do.

Fernando remembers a time he delivered a shipment of peanut butter (5 tons of it), along with dry food, clothes and second generation computers to an orphanage in Lithuania and his Pick Up guy got sick and was hospitalized... Customs opened up the trailer, confiscated the clothing, food and computers, but the peanut butter they never saw that stuff before and did not know what to do with it. Seeing the picture of some of it scooped on a cracker, they did just that and fed it to a horse. Since it did not kill the horse, they gave it to some stable and mixed the peanut butter with the horse feed. Finding out what happened Fernando sent another shipment 3 months later with a back up guy to do the bribe and pick up. Though it took Fernando and his crew no time to gather the stuff, it takes 3 months by boat to get to Lithuania.

What he got in exchange? The operations Manual for the Chernobyl reactor- all 2000 pages of it, since the Soviets made so many of them, 5 are in Lithuania alone. Why? The US Government wanted to know if these reactors can be used to enrich Uranium and Plutonium. The Orphanage for their stuff, the US intelligence for their book and everybody was happy. When Fernando dies, there will be schools, bridges, streets in every major city and town named after him along with statues in his likeness erected in public parts because of this silent exchange (which is still ongoing for other intel they can find for him).

@Alfisti wrote:Concerning Ferro though; I'd say one of the reasons that Monty gets away with as much as she does is that Ferro likes her. Monty's on time with the paperwork, exacting, mostly keeps in budget and generally makes Ferro's life easy regards the fratello... the flipside of that is that it gives J+M someone on the SWA end who can quietly bend a few rules in a hurry if required.
Funny, since Jean and Fernando could not get along in the beginning, Ferro was into his Fratello Supervisor. with her, he can get away with a lot more. Ferro is a lot more agreeable to deal with than Jean. Jean's usage of Diplomacy is "Shot the other diplomat first and make demands later." Thus, Fernando bends the rules to which direction best benefits him. Noting this lockdown, it would not be a suprize if Fernando has the girls out at the Coppola in Nemi, and sleeping in the agent's hotel room at the Romana Plaza hotel, only to report back in the morning. Of course he'll be yelled at, but if they want to find out where Dante got that cruise missile, they best leave him alone to do his job. As is, out of all the accounted units out there, dont 47 cant be found. All Fernando needs is a partial serial number to match it to one of the 47.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Sun 19 Dec 2010 - 8:35

I know you've had most of my thoughts on chapter23 already, but here's a few that I've been saving up for here:

Michele unlocked the 599 and opened the passenger door for Monty, who handed him her coat...
I can't remember if I mentioned it in the PMs, but I really liked this moment for Monty. It seems right for her that, Michele having invited her for drinks and this being (for want of a better descriptor) the "first date", she'd expect him to be a proper gentleman and hold her coat. Fortunately Michele's good at being a gentleman.

"Two Tanqueray 10's and tonic please, Paulo," Michele ordered. Paulo nodded and headed back for the bar.
What, no girly drinks this time? Razz

"And now all the things happening as of late have put her off balance, I fear," Michele noted. "She has not responded well to my vigil over Angelica and working with other cyborgs and without her on missions. She's also not pleased I let Claes continue to use my room as her library. She tends to nap and once or twice Kara has come looking for me and found Claes asleep in my bed."
Monty: ...and now you've taken me to drinks. This should be entertaining.

While Monty doesn't actively try to wind people up (much), she does tend to take a view that she'll do as she sees fit, and if others want to get bent out of shape about it then that's their issue not hers. That said, she's also not above finding amusement value in those same reactions.

Monty nodded her head in understanding. She and Jethro often shared the same bed when on a mission, but they always stayed on their respective halves.
Not exactly the correct assumption, but probably one that Michele would be more comfortable with her making Wink

He rose and dressed, grabbing the keys to his 458 Italia, hoping a few laps of the Great Ring Road around Rome would help clear his mind.
There's a handy backroad near where I live that's good for an occasional blat. So been there, done that... fully sympathise.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 19 Dec 2010 - 13:33

@Alfisti wrote:
Monty nodded her head in understanding. She and Jethro often shared the same bed when on a mission, but they always stayed on their respective halves.
Not exactly the correct assumption, but probably one that Michele would be more comfortable with her making Wink
I figured something like that but it was better to have heard it from the Horse's mouth.
Thus far it seems that Fernando is the one who sleeps with this 'girls' in a more intimate fashion than the rest of the crew, without anything happening. For him, the more he can give in trust and intimacy, the more he can get out of his girls in terms of mission actions without failures. Or so he would believe.This is probably why his team is so laid back and relax, and not "reaching for the handler's approval" like some of the others seem to pine for all the time.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Tue 28 Dec 2010 - 14:26

Yes, that was an abrupt end but lets see how you handle it in the next chapter. Otherwise it is well written. Liked it!

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Tue 28 Dec 2010 - 23:29

The addon makes it better. Question it leaves is, did Kara left or did she slept in Michele's bed.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Tue 28 Dec 2010 - 23:30

@ElfenMagix wrote:The addon makes it better. Question it leaves is, did Kara left or did she slept in Michele's bed.

They both slept alone in their respective beds.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Thu 27 Jan 2011 - 16:37

I'm still way behind, but I'm chipping away at it!
Chapter Five


Michele had warned her back at the hotel that she'd freeze in the t-shirt and denim miniskirt, but she'd merely held up the sweatshirt jacket as if it was a talisman that would render her impervious to cold.
Cyborg bravado? I've got a few paragraphs in my own episode 16 that deal with Marisa going out on an alpine winter mission totally unprepared for the cold...maybe it's a cyborg trait.

With the top in place, the interior quickly warmed and Kara settled into the seat and started to doze off.
As I observed in Chaoskin's thread; few fanfic writers can resist the endearing image of a killer cyborg dozing contentedly in the passenger seat...emphatically trusting her handler to get to the destination safely.

Michele's residence had once been a warehouse building with two floors of offices above.
Does Michele also keep an apartment in Rome?

Kara...followed Michele back down into the garage where he approached the trunk of another two-door sport coupe, this one a deep emerald green with a tan leather interior.
I thought he was only stopping for a change of clothes? For Michele Pagani, swapping the Lamborghini for a Ferrari is a change of clothes.

A cold wind blowing through the narrow street sent Kara scurrying inside into the lobby,
She's left his side in a public place twice now...first the rest stop and now the hotel. For a brand-new cyborg Kara doesn't seem to be taking to her role as bodyguard very diligently.

between Kara's steely glare and two more adventurous hawkers who almost had their thrusting arms broken by the cyborg, they quickly pulled back and gave the two a wide berth.
Ah...that's more like it.


SIX


While normally a cyborg's weapons were provided by the SWA armory and the handler oversaw their firearms training, Michele felt it was better Kara receive professional initial instruction.
Interesting...Michele acknowledging some limitations in this area (he's spent most of his career performing tasks other than direct combat as I understand).

"When Mister Hilshire told me that the cyborgs have an encyclopedic knowledge of firearms, I thought he was pulling my leg. But after watching that display, I see he wasn't," Major Sales commented.
Not that it directly relates to your story; I get the feeling from their one canonical scene together that Major Sales & Victor Hillshire knew each other before Triela came along.

After the live-fire sessions, Sergeant Greco oversaw Kara cleaning the weapons, impressed with her already-present knowledge and ability.
As I mentioned earlier, when Kara was sitting down in the Lamborghini, I fear you've made her too good, too early. It squanders an opportunity to show how much she's progressed later.

Kara then re-packed the weapons in their shipping boxes and loaded them on the cart.
These aren't the weapons she'll be keeping?

Kara marveled at the controlled chaos that was daily vehicular traffic in the capital city. Between his curses and beads of sweat on Michele's forehead, Kara accurately presumed that her handler did not enjoy driving in it any more than he'd noted he felt about Parisian traffic.
I may have mentioned it before, but the first time I visited Paris I was riding a bicycle. That was truly terrifying (although not as bad as Brussels). In my second episode when Marisa is lost in Paris she is helped by two anonymous Americans on bicycles. That's actually my Father & I making a cameo.

When they were done, they returned to the hotel and dropped off their purchases to be placed in the Ferrari. They then proceeded to have a private dinner on the terrace at Le Jardin, the hotel restaurant.
Michele's phone rings...

Michele: Hello, this is Pagani.

Jean: Do you ever plan on actually coming to work?

"Yay! Easy 10s!" Kara joked, referring to the Italian grading system, which ranged from a high of 10 to a low of 0.
I suppose I'm guilty of not doing much research in that area. I might have to incorporate that into my stories. Incidentally, I've given Kara credit for being one of the small handful of cyborgs to have passed Hillshire's monumental Fluency Certification Exam...in her case for French.


SEVEN


"She's pretty," Rico noted and then returned her attention to the bowl of oatmeal on the tray before her. A dour expression disfigured the faces of both Triela and Henrietta.
Terrific! Total honesty with zero subtext from Rico, guarded competitiveness from the other two.

"She's a sharp dresser, as well," Claes noted, consciously twisting the knife Rico had unconsciously sunk.
And Claes stirs the shit-pot! If she only knew how things are going to develop between her and this new fratello.

"Ah, the rich friend of the Prime Minister," Petrushka said. "That explains the clothes and that necklace. But then you are 'lucky number seven'. I love the outfit, by the way."
Makes sense that the resident spy's cyborg would know all the gossip before the new girl even shows up.

Ironically, in my "universe" number seven was the unlucky Marina...who died in training. Marisa inherited the number (and Marina's central interface processor) with an -A suffix. Kara remains XB-11-02 in my tales. Because of her unique construction Monty might be an interm model that falls out of sequence, XB-12-01 perhaps, I really haven't thought it through.

She wore a faded white t-shirt with the words "THE Heartbeat OF AMERICA" emblazoned across. The word "Heartbeat" was in handwritten script and underlined and to the right of the word AMERICA was what looked to Kara to be a stylized plus sign.
This can only be Laine. Trivia you may already know; the "plus" logo Kara sees on Laine's shirt was originally derived from a wallpaper design the Chevrolet brothers were fond of.

"The blonde with the pig-tails is Triela. Don't let her youthful looks fool you – she's the undisputed princess of Section 2 and the longest-serving cyborg.
Isn't Angelica still alive in your time-line? In any case...interesting touch having Petra make the introductions.

Michele nodded his head in acknowledgement. "May I impose on you to show me where my desk is so I can start?" he added.

"Indeed you may," Ferro replied.
A pleasantly civil exchange between no-nonsense Ferro and the "new guy." For a rather flat & unexplored character in canon she seems to be a favorite of fanfic writers.

Michele's eyes were drawn to her Yves Saint Laurent "Mondrian" day dress from the mid-1960s, its sleeveless character highlighting the length of her arms.
This is probably a question better directed toward Alfisti, but I wonder if Monty's vintage items are custom made replicas or she somehow has access to a stash of originals that surreptitiously are just her size.

After breakfast, the girls assembled in the lecture hall for the morning's lessons. ...

"Why yet it lies there unchecked that Antonio…" Kara continued.
I found myself hoping for a little longer classroom scene here.

There, Kara exchanged her morning outfit for a loose t-shirt, tight athletic shorts, cotton socks and Puma Ferrari sneakers and attached a "CPOD" just above her waist.
Based on Claes' test outfit from canon Chapter 6?

"Kara recently underwent familiarization with hers. Would it be possible at some convenient time for you to have Henrietta give Kara some pointers?"
Does this mean the XM8 is history?

"What are you doing here?" she accused, her face agitated.

"I could ask you the same question, young lady," Michele noted.
At least Michele wasn't in his underwear when he met Claes.

Nicolo Corelli: *groan* Why does this stuff only happen to me?

I get the impression that Jean has something to do with Claes being allowed to keep a room in the handler's building...canonically is her handler after Raballo's death.

"How long do these tea parties your roommate holds tend to run?"

"Awhile," Claes admitted.
In spite of the fact that all fandom seems to concur that the tea parties are regular affairs in the dormitory, we only see one instance in canon of the "Core 4" at the table all at the same time.

More to come...

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Thu 27 Jan 2011 - 21:04

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Ironically, in my "universe" number seven was the unlucky Marina...who died in training. Marisa inherited the number (and Marina's central interface processor) with an -A suffix. Kara remains XB-11-02 in my tales. Because of her unique construction Monty might be an interm model that falls out of sequence, XB-12-01 perhaps, I really haven't thought it through.
For the record, Monty's build has been revised slightly (Kisk publising this version of Pactio prompted me to put it in writing over on the wiki as well). So now, while Monty's still "detuned" as it were, to extend her maintinence intervals, the rest of her is a standard Gen2 frame. To be honest her original "odd build" was much a result of me not having read the manga at the time and hence not being familiar with the Gen2 cyborgs.

This is probably a question better directed toward Alfisti, but I wonder if Monty's vintage items are custom made replicas or she somehow has access to a stash of originals that surreptitiously are just her size.
I'd say it's a mix, so less bespoke stuff probably comes from vintage and regro stores. Specific things like the Mondrian dress would likely be custom replicas, probably sourced from the original houses (so a "continuation" model if you will). If you compare Monty's YSL against the 1960s original, her version is much more fitted. The other factor of course is that Monty's build is not what the traditional 1960s female body shape was. Twiggy may have been famous for her 60's modeling work, but she broke the mould, so dresses at the time were generally designed for a fuller, more curvacious figure... which Monty obviously doesn't possess.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Thu 27 Jan 2011 - 22:08

@Professor Voodoo wrote:I'm still way behind, but I'm chipping away at it!

And I seriously appreciate it.

Chapter Five


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Michele had warned her back at the hotel that she'd freeze in the t-shirt and denim miniskirt, but she'd merely held up the sweatshirt jacket as if it was a talisman that would render her impervious to cold.

Cyborg bravado? I've got a few paragraphs in my own episode 16 that deal with Marisa going out on an alpine winter mission totally unprepared for the cold...maybe it's a cyborg trait.

I think of it more as "teenage invincibility and obstinance". Kara believes if she doesn't admit to being cold, she won't be cold.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Michele's residence had once been a warehouse building with two floors of offices above.

Does Michele also keep an apartment in Rome?

He did in the original story. The jury is still out on this one, but I expect he will get one - perhaps the same one he had next to the Monument to Vittorio Emanuele II.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Kara...followed Michele back down into the garage where he approached the trunk of another two-door sport coupe, this one a deep emerald green with a tan leather interior.

I thought he was only stopping for a change of clothes? For Michele Pagani, swapping the Lamborghini for a Ferrari is a change of clothes.

More an admission that the Lamborghini's trunk is totally unsuitable except for an overnight bag. The 599 is a Grand Tourer and has a real boot.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
A cold wind blowing through the narrow street sent Kara scurrying inside into the lobby,

She's left his side in a public place twice now...first the rest stop and now the hotel. For a brand-new cyborg Kara doesn't seem to be taking to her role as bodyguard very diligently.

Good observations. Put it down to Kara still trying to "get up to speed". sweat

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
between Kara's steely glare and two more adventurous hawkers who almost had their thrusting arms broken by the cyborg, they quickly pulled back and gave the two a wide berth.

Ah...that's more like it.

Kara: "I'm learning! I'm learning!"


SIX


While normally a cyborg's weapons were provided by the SWA armory and the handler oversaw their firearms training, Michele felt it was better Kara receive professional initial instruction.
Interesting...Michele acknowledging some limitations in this area (he's spent most of his career performing tasks other than direct combat as I understand).[/quote]

Yes. In this universe, Michele has been behind a desk for a good bit of time and does not have the active combat record in Yugoslavia and the Persian Gulf that "original recipe" Michele did.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Kara then re-packed the weapons in their shipping boxes and loaded them on the cart.

These aren't the weapons she'll be keeping?

Yes, she takes them back to the 599 and loads them aboard.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
"Yay! Easy 10s!" Kara joked, referring to the Italian grading system, which ranged from a high of 10 to a low of 0.

I suppose I'm guilty of not doing much research in that area. I might have to incorporate that into my stories. Incidentally, I've given Kara credit for being one of the small handful of cyborgs to have passed Hillshire's monumental Fluency Certification Exam...in her case for French.

It's something she's quite proud of.


SEVEN


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
"She's a sharp dresser, as well," Claes noted, consciously twisting the knife Rico had unconsciously sunk.

And Claes stirs the shit-pot! If she only knew how things are going to develop between her and this new fratello.

At this time, I'm planning to keep Claes more independent.

However, part of me wants to do another set of stories, post-Kara, where Michele's and Claes' relationship grows deeper as only they really understand each other and what they've experienced.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
"Ah, the rich friend of the Prime Minister," Petrushka said. "That explains the clothes and that necklace. But then you are 'lucky number seven'. I love the outfit, by the way."

Makes sense that the resident spy's cyborg would know all the gossip before the new girl even shows up.

It sounded good. Smile

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Ironically, in my "universe" number seven was the unlucky Marina...who died in training. Marisa inherited the number (and Marina's central interface processor) with an -A suffix. Kara remains XB-11-02 in my tales. Because of her unique construction Monty might be an interm model that falls out of sequence, XB-12-01 perhaps, I really haven't thought it through.

I didn't want Kara to be the second Gen 2 in this universe, so I gave that honor to Monty. And yes, I do need to remember Marina.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
She wore a faded white t-shirt with the words "THE Heartbeat OF AMERICA" emblazoned across. The word "Heartbeat" was in handwritten script and underlined and to the right of the word AMERICA was what looked to Kara to be a stylized plus sign.

This can only be Laine. Trivia you may already know; the "plus" logo Kara sees on Laine's shirt was originally derived from a wallpaper design the Chevrolet brothers were fond of.

rusty-spring and I do a great deal of crack-fic ideas with Kara and Laine in private chat, but we've come to agree that Kara and Laine would likely consider each other their closest friend so I want to bring her in a bit more.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
"The blonde with the pig-tails is Triela. Don't let her youthful looks fool you – she's the undisputed princess of Section 2 and the longest-serving cyborg.

Isn't Angelica still alive in your time-line? In any case...interesting touch having Petra make the introductions.

She is indeed, but Petrushka is referring to active duty time and I believe Triela went into the field first.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
After breakfast, the girls assembled in the lecture hall for the morning's lessons. ...

"Why yet it lies there unchecked that Antonio…" Kara continued.

I found myself hoping for a little longer classroom scene here.

Then I shall make sure to include a longer one in a future chapter.


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
There, Kara exchanged her morning outfit for a loose t-shirt, tight athletic shorts, cotton socks and Puma Ferrari sneakers and attached a "CPOD" just above her waist.

Based on Claes' test outfit from canon Chapter 6?

Based on the actual NASA device. When I read about it, I thought it made sense for the cyborgs. And even as a cyborg, Kara probably would not ace P.E. wearing boots and a dress. Wink

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
"Kara recently underwent familiarization with hers. Would it be possible at some convenient time for you to have Henrietta give Kara some pointers?"

Does this mean the XM8 is history?

In this universe, yes. In my original universe, the XM8 was still being considered for the US Army so it was available. However it was cancelled shortly thereafter so by 2011 I expect it is unavailable so I went with FN.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
"What are you doing here?" she accused, her face agitated.

"I could ask you the same question, young lady," Michele noted.

At least Michele wasn't in his underwear when he met Claes.

No, that would be Kara. Incoming!

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 28 Jan 2011 - 0:05

@Kiskaloo wrote: yes, I do need to remember Marina.
You're certainly under no obligation to include Marina...she hasn't even factored into my own stories much. If you do want to use her though, I don't believe any of the other cyborgs (including Marisa) know about her. She was shipped off to the Dive Training Center right after her wake-up, and died two or three weeks later, never having met one of her sisters. Since her death was sufficiently horrible to traumatize a grizzled veteran like Elio Alboreto I figure the SWA kept the incident a secret to avoid upsetting the other cyborgs.

Robert did establish that she has a place in the mausoleum though...so I figure some cyborg is eventually going to get curious and start asking who she was. Eventually Elio is going to have to tell Marisa about her "older sister."

Elio: Right after I explain sex to her.
rusty-spring and I do a great deal of crack-fic ideas with Kara and Laine in private chat, but we've come to agree that Kara and Laine would likely consider each other their closest friend so I want to bring her in a bit more.
Laine is a character I haven't used thus far...such an independent cyborg is difficult to reconcile with my more strictly controlled SWA.
I believe Triela went into the field first.
The Manga is pretty ambiguous on that but the first season anime shows Angelica going solo on the first cyborg mission. Petra might consider Angelica effectively "out of service" by this point though.
I shall make sure to include a longer (classroom scene) in a future chapter.
I think you already did.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Fri 28 Jan 2011 - 1:41

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Kiskaloo wrote: yes, I do need to remember Marina.
You're certainly under no obligation to include Marina...she hasn't even factored into my own stories much. If you do want to use her though, I don't believe any of the other cyborgs (including Marisa) know about her. She was shipped off to the Dive Training Center right after her wake-up, and died two or three weeks later, never having met one of her sisters. Since her death was sufficiently horrible to traumatize a grizzled veteran like Elio Alboreto I figure the SWA kept the incident a secret to avoid upsetting the other cyborgs.
Most of the cyborgs do not know about Francesca or her origins. Only Alpha, Tea and maybe Liesel (through Alpha) knows. When Fernando dug up Francesca's old file from a server that was supposed to be shut down, only Lorenzo, Ferro, Jean, Omega, Priscilla, Olga, Georgio, Nahil and Amedeo knew who she was, her handler and what happened to them. Claes and Triela learned of her origins and were to told to keep it secret or risk a rewrite. All the other cyborgs think she was a new admit and not a reconstructed cyborg.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Robert did establish that she has a place in the mausoleum though...so I figure some cyborg is eventually going to get curious and start asking who she was. Eventually Elio is going to have to tell Marisa about her "older sister."

Elio: Right after I explain sex to her.
Fernando: Explaining sex is easy. Go use a biology book and explain anatomy. It gets boring and they usually want to forget about it. Now explaining how Sex and Love fits, I recommend scotch by the case load until you pass out.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
rusty-spring and I do a great deal of crack-fic ideas with Kara and Laine in private chat, but we've come to agree that Kara and Laine would likely consider each other their closest friend so I want to bring her in a bit more.
Laine is a character I haven't used thus far...such an independent cyborg is difficult to reconcile with my more strictly controlled SWA.
I think Clayland Stanaway would have something to say about that.

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
I believe Triela went into the field first.
The Manga is pretty ambiguous on that but the first season anime shows Angelica going solo on the first cyborg mission. Petra might consider Angelica effectively "out of service" by this point though.
I shall make sure to include a longer (classroom scene) in a future chapter.
I think you already did.
Petra does not know anything. She thinks Sandro is the hottest thing since sliced bread and everyone else is just crumbs. Angie lasted even after protecting Marco from a truck bomb. Petra would have died since she is built with weaker parts.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 30 Jan 2011 - 0:43

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Kiskaloo wrote: yes, I do need to remember Marina.
You're certainly under no obligation to include Marina...she hasn't even factored into my own stories much. If you do want to use her though, I don't believe any of the other cyborgs (including Marisa) know about her. She was shipped off to the Dive Training Center right after her wake-up, and died two or three weeks later, never having met one of her sisters. Since her death was sufficiently horrible to traumatize a grizzled veteran like Elio Alboreto I figure the SWA kept the incident a secret to avoid upsetting the other cyborgs.

Robert did establish that she has a place in the mausoleum though...so I figure some cyborg is eventually going to get curious and start asking who she was. Eventually Elio is going to have to tell Marisa about her "older sister.".

I admit as of late the Muse is starting to whisper she's interested in Once Again (though I'd need to start fresh since I recycled much of it for Pactio) as well as Michele and Claes after Graduation Day. Michele and Elio, having both lost cyborgs and then been paired with new ones, could probably have some interesting chats over drinks at the trattoria...

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sun 30 Jan 2011 - 1:58

@Kiskaloo wrote:I admit as of late the Muse is starting to whisper she's interested in Once Again (though I'd need to start fresh since I recycled much of it for Pactio) as well as Michele and Claes after Graduation Day. Michele and Elio, having both lost cyborgs and then been paired with new ones, could probably have some interesting chats over drinks at the trattoria...
You once wondered how I keep character details & personality traits straight...I'm amazed you can keep all your different timelines organized!

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 30 Jan 2011 - 2:53

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Kiskaloo wrote:I admit as of late the Muse is starting to whisper she's interested in Once Again (though I'd need to start fresh since I recycled much of it for Pactio) as well as Michele and Claes after Graduation Day. Michele and Elio, having both lost cyborgs and then been paired with new ones, could probably have some interesting chats over drinks at the trattoria...
You once wondered how I keep character details & personality traits straight...I'm amazed you can keep all your different timelines organized!

I have a folder dedicated to references and timelines. Smile

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 10:58

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Kara...followed Michele back down into the garage where he approached the trunk of another two-door sport coupe, this one a deep emerald green with a tan leather interior.

I thought he was only stopping for a change of clothes? For Michele Pagani, swapping the Lamborghini for a Ferrari is a change of clothes.
More an admission that the Lamborghini's trunk is totally unsuitable except for an overnight bag.
Perhaps Michele just did not order the right option...


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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 11:46

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Kara...followed Michele back down into the garage where he approached the trunk of another two-door sport coupe, this one a deep emerald green with a tan leather interior.

I thought he was only stopping for a change of clothes? For Michele Pagani, swapping the Lamborghini for a Ferrari is a change of clothes.

More an admission that the Lamborghini's trunk is totally unsuitable except for an overnight bag.
Perhaps Michele just did not order the right option...


Alas that needs a Murciélago coupe and Michele has the Roadster.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 12:44

@Kiskaloo wrote:Alas that needs a Murciélago coupe and Michele has the Roadster.
I dare say that's not a factory option; somebody had to custom engineer it. If they can engineer a solution for the hard-top I'm confident that concocting something for the roadster is not impossible...just expensive.

Kara: Well, are you going to order it?

Michele: No...the Ferrari and a dozen other cars in my collection are perfectly suited for carrying luggage. Besides, money doesn't grow on trees.

Kara: Don't you own an orange grove in California? Technically, money does grow...

Michele: (low growl) I wonder if boot polish grows on trees.

Kara:

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 16:53

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
Michele: (low growl) I wonder if boot polish grows on trees.

Kara:
Fernando: It does if you consider Starbuck's Coffee to be boot polish.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Officer_Charon on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 18:16

@ElfenMagix wrote:
Fernando: It does if you consider Starbuck's Coffee to be boot polish.

John: Why the Starbucks hate?

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Re: Pactio

Post by MP5 on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 19:17

@Officer_Charon wrote:
@ElfenMagix wrote:
Fernando: It does if you consider Starbuck's Coffee to be boot polish.

John: Why the Starbucks hate?

Carmelita: Because Starbucks is over-sweetened, overpriced and mass-produced swill served up by apathetic, underpaid baristas who went to grad school. If you want real coffee, you go to a place that's not Starbucks, like Dunkin' Donuts or a diner, or learn to make it your damn self. Instant does not count as coffee.

(Carmelita's views on coffee are at least partially based on lessons from her sometime officemate Monty)

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Re: Pactio

Post by Officer_Charon on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 19:42

John: Young lady, I'm a fan of home-brewed stovetop percolated coffee. I own a cappucino brewer, coffee grinder, as well as a normal drip-brewer. Sometimes, one just wants to grab a cup of coffee from whatever source is available. And for the record, I wouldn't be caught dead in a Dunkin Donuts. *takes a sip from his 32oz Bubba Keg*

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Re: Pactio

Post by MP5 on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 20:26

@Officer_Charon wrote:John: Young lady, I'm a fan of home-brewed stovetop percolated coffee... And for the record, I wouldn't be caught dead in a Dunkin Donuts. *takes a sip from his 32oz Bubba Keg*

Carmelita: Only because as a former police officer, you refuse to perpetuate a stereotype, right? Incoming!

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Re: Pactio

Post by Officer_Charon on Mon 31 Jan 2011 - 20:46

John: Pretty much, yeah. *grins*

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Tue 1 Feb 2011 - 0:48

@MP5 wrote:(Carmelita's views on coffee are at least partially based on lessons from her sometime officemate Monty)
Methinks Miss Blacker delights in winding people up and starting debate amongst her SWA staff mates.

Elio: You're not sucking me into this argument. The stuff in the staff mission planning room is free.

Monty: Barbarian.

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Re: Pactio

Post by MP5 on Tue 1 Feb 2011 - 1:13

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@MP5 wrote:(Carmelita's views on coffee are at least partially based on lessons from her sometime officemate Monty)
Methinks Miss Blacker delights in winding people up and starting debate amongst her SWA staff mates.

Elio: You're not sucking me into this argument. The stuff in the staff mission planning room is free.

Monty: Barbarian.

Well, Carmelita's a convert to the Blacker school of caffeineated thought. When Monty caught her about to choke down instant, let's say Miss Blacker knew she could do better.


Carmelita: Good lord, Mr. Alboreto. I know the saying 'free tastes best', but that's really stretching it.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Tue 1 Feb 2011 - 4:12

@Officer_Charon wrote:
@ElfenMagix wrote:
Fernando: It does if you consider Starbuck's Coffee to be boot polish.

John: Why the Starbucks hate?
To help explain: here's one I prepared earlier...



Bit aged now but I think you get the idea...

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Methinks Miss Blacker delights in winding people up and starting debate amongst her SWA staff mates.
Though I still don't think Monty goes out of her way to wind people up, I'm sure she finds the snowballing debate seeded by an initial snide comment immensely amusing.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Robert Frazer on Tue 1 Feb 2011 - 13:13

Avise: I'm fine with Nescafé, myself.

*Everything goes a bit spinny as Avise is set upon by everyone and flung out of the door before he has time to process what's happening*

Avise: ...What did I say?

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Sat 5 Feb 2011 - 3:00

Good, Kisk.
I'll read it when I'm not so tired which will be sometime in the morning.

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Re: Pactio

Post by FearTheLASERFACE on Sat 5 Feb 2011 - 10:27

January 2011?
So, ah, unless this is a different timeline, this is....roughly 8 months before Solution's Resolution? Just curious.
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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 5 Feb 2011 - 12:39

@FearTheLASERFACE wrote:January 2011?
So, ah, unless this is a different timeline, this is....roughly 8 months before Solution's Resolution? Just curious.

My OC universe is not connected to Elfen's. Consider it a parallel universe. Smile

But yes, I have moved the timeline forward five years from my original stories with Michele and Kara.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Robert Frazer on Tue 8 Feb 2011 - 17:18

I chuckled at the references to the real Italian PM's own philandering. As questionable as the morality of it is, honesty is another virtue and so in deference to that I must say that I... struggle to be offended. A big part of me says: "Still game at 72? Well done, that man!"

You also know your audience well, Kiskaloo. With its known dedication to high-fidelity firearms in the art, there's a little bit of a /k/ommando in every GSG fan - Chapter 27 certainly scratches the itch! Very seinen-esque education-in-narrative.


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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 1:57

@Robert Frazer wrote:I chuckled at the references to the real Italian PM's own philandering.

I like to think that the ringtone Michele has on his iPhone for the PM is "Yakety Sax" in honor of that other great dirty old man. Wink

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 11:15

@Robert Frazer wrote:I chuckled at the references to the real Italian PM's own philandering. As questionable as the morality of it is, honesty is another virtue and so in deference to that I must say that I... struggle to be offended. A big part of me says: "Still game at 72? Well done, that man!"
What he said.

Anyway, on with the show...


chapter25
@Kiskaloo wrote:"In addition to those losses, there was the unfortunate accidents with
the cyborg Marina and Captain Raballo, which took Claes out of
operation. With Beatrice's death, we've modified Henrietta to handle the
same role, but we do not expect her to survive the year because of it.
Yep, life as a super-powered cyborg assassin isn't all peaches and cream, and as the Padania get smarter the attrition rate's only going to get worse, unless the SWA gets smarter as well.

"We're already having difficulty hiding your current budget," Corelli
noted. "Unlike the Americans, we don't have the luxury of 'black'
projects we can just throw a few billion into with nobody the wiser."
I'll admit that the financial reality of running a program like the SWA is a factor that interests me a lot. I mean, it can't be exactly a cheap project, and the Italy's one of the poorer European nations. I'm sure the medical technology could help a bit, but last it checked the lead-time on theraputic goods was measured in years, if not decades, so financially it's not going to be much of an immediate help... and one of the problems with democracy is that it tends to live very much in the present.

At the end of the day there's only so much you can siphon off before people start asking awkward questions.

Throwing them into the meat grinder and hoping they'll break the blades no longer seems to be a prudent course of action.
Eloquently put.

"So use a bigger hammer,"
Why am I not suprised this suggestion came from Marisa...

Monty:

now accompanied by a much younger woman in a
designer dress and heels.
...the "must have" accessory this season for all elder Italian statesmen.

Which, Elio had to admit, it did for he understood one bought an Alfa
because they were beautiful, not because they were brilliant drives.
Pretty much. Oh how I miss the glory days when they could do both.

The maître d' escorted them to a table where a very attractive young
blonde in a tight black dress with a diamond necklace sat. The PM
introduced her to the rest of them.
Always good to see the LBD being put to work.


chapter26
Michele's iPhone started to vibrate across the nightstand and
emit a heavy electric version of the opening riff to The Allman
Brother's classic "Jessica" as used by the BBC2 motoring show Top Gear
.
From where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, he retrieved the
device and when he saw the caller ID, quickly slid his thumb across the
bottom to answer it.

"Yes, Minister?" he said.
Guess you're going to have to update that now. Razz
"Okay. Okay. We'll make a run through the Via Tornabuoni,"
Why do I get the feeling that was what Kara was angling for anyway.
While there was always risk of a headshot, center mass targeting was
easier and it was hoped the lack of visible bulky body armor might trick
a sniper into thinking he was only protected against small arms.
Man should start wearing a bowler hat. That way he can be protected and dapper.
The two said their goodnights in the parking area and headed for their respective rooms.
Making Michele quite possibly the only elder Italian statesman to do so. Razz


chapter27
Fiat Panda Cross MPVs
Yeah, somehow a Defender doesn't seem like the Pagani fratello's style, even if it is just for going to the range. Razz
"You'll want to let your cyborg do most of the heavy lifting,"
I mean really, who actually needs a forklift when you have a cyborg?

"Thanks," Kara replied, though her appreciation sounded only half-hearted to Michele.
I think Kara, like Monty definately falls into the "not a gun person" category. Razz
I see Monty was saved having to deal with Michele researching in the station across from her... probably best for all involved. Razz

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 12:25

@Alfisti wrote:
@Kiskaloo wrote:
chapter26
Guess you're going to have to update that now. Razz

Yes I am. [Shakes fist at the heavens. "Darn you Benny!" ]

@Alfisti wrote:
chapter27
Fiat Panda Cross MPVs

Yeah, somehow a Defender doesn't seem like the Pagani fratello's style, even if it is just for going to the range. Razz

Oh an LR4 would be far more...acceptable...however I figure the SWA tends to "buy local" for their staff vehicles, as Professor Voodoo suggested in his thread in the Vehicles forum so Kara would be quoting the late Jimmy Durante - "These are the conditions that prevail." Smile

@Alfisti wrote:
I think Kara, like Monty definately falls into the "not a gun person" category. Razz

I could agree with that statement. It's a tool to get the job done. Plus you can't show off with them like a car. Wink

@Alfisti wrote:
I see Monty was saved having to deal with Michele researching in the station across from her... probably best for all involved. Razz

Yes, it just didn't fit into the timeline I had laid out.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Alfisti on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 3:13

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Alfisti wrote:I think Kara, like Monty definately falls into the "not a gun person" category. Razz
I could agree with that statement. It's a tool to get the job done. Plus you can't show off with them like a car. Wink
I think Monty likes her gun... but that's because it's hers, not because she has any particular interest in firearms.

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Re: Pactio

Post by ElfenMagix on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 18:40

A simple short chapter but a good one, Kisk.

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Re: Pactio

Post by crazyidiot78 on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 19:53

Nice going Kisk Good Can't wait for more
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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 20:39

Well done as usual...just two questions;
We've learned from the Egyptian General Intelligence Directorate that Giacomo Dante was being transferred to Alexandria two months ago
Are you referencing the events of canon Chapter 68? If so, all that took place before the assassination of Giovanni Croce & family, years before what I thought to be your timeline.
The other girls, all of who were dressed for cold weather, quickly appeared, Henrietta bringing her own telescope.
I thought you'd gone ahead and followed canon by having reconditioned Henrietta. Now she's back to stargazing with the girls?

Love the whole "speeding ticket" incident. I'd actually hoped to use that plot device in a future episode (#19...I'm currently working on 17) but this doesn't preclude that. I'll PM you with the synopsis.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 20:40

I've decided to use the Turin arc for the next set of chapters, so now that I have enough reference material (thanks tsundere357!) I can start working on the next couple of chapters.

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Re: Pactio

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 20:43

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Well done as usual...just two questions;
We've learned from the Egyptian General Intelligence Directorate that Giacomo Dante was being transferred to Alexandria two months ago
Are you referencing the events of canon Chapter 68? If so, all that took place before the assassination of Giovanni Croce & family, years before what I thought to be your timeline.

Okay. I edited most of that out and made some changes. Embarassed


@Professor Voodoo wrote:
The other girls, all of who were dressed for cold weather, quickly appeared, Henrietta bringing her own telescope.
I thought you'd gone ahead and followed canon by having reconditioned Henrietta. Now she's back to stargazing with the girls?

I re-wrote it so that Jose forced her to show up and that Kara is still creeped out by her new persona.


Last edited by Kiskaloo on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 20:51; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Pactio

Post by Professor Voodoo on Wed 9 Mar 2011 - 20:50

@Kiskaloo wrote:
@Professor Voodoo wrote:I thought you'd gone ahead and followed canon by having reconditioned Henrietta. Now she's back to stargazing with the girls?
I'll re-write that, as well, to make it that Jose forced her to show up. Maybe add a bit of how it still creeps Kara out.
I plan to accept reconditioned Henrietta in my stories too, but I still need "old" Henrietta to play a role in at least 4 more episodes. By that time I think Yu will have shown us a little more of her post-conditioning persona (or he'll have killed her off) so there will be more canon reference to work with.

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