An Elementary Level Mission

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An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 9:04

CHAPTER 1

"I HAVE TO DO WHAT?"

A young girls' upset voice echoed through the halls of the Social Welfare Agency's dorm building. In the room, the source of the voice came from a small girl who was red in the face and not looking happy at all. In front of her stood a man of roughly thirty-two years of age. With brown eyes, short black hair, and a slightly muscular build, Kenichi looked down at the girl with a frown on his face. The girl herself was eight years old, though she looked six, had a thin frame, red eyes and long blue hair. Her face was flushed, both from embarrassment and anger from what she had just been told. Remaining calm and keeping a neutral look on his face, Kenichi replied to the small girl.

"It's orders from above and you know how much you've been looking forward to going out on your first mission. Now's your chance to prove yourself to the others and personally, I think it's perfect for you Aisha."

This didn't encourage Aisha one bit but even she knew that she was supposed to do as she was ordered, even if it meant something as horrible as this. Being a new cyborg, it was her job to train as hard as she could so that she could become an asset to the Social Welfare Agency as quickly as possible. For the past half-year she had trained with Kenichi, her handler, in various tasks such as infiltration, martial arts, marksmanship, and dealing with explosives such as grenades. She was saved from death and turned into a natural killer, little by little, and now the Agency's decided that she was finally ready for her first mission but it wasn't like Aisha had been expecting.

"I can't believe they're making me do something like this..I mean, it's good that they trust me enough to do this alone but why do I have to be the one to do THIS job?" Her tone was very annoyed at this point.

It was obvious that she was upset at what she was ordered to do. Normally quiet and calm, it was actually surprising that she was raising her voice in such a way, especially to her handler. It was expected though, since everyone who knew Aisha knew that she was especially sensitive about her short stature and when someone with a personality like that is told that they have to go to first grade because they're the only person young looking enough, sparks are naturally going to fly for a little bit. Kenichi, who was always calm and reserved but also strict when it came to her training, was allowing this outburst since he knew that it was best that she let it out now, rather than later. He was actually fighting back the urge to chuckle since Aisha looked absolutely adorable at the moment. Maybe he would tease her some more from now on, just to get that look every now and then. He grinned a little at the thought before replying to his cyborg.

"You know you're the only one that's..suitable for this kind of job. We've determined that the best way to getting this guy is getting someone on the inside and since he has a job teaching at the elementary school, you'll be able to slip in with no problems at all. Now no more complaints or I'm going to have you out on the range until dawn."

'This guy's' name was Romero Trencino, a low level member of the Blue Phoenix faction. The Blue Phoenix's had made their names known roughly half a year ago after the attempted assassination of the Prime Minister, leaving four bodyguards killed and multiple people wounded. Not much was known about the faction and the participants of the assassination had either escaped or been killed, but it was obvious that they targeted the government for reasons of their own. The SWA wished to learn those reasons, so they actively searched for possible members. Half a year later, they found a member: Trencino. They couldn't let this chance go to waste, so they were sending Aisha to learn everything she could about both Trencino and the faction that he was a part of. Because it was now Friday, she had two days to get 'in character' before she was sent to school. They even had the elementary school uniform ready for her and it was hanging in her closet. Aisha was now looking at it wish a frown on her face. She was about to say something when Kenichi spoke up before her.

"You have plenty of time to get ready for your mission so use it effectively. Remember, you're going to be going in as a normal six year old girl. You're already innocent looking enough so all you have to do is think about how you're going to talk to others. I know you're quiet normally so that might help you but you're going to have to speak up to ask questions, and to answer them." He grinned a little bit as he teased. "You do remember what two plus two is right?"

"O-of course I remember!" Once more, Aisha flushed and answered her handler. "I know it's four!"


Last edited by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 8:04; edited 1 time in total

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 9:05

CHAPTER 2

It was now night time in the SWA and Aisha was sound asleep but something was causing her to toss and turn in her bed. Sounds of discomfort and fear could be heard coming from the small girl. Dressed in blue one-piece footie pajamas, her favorite ones, she looked like she was in pain as her hands tried to grip her blanket for comfort. Once she had it tucked against her body, she looked a little calmer but she still showed signs of restlessness.

In her dream, she was much younger, about seven or so, though she looked an early six physically. She had always looked a few years younger than she was as she grew and it was something her parents were concerned about but the doctors had told them it was nothing to worry about. Lying in her bed fast asleep, she was woken up by the sounds of yelling in the room next to her. There was yelling and screaming and then after two strange sounds, it became quiet. Curious, the small girl climbed down her bed and then left her room. She was just opening the door when she felt a sharp pain in her body, followed by two more that felt like fire. It was the worst pain that she had ever felt before. Even worse than the time her daddy had spanked her for trying to lift up his prized bowling ball.

Everything went black after that and Aisha woke up in her bed, her pillows soaked with tears. To her, she knew she had just had a bad dream but despite her photographic memory and all her efforts, she just couldn't recall the events. It was something that bothered her, but didn't really get to her. Things became better now and that was all that mattered to her. Besides, it couldn't have been very important if she couldn't remember it.

Aisha got her body under control after a few deep breath's and then hopped off of her bed, heading for her closet. Her eyes looked to that elementary school uniform before quickly shifting away to her long blue sundress. It was something that Kenichi had bought her on a whim. He never explained why, but she wasn't going to complain about it since she loved to sit on the grass outside near Claes' flower garden and just look up at the sky in it. It was morning and only a little chilly but she knew she could handle it. It was supposed to be really warm today after all.

Changing into the sundress took no time at all and after she put her dirty clothes into the hamper, she headed out the door, where she bumped into one of the other girls.

"Ah! I'm sorry. I wasn't looking in front of me!"

Aisha quickly apologized and then looked up. In front of her was an older girl with short brown hair, brown eyes, and had a body that Aisha wished that she had right now. Henrietta was smiling a little before she said.

"It's okay Aisha. You're okay right?"

Henrietta was like a big sister to Aisha, probably because Henrietta herself was the official 'little sister' of the group. Taking no time to reply, Aisha said with a nod.

"Y-yeah I'm fine. Good morning Henrietta. Oh, I'm heading out to the garden to look at the sky right now, want to join me?"

Henrietta shook her head a bit before saying. "Not today, sorry. Jose wants me to see him at the range so we can go through the room clearing course again."

Aisha nodded and then said. "Ah, I see. Have fun then!"

With that she headed over to the exit while waving goodbye to Henrietta. She liked spending time with her but maybe she would be able to think more about her assignment alone. Once she was outside, she felt a strong breeze and quickly covered her eyes from the inevitable dust that the wind usually carried. Once the wind died down, she made her way to Claes' garden and then took a seat next to the vegetables before sprawling out on the grass and letting out a small sigh. Aisha loved this spot, not only because the grass was nice and soft, but the smell of the vegetables was definitely the best. Looking up at the now blue sky, she started to talk to herself in a calm voice.

"I still can't believe this is my first mission but..this is a really important mission I guess. If I'm able to talk to this guy and learn about him and his faction, I'll be able to bring him in and then we'll learn more about the Blue Phoenix. I guess I'll just have to grin and bare it."

Time always passed by quickly whenever she went sky watching and before she knew it, it was time for lunch. Getting up from her spot on the grass, she hurried over to the cafeteria. The food here was great, or at least she thought so since she had been eating it for as long as she could remember. Today's lunch was Salisbury steak, vegetables, and apple sauce for her. The cooks always gave her something sweet for her meals for some reason. She would have never guessed that it was because she looked absolutely adorable eating her sweets.
Looking around, she found an open table, where one of the older cyborgs was enjoying her meal. Aisha sat down with her and started to eat her steak quietly until the older cyborg addressed her.

"Good afternoon Aisha. I haven't seen you all day, where have you been?"

Looking up, she smiled at the cyborg. She had long blond hair that always seemed to be tied into twin-tails on both sides of her head, blue eyes, and a somewhat mischievous smile on her face. Before Aisha could answer, Triela continued.

"You were probably at the garden taking another nap huh? Kids do need their rest after all."

Aisha knew that she was playing, since most of the cyborgs loved to poke fun at her, just for her reactions. Not letting her down, she pouted and said.

"I-I wasn't napping! I was looking at the sky and thinking of my first mis-" She stopped there but she could already tell that it was too late for her. A few of the cyborgs at the other tables looked at her in surprise and Triela said with a cheerful smile.

"Ah, you're getting your first mission finally? Congratulations. What do you have to do? Assassinate someone?"

Blushing heavily, Aisha shook her head and said quickly. "N-no nothing like that.." She paused, and Triela noticed this.

"Well, go ahead and tell me then."

"W-well. I kinda have to..infiltrate into somewhere and gather information on someone." She was trying to be as vague as possible but Triela wasn't having any of that.

"Details! Come on, you have to tell us more than that. So you're getting a recon mission. Where are you infiltrating and who are you getting information on?"

It was over. She knew she couldn't escape this. If she ran, Triela would definitely be able to catch her and she would be subjected to the worst tickle torture ever until she spilled the beans. She could have sat alone but she had been the one to sit with Triela so she should have known that something like this would be inevitable. Wanting to keep this a secret, she leaned forward and gestured her to lean in too. Once she was sure the others couldn't hear, she said.

"F-first grade..Elementary School..."

Triela tried to hold it in. It showed that she was holding it back but it was too much for her to handle before she burst out laughing. She had to hold onto the table to keep herself from falling off of her chair. Aisha's face couldn't possibly get any redder and she took this opportunity to make her escape but before she could make it her arm was grabbed by Triela, who was still trying to get herself under control. Aisha considered struggling, but then decided against it. Triela was a demon at tickle torture.

"Aw come on now, I'm sure there's a good reason for it right? Besides, you forgot your veggies." Aisha hated her veggies and once more, everyone knew it.

"I don't like them, you know that! Besides, this is a really important mission. If I can bring this guy in then it will bring us that much closer to learning about, and destroying, the Blue Phoenix."

Triela was actually surprised by this since she knew that Blue Phoenix had been a thorn in the side of the SWA ever since the failed assassination attempt on the Prime Minister but no information was found on them, until now. Triela looked at Aisha and said with a grin as she released her arm.

"That's great. Do a good job and they'll probably let you have more exciting missions soon after. You might even be able to attack Blue Phoenix itself once we find their hideout."

Aisha hoped that Triela was right on that since she wanted an exciting mission like an assault for the longest time. If she could take Trencino in, that would definitely prove that she's capable enough to take on the larger missions too right? Now free from Triela's hold, she sat back down and then said.

"But what should I do around the kids? I've never paid attention to any of the kids outside of the compound before. I don't know how I should act around them."

Triela chuckled a bit at her question and then said. "Just be yourself. If you're not sure about what to do, just improvise and I'm sure that everything will be okay. Be careful though, we're living proof that kids can be pretty dangerous. Just, don't go around hurting any of them. They might be brats but you could get in big trouble if you hurt them."

Aisha thought about what she said for a moment. Would the kids really be all that bad? They were just kids after all. Sure, the SWA kids were trained killers but that was because they were enhanced, trained and conditioned for it. Would normal kids really be trouble? Shrugging a bit, she returned to her apple sauce and finished her meal, except for her veggies of course.


Last edited by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 8:05; edited 1 time in total

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 9:07

CHAPTER 3

After lunch Aisha said goodbye to Triela and headed out of the cafeteria. With nothing to do until Monday, she knew that she had to start practicing actually 'being' a normal six year old girl but the problem remained that she had zero experience in being a normal girl. She considered asking Kenichi to give her permission to go out of the compound but she didn't even know what she would do out there. It wasn't like she could have just gone up to a kid and asked how they acted normally.

After letting out a small sigh, she decided to head back to the garden so she could think on this some more. It only took her about ten minutes before she was laying down on the grass and looking up at the sky. If only the clouds could help her become more like a normal child. She knew that was a sily thought but it kept her mind on the topic. With this problem on her mind though, she recalled what Triela had said to her.

"Just be myself huh? I wonder if that would really be good enough." She blinked a little bit before saying with a pout.

"Hey, wait a minute. Is she saying I'm childish? I'm not childish! Not at all!"

She continued to deny it for a few more seconds as she sat up and then stretched her arms and legs before fully standing. There was no use in talking to herself about it right now and she had things to do. She didn't like it at all but she knew that she had to see what it was like wearing the first graders uniform so she made her way to the dorm building once more. Passing no one on the way to her room, she entered and went right to the closet. Staring at the uniform, her pout reformed and she muttered to herself.

"It looks so silly..it even has a name tag sewn onto the blazer, as if kids are going to forget each others names."

Sighing a little bit, she pulled off her sundress and started to put on her uniform, starting with the white undershirt and following it with her white skirt, which fell just above her knees. Putting on her blue blazer, which was a little tight but not uncomfortably so, she wondered why she had to wear something like this. Dresses were so much more comfortable. White socks and shiny dress shoes finished of her outfit and as she looked in the mirror, she couldn't help but think that she looked really cute in it.

Moving around in the unfamiliar shoes would be key since she was used to sneakers and she would have to take incredible care to make sure she didn't scratch them or get them dirty. Kenichi had made it very clear yesterday that if she ruined the uniform in any way, he was going to spank her one time for every euro spent on repairing or replacing it. She thought he was bluffing but she wasn't going to be testing that thought at all. Taking off the uniform, slowly and carefully, she put it back in her closet and put her sundress back on before saying.

"I guess it's not as bad as I thought it would be but..I'd much rather wear a dress like this."

There was a knock on her door just then, and she heard Kenichi's voice asking if she was in. Hurrying to the center of her room like she was trained, she stood at attention before saying.

"I-I'm here Kenichi. Please come in!"

The door opened and her handler walked into the room. Seeing Aisha at attention, he nodded before saying. "You can relax. Have you tried on the uniform yet?"

Aisha nodded her head before saying. "Y-yes, I just tried it on. It fits really well."

Kenichi replied. "I'm glad. If it were too tight, you know it would be your bottom if it were to rip or tear. But that's not the main reason why I came here. Since you'll be in a public school, you'll need a last name. I've registered you as Aisha Hikari."

Aisha gasped a little bit before saying. "H-hikari? But isn't that your last name Kenichi?"

Kenichi nodded and said. "That's right. I'm 'officially' your father since I'll be picking you up from school until you decide to tail Trencino on your own. It's to avoid causing any suspicion about you being more than just a new student. You're also transferring in from Japan so throw in a few desu's just to be cute."

That was something she was never going to do and she made it clear by saying. "N-no way! You have to be kidding! There's no way I'll humiliate myself like that!" Her face was completely red with anger and embarrassment and it only got redder when Kenichi chuckled.

"Of course I'm kidding. You really just moved here from Florence so make sure you study up on the local areas. Rico visited there not too long ago so ask her some questions if you see her. She should be getting back from her mission tomorrow if everything goes well."

Aisha replied with a nod. "R-right, I'll learn as much as I can about Florence before my mission."

Kenichi nodded his head before turning for the door and exiting. He had nothing more to say and he had his fill of teasing her for the day so he was off to talk to the other handlers. Aisha on the other hand, was considering her new task. She had to find out as much as she could about Florence before heading out to school on Monday but with Rico being away, she didn't know what to do. Shrugging her shoulders, she said to herself.

"I'll ask Rico tomorrow if she comes back. Before that though..I think I'll take a nap." Memories of what Triela said in the cafeteria returned to her just then and she said with a pout.

"Not that I need one of course. This is just to pass the time."

Going over to her bed, she flopped down on her back and closed her eyes before drifting to sleep.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 10:10

Great so far, Aisha...

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 11:22

Good start!

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 16:18

Saved...reading as soon as I get off shift. Really clever title, by the way.
Aisha: I HAVE TO DO WHAT?

I can't believe they're making me do something like this..I mean, it's good that they trust me enough to do this alone but why do I have to be the one to do THIS job?"
Marisa: Yeah, I reacted pretty much the same way when my handler told me I had to go to the nun school.

Elio: As I recall you used a whole lot more profanity.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Alfisti on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 19:19

Heh, I was actually reading this on my break at work today, flaking out on a bench in the courtyard (one day someone's going to get up me for making the place look untidy, but untill then... ). Practical upshot was that, whilst reading about Aisha's sky gazing my view was coincidentally this: Razz



Yeah, dodgy iPhone photo, but endering in it's own faux-vintage way.


Anyway, as the others have said: good, solid start. More thoughts to come later, but I will say this now: two years seems like a long lead-time for a cyborg.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 27 Nov 2010 - 23:16

Alfisti wrote:HMore thoughts to come later, but I will say this now: two years seems like a long lead-time for a cyborg.

In my original timeline, it was well over a year between the time Michele saved Kara and they were paired as a fratello. It was all that time they spent together that convinced Section Two he would make a good handler for her.

Angelica and Triela also appear to have had long lead times between their being handed over to the Agency and then becoming a cyborg (Triela was over a year per the manga).

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ChaosKin640 on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 1:30

Great start with your first three chapters, Aisha. They all have a very solid, decent flow to them that makes each a quick, enjoyable read. I'm liking the idiosynchracies in both yor characters, as well. As others have mentioned, Aisha's stubborn attempts to come across as more mature in the eyes of everyone else, while maintaining distinctly childish habits is both amusing and endearing. I also liked the duality in Kenichi's attitude; the way he enjoys poking fun at Aisha, which speaks to his being more laid-back and casual in his approach, while still insisting on some distinctly military-esk discipline in Aisha's responses and actions.
Hurrying to the center of her room like she was trained, she stood at attention before saying....
The above being the relevent quote that I'm referring to.

Unfortunately, I feel I must agree with Alfisti when he says that two years in an extremely long training period for a cyborg. Given the investment that each girl represents, it's slightly unrealistic to think that the government would be willing to wait that long.
Kiskaloo wrote:
Triela was over a year per the manga
I would like to point out, however, that Triela's first year with the agency was spent being brainwashed in order to wipe her memories of the abuse she suffered in Amsterdam. It wasn't until after this year of therapy that they went ahead and converted her into a cyborg. And Angie, of course is a special case, regardless. She's the prototype Gen. 1, and I'm pretty sure that it's been established that her conversion happened piece-by-piece, over a period of potentially months.
Of course, Aisha's case could easily be something similar, in which the first year or so was spent being stabilized and converted, in which case then that's fine. However, the way you introduce that time-line makes it seem those two years have been spent actually training with Kenichi.

In the end, however, these small, nit-picky details are esentially unimportant and can easily be changed later on if you decide to do so. The important thing is that you've created interesting characters and are doing a good job in presenting them to us, the readers. Looking forward to the next chapters.

Oh, one more thing: I looked over your OC page and I didn't see it mentioned anywhere, but is Aisha built to 1st or 2nd Gen specs?
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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 1:53

I've been thinking about the two year waiting period as well and I thought about it like this: Because of Aisha looking young for her age, she would have looked about four years old physically when they picked her up. Someone of that size would definitely have trouble carrying weapons effectively and they decided to condition her socially with her handler first (discipline, orders, routine) before giving her a weapon. This was just my thought process though, so if you can think of a better timeline, I'm all ears.

Also, Aisha is build to Gen-1 specs. ^^ I'm working on Chapter 4 now so just a little wait before more Aisha. ^^

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 2:03

LoC's Guinevere was 6 and carried a large gun. She had to hold it in her hands in a funny way in order to shoot it.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 2:22

Ah okay. So should I reduce it to maybe her being about seven and a half at the time of her being saved with half a year of training and conditioning?

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 3:49

CHAPTER 4

The weekend seemed to fly by and it was finally time for Aisha to wake up and get ready for school. Opening her eyes, she wiped the tears that appeared every morning for no reason at all and got out of bed before stretching her body. She had actually gotten up early so she had plenty of time to get dressed. Pulling the zipper on her one-piece pajamas down, she took them off before throwing them into the hamper. Looking at her uniform, she sighed before grabbing the undershirt first and putting it on, followed by her skirt and blazer after that and once more, she finished it off with her socks and dress shoes.

Next to her bed was a backpack for her books and papers and there was a gym bag next to it containing her shorts and t-shirt for Gym class. She already knew that Gym was going to be a breeze given her enhancements but even she knew that she would have to tone it down multiple levels considering no normal six year old would be able to lift something over five times her own weight. She searched through the school bag to make sure she had all of her pencils, pens, and other school supplies before closing it up and putting her arms through the straps. Adjusting the straps so that they were comfortable, she then lifted her Gym bag and went to the center of her room, where she placed the Gym bag down and stood at attention.

Ten minutes passed before there was a knock on the door and Kenichi's voice asked if she was ready. Remaining at attention, she replied.

"I-I'm ready Kenichi. Please come in."

"No need for that. Grab your bags and come on out. We're going to your school early so you can get used to the layout. You'll be led around the school in single file lines during the class shifts but we can't have you getting lost if you have to tinkle."

He was purposely talking to her as if she were really a six year old child. It was both to tease her, and get her used to the childish phrases that she was going to have to endure while in 1st grade.

Aisha, of course, pouted from the childish phrase but didn't give her usual comeback since she knew herself that she was supposed to wear the guise of a six year old. There was no way she was acting it in front of Kenichi. That would be a completely new level of embarrassing! Picking up her school bag, she exited her room and followed Kenichi over to the parking lot, where his Fiat Barchetta was parked and waiting for them to get in. She rarely got to ride with Kenichi in his car so she was going to enjoy this as much as she could. Looking to Kenichi as he turned on the car, she wondered where he lived. He never really talked about himself too much so his life away from her was a mystery. She wanted to know more about him but she didn't want to ask and ruin the fun relationship they had now. Sure the teasing was annoying, but it was a little fun at the same time.

They drove to school in silence and Aisha took the opportunity to think about her schedule for the day. From 8:20 to 8:30 everyone arrived in class and listened to the announcements. From 8:35 to10:20, first period started with Spelling, Phonics and Language Arts. 10:20 to 10:35 was snack time and their bathroom break. From 10:35 to 11:30, they went to period two, which was Math. 11:30 to 11:45 was read aloud time, which she assumed was story time with the kids telling the story. From 11:45 to 11:50 they had another bathroom break and then went to Lunch from 11:50 to 12:15. 12:15 to 12:45, all of the children went out for recess. 12:50 to 1:25 was fifth period Phys Ed, which was definitely going to be her favorite subject. 1:25 to 2:20 was sixth period Social Studies, 2:20 to 2:45 was seventh period Science and at 3:00 they were allowed to go home.

Sighing a little bit, she couldn't help but think of how boring all this was going to be. Snack breaks and recess all seemed to be wastes of time when the kids could be learning but she was far from normal so she couldn't say if this was really effective or not. Looking to Kenichi, she said with a small frown.

"Kenichi? What should I do during recess? I doubt they would let me go to the range.."

Kenichi couldn't help but chuckle at her question. She was a trained killer through and through. Keeping his eyes forward, he said. "Just run around or something. I'm sure they will have something for you to occupy your time."

Aisha couldn't help but think about it more but her thinking time was cut short when they pulled in front of the school and parked in one of the spaces for visitors right in front of the main entrance. Kenichi was coming in with her to finish up the paperwork while she had to go to her class.

Looking at the map next to the main office, she memorized the key points of the building, mainly her classes, the teachers room, and the bathrooms. Giving Kenichi a hug, she said cheerfully.

"Bye bye daddy! See you after school!" She had been practicing that line all evening last night and it came out perfectly. Waving goodbye to Kenichi, she hurried to her class and prepared herself for a lot of noise and annoying kids.


Last edited by Aisha_Hikari on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 23:13; edited 3 times in total

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ChaosKin640 on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 4:26

So should I reduce it to maybe her being about seven and a half at the time of her being saved with half a year of training and conditioning?
I think that would work perfectly. Since you said that she's a 1st Gen cyborg, you also have the added grace period of it taking her longer to grow accustomed to her body.

As far as the new chapter is concerned, very nice. However, I do have a couple of things to point out. First off, and this jumped right out at me as soon as I read it, there is a bit of repetitive wording in the second sentence at the very start. You use the word 'eyes' twice and it breaks the smooth flow of the narritive. All it would take to fix is simply dropping the 'in her eyes' and changing it to '...wiped at the tears...' and it would flow just fine.

Second point, and you can ignore this completely as it's a purely personal opinion as far as narritive structure goes, but the way you simply lay out that list of Aisha's daily schedule makes me cringe. In my mind, the only time that kind of listing belongs is when you're conveying lyrical prose. For instance, if a character is reading/listening to a poem/song, then it would be written out in stanza-format, as opposed to full paragraph form.

The last point I have to make is that you seem to be suffering a bit from the dreaded "greyness" that every new writer must deal with. A little time spent on even some minor description of the setting goes a long way in helping the reader feel better immersed in the story. A few lines mentioning how the school looks, the playground and landscaping, etc. Is this a newly-constructed institutional-style building, or an old-world converted manor-type private school?

All-in-all, however, another good chapter and again I look forward to seeing more.
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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 4:35

I made an edit to the first paragraph. better?

As for the schedule, I can also do something about that. I just copy pasted a schedule I found for a 1st grader. I'll think about a way to put it into paragraph form.

Also, details is something that I have a lot of trouble with at the moment but from now on, I'll definitely do what I can to make the story and the environment more detailed. ^^

EDIT: Paragraphafied the schedule. Is that a little better?

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ChaosKin640 on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 6:25

Much better on both counts Aisha. And don't worry too much about going for a lot of detail in describing the setting. As I said, everyone struggles with that at first when they start writing. Its just one of those things that you learn how to do over time and with practice. The most important things are to learn as you go and not get discouraged. As long as you show yourself as willing to improve, people recognize that and respond. It's a pretty laid-back community here and there are plenty of people ready to lend a hand with advice and suggestions.
So keep up the writing and again, looking forward to more.
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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by crazyidiot78 on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 6:26

Aisha I happen to be a teacher so if you have any questions about a school schedule or anything from a teachers point of view I can probably give you a hand if you'd like.
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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 7:26

Chapters 1-3
For the past two years she had trained with Kenichi, her handler,
Seems like an awfully long time to go without a first mission. For a series one that's the better part of her lifetime.
"I can't believe they're making me do something like this..I mean, it's good that they trust me enough to do this alone but why do I have to be the one to do THIS job?"
Sorry kid...sometimes you gotta grit your artificial teeth and bear it. We all know what's going to happen because of your forum thread, but I like how you don't actually reveal what this terrible mission is until a few paragraphs in.
Kenichi, who was always calm and reserved but also strict when it came to her training, was allowing this outburst since he knew that it was best that she let it out now, rather than later.
Your Kenichi seems like a well balanced handler.
'This guy's' name was Romero Trencino,
This paragraph begins a little awkwardly...like you originally intended it to be dialogue for Kenichi but you changed your mind and made it a narrative section.

a low level member of the Blue Phoenix faction.
I really like how you resolved your villain conundrum. You've created a new organization for your stories but by including the Padania's trademark color in the name you suggest a connection, and can tie the FRF in any time you feel like it. Well handled.

trying to lift up his prized bowling ball.
Do they bowl in Italy? I know there is a similar game in Germany & Holland. Either way, with her cyborg body Aisha could likely toss bowling balls straight over the dorm now (be careful not to hit Claes' garden)!
Her eyes looked to ... her long blue sundress.
Blue hair...blue pyjamas...blue sundress, am I sensing a favorite color here?

I'm not so sure I'm fond of the whole "blue anime hair" thing...compared to other anime & manga offerings GsG is so grounded in gritty reality that it seems out of place (Beatrice notwithstanding). I hope you'll excuse me if in my minds eye I picture Aisha with glossy black hair which has that elusive sheen of blue when it catches the light just right.

Henrietta shook her head a bit before saying. "Not today, sorry.
Was hoping to see a bit longer scene for 'Etta...it'll be an interesting dynamic to see her deal with a younger sister. Are you still sorting out the relationship between the two?
Aisha loved this spot, not only because the grass was nice and soft, but the smell of the vegetables was definitely the best.
Vegetables...great to smell...*blech* to eat?
Time always passed by quickly whenever she went sky watching and before she knew it, it was time for lunch.
Random Idea: Might be a fun touch if Aisha has been gazing at the sky so long (two years!) she can tell time within a quarter hour just be looking at the sun's position.

Today's lunch was Salisbury steak, vegetables, and apple sauce for her. The cooks always gave her something sweet for her meals for some reason. She would have never guessed that it was because she looked absolutely adorable eating her sweets.
I'd have guessed they slipped her some applesauce because the poor girl won't eat her vegetables and won't get her vitamins any other way!

If she ran, Triela would definitely be able to catch her and she would be subjected to the worst tickle torture ever until she spilled the beans.
Tickle Torture! I love it...great success! I really like your characterization of Triela in this passage. She usually plays the caring big-sis but there are a couple of times in canon when Triela playfully teases Henrietta (as big sisters/brothers are wont to do). I don't think this aspect of her personality gets quite enough attention in fan-fiction.
"F-first grade..Elementary School..."
Is the studder one of the reasons she doesn't talk a lot?
You might even be able to attack Blue Phoenix itself once we find their hideout."
That seems fair.
I've never paid attention to any of the kids outside of the compound before. I don't know how I should act around them."
I'd always imagined that the lives of "normal girls" were a source of mystery & fascination to the SWA cyborgs...but I suppose to Aisha, who chaffes under the yoke of being the youngest that enthrallment might not be there.
She considered asking Kenichi to give her permission to go out of the compound but she didn't even know what she would do out there.
In your universe would a young cyborg like Aisha ever be allowed off compund un-escorted?
..it even has a name tag sewn onto the blazer, as if kids are going to forget each others names."
Hey don't knock it kid...I wish everyone on my boat wore a tag. It's embarrassing to work with someone for weeks and still not know their name!
Hurrying to the center of her room like she was trained, she stood at attention before saying.

"I-I'm here Kenichi. Please come in!"
Elio: Finally a girl who knows how to answer a man at her door properly!
(in one of my episodes Triela casually answered her door in a sport bra & spandex shorts...causing 55 year old Elio to have a grumpy old man moment)


blue blazer, which was a little tight but not uncomfortably so,


If it were too tight, you know it would be your bottom if it were to rip or tear.
Foreshadowing disaster for this uniform? Call in the dorm's resident seamstress...Henrietta, HELP!
Aisha gasped a little bit before saying. "H-hikari? But isn't that your last name Kenichi?"
A shock, to be given her handler's last name, or a thrilling honor? It's not quite clear from the passage because you move on so quickly.
You really just moved here from Florence so make sure you study up on the local areas. Rico visited there not too long ago so ask her some questions if you see her.
Are you refering to the canon Uffizi gallery chapter?



Really enjoyable throughout...well paced too. You've set up a number of plot lines that I'm really looking forward to seeing played out. I don't think the habit of skipping a line every time there's a dialogue line is neccessary though.

Because of Aisha looking young for her age, she would have looked about four years old physically when they picked her up.
That would imply post cyborg conversion aging, which cyborgs don't do. If she was converted at 8 she'll be 8 until the day she dies. I think you've done well making her a young looking 8 year old...it gives her flexability like Petrushka has at the other end of the age spectrum.
Kiskaloo wrote:In my original timeline, it was well over a year between the time Michele saved Kara and they were paired as a fratello. It was all that time they spent together that convinced Section Two he would make a good handler for her.

Angelica and Triela also appear to have had long lead times between their being handed over to the Agency and then becoming a cyborg (Triela was over a year per the manga).
But those girls were all in a drug induced coma for that period.

Sorry if I've repeated anthing others have already said...I write these reviews off-line then post them when I return to my internet connection, so I may not have read everyone else's responses yet.
Eagerly moving on to Chapter 4!

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Sun 28 Nov 2010 - 7:56

*Facedesk* Bleh! I completely forgot that Cyborgs didn't age physically! It slipped my mind as I was writing that. I'm still trying to sort out the age gap sine I'm starting to agree with those that say two years is a long time, even with training, to go without a mission. I'm thinking maybe I could change things around so that she was seven and a half-ish when the attack happened and that would give her half a year or more to train/assimilate into the SWA.

Oh, and yeah, the stutter is one reason that she doesn't talk too much. It annoys her, even if it doesn't annoy the others. And yes, I do plan on having more interaction with all of the Gunslinger Girls along the way. As for the vegetables, I love walking through vegetable gardens because they always smell good. Might just be me though. 0_o

Also for the 'This guy' narrative, I always intended it to be a narrative. ^^

EDIT: I made a few edits to fix the time gap issue. If you see anything that I missed, please tell me and I'll fix it ^^

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Alfisti on Mon 29 Nov 2010 - 23:43

So, more solid thoughts as promised:

Aisha_Hikari wrote:For the past half-year she had trained with Kenichi, her handler, in various tasks such as infiltration, martial arts, marksmanship, and dealing with explosives such as grenades.
Yeah, I think as a Gen 1 girl, six months is more resonable than two years was. Like Chaos pointed out before: cyborgs aren't exactly cheap and the government's going to want as quick of a turn around on its investment as possible.

"I can't believe they're making me do something like this..I mean, it's good that they trust me enough to do this alone but why do I have to be the one to do THIS job?" Her tone was very annoyed at this point.
I like how worked up over this you write her, it shows up her childish side perfectly and of course that counterpoint of not liking being thought of as "childish".

Aisha knew that she was especially sensitive about her short stature and when someone with a personality like that is told that they have to go to first grade because they're the only person young looking enough, sparks are naturally going to fly for a little bit.
I had a mate who, when we were in our final year of highschool, got told to go back to the middle school by a teacher who didn't know him. That was despite having the senior tie on and little pin denoting you as a Year 12 student (and, by extension... apparently mature and responsible). We thought it was hilarious.

He however has a more philisophical view of "if I look this young now, imagine how good I'll look at fifty." Though that's probably cold comfort to the non-aging cyborgs.

He was actually fighting back the urge to chuckle since Aisha looked absolutely adorable at the moment.
Apparently "wind up your cyborg" is a popular handler game...

Monty: Tell me about it.

The Blue Phoenix's had made their names known roughly half a year ago
Small nitpick, but you probably don't need the possessive "s" at the end of Blue Phoenix. Alternately you could re-arrange the sentence to fit. Since "Blue Phoenix" is the name of a faction I don't think you need to pluralise "names" (though you may want to check that one)...

...what was that?

Oh, MP5's Allison is asking if the "Blue Phoenix" is made on Blue Curacao and do you light it on fire?

Things became better now and that was all that mattered to her. Besides, it couldn't have been very important if she couldn't remember it.
Conditioning at its finest Very Happy

Aisha got her body under control after a few deep breath's and then hopped off of her bed, heading for her closet.
Can't remember, but does Aisha have a room-mate yet?

she made her way to Claes' garden and then took a seat next to the vegetables before sprawling out on the grass and letting out a small sigh.
To this I can relate, flaked out on the grass was where I got most of my sleep during university.

"Aw come on now, I'm sure there's a good reason for it right? Besides, you forgot your veggies." Aisha hated her veggies and once more, everyone knew it.
Random Cook: If you don't eat your veggies you won't grow up big and strong... or get dessert.

Other Cook: But cyborgs don't grow.

Random Cook: Yeah, but if she doesn't eat healthy then the damn Quacks are going to have our heads.

With nothing to do until Monday, she knew that she had to start practicing actually 'being' a normal six year old girl but the problem remained that she had zero experience in being a normal girl.
Marisa: *hunched over the latest batch of homework from the combined forces of Michele, Hilshire and Priscilla* Rassum Frassum first gens and their rassum frassum free weekends.

Putting on her blue blazer, which was a little tight but not uncomfortably so, she wondered why she had to wear something like this.
Well, even if it does feel a bit tight there's plenty of suiting expertise flying around the SWA...

Moving around in the unfamiliar shoes would be key since she was used to sneakers and she would have to take incredible care to make sure she didn't scratch them or get them dirty.
Alternately, she could see one of the ex-military handlers about how to put a shine on them.

"You really just moved here from Florence so make sure you study up on the local areas. Rico visited there not too long ago so ask her some questions if you see her..."
Potential awkward scene later if she runs into a true Florentine? Because there's book knowledge of a city and then there's the stuff you pick up from actually having lived there. Then again, five or six year olds haven't really developed that knowledge yet either.

"No need for that. Grab your bags and come on out. We're going to your school early so you can get used to the layout.
Aww, she stood at attention all that time for nothing.

"Just run around or something. I'm sure they will have something for you to occupy your time."
Football that doesn't involve a medicine ball perhaps?

Looking at the map next to the main office, she memorized the key points of the building, mainly her classes, the teachers room, and the bathrooms.
Don't want to memorize that too hard, people are going to be weirded out if she knows where the loo is without being told.

Great start mate. I'll admit the first time through I found it a little heavy on the "adorable" for my taste, but now that I've had a chance to digest it a bit more it suits the character. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with next.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 0:15

Alfisti wrote:
Moving around in the unfamiliar shoes would be key since she was used to sneakers and she would have to take incredible care to make sure she didn't scratch them or get them dirty.
Alternately, she could see one of the ex-military handlers about how to put a shine on them.

Kara: "I wouldn't, if I were you."

[She shows off her Christian Louboutin "Tuba" boots, the leather so black it almost sucks in the light]

Kara: "Seven hours of polishing to get to this point! Seven! They actually had to replace my shoulder and elbow joints when I was done! How do men have time for war when they spend all day spit shining their shoes?"

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Officer_Charon on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 4:40

Kiskaloo wrote:
Kara: "Seven hours of polishing to get to this point! Seven! They actually had to replace my shoulder and elbow joints when I was done! How do men have time for war when they spend all day spit shining their shoes?"



John: Problem, Kara?


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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 5:37

Aisha_Hikari wrote:*Facedesk* Bleh! I completely forgot that Cyborgs didn't age physically!....
EDIT: I made a few edits to fix the time gap issue. If you see anything that I missed, please tell me and I'll fix it ^^

I would not worry about it, Aisha.
Only in my story and maybe a couple of others do the cyborgs age, and that is because the cybernetics are adjusted in height/width/wieght. Technically the correct term is "The cyborgs do not grow". In SWA Beginnings: Francesca, Francesca started out as a 13yo girl turned into a cyborg. When she was recovered and returned to the SWA in Solution's Resolution, she was 23-ish. Without the conditioning meds and the French doctors who found her replacing much of her internal cybernetics with public domain ones, Francesca grew but not in height/width. Carbon fiber bones and metal strutures do not grow. But she grew breasts, her organs matured, her muscles grew, etc... you get the pic. When Francesca was rebuilt, she was recreated to look like a 20-something yo woman but still short at about 5' 2" (just a little taller than Rachel who is currently 4' 10"). In comparison, Juanita is 28-ish at 5' 8" and Fernando is 6ft.

The cyborgs do age. But its not what we would consider as aging. For them they go through a different process.

Professor Voodoo wrote:
Because of Aisha looking young for her age, she would have looked about four years old physically when they picked her up.
That would imply post cyborg conversion aging, which cyborgs don't do. If she was converted at 8 she'll be 8 until the day she dies. I think you've done well making her a young looking 8 year old...it gives her flexability like Petrushka has at the other end of the age spectrum.
As explained before, the cyborgs do age but they do not grow. Hence, if she lasts that long, Aisha is going to hit puberty looking like an 8yo and that is if the conditioning meds will not interfere with her hormone regulations, as it seems it does not with Triela.

Also, the cyborgs do learn and remember what they have learned. This states that their brains are growing as does their intellect through time.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 7:09

Officer_Charon wrote:
Kiskaloo wrote:
Kara: "Seven hours of polishing to get to this point! Seven! They actually had to replace my shoulder and elbow joints when I was done! How do men have time for war when they spend all day spit shining their shoes?"



John: Problem, Kara?

Kara: Eeww... Cordura nylon and suede...

For the record, she wears Bundeswehr combat boots.


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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Officer_Charon on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 8:15

John: Just saying... not having to spit shine is ALWAYS a plus... *cocks eyebrow*

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 8:35

Michele: "Ah, the kid's got a point there, Val."

Kara: "Don't encourage him!"

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Alfisti on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 8:40

Kiskaloo wrote:Kara: Eeww... Cordura nylon and suede...
Monty: (who wears civvie hiking boots and has probably never so much as looked at a combat boot) Well if you don't want suede, and don't want to spend hours spit polishing, I can reccomend brown leather:


Monty:... add a bit of dubbin every now and then and it patinas up nicely.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Officer_Charon on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 8:43

I'm just in love with the last pair that I got issued, because not only did they fit EXACTLY right (12.5W US... try finding THAT on the shelf! ) but they didn't need breaking in, either. I have a pair of issue steel toes that are the same way.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 10:17

Aisha: How did this become the official combat boot thread!? I don't wear army boots...I wear sneakers! (stomps off to pout)
ElfenMagix wrote:As explained before, the cyborgs do age but they do not grow. Hence, if she lasts that long, Aisha is going to hit puberty looking like an 8yo
That really doesn't make a bit of sense to me, but that's the good thing about fanfic I suppose...play it any way you like.
The way I write it the physical characteristics of the girl on the day she's converted, i.e. size, menstural cycle, even emotional development are locked in until she dies. Her character might gain experience and mature a bit as a person, but nothing suggests to me that her body should physically age one way and not another.

With your OC being so young I'll be eager to see what take you come up with, A_H.
that is if the conditioning meds will not interfere with her hormone regulations, as it seems it does not with Triela.
I'd appy a more simple explanation to Triela's famous period issues. She was just hitting menarche around the time she was converted (a bit old, but she's skinny, that can influence it), and no girl is regular for her first few years. Unfortunately for Triela that means she's locked into that horribly irregular age. Look on the bright side, Triela; at least you don't get pimples.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 10:49

Professor Voodoo wrote:
that is if the conditioning meds will not interfere with her hormone regulations, as it seems it does not with Triela.
I'd appy a more simple explanation to Triela's famous period issues. She was just hitting menarche around the time she was converted (a bit old, but she's skinny, that can influence it), and no girl is regular for her first few years. Unfortunately for Triela that means she's locked into that horribly irregular age. Look on the bright side, Triela; at least you don't get pimples.
With Synthetic Skin, I would be surprised if she did!

But I would refute that with, the Synthetic skin is used to stop scaring and where the cybernetics meet the body. There are area where real skin is needed and I would believe it to be a 50/50 mix of the both. The scalp must be real because their hair grows (V2 Angie's hair cut in the Pasta Prince), and Triela sweating in V6(?) and the others in other areas in canon.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 12:38

ElfenMagix wrote:
Look on the bright side, Triela; at least you don't get pimples.
With Synthetic Skin, I would be surprised if she did!

But I would refute that with, the Synthetic skin is used to stop scaring and where the cybernetics meet the body. There are area where real skin is needed and I would believe it to be a 50/50 mix of the both. The scalp must be real because their hair grows (V2 Angie's hair cut in the Pasta Prince), and Triela sweating in V6(?) and the others in other areas in canon.
No argument there...the line was meant more as a joke. As we have not yet seen an example of a cyborg girl dealing with acne or sunburn I'll guess that there are certain perks to having semi-artificial skin.

During Petra's construction they do allude to the skin being artificial...

...but that leaves a lot of room for interpretation. I conjectured that the epidermis is real, but anchored on a self-healing artificial matrix that makes it tougher (this artificial matrix gets an unexpected 2nd use in my next episode). Each cyborg girl has her own "skin farm" back at the SWA hospital so that replacement skin is already available when she damages what she's wearing.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 12:42

Professor Voodoo wrote:As we have not yet seen an example of a cyborg girl dealing with acne or sunburn I'll guess that there are certain perks to having semi-artificial skin.

During Petra's construction they do allude to the skin being artificial...

And Henrietta is using the new nanotechnology skin grafting in the "bacta tank" in Volume 12 (I believe) - when she relives the attack on her family.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 13:36

Kiskaloo wrote:
Henrietta is using the new nanotechnology skin grafting in the "bacta tank" in Volume 12 (I believe) - when she relives the attack on her family.
Chapter 59.


And how does young Aisha feel about the tank? (this is her thread after all)

Aisha: I'm not going in there.

Kenichi: What? You have to...we need to replace the damaged skin on your arm.

Aisha: You're trying to trick me! That just looks like a fancy bathtub to me and I hate taking a bath!

Kenichi: (facepalm) Aisha...I'm going to count to three. 1...2...

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Tue 30 Nov 2010 - 23:09

Aisha: Eep! I'm going, I'm going!

And without further ado. Chapter Five!

CHAPTER 5

Aisha headed down the hallway at a slow pace. She was really in no hurry since they had arrived early and didn't need to be in class for another ten minutes. She was spending that time exploring the school and getting a feel for where everything was since she was going to be spending quite a lot of time in the building. She mainly noted the pictures on the wall, which varied from cute animals to pictures of teachers and staff.

It wasn't long before she reached her classroom and upon opening the door, she first noted the small size of the room. It could fit fifteen to twenty people and each student had a nameplate on their desk. She would find her desk soon but now she looked to the front of the room, where a man that looked about twenty four sat at the large desk. Brown hair, emerald green eyes and casual clothing consisting of a buttoned t-shirt and jeans fitting on a fairly tone, but not too muscular body. The man in front of her was a part of the terrorist faction known as Blue Phoenix. A faction that targeted multiple members of the government according to their unknown agenda.

She was't aware of what they wanted, who their leader was, how organized they were or any other information like that. Blue Phoenix was a mystery to everyone except those that were a part of it. Looking at the man before her, she couldn't help but wonder how many people this man killed already. How many people did he plan on killing? In her eyes he was nothing more than a killer. A wolf in sheep's clothing. How a person like him had gotten into a position to teach children was a mystery to her.

Trencino noticed her just then and smiled, something that made her cringe. It looked warm and welcoming but was there anything behind the smile? Did he see her as a potential recruit to the Blue Phoenix? He spoke a little after smiling.

"Ah, you must be the new student. Aisha Hikari correct? It's a very pretty name and if I'm not mistaken Hikari is Japanese correct?"

Aisha nodded a little bit and said as politely as she could. "Y-yes sir. Hikari means 'light' in Japanese." She couldn't let her voice contain any venom in it. Venom wasn't warranted for a situation like this, especially for a six year old.

"I see. Well, allow me to be the first to welcome you to the class. Your desk is over there and your name plate has already been placed on it." He pointed to the desks and she followed his finger. About three rows back and in the middle was her desk. All of the desks, except for the teachers desk, were the old school wooden top desks with a lift-able top for storing items like books and writing materials.

She wasn't sure about being in the middle, where everyone could ask her questions from all angles. She was surely going to be getting asked about her hair since blue wasn't often seen. It was completely natural though, which baffled lots of people. They just shrugged it off though, since explaining it would be a hassle.

Bringing her bag over to her seat, she was about to sit down when the teacher said. "Ah, Aisha. Could you come up to the front. I'd like you to introduce yourself in front of everyone once class begins. The students should be coming in the next minute or two."

"Y-yes sir." She didn't like having to introduce herself at all but it was understandable and she could even get a few initial questions out of the way immediately. As if on cue, as soon as she got to the front of the class and next to the teachers desk the warning bell rang, signaling that school was starting and the students were meant to be in class within two minutes. The door opened and a flood of kids entered the class, most of whom looked at her with a curious eye before going to their assigned seat. Then it was quiet, as they waited for the teacher to talk. Was this natural for kids or did he have them trained?

Her thoughts were interrupted when Trencino addressed the class. His voice still seemed to have a caring and gentle touch to it but she wasn't sure if it was an act or not.

"Good morning everyone, I hope you all had a fun weekend because it's time for another fun week of school!" This resulted in a chorus of boo's from the kids and Trencino simply chuckled and continued. "Now now, it's not that bad. We even have a new student to join in on the fun! Aisha? Why don't you introduce yourself."

Aisha gulped a little bit as she stepped forward. She was never one for public speaking and this was as bad as it could get! Her hands gripped the front of her skirt to calm herself down before she said. "H-hello everyone. My name's Aisha Hikari. "I, umm. I'm from Florence and just moved here with my daddy. I'm e- six years old and my favorite color is blue." She had almost slipped up on that last one but she quickly caught herself before anyone noticed. Her nerves were all real as well since while she wasn't anti-social, she definitely didn't like talking to a group.

Trencino nodded his head with a smile on his face before addressing Aisha and the class. "Thank you Aisha. Now then class, does anyone have any questions for her?" Almost all of them rose their hand and this caused Trencino to chuckle a little bit before saying. "Anyone have a question that isn't 'why is your hair blue?'" Much to her relief, about three-fourths of the hands lowered and Trencino picked one of the remaining hands. "Please stand and ask your question. Remember, she's just as nervous as you are Dmitri."

A young boy stood up from his seat and then asked. "What's it like in Florence?" It wasn't too hard of a question so Aisha smiled shyly and said, as if she were reminiscing.

"It's really pretty. There are a bunch of sculptures and the museums all have really pretty paintings and sculptures in them. I think it's a saying that everyone should see Florence at least once." She seemed to ponder this, which she really was since she was trying to recall if that was what Rico had said when she herself asked her that question. Of course, Aisha childified it a little bit to fit her age.

Aisha looked to one of the others that had their hands raised and said. "What would you like to ask?"

A small girl, about Aisha's own height, stood up and then asked shyly. "D-do you play any instruments? I like music a lot." This was a question that made Aisha smile. Aisha had learned how to play the flute in order to help get her muscles to cooperate with her mind. She didn't know why her muscles didn't cooperate, she just knew that she needed to get them working. Looking to the shy girl, she said.

"Yes, I play the flute. I'm not really good, but I'm trying my best to get better." This seemed to satisfy the girl since she smiled just a little bit before taking her seat. She was actually very good with the flute but a child wouldn't be at her level normally right? Aisha looked around and then one by one, she picked a kid and answered their question to the best of her abilities. The kids weren't as bad as she thought they would be. Maybe Triela's warning about kids being brats were all for nothing. Thinking about it, she was returned to her seat so that she could get ready for class.

Spelling was the first class of the day.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Wed 1 Dec 2010 - 0:19

A good start to the day.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Wed 1 Dec 2010 - 14:36

CHAPTER 4
Looking at her uniform, she sighed
Every cyborg's got a pre-mission ritual...
She already knew that Gym was going to be a breeze given her enhancements but even she knew that she would have to tone it down multiple levels considering no normal six year old would be able to lift something over five times her own weight.
Don't get carried away!
She searched through the school bag to make sure she had all of her pencils, pens, and other school supplies
Cyborg school supplies; pencils, ruler, erasers, 9mm automatic, crayons, notebook, stun grenades...
she placed the Gym bag down and stood at attention.

Ten minutes passed before there was a knock on the door
He's got this girl trained!
we can't have you getting lost if you have to tinkle."
Hillshire: (teasing voice) How about you, do you have to tinkle?

Triela: Oh cram a sock in it Hillshire. Oh wait...actually I do.
Fiat Barchetta
Nice choice...I can see a small car appealing to the small Aisha too. But is Kenichi's car blue?


Looking to Kenichi as he turned on the car,
I don't know if it was intentional, but that's another good "childish perspective" moment, where an older cyborg might think of what he's doing as "starting the engine."
"Kenichi? What should I do during recess? I doubt they would let me go to the range.."
The Agency will need to add a "Socializing with Normal Children" course to the combat qualifications soon.


Rico: You mean normal kids aren't allowed to jump across rooftops? How do they chase bad-guys then?
Giving Kenichi a hug, she said cheerfully.

"Bye bye daddy! See you after school!"
A perk of being undercover?


CHAPTER 5

Aisha headed down the hallway at a slow pace. She was really in no hurry... She was spending that... She mainly noted the pictures...
In the first paragraph, 3 sentences in a row begin with the word She. Pronoun overload is something we all struggle with.
Looking at the man before her, she couldn't help but wonder how many people this man killed already. How many people did he plan on killing? In her eyes he was nothing more than a killer. A wolf in sheep's clothing. How a person like him had gotten into a position to teach children was a mystery to her.
great way to set her frame of mind. Who knows, maybe Trencino hasn't killed anyone yet, but Aisha is assuming the worst of her enemy.
but was there anything behind the smile? Did he see her as a potential recruit to the Blue Phoenix?
Terrific paranoid over-reaction!
Then it was quiet, as they waited for the teacher to talk. Was this natural for kids or did he have them trained?
Would this really come as a surprise? Considering Kenichi has Aisha stand at attention to answer the door I'd imagine she assumes everyone is trained like her.
I think it's a saying that everyone should see Florence at least once."... Aisha childified it a little bit to fit her age.
Neat callback to the Filippo Adani chapter, kept neatly within context.
Aisha looked to one of the others that had their hands raised and said. "What would you like to ask?"
Gaining a degree of confidence I see...she didn't wait for the teacher to call on that one.
Maybe Triela's warning about kids being brats were all for nothing.
Somehow I feel she might reconsider that soon. Although given the ever-present threat of "tickle-torture" she might end up considering Triela the brat.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Thu 2 Dec 2010 - 0:37

Nice choice...I can see a small car appealing to the small Aisha too. But is Kenichi's car blue?

Nope, it's red. ^^

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Mon 6 Dec 2010 - 5:24

CHAPTER 6

Aisha was really annoyed by the class already. She was smart, probably smarter than all of the children in the room combined, so she found it a little irritating that the teacher would say a word like 'bumblebee' was difficult and that they would have to take their time with each letter as they put it into a sentence. Of course he explained what a bumblebee was, probably for the kids that had never been outside before, so everyone would know how to put it into a sentence.

Writing down on the paper in front of her, she wrote down: The bumblebee is a member of the genus Bombus, and the family Apidae. That made her grin a little bit since it would really show the teacher what it meant to underestimate her. Sure she couldn't beat him to a pulp yet, but that didn't mean that she couldn't prove that she wasn't a force to be reckoned with. Of course, she still had to remain undercover, so she could just say she read it in a nature book and remembered it. Normal kids read nature books right? Thinking about that, she looked around and saw that there were actually kids struggling with what to write. Was it really that hard to write a sentence?

About five minutes passed before the teacher stood up and called for the papers to be passed up. Taking the papers of the kids behind her and getting a quick glance at the one on top, she was surprised to find one filled with hearts and flowers, as well as the bumblebee sentence: My heart flutters like a bumblebee. Talk about weird. Giggling a little bit, she passed the papers forward.

The teacher gave them free time while he looked over the sentences, as long as they stayed in their seats and just as she expected, she was flooded by a barrage of more questions. Who's bright idea was it to put her in the middle again? Trying to settle down the kids around her, she managed to get them to calm down enough to ask questions one at a time, which relieved her to a point. The first one was a boy a little taller than she was, which irked her since he was two years younger than her.

"Is that your real hair color? I've never seen anyone with blue hair before." It was obviously the question most of the kids wanted to know since the teacher hadn't allowed it before but now that it was free time, they could ask.

Giving a small sigh, she explained precisely why her hair was blue, and that it was completely natural with no dye at all. The explanation seemed to fly over a lot of the kids' heads but one or two seemed to be able to keep up, which made her happy since she wasn't the only smart kid in the class. After a few more questions, she felt like it was her turn to ask some of her own questions. Looking to the girl to her left, she said. "What's Mr. Trencino like? Do you know him outside of school?"

The little girl smiled a little bit before saying. "He's really nice and isn't boring at all! He really knows how to make learning fun! My Kindergarten teacher was really boring, but Mr. T is really fun. I don't know him outside of school though. I wonder where he lives.."

That's precisely what I intend on finding out. Aisha thought as she took in what the girl said. So he has fun with the kids and none of them seemed to harbor any ill will towards him but that didn't mean he was a good guy. He was probably trained to be deceptive.

Looking to her right, at the boy who had asked her what it was like in Florence, she said. "So no one knows about Mr. Trencino outside of school? What about his hobbies or likes?" To her these were perfectly good questions but the kids seemed to recieve them a different way.

"You're asking a lot about Mr. T, could it be you have a crush on him?" Aisha's eyes grew wide at that claim and before she could stop it, even more joined in. "Wow, now there are two girls who have a crush on Mr. T! Good luck Aisha! Do your best!"

Words of encouragement filled the room and even the teacher caught wind of it. Chuckling a little bit, he said to the very embarrassed Aisha. "Sorry Aisha, but I'm afraid I can't return your feelings. Don't be discouraged though, there are plenty of handsome guys out there." Aisha wanted to pound him into the ground so bad but she knew that was the worst thing she could do right now. Holding in her anger, her eyes teared a little and once more the kids took it the wrong way.

"Aww, Mr. T made her cry! There there Aisha, there's plenty of fish in the sea!" More words of encouragement followed and she just covered her face with her hands and laid her head on the desk. The kids seemed to take the hint, though they thought she was just sulking over getting turned down. Aisha on the other hand, was thinking. Triela was right..Kids are annoying!


Last edited by Aisha_Hikari on Mon 6 Dec 2010 - 6:24; edited 2 times in total

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 6 Dec 2010 - 6:12

That was good. Just like a class would be.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 6 Dec 2010 - 8:18

Very much so. Well done.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by zarien85 on Wed 8 Dec 2010 - 13:03

i find t hard to see 6 year old acting like that but that's just me but good job

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 6:48

Here's the latest chapter of An Elementary Level Mission! I've included a treat at the bottom ^^ (still needs coloring)

CHAPTER 7

After Spelling class came their bathroom and snack break. Aisha thought that the snack break was boring since she had nothing to do but relieve herself and eat a few cookies and some milk. She talked to a few of the kids and tried to get them to see that she didn't have a crush on the teacher, and that they were all just innocent questions. Most of them were able to be talked out of poking fun at her but there were always the few who wouldn't be talked out of it, specifically a girl who was a little taller than herself, which once again annoyed her. She had blond hair, light green eyes and had a frown on her face when she told Aisha during their snack break.

"I won't let you have Mr. Trencino, Aisha. No matter what, you're my rival from now on!" This left Aisha extremely confused until she remembered that one of the kids said before that there were now two kids that were interested in the teacher. So this was the other girl with a crush. She certainly looked like a brat. The very air around her gave off the impression of a spoiled little girl. Trying to keep herself out of trouble, she said.

"I really don't like him like that I promise!" She tried her best to defend herself but the girl didn't seem to take no for an answer.

"I know that you like him! You even asked about where he lives! Why would you ask something like that if you don't like him?" Aisha could have told the girl the many ways knowing a persons address could help in assassinating them but she knew that would be way too suspicious, especially if one of the kids nearby told Trencino what she said. With no other alternative, she accepted defeat and said.

"Fine, think what you want but does my rival have a name? It's not fair that you know my name and I don't know yours." This seemed to at least throw the girl for a loop since she wasn't expecting such a quick change of subject. It actually took her a moment before she recovered and said with the same hint of arrogance as before.

"I guess it is only fair that you know your rivals name. Fine, my name is Annetta Lynette and I'm six years old." Well at least she knew the girls name now so it was easier to talk to her now. Smiling a little bit, she said.

"Nice to meet you Annetta. I've never had a rival before so I hope we can be good rivals." Of course that was a lie since she was in constant competition with all of the other cyborgs. They were always having fun while doing it but she still saw each and every one of them as rivals and friends at the same time. No matter what, she was going to prove that her small size couldn't keep her from taking down the bad guys like Trencino. She couldn't wait until that final confrontation but she knew that was a while from now. She still had to gather information. Seeing an opportunity, she said casually.

"So, what do you know about Mr. Trencino then? You like him a lot so you must know a lot about him." Annette's reaction was just about what she expected from her. First she looked surprised that she would ask something like that, and then it turned into anger as she said.

"As if I would tell you! You're my rival so I'm not telling you anything!" Aisha sighted a little bit as she got that response. It was a little different than what she was expecting but not too far off. She was about to ask a few more questions when Trencino stood up and said to the students, and mostly the two loud girls who were 'competing' for his hand.

"Okay students it's time for Math so please return to your seats and take out your math books. Today we're just going to review what we've been going over for the last few days." His attention turned to Aisha for a moment before asking. "Aisha, are you able to add and subtract numbers with two digits such as twenty-one plus twelve?"

Aisha stood up and nodded her head a little bit before saying. "Yes Mr. Trencino, I can add and subtract really well. I can even tell you that the answer to that is thirty-three!" She sounded excited but that was an act since she was really thinking about how she could add and subtract seven digit numbers easily at the moment. Other math problems were a piece of cake as well for her. She heard someone mumbling behind her. and it sounded something like 'show off' with Annette's voice. Once Trencino nodded for her to sit down, she took her seat and ignored the jealous girl behind her as Trencino continued.

"That's correct Aisha, good work. Now that i know everyone in the class is ready and able, I would like for you all to open up your books to page twelve and answer as many of the problems as you can. Take your time with each problem since it's not a race to see who gets done first."

Aisha was curious to see the problems that she was up against so she flipped her Math book open and turned to the assigned page. As she expected, it was a page full of different two digit problems. The majority seemed to be addition but there were a few subtraction problems as well. Picking up her pencil, she started to write down the answers to each of the problems, taking no more than two or three seconds to look at each problem before solving it. It took her a total of ten minutes to finish the entire section, followed by the next two sections as well. She hoped going ahead wasn't frowned at. If you knew the material then go on ahead, that's what she thought anyways.

It wasn't long before all of the other students started to finish up and once Mr. Trencino felt that all of the kids had gotten enough time for the assignment, he stood up and said. "Okay everyone, finish up the problem that you're on and then pass your books to the front. While I'm looking over the books, you can have free time but once again, stay in your seats and nothing more than a dull roar. Wouldn't want to disturb the other classes after all."

Aisha passed her book forward before reaching behind her and getting the books from behind her and passing them up to the next kid. She was pretty sure that she wasn't going to get in trouble for going ahead but the feeling still lingered in her body since she didn't fully know the rules. After a few thoughts on it, she decided not to think about it anymore since it wasn't too big a deal. Since there was still free time to go, she drifted into her thoughts. She had a feeling that Annette had more information on Trencino but she was holding it real close. Maybe she had a diary or something she could look into. She couldn't exactly ask to go over her house though. They were rivals after all. She would have to think of another way to get it out of her. As she thought about this, the bell rang once more, signaling the start of Read-Along time according to her schedule. This was sure to be interesting. Not.

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Last edited by Aisha_Hikari on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 7:34; edited 1 time in total

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 7:29

Nice... on both the story and the pic.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by MP5 on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 8:10

good story, and the pic really made me smile! Aisha looks so precious, even with the ginormous F2000 in her arms!

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 8:33

Thanks all ^^ I had it made by request. All credit goes to Spider from the Children of Cyrodiil forum ^^

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 11:25

CHAPTER 6
Writing down on the paper in front of her, she wrote down: The bumblebee is a member of the genus Bombus, and the family Apidae. That made her grin a little bit since it would really show the teacher what it meant to underestimate her. Sure she couldn't beat him to a pulp yet, but that didn't mean that she couldn't prove that she wasn't a force to be reckoned with.
Showing off a bit Aisha? Careful...impress the teacher too much and you'll get moved out of his class and into the advanced group.
My Kindergarten teacher was really boring, but Mr. T is really fun. I don't know him outside of school though. I wonder where he lives.."
Blue Phoenix agent or not, being a first grade teacher has to be a really creepy job.
He was probably trained to be deceptive.

she said. "So no one knows about Mr. Trencino outside of school? What about his hobbies or likes?"
Understandable for a teacher who values his sanity but in Aisha's mind all this is probably just reinforcing the idea that Trencino is a sinister terrorist agent.
Holding in her anger, her eyes teared a little and once more the kids took it the wrong way.

"Aww, Mr. T made her cry! There there Aisha, there's plenty of fish in the sea!"

Triela was right..Kids are annoying!
For a girl who started the day feeling superior to these kids this must be mortifying.
CHAPTER 7
Aisha thought that the snack break was boring since she had nothing to do but relieve herself and eat a few cookies and some milk.
Aisha bored by the opportunity to eat sweets?
She talked to a few of the kids and tried to get them to see that she didn't have a crush on the teacher, and that they were all just innocent questions.
At least they're not still fixated on her blue hair.
"I won't let you have Mr. Trencino, Aisha. No matter what, you're my rival from now on!"
The fact that she just walks up and declares war had me laughing.
Aisha could have told the girl the many ways knowing a persons address could help in assassinating them
Seems perfectly reasonable to an assassin.
"I guess it is only fair that you know your rivals name. Fine, my name is Annetta Lynette and I'm six years old."
The first name sounds sufficiently Italian, but not the surname. Is she from somewhere else as well?
"Nice to meet you Annetta. I've never had a rival before so I hope we can be good rivals."
Sometimes the closest friendships start this way.
Of course that was a lie since she was in constant competition with all of the other cyborgs. They were always having fun while doing it but she still saw each and every one of them as rivals and friends at the same time.
Cyborg 1: Where you looking at my handler?

Cyborg 2: It was you looking at my handler!
So, what do you know about Mr. Trencino then? You like him a lot so you must know a lot about him." Annette's reaction was just about what she expected from her. First she looked surprised that she would ask something like that, and then it turned into anger as she said.
"As if I would tell you! You're my rival so I'm not telling you anything!"
I was half expecting Annetta to fall for that trick.
I can add and subtract really well. I can even tell you that the answer to that is thirty-three!" She sounded excited but that was an act since she was really thinking about how she could add and subtract seven digit numbers easily at the moment.
I like that you kept her abilities in check...long addition & subtraction is believable for an 8-year old, but it might have strained credibility to have her firing off quadratic & non-linear equations. The girl has a mechanical body, but she is still a (sub)adolescent child.
It took her a total of ten minutes to finish the entire section, followed by the next two sections as well. She hoped going ahead wasn't frowned at. If you knew the material then go on ahead, that's what she thought anyways.
Again...careful, don't get yourself moved out of his class.
Maybe she had a diary or something she could look into. She couldn't exactly ask to go over her house though. They were rivals after all.
Lorenzo: Ladies & Gentlemen, I've called you all here for this emergency planning session to deal with a mission of the highest priority. Ferro, I need you to make contact with the mother of a potential asset & arrange something called a "play-date."Support staff & all available fratelli will support as necessary.

One hell of a first day...looking forward to more. Cute pic as well...not only does it feature her comically oversized weapon but the sun dress & sneakers too.

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Mon 13 Dec 2010 - 13:04

Thanks for the commentary Professor. I always look forward to it as a learning experience. ^^

Aisha bored by the opportunity to eat sweets?

Not so much bored of the sweets but wishing for class to progress so she can gather more information on Trencino. XD

The first name sounds sufficiently Italian, but not the surname. Is she from somewhere else as well?

I used google for the first one and stole the second from Strike Witches =P She can be mixed.

Sometimes the closest friendships start this way.

Exactly what I was thinking!

Cyborg 1: Where you looking at my handler?

Cyborg 2: It was you looking at my handler!

Not so much romantic rivals, but rivals at the range, PT, things like that.

I like that you kept her abilities in check...long addition & subtraction is believable for an 8-year old, but it might have strained credibility to have her firing off quadratic & non-linear equations. The girl has a mechanical body, but she is still a (sub)adolescent child.

That's what I was thinking as well. I wanted to make her above average while still not being too unbelievably smart. Though would her photographic memory help her learn faster? It is one of her traits.

Lorenzo: Ladies & Gentlemen, I've called you all here for this emergency planning session to deal with a mission of the highest priority. Ferro, I need you to make contact with the mother of a potential asset & arrange something called a "play-date."Support staff & all available fratelli will support as necessary.

Genius! Lmao XD

One hell of a first day...looking forward to more. Cute pic as well...not only does it feature her comically oversized weapon but the sun dress & sneakers too.

Glad you liked it! I'll do my best to keep up a good run!

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by zarien85 on Tue 14 Dec 2010 - 7:20

nice it is getting good and i can just see the "play- date" ROTFL

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by Aisha_Hikari on Tue 21 Dec 2010 - 9:39

Time for Chapter 8!

CHAPTER 8

It wasn't long before the class was asked to spread the desks all along the outside of the classroom and to bring a single chair into the middle of the room. It was now 'Read-Aloud Time' and everyone had to read from an easy book, chosen by the teacher himself. Aisha knew this was going to be easier than all of the other classes combined with all the classes to come but she still tried to keep her boredom hidden, since all the other kids looked starry-eyed at the chance to show off their reading skills. She didn't know what the teacher was going to choose, but she figured that the story would be revealed soon since the teacher stood up and went over to the book shelf.

Trencino looked through the selection of books and then smiled before pulling a small book out of the shelf. It was a fairly easy book to read and he was sure that they would all be able to read it without trouble. Looking to the students, he said. "Alright now class, the story we're going to be reading together is The Prince of the Pasta Kingdom. It's a nice little story that has a happy ending for all." He looked to the class and said while looking at a boy with brown hair and matching eyes. "Come on up Ricardo. You can read the first line. Do your best."

The boy Ricardo nodded his head and then went up to the seat. Sitting down, he took the offered book from the teacher and opened it to the first page. After silently reading it to himself, he said out loud.

"A long, long time ago, there was place called the Pasta Kingdom. There lived a prince who loved pasta, and that's all he ate, everyday. However, there was only one fork in that kingdom, so the prince had to eat the pasta all by himself. Even though the pasta was delicious, it was no fun to eat alone." The teacher stopped him there and said with a smile.

"Very good! You've been practicing, I can tell." Ricardo smiled a little before taking his seat among the students again. A small girl who's name Aisha didn't know took the seat next and read the next line.

"That all changed one day when Prince Pasta was just about to sit down and eat when a royal announcement was made. It was Princess Pizza! She arrived to meet Prince Pasta. When Pasta saw her, he fell in love with her and wanted to woo her." This caused a few giggles in the crowd, one was even Aisha herself. Next was a boy who was once again taller than Aisha.

"He gathered all his cooks and all his kitchens to create the most delicious dinner ever made. He then invited Princess Pizza to eat with him, and she would be the first to eat pasta other than the Prince. She did accept and came to the dinner." The boy sat down and then it was Aisha's turn to read. Getting up and taking her seat at the chair, she said.

"But there was a problem—there was only one fork! Why, how could someone eat pasta without a fork? That was when Princess Pizza said, "If you love me, you will give me your fork and not eat this lovely food." She wanted to continue from there, and even finish the book, but she didn't think that would be fair to the other kids. Sitting down, she was replaced by Annetta, who read as if she were trying to impress the teacher.

" 'I love you,' Prince Pasta said, and he gave her the fork and watched her eat. He was happy only to have dinner with someone else. After dinner, Prince Pasta asked her to marry her. Princess Pizza refused." Aisha could have sworn she saw her turning to the teacher as she read that first sentence. Trencino didn't seem to notice though. Nevertheless, Annetta was replaced by the shy girl from before.

" 'You have not yet proven your love,' she said, and left the Pasta Kingdom. The next day, she again returned to the Pasta Kingdom. Prince Pasta gathered his cooks and set the kitchens and ordered them to cook the best dinner—better than last time! They cooked and cooked till perfection, throwing out all the excellent quality foods, keeping only the best." She was trying her best to speak as clearly, but as quickly as possible. It seemed she didn't like public speaking, but liked reading. Another boy was next up.

"However, when Prince Pasta asked her to dinner that night, she said, 'If you love me, you will not eat your pasta, let it all go to waste, and follow me to my home.' "

The story continued and one by one the children took their turns reading the story. Aisha herself was really loving the story, despite her firm belief that it was just a childrens book and not something to be taken too seriously. Trencino decided to finish up the story by saying with a smile without reading from the book.

"In her honor, Prince Pasta did call the strange pasta: pizza and they lived happily ever after. The end." He took a moment before saying. "This book is a favorite of mine, and I'm glad I could share it with all of you. I hope you all liked it as much as I did." This resulted in a lot of cheers of approval, with only a couple boos from the hard cases in the class. They were the ones that had messed up their lines and took the slowest to read, even requiring the teachers help at a time.

The bell rang to signal the end of the story time period and all of the desks were returned to their original positions. Aisha was starting to think that she was going to like story time now. The book had been enjoyable at least.

The next few minutes allowed Aisha a bathroom break, where she used the five minutes to relieve herself and wash her hands for the next period, which was Lunch. All of the boys and girls were formed up in a single file line and then walked into the large cafeteria. The smell of different meats and vegetables filled the childrens noses as soon as they walked in. There were kids of all grades here and they were all eating either their own home made foods or the school lunch, which was roast beef and gravy with vegetables on the side.

Much to her disappointment, she received no sweet treats when it was her turn to get her lunch but it was understandable. These lunch hands didn't know her, while she was a regular at the SWA. Finding a table was pretty tough with all of the different kids, but she soon found an open spot among some older boys, possibly fifth graders, judging from their size. Most of them gave her a passing glance and returned to their meals but one of the boys said.

"Hey squirt, nice hair. Did you have your mommy dye it for you?" This resulted in some chuckles from the others, who had the same thoughts as him. She had heard that older boys tended to pick on the smaller ones for reasons of their own from Kenichi, but she kept his warning in mind. She was not allowed to hurt them in any way. Sighing and trying to get herself calm, she pouted and said. "It's my natural hair color." Once she said that, she explained just why her hair was naturally blue once more. This seemed to surprise the boys. "Wow, those are some pretty big words for such a little girl. You're in what, Kindergarten?"

It was hard for her to keep herself under control but after letting out a small breath to calm, she said. "First grade..I'm six.." She kept her anger hidden well, since they didn't comment on her emotions at the moment and for the next few minutes they were quiet, until they noticed that she wasn't eating her vegetables. Chuckling, the boy said. "No wonder you're so small, you don't eat your vegetables!" The other boys laughed and joined in on teasing her light heartedly.

The boys finished up their meals first and said to Aisha, who was now red in the face. "We'll be going now. Eat those vegetables or you'll never be big and strong." With that, the boys left for the door to the outside, which was allowed since that door lead to the playground and it was Recess next. Aisha on the other hand, clenched her fist and muttered. "You don't know strong.." She finished up the meat of her lunch and then threw the veggies out. She didn't need them and didn't like them and that was final. Still pouting from the teasing, she headed for the door. It was a half hour recess and she planned on making the most of it.

AN: All credit for the portion of the Pasta Prince story goes to Colonel Marksman and his Pasta Prince story, which can be read here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3223831/1/The_Prince_of_the_Pasta_Kingdom#

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Re: An Elementary Level Mission

Post by ElfenMagix on Tue 21 Dec 2010 - 10:18

That was great. But it would be unwise to keep such temper left unchecked.
Kids can be mean and will continue until somebody's in the nurse's office and the other is in the principal's office having their parents called.

Also note: Even though it was a great version of the story, Colonel Marskman version is not canon. The canon story can be pieced together in V2, V9 when Angie died and the anime.

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