Creation of a new OC

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Thu 10 Feb 2011 - 20:21

@ElfenMagix wrote:I speculate that it is Luaro's surname because of that the detectives say when they found their bodies, "Some (dead) guy and his daughter." The ID found on them both would have given their full names and if Elsa's surname matched Luaro's, that would connected them as related. Taking it to the extreme, if Elsa's ID was made to look like a school ID, one of the lines on it would have been "Parent/Guardian", followed by Lauro's full name. This would make him her father in law enforcement's eyes.
That's very plausible for a 1st gen in the earlier SWA-days.

But for my OC i would say she has her own ID to work with cause she sometimes is on duty for her own, alone without Etienne.

I also decided that she can go to the City of Rome on her own if she wants to.
That's the bit of free range they gave her. She already proved that she can protect/defend herself (she is trained for close-combat and is really excellent in martial arts and knife-fighting.), of course. She also is loyal to the agency, even if she is self-doubting, but they said there is no risk why she can not go outside on her own.

Maybe a bit weird and not fitting to Canon, but i decided that for my fiction.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Thu 10 Feb 2011 - 20:29

@schaschanist wrote:
@ElfenMagix wrote:I speculate that it is Luaro's surname because of that the detectives say when they found their bodies, "Some (dead) guy and his daughter." The ID found on them both would have given their full names and if Elsa's surname matched Luaro's, that would connected them as related. Taking it to the extreme, if Elsa's ID was made to look like a school ID, one of the lines on it would have been "Parent/Guardian", followed by Lauro's full name. This would make him her father in law enforcement's eyes.
That's very plausible for a 1st gen in the earlier SWA-days.

But for my OC i would say she has her own ID to work with cause she sometimes is on duty for her own, alone without Etienne.

I also decided that she can go to the City of Rome on her own if she want to,
That's the bit of free range they gave her. She already proved that she can protect/defend herself, (she is trained for close-combat and is really excellent in martial arts and knife-fighting.) of course. She also is loyal to the agency, even if she is self-doubting, so they said there is no risk why she can not go outside on her own.

Maybe a bit weird and not fitting to Canon, but i decided that for my fiction.
Unless it is a mission, it is not even allowed!
In season 1, where Claes is made to go out alone to be kidnapped, she was followed by a team (even though those jerks lost her!). This is the only time any cyborg was allowed to venture alone, and done so for a mission.

One could point out the case oe Petra and Claes in the Padania being another, but I would beg to differ in that the SWA and 'Sandro was not too far away from them.

The risk of losing a cyborg is too high to have then venture out alone. It is done in fan fiction but it goes against Canon, especially of that cyborg looks like an underage child.

Yes, you can point out that I have Francesca running about on her own, but she is a 23yr. old female cyborg! She should have some freedoms, and under Fernando, she does. She is also never too far away from Fernando's team or a SWA staff member/team. (Yes, she does have her own car!)

In Addition...
We in the forum speculate that there are several SWA bases around Italy, with one in Rome and another outside of Rome. If your cyborg is housed in the base outside of Rome, no way she is going out on her own because the nearest anything that resembles civilization is several miles away. As for the Roma Base, that remains to be seen. But I don't see it happening.


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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Thu 10 Feb 2011 - 20:33

A cyborg allowed to go out on her own would be very, very rare (if not outright impossible) for the reasons Elfen has already mentioned.

The only time I had a cyborg venture out beyond the Agency compound was in 'Night Shift'. And even then, Angelica quietly snuck out at the ungodly hour of two a.m., without anyone's permission.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Thu 10 Feb 2011 - 20:58

Would you say, a 13, near to 14 years old cyborg girl (that's her age in mind at where that happens), specialized for close combat (martial arts) is unable to go out for alone?
I say that's the best reason to allow a stay outside.

A stay outside in normal hours, i'm speaking of somewhere between breakfast and dinner, can be tolerated.
Cause she's a 'special case' they allowed her to stay outside.
And she will be, for sure, back at the dorm just in time.
The first and the only time she missed her 'deadline' was when she was with Emiliano and 'made Love with him'.

Just to make it clear, i'm speaking of a stay outside for freetime, not for missions.
In Missions there is of course always a team for back-up in the near.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 1:27

@schaschanist wrote:Would you say, a 13, near to 14 years old cyborg girl (that's her age in mind at where that happens), specialized for close combat (martial arts) is unable to go out for alone?
I say that's the best reason to allow a stay outside.

A stay outside in normal hours, i'm speaking of somewhere between breakfast and dinner, can be tolerated.
Cause she's a 'special case' they allowed her to stay outside.
And she will be, for sure, back at the dorm just in time.
The first and the only time she missed her 'deadline' was when she was with Emiliano and 'made Love with him'.

Just to make it clear, i'm speaking of a stay outside for freetime, not for missions.
In Missions there is of course always a team for back-up in the near.
Not allowed. Why?
1) They are hunter/killer cyborgs. If alone they end up in a situation like the store they go into gets held up at gunpoint by stupid thugs, what is going to happen next? I would not want to write up that police report!

2) They are top of the line cybernetics based on billions of dollars of research, each cyborg being several million to have been built. Even if the Handler would want too, the SWA, the Medical team, and Cybernetics R&D will not want them to leave the confines of the compound.

3) They are getting to be well known within certain ranks in Padania. If Padania finds a lone cyborg out there on her free time, they will try to capture it- dead or alive!

OK, they can go anywhere in the compound alone to most places, except for the indoor range and the pool. The SWA wants no accidents to happen to their multi-million Euro cyborgs. The Medical Team and Fernando are going to be pissed off if they pull a dead cyborg out of the pool. Cyborgs dont float.

It is for their safety that they remain in the compound and only within certain areas of it. Their handlers can take them out on outings and trips, as well as places in the compound they normally could not go without supervision.

Something Luaro said in the Anime. "These mechanical girls, they are great, aren't they? You can send them out to get you your weapon or a loaf of bread." Here is the catch; once outside with her handler, the handler could do what they want with the cyborg, including letting go of her leash. But this is a dangerous proposition at best, because of the top 3 reasons stated above.

Once outside the compound, Fernando gives his girls a lot of freedom. Some think too much. But this has granted Francesca limited freedom to work on her own for the SWA. Soon, she might be getting a pay check too!

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 4:41

Emilie doesn't carries a gun, she only carries one or two knives. I think her Walther BlackTac is better to hide when she's in public.
So how could they recognize her as cyborg?
She is almost unknown in the ranks of Panadania, cause her work is covert and everybody she had to do with is dead now or right after they saw her.

Maybe Padania knows that there are Killer-Cyborg-Girls, but how could they know who it is or how they are looking?
I mean if they saw a girl in a shop, would they think first she is a cyborg? That is paranoid. Then they have to kill every Kid around them in hope to kill the cyborgs under them...

Emilie is not behaving like a normal cyborg, she's more behaving like a girl and she intelligent, too.
I would say she does everything not to be suspicious.
Of course, She is a multi-million-bucks expensive cyborg but the agency already is going some new ways with her.
And i'm sure that the agency is trying to build less suspicious cyborgs.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Alfisti on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 7:17

I think, like Elfen's already pointed out, the fact that, in the eyes of the government, cyborgs are multi-million (if not billion) dollar pieces of combat equipment, is a pretty good argument against letting them outside on their own. I mean, you don't let people take Eurofighters out on joyflights, ditto you don't leave a cyborg on too loose of a leash. It's worth remembering that the conditioning is still less than perfect as well, it would not do well for it to glitch with no-one around.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 8:48

Maybe i just want to give her that free range cause i'm thinking of her as 'Human' she still is and not just as a 'Thing' as the agency is thinking of.

They gave her the range cause she already had proven that she is something special and maybe as part of test to see how she is acting completely alone... maybe...

I mean, they already have blind-following-cyborgs but they don't have Cyborgs that can work of their own without the real need of a handler.
And i think it's not a bad idea to have such an independent working killer-cyborg-girl that is appearing more like an inconspicuous, normal Teenager.
And i think if she is with a boy of her age she is even more inconspicuous. Hey, they are just a couple of teens in love.
And i'm sure no Padanian is thinking about a killer-cyborg if such a couple like 'Emi & Emi' is crossing his way.



Remember, i'm always speaking of Emi, a very special, unusual Original-Character, not a 'usual Cyborg' from canon GSG.
So you can break the rules with her and some of you already had done this in own fictions.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 9:08

I suppose that when it all comes down to it, certain rules can be bent as long as they're not done in a nonsensical way, and as long as they result in something great.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Alfisti on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 9:29

@Nachtsider wrote:I suppose that when it all comes down to it, certain rules can be bent as long as they're not done in a nonsensical way, and as long as they result in something great.
The trick's to make sure there's sufficient justification behind the decision making process... and being able to make it work effectively.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ChaosKin640 on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 9:37

I suppose it could work if she's a latest-gen model being used more as an experimental prototype. We all need to keep in mind that the ultimate goal of the SWA's cyborg program is for adult-applications of the technology. It is therefore conceivable that, at some point, the agency would need to start testing the limits of a cyborg's ability to operate independantly, without her handler and the agency holding her hand and watching over her shoulder every second.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 10:00

@ChaosKin640 wrote:I suppose it could work if she's a latest-gen model being used more as an experimental prototype.
Yes, she is a prototype and test-subject the agency .
That's why they tolerate her special behavior.


@Nachtsider wrote:I suppose that when it all comes down to it, certain rules can be bent as long as they're not done in a nonsensical way, and as long as they result in something great.
I Also would say they (or even Etienne) gave her a mobile-phone to call her if something important is happening.
And i think they're always will tracking her, the chip in the cell-phone or maybe a chip build in the cyborgs body (last thing sounds plausible for a prototype-cyborg).

And if she wants to go outside she surely will always make announcement when she's going outside just to be clear she really can go outside..
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ChaosKin640 on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 10:21

...they're always will tracking her, the chip in the cell-phone or maybe a chip build in the cyborgs body.
And if she wants to go outside she surely will always make announcement when she's going outside just to be clear she really can leave.
I'd say that's a plausible scenario. A tracking chip sergically implanted, or more likely integrated into the cybernetics themselves, would alleviate some of the security concerns. It would also allow for a Public Security team to secretly shadow her from a distance, so even if she thinks she's completely on her own, there's always someone nearby to either A) help her out; B) bring her under control, or; C) clean up the mess.
There's also lots of room for some good drama between Emi's independant mind-set and desire to be seen and accepted as a "real girl", as it clashes with the agency's and governement's opinion of her simply being a piece of experimental technology.
As Nacht and Alfisti both mentioned, there is some tolerance to bending rules, so long as you do so in a believable manner and the story's plot justifies it.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 10:43

@ChaosKin640 wrote:It would also allow for a Public Security team to secretly shadow her from a distance, so even if she thinks she's completely on her own, there's always someone nearby to either A) help her out; B) bring her under control, or; C) clean up the mess.
Good Idea and really plausible.
But i don't know how they would react if she is kissing a boy in public... tolerate it cause she's a girl or kill him cause he's a possible threat... Puzzled


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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Alfisti on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 11:01

@schaschanist wrote:
@ChaosKin640 wrote:It would also allow for a Public Security team to secretly shadow her from a distance, so even if she thinks she's completely on her own, there's always someone nearby to either A) help her out; B) bring her under control, or; C) clean up the mess.
Good Idea and really plausible.
But i don't know how they would react if she is kissing a boy in public... tolerate it cause she's a girl or kill him cause he's a possible threat... Puzzled

Depends on how far the doctors had said they should let her go I guess... or what data they wanted to retrieve.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 11:43

If the Public Security Team is fact,then i want them to let her go as far as she wants to.

I always can only repeat myself: Nobody is knowing what will happen if you make such a Cyborg like Emilie angry.
And I would say they don't want to try it out at the point where she starts to feel comfortable with herself.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 13:00

Elsa had a mobile phone - who knows, it might have had a chip in it, too. I think it may be a safe bet that all the cyborgs have tracking devices implanted in their bodies.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by theprodigalson on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 13:29

I can accept letting her wander on terms of social and psychological experimentation, but I don't think its too far fetched to believe every camera within a half mile is trained on the fountain in that square and most of those guys relaxing on benches are agents.

Just try not to write a fairy tale where Emi gets to do whatever she wants because she is special and she finds love and humanity and her cuteness makes the Padania surrender and Italy is unified and everyone has a party, etc. While I don't think GsG forbids a happy ending, ignoring the situation the cyborgs are in is an affront to the original story.

There are tons of angles you could play to make this emotionally charged: something goes wrong during the experiment, Etienne's fatherly nature gets pushed to the limit as the SWA forces Emi into tougher and tougher situations all so they can study her, or maybe even this Emiliano turns out to be a plant by the SWA with instructions to woo Emi but he takes it farther than he was supposed to...
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 13:47

Errr...
Emiliano is just 'a boy', simply a normal boy of Emi's age.

But i already thought about to involve him in any way to the agency.
Maybe something like:
1.: They got into trouble, (maybe a rob with gunfight or a padania-plot they trapped into) and she's protecting her first love.
Or
2.: Emi got nervous again an caused an accident by loosing control of her strength in which Emiliano was hurt (loosing a foot/leg/hand/arm, that stuff...).
In this case i imagine that they made a deal, the agency replaced his lost Hand and he will shut his mouth over this Case...
But both, Emilie and Emiliano are still 'in love', totaly.This way they have something that will match them together, cybernetics.
Or:
3.: Emilie had broken his fingers cause she got nervous again and lost control of her strength. She took Emiliano to the dorm and they fixed his fingers.
In this case, he asked about her strength, she offered him her secret and he simply said: 'Okay, but i still love you and the person you are.'

I prefer the last two Option, but somewhere after they 'made Love', so they are really in Love, no matter what will happen.

It's just an idea at this time. Unfortunately i think I don't will find time go on with that this day.


About the docs and the agency:
I thought the agency is simply leaning backwards and is watching what Emilie is doing and how her Emotions are developing.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 22:21

If you want to take Fernando's lead, when out of the compound, the girls get some freedom in what they can do, go and eat (shop, act like tourists and visit the cafes), but they are ordered not to interfere with crimes (stopping them or assisting the police) unless they are the criminal's intended target. They are also to maintain cellphone contact, especially if they get delayed or lost. but that is only if he takes them out.

Other OC handlers deal with their cyborgs in a similar manner. Some give from freedom than others. Kisk's Michele and Alfisti's Jethro give their girls (Kara and Monty- respectfully) as much freedom if not more than Fernando gives Rachel and Francesca when they are out of the compound on free time and on missions.

Once in the compound, they follow the rules like any other cyborg and are stuck within the limits of the area until Fernando takes them out. Cyborgs just do not walk out of the (guarded gate) and come back. There will be questions to be answered and heads to roll if it does.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Alfisti on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 23:15

@ElfenMagix wrote:Other OC handlers deal with their cyborgs in a similar manner. Some give from freedom than others. Kisk's Michele and Alfisti's Jethro give their girls (Kara and Monty- respectfully) as much freedom if not more than Fernando gives Rachel and Francesca when they are out of the compound on free time and on missions.

Once in the compound, they follow the rules like any other cyborg and are stuck within the limits of the area until Fernando takes them out. Cyborgs just do not walk out of the (guarded gate) and come back. There will be questions to be answered and heads to roll if it does.
Yeah, even Monty, once she's on compound is stuck there untill advised otherwise. Sure she's allowed more places on compound than many cyborgs are (more like quietly turned a blind eye to rather than officially allowed) but those instances are generally directly related to her doing her job more efficiently (offices, archives, some of the more sensitive intelligence areas and so on... not sure on indoor range sans-handler yet). Very much a case of "do your job well and you'll get handed a bigger shovel".

Similarly, though Jethro allows her a lot of latitude off compound, that freedom was earned. It certainly wasn't a case of "here, you shall have freedom now". As Monty proved herself to be both capable and to have her head screwed down, Jethro allowed her (with some relief admittedly) more independence. Again that was also very much a practicality of the job: two people operating independently they can cover more ground more quickly. As they operate outside of the SWA's support for extended periods of time, J+M really can't afford to be joined at the hip.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Kiskaloo on Fri 11 Feb 2011 - 23:28

And as much as we joke with "forum Kara" running wild, within my fiction when she's allowed off campus on her own, it's for a specific reason and not just to go have fun.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 5:59

@ElfenMagix wrote:If you want to take Fernando's lead, when out of the compound, the girls get some freedom in what they can do, go and eat (shop, act like tourists and visit the cafes), but they are ordered not to interfere with crimes (stopping them or assisting the police) unless they are the criminal's intended target. They are also to maintain cellphone contact, especially if they get delayed or lost. but that is only if he takes them out.
A good advice for a Girl going outside: "Don't get in trouble!"
This is what i thought about, shopping, sightseeing and cafes and of course all together with Emiliano. (With her beret i think she's looking absolutely like an inconspicuous, innocent tourist for people around and Padanians (if there are some) even if she is with her boyfriend)
Or if not with her boyfriend then with the other girls if they want to go with her or if they let them go too.
(If Padanians see them i'm sure they're especially thinking of student exchange program or a trip of a little private school and not a trip of cyborgs. What else would you think if you see a bunch of multi-cultural, mixed girls down in the city?)



But as i said before, she had proven in missions and freetime that she is special and what she can do without Etienne or any response of the agency or her handler.
So i would say this free range is not just given, it's mostly earned.
In the story i don't pay much attention to the reason HOW she got the free range but to the fact THAT she has this free range.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 6:57

I hope you're not making the Agency people know that she has a boyfriend. To say they won't approve would be an understatement.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 7:49

I think i have written it somewhere before.
The only other one who's knowing that Emi has a boyfriend is Etienne cause he noticed that she's hiding something from him.
He already said earlier (say months or a year ago) that they can talk about everything and he meant 'everything'
So Emilie offered him the secret of her new boyfriend but as the fatherly figure for her and the very understandingly man he is he said 'Hey, don't worry. You're secret is safe in me.'.

He already has made her sad that one time (the only time) cause he really couldn't avoid it and she began to cry horribly, as result he swore himself that never shall happen again.

I mean for him Emilie is really like a daughter and he don't want to make her angry, sad or something else again and he knows that his little girl is in a hard time where she is self-doubting and trying to find herself and so he will prevent himself of disturbing or interrupting the process in which she starts to feel comfortable with herself the first time ever in her (cyborg-)life.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 8:49

As much as I'm not a big fan of handlers who are so nice they could be saints, this is okay in my book. Just so long as it's just a secret between her and Etienne.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 9:33

@Nachtsider wrote:Just so long as it's just a secret between her and Etienne.
And of course Emiliano sweat
I would say some time after Emilie and Emiliano 'made love' (not to say sex, cause it's not just sex...) she started to talk with others (maybe Petra or someone else) about her body and the feelings she never felt before.
That looks normal to me for a cyborg-girl experienced unknown feelings to talk with others about them.

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Je suis juste un petit fille de goth. -Emilie Valerie De Laroque-
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 12:02

@schaschanist wrote:I would say some time after Emilie and Emiliano 'made love' (not to say sex, cause it's not just sex...) she started to talk with others (maybe Petra or someone else) about her body and the feelings she never felt before.
If Emilie had that little conversation with Petra about 'sex' i'm sure Petra will not be very happy (maybe a bit jealous and angry...) that a much younger girl had done the same very intimate thing she had done.... and she will be even angrier if she heard it was a boy and not her handler... Evil



But now Something different.

Emilie has a pajama like this as sleeping dress or just for relaxing in the evening:
(For me looking like a possibly grown up Emilie Good)

As material i decided red tartan and with help of a nice link i created four designs:
(click to enlarge the picture, scaled down version just for preview)
1.: 2.: 3.: 4:

I would prefer the last one as design for Emi's pajama:
(this one i have chosen for me Well done! )
I decided red cause i'm the opinion that red is the best contrast for black and hey, Emilie has black hair.
So i think that's fitting best for her.

This pajama was a present from Etienne in her first days. He bought it for her to wear this instead of t-shirts and jogging-trousers Emilie wore the till then. He explained it's better for a lady-like girl Emilie is.
Against the red pajama, Emi is wearing most time flat colors, black and grey tones, but she really likes the red pajama very (and not just cause it's a present from her handler Etienne).
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Sat 12 Feb 2011 - 23:25

@Nachtsider wrote:I hope you're not making the Agency people know that she has a boyfriend. To say they won't approve would be an understatement.
In one of the GsG Pre2000 series (Hentai or not), it is similar to the Rico/Emilio story in V1 and Season1, Episode 4 (I think). In the story, Rico finds a boy in one of her sniper nests and they start dating. Jean finds out, beats some sense to Rico and in the end, kills the boy.

Here is a pic of their first encounter:

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 5:55

That would have be the case in earlier GSG but i want to say time has changed and they don't have that limited mind.

They are looking forward to the future of the cyborg programm.

I mean it can not be bad for to have a boyfriend, main thing it doesn't have to have an effect oh their work.
And there is no danger for them, with a boy they just look like a totally normal couple of Teens in Love, something absolute natural...there can not be something more inconspicuous.

That is what i would say if i was someone at the agency (maybe a handler).

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Je suis juste un petit fille de goth. -Emilie Valerie De Laroque-
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 14:57

That's not going to change. Period.

The SWA, especially with Section 2, is run like a military operation. Only things that change in military operations is the technology they use. Much of the attitude and how things are managed does not change.

The girls are considered as technology, it is a point that Jean is always stressing. She is nothing more than a tool and just slightly more than an attack dog; both are expendable and replaceable for the job. The Agency sees them as an investment against the terrorist problem that they have, with returns on that investment being how many terrorists they can kill or bring back barely alive for questioning. They, as it is said before, are worth millions, if not billions of Euro to research, develop and make. They are not going to freely release them on their own as an agency. Handlers may do as they like but they are responsible for their cyborg's actions.

Fanfiction written many years into the future, even to 100 or more years, shows that the attitude or management of the cyborgs changing, only their technology. They are still machines in the minds of many.

The last thing the cyborgs are considered for is their humanity, femininity and their childhood. They are treated worse then soldiers at times because they are being used and are programmed to accept that condition as the norm. They are drugged up and in some cases, beaten, abused and sexually abused (by Yu Aida's own works of the subject, whether considered as a Hentai piece of work or not, by his own doing, he makes it canon. Whether others accept it as such is on them). For your OC to work as you would want her to be, none of this would exist, but it does and it negates everything you are doing with her. The world of a Gunslinger Girl is not books, teddybears, tea, pastry, candy and white floral print panties. It is one of life, death and ritual killings through a programmed mindset to the subject- the Gunslinger Girl.

Like I said before, what your handler does with his girl OUTSIDE THE COMPOUND is on him. Inside the compound, there are laws, rules, regulations and guidelines that have to be followed or else. They killed Rabello for not abiding to the rules, they killed Ernesto and Pia for the same reason; despite the situations they were in at the time. In the SWA you don't get a slap on the wrist because you do wrong. You get a bullet to the head.

I may agree in what you are say and see where you are taking this, I have to say that it will not work. You have to look into a work-a-round for this and the answer is as I and others have said and done. What happens outside the compound under the handler's supervision is where you should take it. Doing this inside the compound will not work. As a literally device, it will looks like you're pulling it out of your ass (making it so because you say so and no one agrees with you). This will make many readers of your work think that you know nothing about the genre and that you are making it up along the way. This is not how you write a story.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 17:48

Outside the 'compound' Etienne and Emilie are already spending time together in the city.

Main question is: Can she go around in the city of Rome for herself?
To precise it more:
a) Is her Handler allowed to decide this?
If yes, then Etienne decided that his girl can go outside with the condition not to get in trouble and just stay out of everything.
or
b) Is only the agency allowed to decide this?
If this, then they decided that as kind of test, with an eye on her.



I'm already breaking some Rules and going new ways with my Cyborg Emilie, so is it really important that i'm going to break some more?
I mean it's only her, not the whole bunch of Cyborgs, who is getting special Permits and not just for fun, it's part of what the agency wants to do with her in fact that she had become something that never had existed this way before.

I'm accepting advices and I'm capable of learning but i don't want to give up my ideas cause they maybe mess up a little bit with canon even if these ideas have a plausible reasoning.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Hondo Sackett on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 19:33

I'm not up on the whole cannon deal too well, but I can speak from a sense of life.
You say she is the only one? Well that means a couple things, first off no one else does for a reason, so why should she be so much better than the others to have that reason.

Also, there is a widely known fact that you can't give permission to one person in a group without others wantin' the same rights or privileges. What you get is a big can of worms an' internal fightin' on who should be allowed what 'cause someone else was allowed to do somethin'. So the freedom either gets cut off for the one or everyone gets that freedom. Can you see the agency allowin' everyone to have the freedom at the handlers digression? If not I'd try to work it from a different angle.

Even if the agency could have it's way of thinkin' changed would it be a good idea? erhna, that's a hard one. At the price per pound of cyborg tech probably not.

I'd listen to Elfen. He made some good points an Jefe usually knows what he's talkin' 'bout.

That's my 2 cents worth for whatever it's worth to you.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 20:42

Well maybe if we saw it in a story, we could offer some more constructive and concrete advise.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sun 13 Feb 2011 - 20:43

@Hondo Sackett wrote:I'm not up on the whole cannon deal too well, but I can speak from a sense of life.
You say she is the only one? Well that means a couple things, first off no one else does for a reason, so why should she be so much better than the others to have that reason.

Also, there is a widely known fact that you can't give permission to one person in a group without others wantin' the same rights or privileges. What you get is a big can of worms an' internal fightin' on who should be allowed what 'cause someone else was allowed to do somethin'. So the freedom either gets cut off for the one or everyone gets that freedom. Can you see the agency allowin' everyone to have the freedom at the handlers digression? If not I'd try to work it from a different angle.

I thought about another Option that maybe is a bit better without such huge disadvantages you explained, Hondo.

What If a handler is allowed to decide for his Cyborgs if she can go outside alone for herself?
If this is really allowed then i would play the scenario this way:

Etienne and Emilie are on vacation for two weeks in the City of Rome. Emilie asked if she can go to the candy-shop in the near, to buy Belgian Chocolate Sea-Shells and some Belgian Nougat (she really loves Belgian Candy). Etienne let her go with Condition not to get in trouble and to stay out of everything. She went to the Shop and on her way back she stopped at the 'Fontana Di Trevi' and met this boy Emiliano.
Etienne at the same time left the Hotel where they are on vacation and on his way (whatever he wanted to do) he saw Emilie and Emiliano there at the Trevi-Fountain. He saw that she really started to fell in love with this boy and he only smiled happily.
Later, back at their Hotel-room he allowed her that, whenever she wants to, she can go outside on her own and he gave her a mobile phone he bought earlier that day to call her if something is happening..
The next days Emilie left the Hotel every day and met her new boyfriend for hours and hours.
Some days later Etienne noticed that his little 'daughter' was hiding something and asked about it. Emilie offered him that she had got a boyfriend and had 'made Love' this day but fatherly how Etienne is he simply said "It seems my girl has grown up." but Emilie looked down to the ground, and he said "Hey, i don't will tell anyone about that, for sure."...

(Little preview of the chapter what I'm working on right now.)


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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 14 Feb 2011 - 1:03

@schaschanist wrote:Outside the 'compound' Etienne and Emilie are already spending time together in the city.

Main question is: Can she go around in the city of Rome for herself?
To precise it more:
a) Is her Handler allowed to decide this?
If yes, then Etienne decided that his girl can go outside with the condition not to get in trouble and just stay out of everything.
or
b) Is only the agency allowed to decide this?
If this, then they decided that as kind of test, with an eye on her.

a) Yes. But only if he is outside of the compound to begin with. This means signing her out on those agency forms and then taking her out.

b) No. The agency treats the girls like machines, tools and dogs when inside the compound. The handler is responsible for the cyborg and her action for what happens outside the agency. They dont care what happens to the cyborg or the handler as long as they 1) do their job, 2) dont get into trouble with local law enforcement and 3) dont get killed off or hurt in the process. They do not test girls in the real world outside of the agency because if they goes bonkers- they are going to have to explain what happened, why it happened and why did they do it in the real world in not in the lab in the first place. People will be not only fired from their jobs but also arrested for malfeasance of doing their job.


@schaschanist wrote:I'm already breaking some Rules and going new ways with my Cyborg Emilie, so is it really important that i'm going to break some more?
I mean it's only her, not the whole bunch of Cyborgs, who is getting special Permits and not just for fun, it's part of what the agency wants to do with her in fact that she had become something that never had existed this way before.

I'm accepting advices and I'm capable of learning but i don't want to give up my ideas cause they maybe mess up a little bit with canon even if these ideas have a plausible reasoning.
Its your story. But much of the fans of the GsG Genre are going to read this and go Guh?
then they are going to point out:
-If Claes cant go, why should Emi?
-If they are giving Emi this special med, why not the others.
-Does this guy know what GsG is about?

If you look at Fanfiction.net, you will see a lot of one hit wonders, but only a few that really continue to go on in the GsG Universe. You are going to need to everything from the day Emi is found, her entire conversion process and everything else about her to make this work. I'm not denying that you can, I'm saying that its not easy. Hence the difference.

When you started on your OC creation, you should have started on your first 3 chapters for her. Not spend over a month and a half of "I'm going to do this and that and I dont care if I break rules." The proof of your characters is the story you create from them. That is what I want to see, and everything you put here explained in the story. Anything else at this point of a waste of time and talent, and believe me, from what I see you have a lot of talent. Its just being wasted here with posts explaining what you want to do. Ideas are not tested by critics like me telling you what is allowable or not, ideas are tested by actually writing the story. Lets see where you take it from here.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Mon 14 Feb 2011 - 4:30

I will try to go on with my storry, but i can not really find time o write chapters cause of new i deas i have in my mind that i need o write down.

This scene what we are talking about is the newest idea and i have to figure it out.
But its at a later point of the story.

I want to post when its done but its totally out of the timeline order for this...

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Je suis juste un petit fille de goth. -Emilie Valerie De Laroque-
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Mon 14 Feb 2011 - 14:55

Well, something i had drawn yesterday.
Nothing special, only a quick sketch out of boreness of clothes for Emi.

The notes on the top translated:
beret - black with red bow
vest - black, titangrey buttons (alternatively dark grey)
blouse - red, halflength arms (alternatively white)
skirt - black, knee-length
shoes - black, leather (Mary-Janes)
socks - black, thin, short (alternatively white)


Well, Emi's clothes are mostly black, or grey but also some red clothes (my opinion the best contrast for her black hair).
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Mon 14 Feb 2011 - 16:59

@schaschanist wrote:I will try to go on with my storry, but i can not really find time o write chapters cause of new i deas i have in my mind that i need o write down.

This scene what we are talking about is the newest idea and i have to figure it out.
But its at a later point of the story.

I want to post when its done but its totally out of the timeline order for this...

1) The Art looks good.

Back to this post: everything you have written about her in your thread and Dango's Britney thread adds up to a story.

Yes as a gunslinger girl, she will have to kill. But at the same time she has a lot to do with the interpersonal stuff in her life; stuff like with her handler, how is she dealing with her freedoms (you gave her), and her boyfriend she has had sex with. All this adds to something big.

Start with the begining. In most cases- the last days of her human life and how/why she became a cyborg.

Then introduction to her handler and her first day of learning the compound, weapons, mission parameters. The making friends with the other cyborgs.

It builds up from there. Missions, freedoms, etc.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Mon 14 Feb 2011 - 18:02

@ElfenMagix wrote:
@schaschanist wrote:I will try to go on with my storry, but i can not really find time o write chapters cause of new i deas i have in my mind that i need o write down.

This scene what we are talking about is the newest idea and i have to figure it out.
But its at a later point of the story.

I want to post when its done but its totally out of the timeline order for this...

1) The Art looks good.

Back to this post: everything you have written about her in your thread and Dango's Britney thread adds up to a story.

Yes as a gunslinger girl, she will have to kill. But at the same time she has a lot to do with the interpersonal stuff in her life; stuff like with her handler, how is she dealing with her freedoms (you gave her), and her boyfriend she has had sex with. All this adds to something big.

Start with the begining. In most cases- the last days of her human life and how/why she became a cyborg.

Then introduction to her handler and her first day of learning the compound, weapons, mission parameters. The making friends with the other cyborgs.

It builds up from there. Missions, freedoms, etc.

I already have posted two or three chapters. The introducing, first days, making friends.
First mission is still in progress and the first freetime with her Handler is also in progress.

But then i started to think about Their future and now im at the point where i have alot of stuff (Options, Discussions, Facts, Concepts for chapters) but i can not treat me to go on and write chapters with that stuff.

I think i will finish the actual chapter, put it in my sketch book and then i will go on with writing the rest. I will post them when time has come to.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 14:53

Hey Folks,

I had a look in the deepness of my hard disks and found some of the artworks i have done years ago.

This is an artworks of a girl, called Amelie Ellin Heinze:
She was part of a Fiction, but i think she also can fit in the role of Emilie, beret, elegant clothes, blue eyes, long black hair, all necessary is there.
Only thing thats not fitting: trousers especially Jeans. Emi never wears trousers, she only wars skirts or dresses.


And on my Journey through the endless deepness of my hard disks i stumbled about a picture i saved years ago and i think the shown character also can fit for Emilie.
It's a picture of Misaki from Blood Alone, (a manga that i never read, only saw a preview-picture).
Imagine a beret on her and blue eyes and she looks like Emilie.
Best is, Misaki wears black!
Some days ago (i think it was the last weekend) i decided that Emilie is wearing black clothes most of the time and sometimes red tartan-designed clothes as contrast. For example two of her coats, two skirts, a scarf and of course her pajama, all with the unique tartan-design Etienne created only for his little girl Emilie as something very personal.


But what i noticed now:
I never thought or talked about Etienne, his style, what he wears or how does he looks. I always talked about his relationship to Emi and how he treats her but nothing about his look...



Last edited by schaschanist on Sat 12 May 2012 - 8:41; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 15:49

@schaschanist wrote: This is an artworks of a girl, called Amelie Ellin Heinze:
She was part of a Fiction, but i think she also can fit in the role of Emilie, beret, elegant clothes, blue eyes, long black hair, all necessary is there.
Her eyes look a little bit drunk. Have the other girls in the dorm been a bad influence on Emilie?
Only thing thats not fitting: trousers especially Jeans. Emi never wears trousers, she only wars skirts or dresses.
That's something I've done with Marisa as well. She resists long trousers, declaring them "Rico-wear." Elio occasionally has to put his foot down and order her to dress according to mission requirements.

The second picture did not come through for me.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ChaosKin640 on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 16:29

Her eyes look a little bit drunk.
Drunk? Are you kidding me? This girl looks totally blitzed out of her mind. I think someone's been hanging around Brittany after she and Claes harvested their new "herb garden."
Oh yeah, the 2nd pic isn't showing up for me either.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 16:55

I was reminding that i have drawn a bit similar Character some years ago, and this is it.

I was younger and my skills were not very well that time. And i still have problems with drawing eyes.

The fiction for that this picture was, was NO GSG-Fiction.
So it has nothing to do with my OC Emilie.

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I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange? -Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth. -Emilie Valerie De Laroque-
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Danjo3 on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 17:32

@ChaosKin640 wrote:Drunk? Are you kidding me? This girl looks totally blitzed out of her mind. I think someone's been hanging around Brittany after she and Claes harvested their new "herb garden."
Jean on the phone with Dr. Bianchi:

Jean: WHAT?! Another cyborg tested positive for THC? What the fuck is going on here?!

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 18:26

@Danjo3 wrote:Jean: WHAT?! Another cyborg tested positive for THC? What the fuck is going on here?!
I had an idea for a short comedic story wherein Britney & another 'borg (Rachel? Triela?) hear a rumor that Mr. Alboreto has confiscated a sizeable bag of fine Vancouver buds during a safe-house raid and it's sitting in the bottom drawer of his desk...unlocked. With her own supply lines temporarily down, Britney and her accomplice must stage a daring ninja-raid on Elio's office to liberate a share of the greenery.

I'm presently tied down by a bunch of other projects, so if anyone else wants to take that idea and run with it you're welcome to it.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 18:35

I would prefer you, Voodoo or Danjo if you want to use Rachel. Evil

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 19:26

@schaschanist wrote: This is an artworks of a girl, called Amelie Ellin Heinze:
She was part of a Fiction, but i think she also can fit in the role of Emilie, beret, elegant clothes, blue eyes, long black hair, all necessary is there.
Haters gonna hate. I love this picture. She looks Goth enough to hang out with Liesel.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 20:08

@Nachtsider wrote:
@schaschanist wrote: This is an artworks of a girl, called Amelie Ellin Heinze:
She was part of a Fiction, but i think she also can fit in the role of Emilie, beret, elegant clothes, blue eyes, long black hair, all necessary is there.
Haters gonna hate. I love this picture. She looks Goth enough to hang out with Liesel.
For the goth-look another picture of the same girl:

I have drawn it the same time like the other pic years ago in 2007.
Again it was related to a non-GSG Fiction.


Back tot my OC:
Emilie looks... well,.. lets call it a bit 'Goth' with her always black and red clothes. But it was her choice, she really don't want to wear bright clothes. Only black clothes, red for contrast to black and sometimes white.
I think in this point she's a different to the other girls.


Last edited by schaschanist on Sat 12 May 2012 - 9:02; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 21:29

I approve of her dress sense. Liesel doesn't wear bright clothes, either. High Five

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 22:00

@Nachtsider wrote:I approve of her dress sense. Liesel doesn't wear bright clothes, either. High Five
A sister in clothing style. drinkin'

Well, Emilie already looks a little bit strange.
To say it clear, Emi is a lady and she wears elegant clothes, but maybe she is appearing like kind of 'Goth' (for some i would say very few people who think so) cause of the predominantly black color.

('Gothic-Lolita' would be hilarious on her....but it's absolutely nothing she wants to wear. No chance that she will wear that.)
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Professor Voodoo on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 22:39

@schaschanist wrote:she really don't want to wear bright clothes. Only black clothes, red for contrast to black and sometimes white.
I think in this point she's a different to the other girls.
In both anime seasons the girls' clothing colors are rather muted as well. I think the only time we see the color pink is Beatrice's top during the bridge sequence in Il Teatrino.

Check that...Angelica has a pink dress too I guess.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 23:42

To tell the truth, i'm mostly ignoring the clothing colors of the canon-characters in my fiction because i'ts not important to me or the story.

I think if you put the whole stuff into only one neutral media, they would wear normal colors (all shades of blue, red, green, yellow, purple, orange, brown, grey and white) and in opposite Emi only wearing black and red.

So Emilie always will be noticeable and recognizable at the agency cause of her conspicuously different look.

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I don't know where it had come from but somehow I developed a pretty dark personality, sarcasm and irony are my friends, torturing and fooling everybody is my hobby and I wear almost only black....am I strange? -Schaschanist-

Je suis juste un petit fille de goth. -Emilie Valerie De Laroque-
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 17:55

I'm working at the moment on the chapter i named 'The Cyborg gets a Boyfriend'. The chapter to the discussion about Emilie and Emiliano.
Facts are:
- Etienne and Emilie are on vacation for two weeks of holidays.
- Emilie and Etienne spent time to build up their relationship a bit more.
- Emilie found her first love in Emiliano.
- Emilie had her first sex with Emiliano.
All within these two weeks of vacation.

And I thought about some points you all have shown me.
1.) Etienne gave Emilie the freedom for this two weeks of vacation to go outside with Emiliano whenever she wants to.

2.) I think i found a way to solve the problem with the boyfriend.
My idea:
Emiliano was killed by an car accident (rammed by a car) and died in Emilie's arms. At the hotel she begins to cry really horribly for the rest of the day and Etienne tried to comfort her. They both shut their mouths about this case and will keep that as their secret back at the agency.
So Emi's vacation started good, became even better and ended in a big catastrophe for her.



But it seems that it's all going to grown up more than i originally have imagined and therefor i decided to split the whole chapter into parts.
Right now i have eight finished pages. Five for the first part 'the cyborg gets a boyfriend 1', three and a half for the next part and i think it will take some more pages to finish the complete chapter.
I will post what i have when i've translated the text in my thread about 'New Ways' in the library.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Nachtsider on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 19:32

Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by Schaschanist on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 20:12

Hmm, it was just a quick idea.
But what you say is a very good idea.

Then i would play that scene like this:
Emilie and Emiliano were on walk. They stumbled into a plot-planing of three Padanians. The villains shot at the two teenagers. Emiliano tried to escape the gunfire when Emilie jumped up and killed two of the padanian Idiots with only one knife and a few hard kicks and punches (remember, Emi's expertized in close combat and knife-fighting). But the third padanian idiot shot at Emiliano and he was hit by several bullets. Emiliano laid on the ground bleeding heavily and watched how Emilie tore off the head of the third padanian idiot with her bare hands.
Dying in her arms Emiliano asked 'who are you really?', Emilie answered crying 'Forgive me my sweetheart. i hided you that i'm a trained killer cyborg,' He touched her cheek and said 'no matter what you are, i still love you, Emilie.' with his last breath and died. Emilie shouted loudly 'No!!!' to the sky.


Thanks, Nachtsider. Now it's alot more tragedy in this scene and it's alot better than what i imagined.
I will use that. for the chapter but i still have to bridge the gap between that and the first day Emilie and Emiliano met.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ElfenMagix on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 21:36

@Nachtsider wrote:Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.
No Piano falling on his little head? Gas Explosion at the hotel? Terrorists holding up a bank? A vampire hiding in the darkness of the alley seeking a drink? Amateur single engine plane into the side of the hotel? Internet Organ Stealing Conspiracies? Come On! We Can Do This?!! There Has To Be A Way To Kill A Kid Here!

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by theprodigalson on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 21:44

@ElfenMagix wrote:
@Nachtsider wrote:Rammed by a car is a little... humdrum. A little blah. Ideally, I would've had him die as a result of Emi's job (caught in a crossfire, perhaps even die saving her), and find out who she was as he lay dying. His final words to her was that he still loved her despite what she was, or perhaps BECAUSE of what she was. More tragedy/romance that way.
No Piano falling on his little head? Gas Explosion at the hotel? Terrorists holding up a bank? A vampire hiding in the darkness of the alley seeking a drink? Amateur single engine plane into the side of the hotel? Internet Organ Stealing Conspiracies? Come On! We Can Do This?!! There Has To Be A Way To Kill A Kid Here!

Drugs. Laundry Detergent in the cocaine.

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Re: Creation of a new OC

Post by ChaosKin640 on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 21:52

He turns out to be the son of a mob-boss she's sent to kill.
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Re: Creation of a new OC

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