CI teaching thread

[crazyidiot78]

Inspired by Alfisti's short post in the if you could be a cyborg post we now have for your reading pleasure the adventures of CI teacher of the cyborgs. Anyone is welcome to join in. CI can and will teach any subject to the best of his ability however limited it is.

With the increased number of cyborgs and duties that the handlers are needed to perform Lorenzo hired on a permenant teacher to run the continuing education of the cyborgs. However before he could launch a search through the teachers at the nations military schools this Crazyidiot fellow dropped into the agency's lap. He was touring Italy when he tried to help Tea when she was being mugged while running a small errand for him. Tea fought off the attacker throwing him down the alley into a nearby dumpster. Thinking that he had seen her enhanced abilities Tea brought him back to the agency and before him where he sat currently waiting an explination as to why Tea brought him to the orphanage.
"Mr. CI you seem to have us at a dissadvantage. The abilities Tea displayed are a state secret, she is the prototype for a line of combat cyborgs currently in use by our government." Lorenzo explained.
"Wow she is a cyborg. Cool, I just thought she was some kind of judo expert or something," CI replied. "Learn something new everyday I guess."
Lorenzo smacked his forhead before continuing. "You mean to tell me that you thought see a teenaged girl through a full grown man into a dumpster a normal occurance."
"Well yeah its not the strangest thing I've seen," CI replied.
"Great so what am I going to do with you," Lorenzo muttered.
"Um you could let me go?" CI asked. "Sir I have those reports," Ferro said stepping into his office.
"New handler sir," Ferro asked as the man sitting in the chair gave her an apreciative look taking in her features. Ferro blushed unused to such attention. She was wasn't used to being looked at in such a way as her sister Denise got all the attention from the boys growing up.
"No," Lorenzo replied.
"Darn, I was hoping that he was we need some one to fill in for Bianchi's class and no one is available," Ferro groaned not looking forward to trying to teach the cyborgs biology.
"Um I'm biology teacher," CI cut in. This is my chance to get on her good side and maybe get out of this mess. "I've taught MS biology for the past three years back in America."
"Good come with me," Ferro said dragging the surprised man out of Lorenzo's office.

"So what exactly will I be teaching Miss," CI asked as she drug him down the hall.
"Ferro, and I don't know something involving Mushrooms I think," Ferro replied.
"Ah Kingdom Fungi, I can manage that no problem," CI replied.
"Look, I know you just want to help out to get your self out of this mess but your not agency personel so these girls will eat you alive so watch yourself. It's best to just give them some book work and keep your head down," Ferro said thinking of the last subsitute they tried. Needless to say she was enjoying a nice vacation until her nerves recovered.
"So they are little bastards no problem," CI replied.
"Oh hell," Ferro thought opening the door to the auditorium seeing today's class. Marisa, Rico, Henrietta, Triela, Beatrice, Petra, Jay, and Claes. "Good luck," Ferro said giving him a pat on the shoulder.

And so begins the epic tale. Will CI survive.

[crazyidiot78]

Here are the shorts created by Alfisti and myself. Your regularaly scheduled program will return shortly.

Alfisti wrote:
crazyidiot78 wrote:
I'd probably end up as the poor sap hired to teach the girls academic classes. Spitballs from cyborgs will probably leave welts. Although there homework ecuses will be epic I and more than likely all to true in most cases.Marisa: STEVE ATE MY HOMEWORK!

CI: Sorry Marisa, not good enough. That was your excuse last week.

Claes: Actually Sir, she's not lying this time. The petshop ran out of hamsters.

LOL
Then there is this one
Me- Rico why are there holes in your homework.
Rico- That's from when the Padania shot me
Me- why did i take this job

Or
Me- Its a bit violent in its imagery but the use of red paint makes for a very realistic and poinant sketch
Claes- Thats blood sir.
Me-
Claes- The padania scum Kara and I had to track down bleed out all over my bag and some landed on the sketch. Sorry about that.
Me- Why do I keep asking

for the finally
Me- Beatrice what is this. holding up the remains of a project
Beatrice- Well I was working on the diarama as assigned while on a mission with Bernardo when we ran into some trouble.
Me- What did you do?
Beatrice- Well I used some of the stuff you taught us in chemistry last week and ......
Rico- It was great there was this big boom and then this funny green gas was floating around and all the padania went and felll over. Can you make us some more of that stuff Beatrice I'm going on a mission with Jean tomorrow and
Me- Beatrice I taught you that so you would know what not to do so you. No more making mustard gas.
Jean- CI my office now!!!!!!
Me- fuck me I'm boned
Beatrice + Rico- don't worry we put in a good word for you.
Me- ....................................... .

And

Me- Henrietta with this big red stain on your home work I can't read it so you will have to rewrite it.
Henrietta- stupid gellato melted to fast. She grumbled takign the paper back.
Me- well at least it wasn't blood this time.
Henrietta- I got the gelatto because the knuckle head bleed all over my new dress. Stupid padania why do they have to break so easily and ruin my new clothes.
Me- some one hates me
Triela- are you alright CI
Me- I'm fine do you have your essay done.
Triela- yes. hands over the assignment.
Me- no holes, no blood stains, well written and complete .
Triela- I hope its not to dark for you sir but you did ask us to write about a traumatic experience and how we delt with it.
Me- why did i have to take that suggestion from my old proffessor. what did you do
triela- well this bastard beat me so i ripped his throat out. I learned that the best way to deal with some one screwing with you is to rip them apart.
claes- what about hillshire you complain about him all the time.
triela- shut up
Me- well triela she does have a point do you rip apart everyone who messes with you
Henrietta- no she makes them buy her teddy bears
Me- now triela there is no need to hurt anyone urk.
Triela- stupid teacher stupid hillshire. Triela storms out of the rooom with CI flat on his back vowing never to try and bring up an ethics or character building lesson ever again lest the blond hair demon child kills him..

and

courtesy of Voodoo

CI takes the girls on a geology field trip...

CI: Over here is a limestone outcrop where we might find some fossils if we're lucky. Ah...(picks up a stone)...and right here is some volcanic pumice. Eh...Kara, please keep up with the group.

Kara: Mr. CrazyIdiot, this is completely boring. The only rocks I care about are rubies & sapphires.

CI: Both types of the mineral corundum. Now, Kara...how do your rate your chances of actually receiving any of these stones if I report to your handler that you got an F in my class?

Kara: (thinks for a moment) Hmmm...you have a valid point. Hey, I think I see some feldspar over there!.

and


Me- now today class we are going to see a practical demonstration on the concepts we learned yesterday. Pulls a sheet off of the large table to reveal a pool table.
Henrietta- Thank goodness no more boring math
Petra- hehehe maybe next time Sandro will let me play. Petra thought thinking to all the times Sandro played pool as part of their cover in numerous seedy bars.
Me- Now building on what we learned yesterday if we know the angle we hit the ball at in relationship to the side of the table and the amount of force we put into it you can acurately determine where it will go. Hits a bank shot knocking a ball into the pocket.
Everyone- cool
Me- Yes they are engaged in the lesson and there is no way this can get me into anymore trouble Now why don't you come down here and give it a try.
An hour passed and all the girls seemed to get the idea and how it connected to the previous lessons on angles and geometry. Several days have passed since then and everything seemed to be looking up for me. The girls were paying attention and that hard ass Jean hasn't ripped me a new one recently.

Kara- Rico why would you even attempt something like that
Rico- but it worked in the demonstration last week
Kara- that was with pool not a sniper rifle. Swats rico on the back of the head.
Marisa- Lay off it worked didn't it. We still nailed the bastard and Ferro made it out ok.
Kara- but your stunt nearly killed Ferro
Marisa- Hey all she lost was some hair no big deal and the target is still dead besides a direct hit would have gone right through him anyway. Marisa commented on the attempt to bank a sniper round at the terrorist holding Ferro hostage sending spalling shrapnel into his face and cutting off Ferro's newly grown out hair.

Me- Girls what did you do?
Marisa- Rico put your lesson to practical use sir
Me- oh hell no ......
Ferro- CI my office now
Me- at least ill have something nice to look at while I get my head ripped off
Kara- Sensei likes Ferro. Runs away giggling
Me- Kara wait
Ferro- I'm waiting .......

and

Lorenzo- This is impressive Jean an entire Padania cell captured alive without firing a single shot. How did you pull it off.
Jean- um well you see sir
Lorenzo- out with it
Jean- i sent Rico and Henrietta with some of the cookies they made in CI's home ec class over to the building under the guise of a bake sale to scout out the place.
Lorenzo- good thinking. That must have made the assault go smoothly.
Jose- Um well you see sir we never actually assaulted the building
Lorenzo- what !!!!!!!
Jean- when they spotted us an hour or so later they ran out of the building begging for the antidote
Lorenzo- Jean I thought I made it perfectly clear to you that poisoning terrorists was unaceptable
Jose- but sir we didn't technically poison the terrorists
Lorenzo- then what did you do
Jean- i had Henrietta and Rico use the cookies they made for Home EC since no one else was eating them
Jose- sir its not our fault they can't cook and CI was the only one who tasted them and he wasn't around when we left

CI- high girls how was the mission
Henrietta- it was great we captured all of them since they got sick after we scouted out the building
Rico- Henrietta why do you think all of the Padania got sick.
Henrietta- I don't know but I thought the chocolate covered in cotton candy would make the cookies extra sweet
CI- oh god ...... runs for a trash can ......
Rico- are you ok Mr. CI I think I still have some cookies left if your hungry. Chocolate and cotton candy
CI-
Lorenzo- CI my office now.

[Professor Voodoo]

Henrietta- I don't know but I thought the chocolate covered in cotton candy would make the cookies extra sweet
CI- oh god ...... runs for a trash can ......

This isn't too far from reality.
Years ago an avionics technician in my fighter squadron told a story of when she was a lifeguard. The other lifeguards were always giving her shit so one night she baked 2 batches of chocolate-chip cookies.

Batch #1 she placed out in the public area at her pool...for the swim class students. It was safe.

Batch #2 she kept in the lifeguard's office for her co-workers. Instead of chocolate chips this batch had chunks of Ex-Lax baked into them. The other lifeguards took the bait...and the laxative took effect just as they had gotten into the pool to teach their classes, necessitating several mad-dashes to the bathroom.

Ferro: Interesting strategy...but even against the Padania that would be considered cruel & unusual.

[crazyidiot78]

Um that works but I was going with the cotton candy being mold with Rico and Henrietta not being able to tell the difference.

[crazyidiot78]

CI entered the room walking up to the large white board and began writing his name on the board as girls looked on trying to gauge the newcomer. He was younger than the other handlers and tall with dark hair. He didn't look like a new handler and there were no rumors of the agency gaining another cyborg. Then he must be another substitutue Marisa thought grinning evily.
"Hello my name is Brian Michael Waterson," the man called out as a young girl came rushing in.
"Sorry I'm late," the girl called out taking a seat next to the lone boy in the class.
"And who might you be," Brian asked the late comer.
"Allison Mcdonnell," Allison replied.
"You're late," Brian said before continuing. "Now my name is Brian Michael Waterson, but you can call me Mr. Waterson,"
"Cool your initials are BMW can I call you that instead," Allison called out.
"Yes my initials do spell BMW and it is purely coincidental. Now if there are no more quesitons," Brian asked surprised to find there were none as the girls looked thoroughly disinterested with the red head blatently using her cellphone. "No wonder this is power point to death, this is boring even for me," Brian thought glancing over the prepared lesson.

"Mr. Waterson, if you just give us the handout we can get started," the long haired blond girl said.
Brian scanned the chart Ferro gave him before answering. "I'm sorry Triela but there has been a change of plans,"
"Oh what's that, a movie," the red head named marisa called out.
"No it's not a movie, we are having class outside today. You can't learn about biology just sitting behind a desk. I saw some woods behind the compound here and we can find all kinds of fungus there and you'll get to see why they are important in nature.
"Cool," Marisa cheered with an equally excited Henrietta and Rico. While the red head Petra continued to text away on her phone.
"I'm afraid your boyfriend will have to wait miss," Brian said snatching the phone out of Petra's hands.
"Hey," Petra cried out.
"You can get it at the end of class. Now lets go." Brian said leading the small class out the door. They picked up some plastic bags from the cafeteria before heading to the woods at the back of the complex. Brian quickly explained what fungs looked like before setting the girls out to find an example of each type of fungs and bring it back to him.

Rico and Marisa dove into the woods with reckless abandon determined to find an example of each type of fungus. Beatrice and a reluctant Henrietta also soon vanished into the forest in search of mushrooms. Petra on the other hand couldn't stop bitching about the loss of her cellphone while Triela just grumbled about disgusting mushrooms. Claes stayed back content to read over a guide book about mushrooms she brought to class that day.

Deciding he might need to check on them Brian headed off into the woods to find the last pair since she mentioned finding some wild mushrooms to eat. After a few minutes he overheard a pair of hushed voices.

"Wow look at this one its so pretty," Allison said looking at a rather colorful mushroom.
"Not as pretty as you," Jay said looking over her shoulder.
"You're a dork, but you're my dork." Allison laughed turning to face the boy.
"I um," Jay stuttered fighting for something to say with Allison so close to him.

"While I can certainly understand your sentiments. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from certain activities while in my class. Beside that I wouldn't recomend that while standing in the middle of poison Hemlock." Brian said to the shocked teens.

"But we weren't," they both said in unison.
"I'm sure you weren't but it wasn't to long ago I was your age. I don't care what you do, just don't do it in my class." Brian said as he went to check on the others.

The class ended in success as rico and Marisa managed to find numerous examples of a variety of fungi, Beatrice and Henrietta manged to find several large truffles, while Alison and Jay did manage to find several edible varieties of mushrooms. They enjoyed snacking on the mushrooms while he explained the many characteristics and uses of mushrooms and soon the period was over. Quickly sending the girls on their way as an angry Ferro headed his way.
"You Crazy Idiot all you had to do was follow the lesson, but no that was to simple for you. We spent the last 15min searching for the girls," Ferro yelled.
"Um, sorry," Brian replied.

[crazyidiot78]

"Ferro I really don't see what the problem is," Lorenzo said.
"But sir Petra was out of contact with Sandro for over an hour," Ferro complained.
"I don't know who Sandro is but I'm assuming he is her boyfriend or somethign because she was giggling like crazy when I took her phone. Honestly I didn't think not texting her boyfriend for an hour would be a big deal." Brian replied.
"Argh, can't you see he has no idea what we do here. I can't believe you're going through with this," Ferro groaned.
"He taught our girls an engaging lesson that kept there attention with out the need for the handlers to be teachers. With Brian covering their education we can free up the handlers for other duties. If you are that worried about it Ferro then you are now officialy the principal of the SWA cyborg academy." Lorenzo laughed.
"What," Ferro screamed.
"Well I've always wanted to teach over seas. Cool," Brian replied. It was a bit odd but the pay way good and maybe they would let him start a crew team with the girls supposed abilities they would destroy the competition.
"Well now that, thats settled. I will let the two of you get to work on the curiculum." Lorenzo said leaving the pair to get started.

"So what is the goal of the academy," Brian asked.
"What," Ferro asked.
"What are the educational goals of the academy," Brian asked.
"Ugh you have no idea do you," Ferro groaned.
"Hu," Brian looked at her in confusions as she explained the purpose of the agency and the final fate of the girls.
"Oh, I see, then we should focus on knowledge they might need on the job in addition to the skills and knowledge they will need to go on to college," Brian replied.
"You didn't here a thing I just said you crazy idiot," Ferro replied.
"Nope I did but who is to say science won't improve by then so why worry about it, for all we know they might still surive there is always a chance. You need to think positive Ferro other wise you will age before your time, and that would be such a shame for your pretty face," Brian said.
Ferro gasped in shock throwing her glass of water in his face before storming out.
"Well that could have gone better," Brian muttered.

[crazyidiot78]

If the cyborgs had midterms

girls- Mr. CI we have decided we don't like this concept of tests especially midterms.

CI- but girls they are necessary to determine if you have fully mastered the material.

Girls - yes but our handlers don't like it when we fail and that means punishment and no rewards.

CI- um girls i think we can come to some sort of agreement. oh shit- cheese it - runs away.

Girls- get him .

CI- save me .......