A question about bullies.

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A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 3:31

One of my roommates has been picking on me all the time. Ok, well I shouldn't say one of them. All three kinda attacked me at once.

They actually sat me down one day and told me that I would never amount to anything. That I couldn't stand up for myself. Instead of making myself a home-cooked, well balanced dinner, that to save time I should just make ramen and microwavable food every night. That I'm going to be one of those people in their 40's that wear Star Wars shirts and people feel sorry for. That when their around me it's like they're around a 12 year old. And that when I graduate they want me to walk away from school and be someone who they know will make it in the world, not someone who will fail. They see me as someone who won't make it in the world as I am now. That I need someone to hold my hand the whole way.

No, I don't have a job. Yes I have had one before. I don't have one because I KNOW my grades would suffer. I'm already struggling to keep up with the homework as it is.

Yes, I'm the best person to pick an oral fight with because I freeze up. I don't know what to say, and I think of clever remarks after the fact.

Traveling 2 hours from New York to Delaware to go to college was a big step for me. I can't even get around on the subway by myself in Manhattan. (Yet. I have hope...) And I'm living in a whole new city, having to balance school, homework, cleaning, laundry, shopping, and some fun stuff all at once.

Yesterday I went to a Linkin Park concert. I had gotten the tickets last year. That semester was when I had fridays off from class. This semester is different. I had to skip my friday class to go to the concert. One of my roommates made a snide remark about it on facebook. I tried to defend myself, but she's one of those people that uses sarcasm to win an argument. The fight went back and forth on my own wall. Finally I deleted my wall post because I didn't want that stuff to be on my wall. My wall is supposed to be filled with Adommy and fun, so off it went.

My roommate said something on her own wall like: "It's funny how some people delete stuff off their wall to hide the fact that they just got their ass handed to them in a fight." I said something and it went back and forth.

Turns out that I'm an "entertaining target" (yes she said that) She wants to teach me a life lesson. Who does she think she is Jigsaw??

I stopped the fight by saying:
"Was this all to see how I would react to you saying something negative to me? How I would handle the situation myself? Well I don't need these little life lessons about defending myself. Maybe I'm not the best when it comes to fighting, but I know when the fighting needs to end. Can we stop this now? I'm getting very tired of it all. It's not in my nature."

She says my reactions to things over time interests her.



So sorry for my wall-o-text. If you don't want to read it, it's fine. I'm just ranting. Now that you know my story my question is: Why do people act like that to someone like me? Or just to people in general. Has this ever happened to you?

It's gotten to a point where I almost never leave my bedroom when I'm at my apartment.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by boomer_gonz on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 4:32

No, no, and hell to the M-F no.

You do not need to change yourself to make it in the world.

You do not need to sacrifice your identity and ideals to find success. On the flip side, being successful is much easier when you don't leap frog through personas on a whim because you want to "satisfy" an employer.

You are you; there is absolutely nobody else like you and God bless you for it.

Taking in what I've heard from your post and what you've said in the past; they seem to be nothing more than catty bitches who are jealous of the fact hat you don't have to change who you are.

when I graduate they want me to walk away from school and be someone who
they know will make it in the world, not someone who will fail."

Who the hell are they kidding? Those kind of fake niceties are the worst. And it only makes them look like asses because they actually assume they can make you think that they're being nice to you.

Truth be told, their methods may work in the real world and they might even find success, but I'll be damned if they can keep it up long enough to sustain it.

If in your position I'd do my best to either find new accommodations or transfer out. You're better than this and them.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by crazyidiot78 on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 9:21

@boomer_gonz wrote:No, no, and hell to the M-F no.

You do not need to change yourself to make it in the world.

You do not need to sacrifice your identity and ideals to find success.."

Boomer is right and your roommates are acting like a bunch of spoiled middle school brats who are picking on some one to hid their own problems. There is no need to change who you are.
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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by windfish55 on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 16:16

Your roommates sound horrible, Triela. I don't know how you can live like that, if this is their normal behavior. I think you should make it your goal to get away from them. If you don't, they're only going to get worse.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 16:30

Is in this in any way related to that guy who keeps trying to kill you in his sleep?

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Officer_Charon on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 16:45

Just my $0.02, based on my observations of you through the filter of this forum.

While there may (I stress: MAY) be some validity to their claim that you need to "toughen up," it's not going to happen through them picking at you. Thicker skin comes with growing up and experience, not necessarily through constant pain and/or disgrace.

I say this, because I've been there. I was bullied in school, picked on because I was quiet, because I was always the new kid (I moved a lot), and because I never fought back. It left me very nervous, high-strung, and able to only partially function in the real world. I would lash out or freeze up whenever I would get teased, far out of proportion to what was initiated.

For me, my toughening process came through boot camp. It gave me a shot of self-esteem that helped me to see that there were other options. Now, teasing is met with a smile and a smart-aleck remark. Attempts at intimidation are met with a staredown that I don't break.

This one person in particular that you mentioned definitely does not have your best interests at heart. As previously stated, she is definitely acting like a middle school thug, enjoying the fact that she's protected by the internet. And while it's not your nature to fight, understand that she will continue to do this until she's bored (which in my experience takes a long time) you retaliate in a manner that shows her that you're not to be trifled with (which you've already said is not something you're comfortable with), or you show her that it's not getting to you. Turn the other cheek, water off a duck's back, I am rubber, you are glue etc.

Keep your head up, kiddo. You are better than this - this is nothing but words. Words can be stressful, sure, but they can also be ignored. A good stock response that I learned long ago would be "If you want me to acknowledge you, try saying something worth listening to."

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by theprodigalson on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 16:49

Triela, I don't know you very well personally, but I've seen enough of your posts to know you like things like anime, Adommy, drawing, dinosaurs, drawing dinosaurs, and probably drawing anime dinosaurs having a birthday party with Adommy! These things are not mainstream. To me this screams sense of self. You do not feed off another person or group to gain an identity.

Are your likes childish? I think so. And you know what? THAT IS OK! We all share the same fate. If they want to use their time to seek success and fame, then I wish them good luck because the world will gladly devour them if they should fail. You, meanwhile, will be pursuing things you honestly enjoy.

Now, this is not an excuse to give up on the world and not try to achieve. Finding that middle ground where you are proud of what you accomplished and still kept your integrity is a goal we should all hope for.

I might be sounding a bit pretentious at this point, but one day we will all reach our end, and if along the way you choose to have light-hearted fun and be true to yourself living without regret, then I challenge them to stand up and measure their "success" against your happiness. At the end of the day, we only have to answer to ourselves (and I believe God) to know if we lived a full life. And all this is assuming you don't achieve success anyway!

Besides, attacking someone else's way of life for no other reason than "It intrests me" seems like the ultimate in childish behavior.
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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by ElfenMagix on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 17:09

@boomer_gonz wrote:No, no, and hell to the M-F no.

You do not need to change yourself to make it in the world.

You do not need to sacrifice your identity and ideals to find success. On the flip side, being successful is much easier when you don't leap frog through personas on a whim because you want to "satisfy" an employer.

You are you; there is absolutely nobody else like you and God bless you for it.

Taking in what I've heard from your post and what you've said in the past; they seem to be nothing more than catty bitches who are jealous of the fact hat you don't have to change who you are.

when I graduate they want me to walk away from school and be someone who
they know will make it in the world, not someone who will fail."

Who the hell are they kidding? Those kind of fake niceties are the worst. And it only makes them look like asses because they actually assume they can make you think that they're being nice to you.

Truth be told, their methods may work in the real world and they might even find success, but I'll be damned if they can keep it up long enough to sustain it.

If in your position I'd do my best to either find new accommodations or transfer out. You're better than this and them.
I agree with Boomer.
They are fake assholes who need to deliver some fake authority to make it themselves look good.

You need to move on because you will do better than they. And when you leave, leave a 200 page complaint about them so they can get kicked out. Thus, you will succeed and they will join welfare. Seriously. People who think they can put others down to make themselves look good need to be put down themselves to be reminded that they are not so almighty and powerful.

Good luck, I know you will do better than most, Triela.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 17:20

Thank you all for your kind words. They really mean a lot to me.

You guys hit the nail right on the head, and you see how my roommate really is. She even said she wasn't going to get bored with my any time soon. She basically said that my feelings are like a game to her. I think it's odd that the people who know her at college, and are my friends as well, don't see this as a negative. They don't even try to defend me, and yet they defend my roommate and say that she's right. >_<

Who the hell are they kidding? Those kind of fake niceties are the worst. And it only makes them look like asses because they actually assume they can make you think that they're being nice to you.

That's exactly what I thought when they spoke to me. I took what they said as I sat their, and agreed with them and really thought they were trying to help me. Sure it was all hurtful, but they even SAID they were trying to help me. Afterwards though, the words sank in and I realized that all they said was only putting me down, it it was nothing that they could help me change. I'm still the same person I was before they had this little talk with me, nothing about me has changed. If anything I became even more vocal (if that is even possible) about Adam Lambert and Star Wars (which they all hate) because I wanted to show them I wasn't going to change my ways.

Is in this in any way related to that guy who keeps trying to kill you in his sleep?

No, not at all. Though they get on my case all the time because I won't let him sleep over our apartment. (Even though his apartment is only ONE flight up from ours) Don't they get it? He tried to kill me more than once. He does not sleep in my apartment. I really don't like fearing for my life.

@Officer

That's exactly how I am. You basically described me to the letter. I'm really bad at making friends as well, since I'm deathly quiet, until someone starts talking to me. However, I'm an artist and I don't think boot camp is the best place for me. I'm not exactly the athletic type. I can barely throw a ball. XDDDDD I do try to fight back against my roommate when she makes remarks when we're at the apartment, but she always has something else to say. I only have one comeback in me, and that's it. One and done. ^_^;;;;

Triela, I don't know you very well personally, but I've seen enough of your posts to know you like things like anime, Adommy, drawing, dinosaurs, drawing dinosaurs, and probably drawing anime dinosaurs having a birthday party with Adommy! These things are not mainstream. To me this screams sense of self. You do not feed off another person or group to gain an identity.

XDDDD I love this! You also forgot Star Wars. That's a big one! ^o^ You've just given me a great idea for a picture. Thank you! Very Happy You're absolutely right. I am always true to myself, and it seems off-putting to almost everyone everyone around me. These people are really fickle and seem to not stick with one fad for too long before moving on to the next big thing.


I only have 4 more months till I graduate. I can make it! I have to be strong! >Sad

Thank you all again for your words of encouragement! I love you guys!!!! Glomp

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Piero on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 17:51

I haven't had to deal with this kind of thing in a long time, but I can relate to it. I'm not sure I'm the best person to give advice on how to deal with it, but at least allow my to express my condolences.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Guest on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 17:54

If you getting attacked by bullies. Just ignore them. If they here again. Ask the cop and arrest the bully who threat you or harass you. I don't like bully who harass me for no reason. I got attacked by bullies on YouTube. Because they are not nice to me. Bullies hate anime.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by theprodigalson on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 18:19

MasterChiefSnake wrote: Bullies hate anime.

And kittens.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by FearTheLASERFACE on Sun 6 Feb 2011 - 18:56

@theprodigalson wrote:
MasterChiefSnake wrote: Bullies hate anime.

And kittens.

I'm sure they'll be nice to that kitty.

I overall agree with what has been said about those roommates.
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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by MadHatChemist on Mon 7 Feb 2011 - 1:48

It sounds like they are typical bully who get their kicks out of dragging other people down. You can safely ignore anything they say because they probably don't care about why they are putting you down -- only that they are putting you down.

If you don't react to them then they will probably not expend the effort any longer. Unless they are physically hurting you or messing with your friends and/or stuff, this is probably the best first step to go.

If things continue to be bad I would seriously consider moving because no one should feel compelled to live with schmucks. If you live in a private apartment I'd suggest looking into finding somewhere else sub rosa, and would even suggest that if you live in a school dorm (university policy usually requires that you all be sat down to talk about it which just signals to the bully that they are getting to you.

As for the "friends" that defend the bully, they probably aren't your friends. It is one thing to disagree with a person, it is another to harass them about it. I may joke about differences with my friends, but I've only done so after we've gotten to know each other. There may be people who may think you should change and offer to help you change out of kindness, but those types of people won't put you down; this is pretty clear evidence that these bullies don't want to help you in any way shape or form. Heck, there is no reason that people with diametrically opposing viewpoints can't get along, or at the very least tolerate each other (and I've had to tolerate a lot)

Above all else, don't buy into their garbage -- whether you stand up to them or simply endure stoically, don't give in and never believe their lies.

Also, keep us updated and let us know if things get worse, as I'm sure everyone here will have positive suggestions to help.
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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by 124C41 on Mon 7 Feb 2011 - 3:05

If you feel like working on your arguing skills, I would be more than happy to have it out with you!
Anyone can tell you why your favorite color is wrong and there is little chance you will change thier mind.
Arguing about subjective things like your hobbies and interests is really pretty pointless. I'm sure they enjoy it somewhat or they would not bing it up.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Nachtsider on Mon 7 Feb 2011 - 3:48

It looks like a bunch of twats are jealous of a unique, lovely, multi-talented and delightfully quirky young lady who has achieved - and will continue to achieve - far, far more than they ever have or ever will. It also looks like the young lady in question has some serious culling to do where her list of friends and acquaintances is concerned. File a harassment complaint to whom it may concern, move elsewhere and leave the lying trolls to stew in their own filth while you keep doing and loving what you do and love best. You should not put up with their bullshit any longer.

We adore you for who you are, Tri. Never, ever change.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Nachtsider on Mon 7 Feb 2011 - 4:40

Also, pic related:

Spoiler:

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Mon 7 Feb 2011 - 17:12

Awww thank you so much Nacht!!!! Very Happy Since I got back to my apartment she put me down again, so I needed to read words of encouragement. Whenever I'm feeling down by my roommate I'll think about everything you guys have said to me. It really makes me feel stronger, and that maybe I can stand up to her.

The picture... made me laugh so hard! Thanks so much for that!! ^______^ XDDDD

Thank you thank you thank you everyone!!!!

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Nuke is Good on Mon 7 Feb 2011 - 18:11

I'm late to the party.

The moment you change to what they think is right is the moment they win. Be yourself. Sounds like your roommates themeslves were targets of bullying or some form of gossiping circle. This is college, not some high school bullshit.

I was dealt a similar hand with you in my freshman year of college, I basically roomed with "Bros" so I got weird looks for my anime interests. Hell, I've been accused of looking up bomb plans after V-Tech happened, just because I was a quiet asian male.

Take this experience with you, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or a little nuttier. Its up to you how to change it. While you're in college, try to find at least one good friend to hang out with. One good friend is worth more than a plethora of "friends". I guess hit me up on Facebook or something if you need to vent.



And in a joking manner: Be more obnoxious with your interests. Blast the Imperial March when you enter the room, smack the bitches and hoes with a ForceFX saber, blast super kawaii desu desu music all night long, hell pipe in some old school Linkin Park music to make it feel like something's crawling in their skin with a wound that will not heal, break their habit of pissing you off because in the end it doesn't even matter since they tried so far.
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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Wed 23 Feb 2011 - 20:21

As Chemist requested an update is in order.

I have been ignoring my roommate for weeks now, never saying or responding to anything she said. Last night I posted a picture of Tommy on my facebook, as usual. Not for anyone else to enjoy. Just for myself.

One of my roommates said that "no one cared" in the comment section. Fed up with people CONSTANTLY saying bad things about Adam and Tommy since DAY ONE I posted on my wall saying all negative comments about them would be deleted.

My roommate that is the biggest problem posted "boeit niemand~ Very Happy" on my Tommy picture. I knew it was Dutch so I used a translator. It says (roughly I imagine) "captivates nobody." I deleted that.

(Mind you that she is in the living room, not even 20 steps away from my room. She is with another roommate and a friend. They turn on loud music, but I still hear them laughing it up about my facebook.)

Then she posted "positive" on my picture. And that was the last straw. I stormed out of my room.

Me: *screaming* Leave me alone! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!
Roommate: (with a smile) But that was a positive comment!
Me: I don't care! Leave me alone!

With that I walked back into my room while my roommate howled with laugher at my screaming.

I was so angry I was shaking. I'm not an angry person. I can't believe this monster of a person drives me to be the complete opposite of myself.

Screaming at her after all this time made me feel empowered though, even after she laughed at me.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Tue 5 Apr 2011 - 4:29

I've been having problems with some of the things I have posted on Facebook about Adam and Tommy lately... AGAIN. I think I'm also getting nervous because I'm going back to school today after a week of spring break. ;_; I wrote to Tommy Joe Ratliff about my situation and HE REPLIED! <3333



I'm so happy he took the time to answer me. I think I'm going to read this to my "friends" and roommates. >:(

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Nachtsider on Tue 5 Apr 2011 - 4:45

Tri, I'm delighted that you managed to connect to Tommy. He's showing some real class by replying to your question, and sagacity, too, I might add. Listen to the man; I strongly believe he's right in suggesting that you move away from such a toxic environment. Give it some serious thought and see who you can consult. Hang in there and keep it together, girl - graduation's not far off. You ain't come this far.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Wed 6 Apr 2011 - 18:43

Thanks Nacht! ^_^ I was so happy that I almost cried. Tommy is really a person to be admired. Graduation is in a month. Can't wait to get out of here! ^_^

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by maverick375 on Wed 6 Apr 2011 - 20:14

Don't do anything to seek their approval, and avoid them as much as possible. Keep deleting their negative postings. Make it clear to them that you don't want to be near them, hear from them, or any other contact. Anything you do is going to be further ammunition for their amusement. People like that need to grow up and realize that they're the ones with problems if they have to justify their own existence by making others miserable.
I've dealt with my share of bullies throughout middle and high schools, and the only thing that sunk in to their tiny brains was the fact that they could not get a rise out of me, and they gave up eventually, but it took a while. You have to take the fun out of their play. Be aware that they might try taking it to a whole new level of abuse before they give up. If things get physical, don't hesitate to claw for their eyes or bite fingers or arms before calling the cops.
Remember that it's a game to them, and like any game, if you don't play, there is no game.
Focus on graduation and getting the hell out of there, and leave them to their pathetic lives.

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Fri 8 Apr 2011 - 1:39

Thanks for the advice, Mav! ^_^ If my roommate ever touched me I'd punch her so hard Chuck Noris would bow before me! >:3

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by TTIO on Sat 9 Apr 2011 - 15:11

Hey, Triela Smile
Sad to hear that this sort of thing is going on in your life (what's this I hear about someone trying to kill you in their sleep? :/) - I hope they give up soon. In my experience, they generally do though Smile

Can't really add much to what's already been said, but I do have one question for you: Why not simply delete them from your facebook? Personally, I have no qualms about deleting people from my own if I decide that I no longer like them. At the end of the day, if they're on there are they not supposed to be your friends?

And don't worry, you'll come out on top in the end. Be proud of who you are - geekdom rules Very Happy cheers

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by Triela on Tue 12 Apr 2011 - 22:38

@TTIO wrote:Hey, Triela Smile
(what's this I hear about someone trying to kill you in their sleep? :/)

Oh that's explained... Read my comments on this topic. This has happened a lot.

http://gunslinger-girl.up-with.com/t1651p50-dreams

Can't really add much to what's already been said, but I do have one question for you: Why not simply delete them from your facebook? Personally, I have no qualms about deleting people from my own if I decide that I no longer like them. At the end of the day, if they're on there are they not supposed to be your friends?

And don't worry, you'll come out on top in the end. Be proud of who you are - geekdom rules Very Happy cheers

Thanks a lot, TTIO. :3 Any words of encouragement makes me happy. ^_^

I deleted the real mean one off my facebook a while ago. I didn't want to create any unnecessary conflict, so I kept her one till I couldn't take it any more. Since I took her off no one has said anything. I think they knew she was getting to be too much for me. -_-

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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by badbart101 on Tue 12 Apr 2011 - 23:01

I dont really know you Triela but dont let dicks like that get you, I myself have always kind of put my nerdyness behind me to fit in and such and now that I am older i regret it, very much so. So be your self it may be hard sometimes but Its worth it true friends are better then close acquaintances. Or you could just be like Kim Pine and hate everyone
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Re: A question about bullies.

Post by TTIO on Wed 13 Apr 2011 - 3:28

@Triela wrote:
@TTIO wrote:Hey, Triela Smile
(what's this I hear about someone trying to kill you in their sleep? :/)

Oh that's explained... Read my comments on this topic. This has happened a lot.

:/
I would say look after yourself, but from your posts on there it sounds like you're doing a reasonable job of that anyway. And I second what a lot of people on there said - get him to a psychiatrist...

@Triela wrote:Thanks a lot, TTIO. :3 Any words of encouragement makes me happy. ^_^

I deleted the real mean one off my facebook a while ago. I didn't want to create any unnecessary conflict, so I kept her one till I couldn't take it any more. Since I took her off no one has said anything. I think they knew she was getting to be too much for me. -_-

That's okay - you're a friend and I'll support you if I can Smile

Yeah, something tells me that she would've created conflict for as long as you had here on there :/

This reminds me, incidentally, one of my friends has started on the path to geekdom. And she's embarrassed, so she only tells a few people >_<
I'm trying to convince her to be comfortable with it, to not care if people think that she's weird (as they regularly do with me Razz ). Just an aside Wink

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The Eagle

He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
Close to the sun in lonely lands,
Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.

Alfred Tennyson - 1851
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