Noël

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Noël

Post by Kiskaloo on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 22:52

Alfisti suggested I create a new fratello for OC fiction purposes to help clear my mind and give Kara, Michele and Claes a bit of a break.

Since I already had Noël Tachibana from Once Again, I decided to pair her with a French handler - Christophe Sarrazin - and hypothesize that the French are starting their own "cyborg tot" program.

I finished the introduction chapter, and yes, I wrote it after watching La Femme Nikita. sweat

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Re: Noël

Post by Kiskaloo on Fri 18 Feb 2011 - 22:53

ONE


19TH ARRONDISSEMENT
PARIS, FRANCE



The sound of breaking glass disrupted the quiet of the neighborhood. A dog barked at the sudden disruption, but a mumbled curse from its slumbering owner quickly silenced it and the only noise was from the cars swirling along the Boulevard Périphérique just beyond the Arrondissement.

“Vous m'a promis de bonbons,” the girl whined. In her late teens with tangled and matted hair, she wore a leather jacket over a faded The Circus Starring Britney Spears concert t-shirt. The knees of her jeans had worn through and her black Sketchers were covered in mud. She rubbed her arms, not to warm them against the cold, but to suppress the itches from the lines of needle marks that ran up the veins.

“Bientôt, ma chère,” the man in his twenties beside replied in a soothing voice, rubbing her shoulders. Dressed in a black leather motorcycle jacket and boots with camouflage uniform pants, he looked like your average street thug. Like his girlfriend, he was a heroin addict.

He turned to the person working the lock on the door. “Dépêche-toi, Ancel!” he hissed, urging him to work faster.

“Presque il,” Ancel replied, calmly. The oldest, he dressed for a life on the street. He’d chosen this pharmacy to rob because it was in a mostly commercial area and the floors above housed offices, not the residence of the owner. This would hopefully prevent a quick police response and allow them time to find the opiates.

“Succès, Gauvain!” Ancel exclaimed, wrenching open the door in a squeal of corroded metal hinges.

“Bien jouer,” Gauvain congratulated, slapping Ancel on the back. He turned to the girl.

“Promesse tenue, Rosine.”

Rosine hugged Gauvain, smashing her lips into his.

The three rushed inside and started rummaging for the treasure.



Because the owners of the pharmacy did not live over their store, they had equipped it with an alarm that should have activated the moment Ancel broke the glass and stuck his hand through the opening.

That it did not owed to the France Télécom van parked in the alley out back, though said vehicle did not originate from the motorpool at the head office in the 15th arrondissement across the city.

Inside, a team from the Directorate-General for External Security monitored the inside of the store, piggybacking off the alarm camera feeds that they had cut.

Ancel had been in and out of the French Criminal Justice System and informants with the National Police had tipped off the DGSE of the break-in this evening. They needed to test a new creation in the field, and a few drug addicts would not be missed.

In the back of the van, away from the surveillance equipment, an older man and a young girl sat. The girl wore the tan and purple uniform of a private collège and looked to be around 12.

“Prêt?” the older man asked the young girl, who merely nodded her head. He turned to one of the men manning the surveillance equipment.

“Est-ce clair de procéder?” he asked and received a thumbs-up.

Returning his attention to the girl, he patted her on the head before opening the rear door of the van and releasing her into the night.



The girl's brown loafers hit the pavement with a sharp slap, the right one catching the edge of a puddle, splashing brackish water against her white knee socks.

She adjusted the cuffs of her uniform blazer and confidently marched down the alley, around the corner and towards the entrance to the pharmacy. She reached the door and yanked it open, almost ripping it off the hinges.

“Qu'est-ce que c'est?” Gauvain asked, his head popping up from where he’d been trying to beat his way into the secured medicine cabinet where the morphine and other Controlled Substances were stored. He saw a small figure outlined in the door.

“Qui êtes-vous?” he challenged. Beside him, Ancel rose. On the other side of the pharmacy, Rosine turned from where she’d been looking at sunglasses.

“Je l'ai dit, qui vous êtes?” Gauvain repeated.

In response, the girl stuck her arms straight out at forty-five degrees to her torso. She flexed her forearms and two dull gray blades slid out, dropping into her hands.

“Qu'est-la?” Gauvain asked, surprised.

Like a mongoose on a cobra, the girl charged into the pharmacy, leaping over the counter that Gauvain and Ancel were behind. As she came down between them, she slashed Gauvain across the belly. The addict stared down dumbly as the lower part of his shirt flipped open, followed by his intestines spilling out like pink pasta. His legs gave out from under him and he slowly sank to the floor like an imploding high-rise.

Ancel didn’t have time to scream before the girl stabbed upward with her other hand, the ceramic blade sliding cleanly into his neck and through his vertebrae. A quick twist of her arm and Ancel’s head tumbled off his body.

Rosine slowly backed away from the carnage, chanting “non…non…non…” like a ward against evil. The girl walked to the end of the counter and approached, her uniform covered in gore, the splotches of arterial blood on her legs contrasting with the brilliant white of her socks.

Rosine’s back impacted with a set of shelves. With nowhere to turn, she watched the girl calmly approach. Rosine noticed the girl’s hazel eyes reflected the ambient light like a cat’s.

The girl drew back her right hand and Rosine mouthed a silent prayer to her mother as she closed her eyes tight.



“Mon dieu,” the DGSE agents remarked as they watched over the pharmacy’s video system as the girl dispatched all three addicts in under sixty seconds.

There was a loud knock on the back door, causing everyone to involuntarily jump. The man who’d released the girl opened it and let her in.

“Laissez-nous sortir d'ici,” he ordered, and the driver turned over the engine and the van motored down the alley and out onto the main street.

“Bien fait, Noël,” the man to the girl. He draped a blanket over her shoulders.

“Merci, Christophe,” the girl replied, smiling up at him with bright, hazel eyes.


Last edited by Kiskaloo on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 15:01; edited 4 times in total

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Re: Noël

Post by Professor Voodoo on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 1:19

Wow...as if I wasn't far enough behind on your work Kisk.

But seriously; at first I cringed, thinking this was a bit too much of an homage to La Femme Nikita but I conceed that you tricked me...I did not predict the twist you threw in. Well played.

As for the changes to your Noël character...I kind of like them. Giving her a handler of her own (Sarrazin? Are both of us doomed to name every one of our OC handlers after race drivers?) allows her to be insinuated into your pre-existing Kara timeline. Might we see a meeting between the two?
If I am to be completely honest I was never too crazy about the Tachibana last name...I know you have a thing for cute Asian girls but it really seemed out of place and besides, you've already done that with Kara.

Do you intend on creating an entire SWA France, or will Noël have to visit the compound in Italy for her maintenance?

For a long time you resisted writing a younger cyborg character so I'm surprised you've made the new Noël 12. Frankly I think it could provide a lot of fresh new literary opportunities.

I shall watch this space with interest!

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Re: Noël

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 1:29

Professor Voodoo wrote:As for the changes to your Noël character...I kind of like them. Giving her a handler of her own (Sarrazin? Are both of us doomed to name every one of our OC handlers after race drivers?) allows her to be insinuated into your pre-existing Kara timeline. Might we see a meeting between the two?

Such a scenario would be possible (see below).


Professor Voodoo wrote:If I am to be completely honest I was never too crazy about the Tachibana last name...I know you have a thing for cute Asian girls but it really seemed out of place and besides, you've already done that with Kara.

Tachibana was the last name of the character in Angel Beats she was based on. I could make her purely French and use a different physical model. Then again, since Kanade Tachibana is an anime character, she has a Western look by default. Razz

Professor Voodoo wrote:Do you intend on creating an entire SWA France, or will Noël have to visit the compound in Italy for her maintenance?

Right now, I'm thinking that "Bob", having seen Kara in action in Pactio, decided a cyborg program might not be a bad thing to protect the Fifth Republic against enemies foreign and domestic. I imagine there was some "industrial espionage" undertaken to develop Noël, who is the prototype (ala Angelica).

Professor Voodoo wrote:For a long time you resisted writing a younger cyborg character so I'm surprised you've made the new Noël 12. Frankly I think it could provide a lot of fresh new literary opportunities.

Yeah. Hopefully I can pull it off.


Last edited by Kiskaloo on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 15:03; edited 2 times in total

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Re: Noël

Post by Alfisti on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 2:04

Kiskaloo wrote:Right now, I'm thinking that "Bob", having seen Kara in action in Pactio, decided a cyborg program might not be a bad thing to protect the Fifth Republic against enemies foreign and domestic. I imagine there was some "industrial espionage" undertaken to develop Noël, who is the prototype (ala Angelica).
So she's "The first Noel"?

Liked it mate, more thoughts later.

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Re: Noël

Post by Alfisti on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 9:33

Kiskaloo wrote:I finished the introduction chapter, and yes, I wrote it after watching La Femme Nikita.
I'll admit that I've not seen La Femme Nikita... yet. However I am finding that having a TV in the same room as my computer is doing wonderful things for my movie viewing.

In her late teens with tangled and matted hair, she wore a leather
jacket over a faded The Circus Starring Britney Spears concert t-shirt.
Nice miss-direct. Despite knowing that you were running with Noel I was half expecting this girl to get the cyborg conversion.

Returning his attention to the girl, he patted her on the head before
opening the rear door of the van and releasing her into the night.
Interesting choice of words: "release" rather than, say, "send". It helps orient the audience to the sort of situation that is going on and just how the girl is thinking.

She adjusted the cuffs of her uniform blazer and confidently marched
down the alley, around the corner and towards the entrance to the
pharmacy. She reached the door and yanked it open, almost ripping it off
the hinges.
Like Voodoo said: I'm enjoying the changes you've made to Noel's character, and yes: she feels fresh this time through, so far. It's good to see.

In response, the girl stuck her arms straight out at forty-five degrees
to her torso. She flexed her forearms and two dull gray blades slid out,
dropping into her hands.
Interesting choice. I wonder if the the DGSE would have gotten around to developing a system like that yet... I'd imagined at this stage they'd be more interested in getting the cyborg tweaked.

Good passage of action writing directly afterward as well.

The man who’d released the girl opened it and let the girl in.
Possibly one to many "girl"s in that sentence.


Either way mate, good stuff so far. Looking forward to seeing where you take it... not to mention the possiblity of the SWA's response to the French having, umm, "aquired" their own cyborg technology.

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Re: Noël

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 15:01

Alfisti wrote:
Kiskaloo wrote:
In response, the girl stuck her arms straight out at forty-five degrees to her torso. She flexed her forearms and two dull gray blades slid out, dropping into her hands.


Interesting choice. I wonder if the the DGSE would have gotten around to developing a system like that yet... I'd imagined at this stage they'd be more interested in getting the cyborg tweaked.

One of Kanade's weapons were two long knives that appeared "Wolverine" like from above her hands, so I adapted that to a "real world" version.



I imagine said delivery system was perfected already, so she's not testing a new system, but employing a proven one.

I'm also going to change the blades from titanium to ceramic since those are much harder to detect via current security systems and they are actually tougher than hardened steel weapons.


Last edited by Kiskaloo on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 18:57; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Noël

Post by Officer_Charon on Sat 19 Feb 2011 - 18:40

Nicely done! Like Alfisti, I was caught out by your head-fake with the heroin addict. Well-played, sir.

Action sequence was nice and crisp, flowing well.

Look forwards to seeing more from these... freres just doesn't have the same ring to it...

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