Gunslinger Girl: The Garden of the Hesperides

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Gunslinger Girl: The Garden of the Hesperides

Post by adrianitiko on Sun 20 Feb 2011 - 10:32

Well, I'm a spanish speaker so I beg your help and compression with this work I'd like you to read, if there's anything wrong or that could be written in a better way, please tell me. The name "garden of the Hesperides" comes from greek myth, because there's the possibility that it was placed in Spain... And so, I hope you enjoy the story, despite my lack of vocabulary.
Thanks!

The story take place in a convulsed Spain, where terrorism and crime are everywhere. Following the Italian example, they develop their own Agency with cyborgs and handlers. Julio Suárez, a former SCPO from the Armada (who then joined the Special Naval War Group) has entered the Agency, and there he will meet her companion, a little girl with robotic prosthetics designed to be a skilled assassin.
A ribbon for her hair, part 1
The white taxi rolled down Sagasta street, in a warm Madrid evening. It's passenger was a thirty years man, his face was partially cevered with a classic Ray-Ban, and was wearing a suit. The taxi driver, who was over his fifty, turned up the radio to hear it over the city bustle.
-...and they haven't changed their attitude after the attacks of the last week, where twenty people were killed.
-The situation seems out of control, after both ETA and the Anarquists retook weapons, in what appears as a vortex of violence and fear that rises up strongly...

-And the government doesn't move a finger against that people!- said suddenly the driver. -I don't know where all the money they take from us is spent, if it's not the anarcos it's the etarras, but they're always with demands and attacks. If they keep without doing a thing, where will we go?
-Who knows...- said the passenger, without paying any attention, while he looked at the streets the anarcos paintings, the people walking under the shadows of the buildings. When the taxi stopped he felt lucky for not hearing him anymore.
He payed the driver and stepped down before a building whit a sign announcing 'Prosthetics and Implants Labs'.
He entered through a discrete automatic door, to an entrance hall where there was only a metal detector, a scanner and a couple of guards.
After passing the controls and identifying, he rode the elevator, which had only the first and low floor buttons.
There was no controls in that floor, but a tall and black haired man waited for him, he was in a suit but whitout the jacket.
-Hey, Suárez, so long...- said him when the doors opened. He shaked hands whit him but didn't return the falseful smile.
-Hello, Hernández...
-Well, when I heard you were joining the Agency I almost didn't bealieve it, but I kind of gladdened, you'll see that we are almost starting...
Suárez looked at him for a second, and then remembered what he was there for.
-How many... how many there are... of them?
-Cyborgs? Six of them, including yours... As I told you, we can't compare to the Italians, but we have enough for the missions we are developing at the time, however the number could be increased if necessary... But, let's go, you must be there when she wakes up, you arrived short of time and I'm here distracting you.
He guided him across a long hallway, everything smelled like a hospital, and in some way it remembered him to one.
-This installation is for cures, repairs and maintenance... In the Agency dorms, where they live, is settled the programming team... actually, they are psychologists, almost all of them were to Italy to learn from the methods used there...
-Psychologists? They are taught how to kill in a divan?
-Well, not... but almost the entire conditioning is done through drugs. It's some kind of brainwashing...- he noticed Suáez' look- I know it sounds rude, but that's what it is. Also, they control their mental stability.
They arrived to a room where, in a bed and connected to various sensors, lyed a young girl. On the screens, her vital signs were normal. Her skin was pale and her hair was clear brown. Besides her, standed two fourty years men.
-Mister Suárez, nice to meet you...- said one of them, who weared glasses. -I'm doctor Furiase, and this is my colleague doctor Soto.
He greeted them, making an effort not to stare at the girl.
-You must be wanting to know her...- Said doctor Soto. -Right now we were about to wake her up.- They sorrounded her, and Soto injected something to her. -This is to anulate the anesthesics.
Little by little, she started moving, and eventually she opened her eyes, revealing their greenish gray. Whitout moving her head, her eyes wondered the room, and each one of them. Hernández watched the scene from the threshold, with complacency.
-Hi, do you know who we are?- asked Furiase. The girl noded. Then she stared at Suárez' eyes, and when their looks meeted, he couldn'd help but to feel uncomfortable. He diverted her face, and turned back, just to meet Hernández.
-It's incredible, right? That look, actually is a killer look. When I first arrived here, the same happened to me, but then... once you see them in action, you know what they really are.
-Do you know who is your handler?- asked Furiase behind him.
-Julio... -Her voice was soft, sounded low, it remembered him his niece, the girl he liked when he was young, the girl that appeared on that ad playing with dolls and smiling cheerfully. -Julio Suárez.
He turned back and found her half raised, staring at him. Her face was emotionless, but in her eyes there was a fathomless serenity.

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adrianitiko

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Re: Gunslinger Girl: The Garden of the Hesperides

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 20 Feb 2011 - 14:35

adrianitiko wrote:
The story take place in a convulsed Spain, where terrorism and crime are everywhere. Following the Italian example, they develop their own Agency with cyborgs and handlers. Julio Suárez, a former SCPO from the Armada (who then joined the Special Naval War Group) has entered the Agency, and there he will meet her companion, a little girl with robotic prosthetics designed to be a skilled assassin.

Cool. Good

In my original fiction, my cyborg Kara was gravely injured in the bombings of the Madrid Atocha railway station in 2004. She was rescued by my OC handler Michele and the two eventually formed a fratello.

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Re: Gunslinger Girl: The Garden of the Hesperides

Post by Professor Voodoo on Mon 21 Feb 2011 - 0:05

An interesting start...6 cyborgs forming a new Spanish organization. The handler-cyborg unit is called a fratello in Italian; what shall we refer to the Spanish teams as...hermano?

In Kiskaloo's latest story the French are starting their own program, so I'll ask you what I asked him: Do your cyborgs travel back to Italy for their maintenance?
adrianitiko wrote:they are psychologists, almost all of them were to Italy to learn from the methods used there...
There is obviously some Spanish/Italian cooperation in your story.

I look forward to seeing what kind of characters you create...and what you name your first cyborg!

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Re: Gunslinger Girl: The Garden of the Hesperides

Post by adrianitiko on Tue 22 Feb 2011 - 16:12

Professor Voodoo wrote:An interesting start...6 cyborgs forming a new Spanish organization. The handler-cyborg unit is called a fratello in Italian; what shall we refer to the Spanish teams as...hermano?

In Kiskaloo's latest story the French are starting their own program, so I'll ask you what I asked him: Do your cyborgs travel back to Italy for their maintenance?
adrianitiko wrote:they are psychologists, almost all of them were to Italy to learn from the methods used there...
There is obviously some Spanish/Italian cooperation in your story.

I look forward to seeing what kind of characters you create...and what you name your first cyborg!
Later, you'll see it...
They don't need to trave to Italy for rutinary maintenance, unless there were a serious issue with them... However, there could be a joint mission... you know, crime is international, so cops...
When I get some time from job and college, I'll translate the rest...
See ya!

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