Lines you'd never hear in Gunslinger Girl

Odon wrote:

Wait what? Special Forces rubbed one out on the cyborg for luck?!
Damn those stupidstitions! Poor Triela......

I normally tend to avoid the cyborg/handler slash stuff but...

(←)

SWA agents line up!
Lesson for 2day:
*roboass=firm*
That'll be all for today, men.
MARCH!
*hup, hup, hup, hup*

(I really gotta stop putting down the first thing that pops into me brain)

Stupid ideas come to my head in the middle of the night... this is one of those ideas...

Jay is walking down a corridor in the Agency compound when he spots Allison inspecting herself in a nearby mirror. Her brow is furrowed in an expression of concern and worry as she checks out the girl in the mirror. When she spots Jay, her expression brightens as she calls him over.

Allison: Jay! Perfect timing, I need to ask you something.

Jay: What is it?

Allison: (returning to checking herself out in the mirror) Ok, so I just recently had 'compliance surgery' a few days ago, to make sure all my internal hardware is up to date, right? Well, something feels off about my body.

Jay: How so?

Allison: It feels like things are... fuller, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel self-conscious for no reason. Maybe it has something to do with my clothes feeling like they fit a bit more snugly than they used to... Shirts, certainly, but especially where pants and shorts are concerned.

Jay: (Not as dense as he used to be, he can sense where this is going) Right... you wanted to ask me something?

Allison: Ah, yes. To use a variation on a tired old phrase... (She turns and presents herself to her boyfriend) "Does my arse look big in these jeans?"

Jay gives Allison's buttocks a short, professional glance--and likes what he sees. Allison's derriere, once merely 'athletic', is now a healthy kind of 'badonkadonk', and while nowhere near Kardashian levels, it was the kind one could reasonably sink their hands into. Before he gets mesmerized by Allison's glorious new glutes, however, he manages to utter a reply.

Jay: No. Allison, you need to relax. Your butt is fine. There's no need to worry, and I will always love you no matter what your appearance.

Allison: (stepping away from the mirror) Whew, that's a relief to hear. Thank you, Jay!

Allison leans in to kiss her boyfriend. Their lips meet briefly, and then Allison turns to leave.

Allison: I gotta get going to Q-branch. I'll see you around, Jay!

Allison begins walking away. As Jay watches, mesmerized by his girlfriend's buttocks swaying sensuously with her hips, he makes an utterance under his breath.

Jay: She has a fine butt, indeed. Glory, hallelujah, and Amen; it is very good to be me.

Jay continues to stare, putting on a pair of shades and biting his lower lip in appreciation as he does so. So focused is Jay on Allison's well-endowed rear, the seemingly-appropriate music blasting from behind a door adjacent to him nearly startles him:

I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie!
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist
and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG...

Jay opens the door to find Erina working with her DJ equipment. The CIA cyborg sees the boy at the doorway and quickly turns down her music.

Erina: Was my music too loud, Jay? I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting--wait. Why are you wearing shades indoors?

Jay: (Removing the shades) Uh, no reason... none at all... Was that Sir Mix-A-Lot you were playing just now?

Erina: Yeah. Why do you ask?

Jay: No reason...

Jay closes the door behind him and walks away. As he leaves, he continues the song.

Jay: "...wanna pull out your tough 'Cause you notice that butt was STUFFED! Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring! Oh baby, I wanna get with you, And take your picture..."

Nothin' stoopid about that scenario MP5........
Nothing at all.......
(gotta come up with some 18 and up cyborg second gen girls) Some how Helen and Ayden just don't quite seem to cust the mustard all of a sudden.
Salvatore's prolly staring at Jay's girl and wondering why he got a kid for a partner....
Maybe he'll sneak into Allison's room one day when she's changing,
snap a few shots,
then blow them up into a couple of home-made posters!
Jean: Salvatore, we need you in the meeting room.
Sal: All right in a min.
Jean: Now, mister!
Sal: Dammit, I said in minute, ok? Can't a man have some privacy? *ahem*
(interpret that as you will)

Do remember that Allison and Jay are both cyborgs... for some reason, Allison has not complained about this to her handler and brother... perhaps because it was Jay she was most concerned about.

As for Sal making those posters... well, I can imagine a few people not liking it. Jay... Brian...The Brothers Montagne (especially Andy)...Alpha... Who knows, Sal may just end up stripped of his weapons and most of his clothing, stuffed into a car trunk for his transgression, and then taken out to the middle of nowhere for a little chat....

Salvatore: That's a blowtorch... what are you going to do with it?

Andy: Demonstrate a little example, Sal. I got here with me a stick of cooked sausage, right? Say this stick is yer todger...


Andy applies the blowtorch to the sausage for a lengthy period of time. the sausage heats up and explodes.

Andy: Get my drift?

(Sal returning form his little trip with Andy having been left on the side of the road to walk back with nothing but some branches to cover himself)
Helen: Um, ...... hi Mister Salvatore, sir do you think I could hang out with the girls for 5 min.? (winces immediately expecting yelling or the usual slap)
'tore: No problem child, go enjoy the fine company of your nice friends!
Uh, you didn't see me for the record, 'kay?
Helen: (bouncing up and down no longer caring that her big brother is in his 'birthday suit') Yes Sir, thank you Sir!
Ferro and Olga watching from a distance: Look at this guy. Always doing something to get attention from the ladies! No class.

Henrietta: "No Jose, we can't spend Christmas together this year."
Claes: "Everyone is out... PARTY!"
Triela: "Hillshire, you are right. I love studying..."
Angelica: "I wish I had a cat!"
Rico: "Jean... NO !"

Triela: "YOU HAVE BEEN ERASED...NYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

(think Arnold Swartzenegger)

Claes: Sharp knife. Sharp knife to send him to deep temple. Flay and say my
words. Abdul comes again, on the feast of the weaker...feast for the Deep
Temple!!!
Born again, here. Alhazred! G’yeth! G’yeth!

Henrietta : WHAT DA SHIT IZ DAT?!

Claes: Reciting lines from Fallout 3

Henrietta: O_o

Dante: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Rl'yeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"

Pinocchio-I'm gonna eat your flesh so I can become a real boy!

Akimbo smillie

Lorenzo: Ok, pay attention people, in mere moments we'll have a high ranking member of the Japanese government visit us for a possible cooperation with a secret branch of theirs that deals in genetic engineering.
Ferro: He's here.
Lorenzo: Ah everyone welcome Professor Y. Aida!
Aida: Konichiwa!
Triela: (mumbling to herself) where have I seen this guy before?

tremec6speed wrote:Lorenzo: Ok, pay attention people, in mere moments we'll have a high ranking member of the Japanese government visit us for a possible cooperation with a secret branch of theirs that deals in genetic engineering.
Ferro: He's here.
Lorenzo: Ah everyone welcome Professor Y. Aida!
Aida: Konichiwa!
Triela: (mumbling to herself) where have I seen this guy before?

Professor Aida to any OC character: Who are you? Did I give you permission to exist?

Handler of your choosing- O MY GOD! What are you doing!!!

cyborg of your choosing- I'm a big kid now!

Yes, I know its a little tasteless, but it can't be worse than all the fart jokes on here

this is how Triela's rescue of Arura goes down in my head

(Triela enters the room where Arura is being held)

Triela- Freeze Bitches! Every body down on the ground!(every one, including Arura drops)

Triela- uh, you didn't have to do that. can some body help her up (Franca does so)

Triela- thank you. Now then, every body but the little girl get back down.

Pinocchio tries some funny business and creates a diversion for his comrades to leave.

END

(During Pinocchio and Triela's final battle)
Pinocchio: "Triela, I am your brother! Search your feelings, you know this to be true."
Triela: "Like hell!"

Triela Hilshire wrote:(During Pinocchio and Triela's final battle)
Pinocchio: "Triela, I am your brother! Search your feelings, you know this to be true."
Triela: "Like hell!"

You know something though? The scary thing is, it might very well be true for all we know.

Nachtsider wrote:

Triela Hilshire wrote:(During Pinocchio and Triela's final battle)
Pinocchio: "Triela, I am your brother! Search your feelings, you know this to be true."
Triela: "Like hell!"

You know something though? The scary thing is, it might very well be true for all we know.

That sure would suck for a lot of TrielaXPinocchio fans.

Danjo3 wrote:

Nachtsider wrote:

Triela Hilshire wrote:(During Pinocchio and Triela's final battle)
Pinocchio: "Triela, I am your brother! Search your feelings, you know this to be true."
Triela: "Like hell!"

You know something though? The scary thing is, it might very well be true for all we know.

That sure would suck for a lot of TrielaXPinocchio fans.

This would happen.



XD Their poor fanfiction.

LOLZ, that was epic and Han's facial expressions goes SOOOO well with it. You can't tell whether he's like "This is awkward." or "Dude, I got me a freak."

On more of a note though, I'll go ahead and admit that at one point I myself explored this storyline. I got as far as a summary, but no outline.

"Don't be too proud of these technological anti-terrorists you've constructed. The ability to destroy Padania is insignificant next to the power of the Force."

Odon wrote:"Don't be too proud of these technological anti-terrorists you've constructed. The ability to destroy Padania is insignificant next to the power of the Force."

Just then Beatrice quietly walks up to D Vader, lifts his cape and plugs a couple of shots up his heinie! She walks away as if she had completed the most mundane chore, emotionless.
Vader: Now face the power of The For- *BANG* *BANG* "WO0Oooo00OooAAHH!"
(plops to the ground, passing out) "but the power of the quiet one is unstoppable.... O0ohhhh....."

Henrietta: *sigh* Again?

Allison: Everyday I'm Shuffling...

I like the Flash anime Whatface did where she eats a bug.

Odon wrote:

Idk why that really creeped me out. ;_; Rico can be scary. D: It's the owl eyes...

Kiskaloo wrote:I like the Flash anime Whatface did where she eats a bug.

I've seen the one where Henrietta freaks out and Rico steals her kill but I haven't seen that one. Got a link?

Professor Voodoo wrote:

Kiskaloo wrote:I like the Flash anime Whatface did where she eats a bug.

I've seen the one where Henrietta freaks out and Rico steals her kill but I haven't seen that one. Got a link?

I believe it's in Whatface's art thread.

→

Dammit, Voodoo.... I had to park my car, I was laughing too hard!

I was there when that absolutely golden quote, so brilliant in its incoherence, first came into existence. It was only a matter of time before it spread here.

Nachtsider wrote:I was there when that absolutely golden quote, so brilliant in its incoherence, first came into existence. It was only a matter of time before it spread here.

As I understand it originated on /v/, right?

Yup, it first appeared in the Vidya - the wellspring of much lulz, perhaps just as much so as /b/. Currently following the Sears Deedeedee Debacle. Good times.

Freaking hilarious!

*whoosh!* That went right past me!
vidya, or /b/, /v/, Sears Deedeedee Debacle.
Help! I need info plz

Yes, all I know is the Zero Wing "All your base" one.

Odon wrote:

tremec6speed wrote:Lorenzo: Ok, pay attention people, in mere moments we'll have a high ranking member of the Japanese government visit us for a possible cooperation with a secret branch of theirs that deals in genetic engineering.
Ferro: He's here.
Lorenzo: Ah everyone welcome Professor Y. Aida!
Aida: Konichiwa!
Triela: (mumbling to herself) where have I seen this guy before?

Professor Aida to any OC character: Who are you? Did I give you permission to exist?

Err, maybe I'm not too far from the truth: http://web-japan.org/nipponia/nipponia20/en/feature/feature07.html
I'm not saying he is our very own author, just thought it be cool to show that!
EDIT: Also, it looks like Yu Aida and Kazumi Fujita had a series previous to Gunslinger Girls back in '87.
http://gundam.wikia.com/wiki/Tyrant_Sword_of_Neofalia

Odon wrote:

Marisa: He he he...

(door opens, Marco escapes)

Marisa: Eeep! (flees)

---

And on the next episode of All my Cyborgs (As the Republic turns? SWA Hospital?).

(cue cheezy soap-opera music)

Belisario: And now the shocking truth will finally be revealed. The Minister of Defense is pregnant! (audience gasps)

Lorenzo: But who is the father?

Bianchi: The tests confirm...it's Paolo!

Ferro: You bastard! (slaps Paolo) How long have you been cheating on me?

And now a word from our sponsor...

* When Etta shoots Jose *

Jose: If you meant that then I want you to.... fufill that promise....

Henreitta: * Waits a minute brings up gun to head then throws it at Jose's head * Yeahhhh.... no... BYE!!!!

Jose: Wait you can't leave me here.

Etta: I AIN'T ELSA BABY BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE

Jose: * minutes later * that was totally my fault....

I dunno odon we might still see something like this since she is going to be helping to defend the agency

How about this then...

Nice one Odon

Now, some from the pets of the SWA (well, Meeshie, anyway):

Meeshie: Can I haz cheeseburger?

Meeshie: *takes off a mask to reveal...*


Make a contact with me and become a magical girl.

Odon wrote:

The parallels are sad but true.

Meeshie: "CATturday?"
Posters start to appear up and down the SWA's hallway....cat themed!
Lorenzo: "Who the heck is respoonsible for this?!"
(Rachel eyes a guilty looking Meeshie) "*ahem*, know anything about this?"
Meeshie:

tremec6speed wrote:Meeshie: "CATturday?"
Posters start to appear up and down the SWA's hallway....cat themed!
Lorenzo: "Who the heck is respoonsible for this?!"
(Rachel eyes a guilty looking Meeshie) "*ahem*, know anything about this?"
Meeshie:

Clancy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CATS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMIE!!!!!!!!!!! ( Lucky runs to Michel and Michel holds and cradles her. )
Michel: Ok whoever owns that cat needs to train her better or put her on a freakin' leash!!!!!!!!!!

* Two days later Lucky drags a paper that was in Michel's room and puts it were Meeshie sleeps. Right next to her eye's. *



Meeshie: NO!!!!!!!!! IT CAN'T HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!
Claes: What's wrong Cat AHHH!!!!!!

Lucky giggles in her sleep right next to Michel.