OC Handler Secrets They Want No One To Know

In talking with Hondo on one of our many tangents, this idea came from...

This secret has to be Horrendous, something that they are actually ashamed off, similar to Francesca's Creator Dr. Joseph von Frankenstein being the the great great great great ( 2 more? ) grandson of Dr. Victor von Frankenstein- creator of Frankenstein's Monster.

It cant be like they stole something or was one of Hitler's minions (OK maybe one of Frurer's minions). It has to be something really ugly.

---

Fernando came from a vicious family from Puerto Rico on the Mother's side, where his maternal grandfather killed people and burned their bodies in the sugar cane after harvest fires. But this is relatively minor, just like his grand aunt (grandmother's sister) was black. Both came from Spain to the Canary Islands and then to Puerto Rico.

His real ugly secret goes to the mid 1800s, where his great great great great great great great ( 3 more? ) grandmother, the former Queen Isabella of Spain, though a catch for any man seeking power, was freaking FUGLY! As stated in the chat...

CC's Chat Room on 072811 wrote:[23:31:40] Hondo Sackett : yeah

[23:31:41] @ ElfenMagix : caused many divisions since.

[23:31:50] Hondo Sackett : that happens

[23:32:47] @ ElfenMagix : that it did

[23:33:20] @ ElfenMagix : and Isabella the Second was not pretty to say the least. (she's in wikipedia)

[23:34:58] Hondo Sackett : yeesh!

[23:35:01] @ ElfenMagix : in fact she was quite ugly.

[23:35:19] Hondo Sackett : could be worse, but not much

[23:35:44] @ ElfenMagix : not by much...

[23:36:00] MP5 : ..

[23:36:18] @ ElfenMagix : yo MP5!

[23:36:26] Hondo Sackett : she was worked over by the ugly stick

[23:36:48] @ ElfenMagix : Worked over? perhaps gave birth to it!

[23:36:51] Hondo Sackett : she fell outta the top of a tall ugly tree an' hit every branch on the way down

[23:37:29] @ ElfenMagix : lol

[23:37:41] Hondo Sackett : she was carved out of the trunk of the ugly tree

[23:38:04] Hondo Sackett : don't wanna go into how she came ta life

[23:39:00] @ ElfenMagix : she was hatched from a dino egg.

[23:39:23] Hondo Sackett : an ugly dino egg

[23:39:41] @ ElfenMagix : a tolen dino egg and was put in it.

[23:39:47] @ ElfenMagix : stolen

[23:40:34] Hondo Sackett : lol

[23:41:11] @ ElfenMagix : Note: she does not have a mustashe or beard. Not patch of hair was brave enough to grow on that face!

[23:41:24] Hondo Sackett : lol!

No good enough? How about a picture?

Wikipedia's Queen Isabella II Entry wrote:

The most terrible secret is...the handlers really ARE into little girls!

Odon wrote:The most terrible secret is...the handlers really ARE into little girls!

Then why has nothing happened so far-

Oh wait.

Conditioning.

Memory loss.

Sh!t.

Well, at least my OC cyborg Helen has nothing to worry about from her handler Salvatore. He's more likely to win the international Peace Prize twice over than to find her attractive. (although when he first met her, the first thing that came to mind was Helen of Troy because he saw her as a cute kid)
Still, Pedobear won't be handing any *Fondler of the Month* awards to him though.

In all seriousness however, the heading of this thread lends itself to many story ideas. I sometimes wonder in my OC trio, Vinson Sal and the cyborg, would Jean or Lorenzo tell Vin he was Helen's father if they were to find out someday? Probably not. It would just complicate things they might reason.

Elio: (ominous whispering) I know what the Monday Mystery Meat is in the dining hall...it's a secret too horrible to reveal.

Professor Voodoo wrote:Elio: (ominous whispering) I know what the Monday Mystery Meat is in the dining hall...it's a secret too horrible to reveal.

Kara: "it's spiders, isn't it!"

All the handlers have some dirty secret they dont want know...

ElfenMagix wrote:

Wikipedia's Queen Isabella II Entry wrote:

'Sandro: Queen of Spain? I'll do her!
Fernando: She's been dead for over 130 years, you idiot!

ElfenMagix wrote:'Sandro: Queen of Spain? I'll do her!
Fernando: She's been dead for over 130 years, you idiot!

Alessandro: Oh...so does that mean Mr. A has done her?

Elio: (growling) Keep pushing your luck, jackass...

Professor Voodoo wrote:

ElfenMagix wrote:'Sandro: Queen of Spain? I'll do her!
Fernando: She's been dead for over 130 years, you idiot!

Alessandro: Oh...so does that mean Mr. A has done her?

Elio: (growling) Keep pushing your luck, jackass...

Fernando (handling Elio his 1981/84 American Arms Double stack 1911) : Your choice; knees, shoulders, groin? Either way I'm going to beat the crap out of this Gumbah!

Claes finds one of Raballo's "Male Power" thongs in one of his books.
Claes: *mumbling to herself* 'this is a secret I don't want to know.....'

LOL very disturbing

tremec6speed wrote:Claes finds one of Raballo's "Male Power" thongs in one of his books.
Claes: *mumbling to herself* 'this is a secret I don't want to know.....'

Raballo in a Borat-style over the shoulder thong...bad mental image...I need a drink.

Jean: Confession time; I really didn't mean to run over Captain Raballo with my car. I was only going to talk to him but when I arrived at our pre-arranged meeting point he was wearing...that...I don't want to talk about it. I just blacked out and ran him over by accident.

Professor Voodoo wrote:

tremec6speed wrote:Claes finds one of Raballo's "Male Power" thongs in one of his books.
Claes: *mumbling to herself* 'this is a secret I don't want to know.....'

Raballo in a Borat-style over the shoulder thong...bad mental image...I need a drink.

Jean: Confession time; I really didn't mean to run over Captain Raballo with my car. I was only going to talk to him but when I arrived at our pre-arranged meeting point he was wearing...that...I don't want to talk about it. I just blacked out and ran him over by accident.

Jean: Well, at least he wasn't wearing his cyborg's panties over his head, when he thought no one was looking like someone I know.
Sandro: .......

tremec6speed wrote:
Jean: Well, at least he wasn't wearing his cyborg's panties over his head, when he thought no one was looking like someone I know.
Sandro: .......

On a stakeout, Alessandro & Petrushka are off watch. Petra has just come into the room with a basket of laundry to be folded...

Alessandro: Hmmm...what do we have here? (snatches a pair of panties from the top of her pile)

Petrushka: Eeek! 'Sandro, give those back!

Alessandro: (playfully) Never; for without my secret costume I can never be...(wears panties like a Spiderman mask)...L'uomo sexito!

Petrushka: (laughing) You don't understand! Those are...

Alessandro: It is you who do not understand...that you are powerless to resist L'uomo sexito...surrender to me! (chases her into a corner)

Petrushka: (can barely breathe she's laughing so hard) Sandro...those aren't my panties! Us girls didn't have enough for a full load each so we threw our stuff in together...those are Triela's panties!

At the worst possible moment, Victor Hillshire walks in...

Alessandro: (still wearing Triela's underwear as a face mask) Ummm...hi Victor....

Professor Voodoo wrote:On a stakeout, Alessandro & Petrushka are off watch. Petra has just come into the room with a basket of laundry to be folded...

Dammit man, I was at work and now everyone wants to know what I was laughing at.

Great pic too Tremec.

Voodoo just won the thread.

They Saved Enrica's Brain

Hey Odon, maybe they didn't save Enrica's Brain so much as simply set it aside somewhere and forgot about it. Along comes another techie and says: 'oh a brain' and stuck it in the freezer somewhere.
Ferro: Come on Sal, don't be a grouch. Henrietta said she made something special for the adult agents. It's in the fridge, get me some ok? Oh, and get a piece for yourself too. You don't want to hurt her feelings.
Salvatore: (mumbling to himself: I got her feelings, *grabs nabs* right here) *opens refrigerator* Theres a freakin' brain in here! YOU eat it!
Ferro: *walks over* I don't belie-.........
Ayden: *along comes the cyborg licking her chops* mmm, 'etta's getting really good, I can't get enough of her 'mystery meat' yum!
Salvatore: *storming out* freaks....
Ayden: Hi Ferro, want some? It's better chilled. Hey, what's sa mattah, you ok?
Ferro: No, I.... *leaves dry heaving*
Ayden: Damn, you could've just said you don't like meat pies. *opens fridge* what the- a brain!
*munch!*
Henrietta: *comes over* Hi Ayden, are you going to have some more of my meat pi- hey, it's a brain!
Ayden: Yeah, no sh!t's it's a brain!
Triela: *comes over* Step aside ladies, I'm starving! Hey, is that a brain Ayden?
Ayden: No, it's my ass on a stick! You asking me? Gismo over here is the cook! Aw sh!t, this better not be the secret ingredient in yer mystery meat 'etta, or I swear I'm gonna sh!t all over yer bunk!
Henrietta: Noooo!
Doctor Donato: *comes over* ahh, there ya are ya little rascal. *scoops up the brain* Hey there's a piece missing, what the hell?
Ayden:
Petra: *comes over* Ew, you bit a brain?
Ayden: Oh fer cryin' out loud yes, yes, I bit a brain ok? I'm sorry, I was hungry and I went ahead and bit a brain! What you never had brain?
Petra: No, but I've given he-
Triela: AHHHH! TMI!

Ayden wrote:Aw sh!t, this better not be the secret ingredient in yer mystery meat 'etta, or I swear I'm gonna sh!t all over yer bunk!

Triela: WTF Ayden?

Claes: Yeah, that's pretty hard core!

---

Also...
Marisa: I dare ya to take a bite of brain, chew it up and swallow!

Henrietta: Ewww! No way!

Marisa: Then you lose the game scaredy-cat.

Henrietta: This is the last time I play Truth-or-Dare with you!

Alpha: Hey, now. Who made chilled cervella?

-Alpha takes the whole thing and muches down and in a flash, it's gone with a stifled belch-

Alpha: Eh, not bad; but it's still better fried in batter with ravigotte.

-Alpha walks out of the kitchen-

Everyone in attendance:

Jacob: Bah, everyone knows brains taste best when scooped fresh from the skull. I remember this one time we did a rescue operation into the Congo where we had to hole up in this remote village for a couple of days when a monsoon rolled through. They served these amazing monkey brains; boiled right inside the skull. They popped the eyes out first and pickled them, then popped them back in for you to eat as a desert. Once you get over the idea of having your meal staring at you as you eat it, it's not half-bad. Best meal I had that whole damned week.

boomer_gonz wrote:Alpha: Hey, now. Who made chilled cervella?

-Alpha takes the whole thing and muches down and in a flash, it's gone with a stifled belch-

Alpha: Eh, not bad; but it's still better fried in batter with ravigotte.

-Alpha walks out of the kitchen-

Everyone in attendance:

It only gets better and better.

Professor Voodoo wrote: Claes: Yeah, that's pretty hard core!
Ayden.... she's hardcore......
(she's also one of the youngest cyborgs, but that kid's got a mouth on her)
she can be cute and shy one moment then *snap* potty mouth!
(most of the time she is nice though)
Strange little girl.
Boomer_gonz wrote:
Alpha: Hey, now. Who made chilled cervella?
-Alpha takes the whole thing and muches down and in a flash, it's gone with a stifled belch-
Alpha: Eh, not bad; but it's still better fried in batter with ravigotte.
-Alpha walks out of the kitchen-
Everyone in attendance:
Dr. Donato: *helplessly witnesses Alpha's brain binge* You see? This is why we can't have nice things!
Jean: What? What do you mean they ate Enrica? I'll kill whoever is responsible!!
Alpha/Ayden:
Jose: How could you? Well? SAY SOMETHING!!
Alpha: *looking solemnly stoic* She'll always be in my heart, *burp* well, a little lower down, but you get the idea.
Ayden: They say brain food is supposed to be good for you, but that kid must have been an air head, 'cause I don't feel smarter.
Jean/Jose: AAHHHHHH!!!!
*Jean and Jose approach the two with the intent of finishing them off when just then Jacob interrupts:*
ChaosKin640 wrote: Jacob: Bah, everyone knows brains taste best when scooped fresh from the skull. I remember this one time we did a rescue operation into the Congo where we had to hole up in this remote village for a couple of days when a monsoon rolled through. They served these amazing monkey brains; boiled right inside the skull. They popped the eyes out first and pickled them, then popped them back in for you to eat as a desert. Once you get over the idea of having your meal staring at you as you eat it, it's not half-bad. Best meal I had that whole damned week.
Jean/Jose: It's a mad house, a mad house!
EDIT: Thinking it over, maybe that was a tad too much for Ayden to say with the whole
'I'll take a Sh!@#$t' comment.
REVISION: 'That better not be the secret ingredient in your mystery meat 'etta or I'll introduce you to 'the secret ingredient' in my own home made fudge!

At the Section 2 office...

Nicolette: I 'ave a small confession to make. When I was a 'Rosette' during my time at Le Caniche Rose, I went through an--comment ditez-vous... 'Lesbian phase'.

Heads start popping up over cubicles like prairie dogs out of burrows. Attempting to do some damage control, Priscilla tries to help Nicolette find the correct phrase.

Priscilla: You mean a 'bi-curious' phase...

Nicolette: Non, I mean 'Lesbian' phase... when I was old enough to be acceptably dating, my interest was entirely on girls. My first relationship, if you could call it that, was with a girl. (She takes on a reminiscient, wistful expression) Her name was Lola, and she was a fellow showgirl...(her attention suddenly focuses on Priscilla as she edges closer to the analyst) You know, Priscilla... she looked a lot like you.

Priscilla's face is lit up by a luminescent blush as Nicolette smiles, gently wraps her arms around Jay's handler, and pulls Priscilla in, kissing the woman. shocked at first, Priscilla's eyes slowly close as she melts into the kiss, which goes on a few seconds more, ignoring the sound of a fainting onlooker hitting the floor. Just as suddenly as it started, Nicolette ends the kiss, smiles warmly at Priscilla, and gets up to leave, ignoring her co-workers' amazed jaw-open stares as she strolls out of the office. Back with Priscilla, her mind is finally starting to function again, and the first thing she does is taste the inside of her mouth, coming to a sudden realization.

Priscilla: (blushing even brighter) She... she used tongue!

Around Priscilla, a few more witnesses to the event faint dead to the floor, Amadeo and Giorgio following Brian in being too shocked to remain standing. The entire scene has caused a stir in the office, no doubt quickly becoming part of the Agency rumor mill.

Spoiler:

Charlie is standing outside the office, waiting for Nicolette. Charlie smiles and shakes his head at his handler as she exits.

Charlie: That was mean, Nicolette. You shouldn't lead her on like that. What are you going to do if our resident 'fallen angel of love' is left sexually-confused? She'll have been a victim of your own BS. Good story, though.

Nicolette:(smiling) It only proves I'm still in practice. Besides, it feels refreshing to kiss a woman every once in a while.

Charlie: (smiling and shaking his head again) You're incorrigible, and this is me talking!

Nice one that will certainly be interesting if and when Jay finds out

John: *walking in to the office, noticing everyone chattering excitedly/passed out with nosebleeds* Uhm.... what'd I miss?

Avise's dirtiest secret...

...the vile moral abortion of corrupted selfishness...

...the wretched, pitiful obsession that curdles like an ulcer inside of him...

...the one addiction that he supinely, cravenly, impotently wilts before, a mockery of all his cant about dignity and pride...

Spoiler:

Now thats a dirty secret, Rob!

Michael's deep, dark, unholy secret?


He thinks puppies are irresistibly cute.

Around Priscilla, a few more witnesses to the event faint dead to the
floor, Amadeo and Giorgio following Brian in being too shocked to
remain standing. The entire scene has caused a stir in the office, no
doubt quickly becoming part of the Agency rumor mill.

Michael looks back at his report, having witnessed the entire scene unfold. He waits patiently until Priscilla begins to step past his desk before he speaks, catching her while still in a daze.
"Was she any good?"
"I'm not sure.... I think I blacked out somewhere in the middle. I remember....cherries, I think. Yes, definitely cherries. In a swimming pool." She staggers on towards her desk, still in a daze.

He blinks, not sure exactly how to decode that revelation.

'Old Habits...' (Oh god, why did I write this...)

Warning! probably NSFW.

Spoiler:

Charlie is in the Handler's dorm to discuss mission details with Nicolette. Out of customary respect, he knocks gently on her door.

Charlie: Nicolette? It's Charlie.

Nicolette: Come on in.

Charlie opens the door and walks in, looking at the mission details in his hands as he speaks.

Charlie: So Nicolette, I was looking at the briefing for the upcoming job and--(he looks up at Nicolette to establish eye contact) I'm sorry, I seem to have walked in on something private.

In full view of Charlie with no shred of embarrassment, a red lingerie-clad Nicolette is in the midst of tying some kind of rope harness around herself. What she has accomplished so far appears complicated, uncomfortable, and possibly dangerous.

Nicolette: Don't mind this, Charlie. Need I remind you, you've seen me naked before.

Charlie: (now purposely avoiding eye contact) No, you needn't remind me at all... Now, this probably isn't my business, but what made you decide to take up the Japanese art of shibari?

Nicolette: Well, I was in a reminiscent mood, and I thought back to my days as a...courtesan, if you will. I catered to a lot of tastes, and out of them, this was one kink that I found particularly exciting.

She attempts to adjust her ropes, but they appear to keep slipping off of her.

Nicolette: Of course, I'm a little bit rusty after all these years... (she notices Charlie averting his eyes) Charlie, would you be a dear and help tie off my Karada? I know you know how to do this.

Charlie: All right... but I will tell you right now that this is probably the most awkward thing I've ever done. Now then, let's see what you've accomplished--oh, well, there's a problem right away; you haven't spaced the knots properly, and the knots themselves are poorly done...

Some time later, Charlie has made the proper adjustments to Nicolette's 'Karada', and he steps back so that Nicolette can evaluate his work.

Nicolette: C'est magnifique, Charlie! This is what I've been missing, the feel of the rope digging into my skin, stirring up all the right places... (she blushes and trembles in excitement, clearly beginning to get aroused) How do I look?

Charlie: (looking away, red-faced) ...stimulating, Nicolette. (looking at his watch to avoid eye contact) Well, this has been distracting, so I think I'm just going to leave the briefing and my suggestions here. (he turns to leave) God, I need a drink...

Nicolette watches her younger charge leave before throwing her clothes on over her undergarments and the rope harness encasing her body so that no one will be the wiser. She then walks out the room, whistling a jaunty tune to herself.

Definitely not suitable for work (nsfw)

Spoiler:

I'm imagining it somehow like that, MP5:

schaschanist wrote:Definitely not suitable for work (nsfw)

Spoiler:

I'm imagining it somehow like that, MP5:

Schas, that is precisely what Nicolette has chosen to wear, but with undergarments on under the rope, then her clothes. Needless to say, it's a favorite of hers...

Priscilla: The cookies that Henrietta made are really good. We should bring Jay & Allison some. Do you know where they are?

Brian: They're in my office...they told me they were studying for class and didn't want to be interrupted.

Priscilla: Oh nonsense...they could use a break, I'll take them some.

Spoiler:

Professor Voodoo wrote:Priscilla: The cookies that Henrietta made are really good. We should bring Jay & Allison some. Do you know where they are?

Brian: They're in my office...they told me they were studying for class and didn't want to be interrupted.

Priscilla: Oh nonsense...they could use a break, I'll take them some.

Spoiler:

It started with making love to Judas Priest, and then they started taking advice from Britney Kensington and Charlie Montagne... they picked a poor place to execute it. Even I can't think a way out of their predicament... mainly because I was laughing so hard.

And now, Brian's deepest, darkest secret... something that he would never, ever live down if word got out about it...
(probably slightly NSFW)

Spoiler:

After a night of dinner and drinks, the sole bedroom in Brian McDonnell's Rome apartment plays host venue to a long-awaited moment in a steadily-building office romance. Clothes and undergarments litter the floor as two shapes jostle and bounce under the covers on the king-sized bed, accompanied by the voices gasping in pleasure and ecstasy. Then, one of the voices screams out.

"AH!"

The movement under the sheets slows to a dead stop, and the shapes shift about on the bed, the sheets coming down to reveal a sweaty Nicolette Montagne rolling off the top of an even sweatier Brian McDonnell. As Brian catches his breath, Nicolette's face bears an expression somewhere between confusion, frustration, and disappointment. Brian, on the other hand, is practically glowing.

"Nicolette..." Brian gasps. "That was... that was amazing..."

"That's your idea of amazing, Brian?" Nicolette asks, her tone disbelieving. "I 'ardly even touched you, hell, that was just the warm-up. Don't tell me that's all you've got!"

"You'll have to excuse my lack of stamina, luv. This is my first time doing this sort of thing--"

Brian quickly slaps his open palm over his mouth, but the damage is done. Nicolette rolls onto her side to face her bed partner, her expression having changed to one of curiosity and worry.

"Brian, what do you mean, your first time doing this? Surely you've had sex before..."

The ashamed, embarrassed look on Brian's face remains, and Nicolette realizes the Ulsterman was not exaggerating.

"Oh my goodness...Brian, are you telling me I just took away your virginity?"

Brian nods slowly, his eyes still avoiding Nicolette. The Frenchwoman sighs and snuggles closer to him, placing an arm around his chest, embracing him gently.

"Awww, Brian, I'm sorry..." Nicolette apologizes. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've taken it a bit slower."

"I was afraid you'd make fun of me, Nicolette."

"I would never do that to you, Brian." Nicolette assured, kissing Brian. "I certainly wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt your feelings."

"That's a relief to hear. Promise me one thing, Nicolette? Don't let word get out to the other guys? I'd never hear the end of it."

"My lips are sealed."

The two lovers kiss and then spend a few moments staring into each other's eyes. Then, Brian makes an announcement.

"I'm ready to go again."

Nicolette places herself atop Brian in response. Brian smiles; it seems he has a preference for this position.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

They plan to uplink SHODAN into the girls brains....FOR SCIENCE. For the young-lings that don't remember SHODAN, think glados from Portal.

Only SCARIER. Like wanting to borgify every human in a 100 mile radius and bring about the apocalypse with mutagen viruses.

"In my talons, I shape clay, crafting life forms as I please. If I wish, I
can smash it all. Around me is a burgeoning empire of steel. From my
throne room, lines of power careen into the skies of Earth. My whims
will become lightning bolts that devastate the mounds of humanity. Out of the
chaos, they will run and whimper, praying for me to end their tedious
anarchy. I am drunk with this vision. God: the title suits me well." - SHODAN

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