Alfisti's Ramblings

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Tue 21 Jan 2014 - 4:34

Kiskaloo wrote:Indeed it is, and yet I see it as much a failing of Danillo as a handler - due to his, as you note, pigheadedness - as it is of C.Raych as a cyborg.
Agreed: I don't think the fratello's current failings can be directly attributed to one part or the other. That said, I think Danilo probably has to take the brunt of the responsiblity as his decisions are, to a greater or lesser extent, conscious. He has set out a pre-determined path and is doggedly sticking to it... partly because he still believes at his core it's the right thing and partly because of ego. I sometimes wonder what happened in his past to shape him that way.

Raych I've described before as essentially being a "nice kid" (which, frankly, isn't really a compliment  sweat ), and she tries hard, but she's not real bright, she's a follower/obeyer rather than a do-er, and lacks the self-motivation, initiative and drive to really push forward under her own steam. I think it was TSM noted in one of his stories that the cyborgs will be whatever their handlers want and, right now, Danilo's little tirade about cyborgs being incapable of planning, reasoning, observation etc. seems to be exactly what he is receiving.

Basically, I don't think Raych really has a personality suited to being a cyborg (and, who has to shoulder the blame for that? Who knows), or at least one under this particular handler, and she's responding badly as a result. That said, she will still give it her best but, as Monty would point out: sometimes your "best" is not good enough.

Either way, I don't believe you can really treat handler and cyborg as separate entities (in any fratello). Each feeds into the other, and the relationship is too close, to intertwined, to assess one without referring to their counterpart. I've noted before that Jethro would probably be a very different handler had he got someone who wasn't Monty... in fact I think we've got a thread stashed around the place somewhere which centres on that premise of seeing how the relationship changes by changing a fratello's mix.  Razz

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Officer_Charon on Tue 21 Jan 2014 - 11:53

She really does strike a chord with me, because the way you're writing her is almost a textbook example of an abuse victim. Nervous, skittish, afraid to say the wrong thing around everyone, the furtive, almost-desperate attempts to make a friend, but unsure how to do that, or even if she feels worthy of having one... and the dogged determination to defend or stand by their abuser, because she feels that he's the only one who "loves" her,  in this case due to the conditioning...

Yeah, you're writing her well. Damn you.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Tue 21 Jan 2014 - 13:11

I hate you Alfisti... torturing poor little Raych....

As for Danilo...




Its such a good story....I hate Danilo though... -_- Why u write so good?

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Wed 22 Jan 2014 - 7:13

Officer_Charon wrote:She really does strike a chord with me, because the way you're writing her is almost a textbook example of an abuse victim. Nervous, skittish, afraid to say the wrong thing around everyone, the furtive, almost-desperate attempts to make a friend, but unsure how to do that, or even if she feels worthy of having one... and the dogged determination to defend or stand by their abuser, because she feels that he's the only one who "loves" her,  in this case due to the conditioning...

Yeah, you're writing her well. Damn you.
Huh, I was not aware of that. Guess who didn't take shrink class.  sweat  

Cheers mate.


PolosElite23 wrote:Its such a good story....I hate Danilo though... -_- Why u write so good?
Umm... practice, being willing to put the time in rather than just churn something out for the sake of having something for people to see, and a bucket load of editing? I dunno. Frankly there are far better writers on this board.  sweat 

Speaking of writing: what happened to your own story? You were chugging along all right there for a bit.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Vett on Wed 22 Jan 2014 - 8:26

Officer_Charon wrote:She really does strike a chord with me, because the way you're writing her is almost a textbook example of an abuse victim.

Glad to know I'm not the only one seeing their relationship through that lens.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 22 Jan 2014 - 11:33

Officer_Charon wrote:She really does strike a chord with me, because the way you're writing her is almost a textbook example of an abuse victim. Nervous, skittish, afraid to say the wrong thing around everyone, the furtive, almost-desperate attempts to make a friend, but unsure how to do that, or even if she feels worthy of having one... and the dogged determination to defend or stand by their abuser, because she feels that he's the only one who "loves" her,  in this case due to the conditioning...

Yeah, you're writing her well. Damn you.

An interesting observation and I can certainly see the parallels once you point them out.

I feel that Danillo views Raych as a machine more than as a person. The impression I get so far is that he doesn't really think of her as having emotions or a sense of personality, but more like a "Hollywood cyborg" like the Terminator. So when he vents his frustration at her verbally, he does so like he would yell at a computer that had crashed or a lawn mower that will not start when you pull the cord.

I see Raych as someone who just has no confidence in herself - both because of her own failings and Danillo's reinforcement of her failings through his words and actions. And I don't sense love in Raych towards Danillo, but more obedience / respect. She believes Danillo is always right because he is a handler and her conditioning tells her a handler is always right. 

She wants friends because she is still a human and humans are social creatures by nature, but as she assumes she is the only cyborg who is not "working correctly", this makes her nervous around the other cyborgs because she she fears what might happen if she "messes up" in front of them. And not for protecting her self-image, but for how it would reflect on Danillo in the eyes of the other cyborgs and handlers.  

It would be fascinating to listen into Danillo and Lauro discussing their cyborgs over drinks...  Evil

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Officer_Charon on Wed 22 Jan 2014 - 13:15

She reminds me so much of a case I rode a couple years back. Like I said... she strikes a chord.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Wed 22 Jan 2014 - 16:07

Alfisti wrote:Speaking of writing: what happened to your own story? You were chugging along all right there for a bit.

Oi! I'm working on it! Slowly, school makes things difficult.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Thu 23 Jan 2014 - 6:03

Kiskaloo wrote:An interesting observation and I can certainly see the parallels once you point them out.

I feel that Danillo views Raych as a machine more than as a person. The impression I get so far is that he doesn't really think of her as having emotions or a sense of personality, but more like a "Hollywood cyborg" like the Terminator. So when he vents his frustration at her verbally, he does so like he would yell at a computer that had crashed or a lawn mower that will not start when you pull the cord.

I see Raych as someone who just has no confidence in herself - both because of her own failings and Danillo's reinforcement of her failings through his words and actions. And I don't sense love in Raych towards Danillo, but more obedience / respect. She believes Danillo is always right because he is a handler and her conditioning tells her a handler is always right. 

She wants friends because she is still a human and humans are social creatures by nature, but as she assumes she is the only cyborg who is not "working correctly", this makes her nervous around the other cyborgs because she she fears what might happen if she "messes up" in front of them. And not for protecting her self-image, but for how it would reflect on Danillo in the eyes of the other cyborgs and handlers.  

It would be fascinating to listen into Danillo and Lauro discussing their cyborgs over drinks...  Evil
Pity Lauro isn't around any more...

Kisk has pretty much nailed Raych as I consciously write her here, and yes, when he's yelling at her it is generally as one would yell at a computer or other inanimate object... particularly in the early days. He certainly buys gear for her in the same manner that you would buy upgrades for computer or a laptop bag. The flip side of that of course is that he doesn't expect her to do anything she was not "designed" for.

I think as they've spent some time together I think he has developed some awareness that she is capable of emotion, especially as he has become increasingly vexed by her perceived lack of progress, which has started feeding the afore-mentioned vicious cycle. In his previous chapter's tirade he mentions Monty as someone Raych has annoyed; since he really doesn't consider cyborgs worth caring about, the only reason for him to have mentioned her (apart from mechanically needing some means by which Raych, and consequently Mari, could believe appeasing Monty would somehow help as part of the AtAC tie-in) would have been to find another way in which to wound and ad weight to his words.

So far, I'm honestly not 100% sure how Raych views Danilo: whether if it's with love (or if she believes he loves her... probably not though, more that she needs to make him love her), or with respect, or something else. There's certainly obedience in there, and fear, and of course something which makes her believe he can never be wrong... I know what feels right with writing their interactions, but nailing down what that's made up of is somewhat more problematic. Either way, the perspective of abuser and victim has certainly given me food for thought, as it was not an angle I had previously considered.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Tue 4 Feb 2014 - 21:33


“Don’t get me wrong.” Lauro de Sica swirled his near-empty glass, making the ice inside spin and cast off little sparkles of light in the dim illumination of the bar. “They’re useful, definitely. But I’m never going to fawn all over mine the way some of you guys do. Buying them gifts and taking them on little holiday trips like they’re real. Like they mean something to you.” He brought the glass to his lips for a final swallow. “I just can’t think of them like that.”


“Well, yes,” said Danilo Olivetti, clutching his beer. “They can run faster, leap higher, move quicker, see and hear things that a human cannot.  But they are not, after all, exactly human. And they should not be allowed to think that they are. There is no use to having them attempt to be something they are not, and no point in pining away in hope for a life which they cannot expect to lead.”


“They’re not kids. They’re little Frankensteins. They’re mostly plastic and carbon fiber and exotic alloys. Hell, you can’t even get one through airport security without flashing your ID. Whatever’s in them that’s human, it’s just components, raw material. They’re tools.” Lauro refilled his glass.


“They were created to serve, to fight, to follow orders and do the bidding of their masters.” The bald-headed handler took a sip of his beer before addressing his companion. “But I think they should be afforded the opportunity to do so with dignity, and a certain pride in what they are.”


“Well, as Kennedy said, ‘Let us agree to disagree’. Or something like that.” Lauro drained his glass, added another cube of ice, and refilled it. “How’s the training coming?”


“Not as far along as I’d like,” Danilo admitted. “Still plenty of rough edges to be smoothed out. You would think that the researchers would have the worst of the bugs worked out by the time they introduce the second generation.”


“You know, I had this car once, a Trabant. Something new went wrong with it every week. I’d take it in to a mechanic, it’d come back worse. I finally junked it and got a Fiat. Best move I ever made.”


Danilo eyed him. “I think I’ll just keep the one I have.”


“Not thinking of her as human, are you?” Lauro prodded.


Danilo hoisted his beer. “No. But I doubt the Agency would simply give another cyborg to who can’t properly manage the first one he’s given.”


“Well, I’m never going to know.” Lauro took a pull off his glass. “Elsa’s been properly trained. She’ll never let me down.”



Last edited by Thescarredman on Tue 4 Feb 2014 - 21:35; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Tue 4 Feb 2014 - 21:34

lol fail TSM... Its all black on black...

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Wed 5 Feb 2014 - 5:33

Famous last words Lauro...

I've seen audio mashups before, but I think this is the first story mashup. Really well executed. I like how, while the two men agree to a point, you've also managed to lever the slight differences in how they approach the girls.

Love it.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sat 8 Feb 2014 - 23:39

Meanwhile in Italy, Chapter 13: Strangers From a Strange Land - Part 03 is now up and still tracking the events of AtAC, and just in time for another busy week next week.


I'm not certain how many parts this is going to run for... as many as needed I guess.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Sun 9 Feb 2014 - 22:32

Hm. Danilo is rapidly becoming 'that guy,' the handler nobody wants to work with. Raych, on the other hand, is picking up her share of sympathy from the other girls, but doesn't know what to do with it. Nice touch, Danilo telling Gaetano not to smoke in the van because it's bad for the cyborgs. Made me smile.
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Mon 10 Feb 2014 - 3:27

Cheers mate. Yeah, I do rather like that line myself, because it's Danilo all over: it sounds kind of caring, until you realise he's saying it in the same way that I don't let people eat in my car.

Heh, he is sort of becoming 'that guy' though isn't he? In fairness though: Danilo probably needs an opportunity to prove himself as badly as Raych does, even if he does not realise it. All anyone has seen of him so far is someone trying to belt a cyborg into shape, a cyborg who is (at least in Alfisti's take on the universe) probably about where she should be, or a little bit behind, development wise in terms of her skill base. Either way, Danilo must have been at least reasonably competent in his previous job to even get hired. No matter what Monty may have to say on the subject, I don't think the SWA hires idiots. People with serious personality issues yes, even ones that may not be entirely suited to dealing with a cyborg, but not complete idiots.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Mon 10 Feb 2014 - 10:34

Alfisti wrote:Either way, Danilo must have been at least reasonably competent in his previous job to even get hired. No matter what Monty may have to say on the subject, I don't think the SWA hires idiots. People with serious personality issues yes, even ones that may not be entirely suited to dealing with a cyborg, but not complete idiots.

Duvalier did note to Alessandro during the selection process that the original tranche of handlers - who were drawn mostly from the military and law enforcement - were having difficulties with their cyborgs because they rarely socialized with them.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Tue 11 Feb 2014 - 22:38

It sometimes makes you wonder if, learning from the difficulties and problems they encountered with the Gen 01 fratelli, if the SWA doesn't now screen its handlers a bit more thoroughly in terms of how likely they are to interface well with a cyborg... you know, now that they have some idea what they're looking for. Or, for that matter, if given the choice between a handler more likely to get on well with a girl, and one with more experience to bring to the table, which they would pick.

Personally, I think the actual answer is somewhere along the lines of "all of the above". I would not be surprised to find there is still a strong contingent in the SWA from the "cyborg = tool" school of thought and, as much as we may deride some of Danilo's opinions, he does have a point that part of a handler's role is to make up for his cyborg's lack of experience... so you would want the most experieced person you could get.

At the end of the day the likes of Bianchi or Priscilla (if she even got a say) might push for more personable handlers, while others would push for more operational capability... and as the usual politics of such a situation played out you would get some of both. I think there was something in an earlier chapter where Bianchi noted he only signed off on Danilo's hiring due to his operational capability.

That's my two cents anyway, your mileage may vary.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Tue 11 Feb 2014 - 22:52

Well, you'd think that there would be precedent for up-drugging cyborgs with combat/results oriented handlers (Rico + Jean, Claes + Raballo) and down-drugging cyborgs with more personable handlers (Angelica + Marco, Triela + Hilshire, Henrietta + Jose[prepsycho]). 

Assuming that is true, it seems like the easiest thing to do is to give C. Raych more pills. I doubt Danilo would really actually care that she died in three years.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 2:44

Il Direttore wrote:Well, you'd think that there would be precedent for up-drugging cyborgs with combat/results oriented handlers (Rico + Jean, Claes + Raballo) and down-drugging cyborgs with more personable handlers (Angelica + Marco, Triela + Hilshire, Henrietta + Jose[prepsycho]). 

Assuming that is true, it seems like the easiest thing to do is to give C. Raych more pills. I doubt Danilo would really actually care that she died in three years.
True, though I've always pictured Raych as being on a "standard" (Rico-equivalent... depending on how you play Rico's conditioning levels) dose. For that matter, a more heavily conditioned Raych may well be a happier Raych...

I was always under the impresson that (where practical and within reason... Elio, I'm sure, didn't get a say in Mari's conditioning levels, for example) the handlers got some say in how heavily conditioned a cyborg was. That said, I imagine should the doctors see fit, it wouldn't be so difficult to write something different on the pill container to what was actually in there. Danilo, probably, would have just gone for the standard dose. Though I doubt he would have any qualms on a personal level at shortening Raych's lifespan, he would probably not want to do so for similar reasons that I get called a "mechanically sympathetic" driver: there's no point in putting additional load on that is not required or shortening somthing's lifespan if you do not have to.

For that matter, his ego would probably see that as admitting defeat, and I'm sure the SWA would not be too impressed by him reducing the useable lifespan of its very expensive asset.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 3:16

Lucky for the handlers that the girls are as emotionally dependent on them as they're physically dependent on the drugs. Otherwise, an underperforming handler would get replaced from time to time ... which might give the impression that the Agency values the cyborg more than the handler.
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 4:18

Thescarredman wrote:Lucky for the handlers that the girls are as emotionally dependent on them as they're physically dependent on the drugs. Otherwise, an underperforming handler would get replaced from time to time ... which might give the impression that the Agency values the cyborg more than the handler.
Well, at the end of the day I guess a handler would be somewhat cheaper to replace than a cyborg...

There is always option B: swap the handlers and recondition the cyborgs to not remember the old one... though that's probably not as feasible now the SWA is more established, with a larger contingent of cybernetic terrors, as it was when Raballo was removed from the collective consience (at least, I presume he was seeing as none of the girls seem to remember him).

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 5:27

@Alfi: 

Ehhh... I mean, unless this is a characterization difference, Raych lacks Rico's "Combat Switch". I've noticed that Rico undergoes a dramatic personality flip, going straight from being somewhat airheaded to being razor sharp when she's on mission, especially in comparison to Henrietta (who seems to get more focused but retains most of her personality traits) and Triela (who's just good at being on task all the time). As it is, I've always interpreted this as a conditioning thing. None of the other cyborgs do this, only Rico and all three of them (Petra, Angie, Beatrice) are fairly lightly conditioned. I can't say for sure for Chiara and the other side characters, but as I say, I've interpreted their behaviour as being more lightly conditioned. As per that logic, Rico's "standard level" is actually unusual, as most handlers apparently choose to "undercondition" their cyborgs. 

As to Danilo's attitude, executive order from Lorenzo. Danilo's opinion doesn't really matter, his fratello's performance is sub par and time is being wasted. Given the fact that your SWA is literally swimming in cash, this is an entirely reasonable decision. I, on the other hand, would have to find a way to adequately separate the two of them. 

--

@TSM: 

As it is, I'm not convinced that the long term gain of "accidentally" killing Danilo and rewriting everyone to match up with a new handler is inferior to dealing with him. Poisonous elements in a team can cause massive issues later on, which I'm sure the both of you are more familiar with than I am.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 6:06

Il Direttore wrote:@Alfi: 

Ehhh... I mean, unless this is a characterization difference, Raych lacks Rico's "Combat Switch". I've noticed that Rico undergoes a dramatic personality flip, going straight from being somewhat airheaded to being razor sharp when she's on mission, especially in comparison to Henrietta (who seems to get more focused but retains most of her personality traits) and Triela (who's just good at being on task all the time). As it is, I've always interpreted this as a conditioning thing. None of the other cyborgs do this, only Rico and all three of them (Petra, Angie, Beatrice) are fairly lightly conditioned. I can't say for sure for Chiara and the other side characters, but as I say, I've interpreted their behaviour as being more lightly conditioned. As per that logic, Rico's "standard level" is actually unusual, as most handlers apparently choose to "undercondition" their cyborgs. 
Perhaps "standard" was the incorrect term to use "reccomended" might have been preferable. That said: I've always considered Rico's change when on-mission to be more a personality thing than directly attributable to the conditioning's operation... at least as an intended side-effect related to dosage level. Again though, I follow somewhat the school of thought that TSM laid down in one of his fics: the cyborgs are whatever their handlers want them to be, whether conciously or no. So Rico's change is simply a case of her responding to Jean rather than a specific response due to her level of conditioning.

Underconditioning certainly seems to be the reaction the readers see front and centre of the story, at least amongst the canon fratelli we see the most of (and certainly amongst the OCs). That said, I think in part those handlers we see the most in the canon sort of have to also be the more "human-oriented" ones of the selection in order to play on their characters from a story point of view... and it's probably only natural that the more human-oriented handlers are going to undercondition.


As to Danilo's attitude, executive order from Lorenzo. Danilo's opinion doesn't really matter, his fratello's performance is sub par and time is being wasted. Given the fact that your SWA is literally swimming in cash, this is an entirely reasonable decision. I, on the other hand, would have to find a way to adequately separate the two of them.
I fear you may be confusing my SWA for someone else's. The organisation has a large budget, yes... but most of it is pre-spent just keeping the thing running day-to-day, spending money it doesn't need to certainly is not high on the agenda. Not to mention that, when you only have a limited number of build-slots available until you have to go begging for more cash for the next batch, you don't want to go wasting any... and it is not going to make that case any easier to argue if you appear to be wasting the last lot. Of course, if the cybrogs are not being effective, then it's also difficult to make the case.

However, refer to a previous point around here somewhere that, on the general timeline I'm working on, Raych's not actually too far off where she should be... just Danilo's an impatient SOB.


As it is, I'm not convinced that the long term gain of "accidentally" killing Danilo and rewriting everyone to match up with a new handler is inferior to dealing with him. Poisonous elements in a team can cause massive issues later on, which I'm sure the both of you are more familiar with than I am.
Again, see previous point on money, shortening lifespans, etc.

I dunno. Danilo might not be entirely plesant, but he's not purposely setting out to be a dick either, he's just opinionated and has difficultly seeing beyond his own preconceptions... not to mention an ego that has trouble not being right. However, those people are manageable and, though he's not had a chance to prove it yet, he's still a competent commando. Give the man time, he's still not even reached the end of his metaphorical probation period yet.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 6:16

Well, to be fair, I'm apparently a hyperaggressive asshole who has no patience. So. *sheepish shrug?*

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 10:33

While we as the authors of our OCs know what a jerk Danilo is and how fragile Raych's psyche is at the moment, for the most part it appears that our OCs themselves do not.

Kara is Raych's roommate and so far she has yet to be shown as noticing anything unusual with Raych other than what she might consider "new fratello jitters" as the handler and cyborg start laying down the boundaries and dynamics of their relationship.

Bianchi is seeing "concerns", but then as the Chief Psychiatrist it stands to reason he would. But even then, how much does he really know and how much is he (thinking he is) intuiting?

In Alfisti's universe, a fratello does not immediately go active in the field. The cyborg is required to prove it's ready for field duty and I would guess there is some requirements for the handler to show they are ready to lead their cyborg charge in a public setting, as well. It may be SOP for the SWA to send a new fratello into the field in a support role regardless of how they have performed on the evaluations just to ensure things do not go pear-shaped should the plan not survive first contact with the enemy. 

Just nobody remembered to tell Danilo or Raych that.  Wink

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Wed 12 Feb 2014 - 14:50

I think Danilo hates being a benchwarmer - 'put me in, coach, I'm ready to play' - and his girl is picking up on that. Point to ponder: if the cyborgs have a way of picking up on their handler's hidden desires and attitudes, does it mean that Raych's crippling insecurity is a reflection of his own inner doubts (buried damn deep, if so)? Or maybe that a girl with zero initiative who can't tie her bootlaces without help or manage an obstacle course properly without him looking on is what he secretly wants?

Bianchi (stroking beard): Hmmm...
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Thu 13 Feb 2014 - 4:59

Kiskaloo wrote:Bianchi is seeing "concerns", but then as the Chief Psychiatrist it stands to reason he would. But even then, how much does he really know and how much is he (thinking he is) intuiting?

In Alfisti's universe, a fratello does not immediately go active in the field. The cyborg is required to prove it's ready for field duty and I would guess there is some requirements for the handler to show they are ready to lead their cyborg charge in a public setting, as well. It may be SOP for the SWA to send a new fratello into the field in a support role regardless of how they have performed on the evaluations just to ensure things do not go pear-shaped should the plan not survive first contact with the enemy. 

Just nobody remembered to tell Danilo or Raych that.  Wink
I get the impression that, in his field, Bianchi probably doesn't get a whole lot of solid facts, but rather has to work out conclusions based on what he observes.

Honestly, I didn't really picture the handlers as having to pass some sort of official gateway before deploying. Unlike a freshly minted cyborg they are, afterall, a relatively known quantity, otherwise the SWA would not have hired them in the first place. They've been hired to do a job, and are big enough and ugly enough to be expected to perform it like adults. That said, I'm sure Jean, Lorenzo, Bianchi etc all spend plenty of time debating how to manage the different personalities they've been presented with as issues and potential issues arise. Case in point: the debate as to how to handle Danilo rushing Raych to her VdCO and potentially putting her through too early... leading to her being allowed through and then effectively sidelined until she can be generally agreed to be actually up to scratch.

That said, I'm sure that the SWA would put new fratelli into easy roles with more experienced pairs if at all possible (especially as they now have a larger pool to draw from than they may have had at the start of the programme, or even at the beginning of the gen two rollout)... but life isn't always kind like that.


Thescarredman wrote:I think Danilo hates being a benchwarmer - 'put me in, coach, I'm ready to play' - and his girl is picking up on that. Point to ponder: if the cyborgs have a way of picking up on their handler's hidden desires and attitudes, does it mean that Raych's crippling insecurity is a reflection of his own inner doubts (buried damn deep, if so)? Or maybe that a girl with zero initiative who can't tie her bootlaces without help or manage an obstacle course properly without him looking on is what he secretly wants?
Pretty much option B here. What Danilo wants is an obedient weapon, one that will follow instructions to the letter and not its question orders and, if you read back, a lot of his interractions with Raych are geared specifically toward making her 100% dependent upon himself. In fairness, the flipside of that is that he does not expect her to be more than a weapon either, all she's expected to do is follow orders quickly and shoot competently. A lot of the responsibilities that might usually be hers in another fratello Danilo takes on, and he doesn't expect her to try and multi-skill beyond her assigned role either: "They have enough fratelli (22 active in this universe from memory, for the record... which means the SWA is technically over-established by two), if you don't need our skill set then send someone else".

Unfortunately, I think Raych's personality is ill-suited to that sort of treatment. A more proactive, confident personality may have been able to pick up and run with that, learning the ropes in a manner that allowed them to be 100% certain of what their handler wanted, and anything which went wrong was obviously not their fault as they had followed their orders to the letter. Unfortunately Raych is insecure and lacks personal drive/initiative, so she's constantly second guessing herself, and wondering if she is really doing what Danilo wants, wanting to make him proud and prove her worth to him when, in all reality, all he really wants and expects her to do is exactly nothing until told otherwise.

I can pretty much guarantee that, when they deploy again on the morrow, Danilo will load out her vest and fit her out again as, he will have decided, that's not actually her job anyway.

As an aside: I don't think Danilo particularly enjoys being sidelined either but, so far, he's not been presented with too many jobs he would consider "his" role. He's a door-kicker and not so suited to undercover work... and frankly he's probably quite grateful, even subconciously, to have more time to bring Raych up to speed.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Thu 13 Feb 2014 - 10:24

Alfisti wrote:Honestly, I didn't really picture the handlers as having to pass some sort of official gateway before deploying.

I would expect it is noting as formal as an examination (like the girls undertake with the VdCO), but to quote Paul Riser's character in Aliens, these cyborgs "have a rather substantial dollar value" and they are capable of Olympian levels of performance.

Then again, the anime showed Henrietta trying to knife a waiter because he got to close to Jose (and I believe implied Elsa did something similar), so maybe they are just issued their cyborg and patted on the back with a "Have fun storming the Padania hideout!" cheer.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Thu 13 Feb 2014 - 15:49

Kiskaloo wrote:
Then again, the anime showed Henrietta trying to knife a waiter because he got to close to Jose (and I believe implied Elsa did something similar), so maybe they are just issued their cyborg and patted on the back with a "Have fun storming the Padania hideout!" cheer.

I believe the manga stated she broke a waiter's arm for spilling water on Lauro.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Thu 13 Feb 2014 - 16:43

PolosElite23 wrote:
Kiskaloo wrote:
Then again, the anime showed Henrietta trying to knife a waiter because he got to close to Jose (and I believe implied Elsa did something similar), so maybe they are just issued their cyborg and patted on the back with a "Have fun storming the Padania hideout!" cheer.

I believe the manga stated she broke a waiter's arm for spilling water on Lauro.

Ah.

Maybe the anime picked off that, swapping Henrietta and Jose for Elsa and Lauro.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Fri 14 Feb 2014 - 8:44

Kiskaloo wrote:I would expect it is noting as formal as an examination (like the girls undertake with the VdCO), but to quote Paul Riser's character in Aliens, these cyborgs "have a rather substantial dollar value" and they are capable of Olympian levels of performance.

Then again, the anime showed Henrietta trying to knife a waiter because he got to close to Jose (and I believe implied Elsa did something similar), so maybe they are just issued their cyborg and patted on the back with a "Have fun storming the Padania hideout!" cheer.
I dunno, I still think they SWA really was not sure of what it was going to get with the gen ones, so "have fun storming the hideout" may not have been so far from the truth.

As to handlers, I certainly don't think the SWA leadership would deploy a sub-par fratello, either on the handler end or cyborg end, if they could possibly avoid it. However, all sorts of things get in the way: personalities and egos to name a few. At the end of the day, it's then up to Jean (and, I guess, to a lesser extent Lorenzo) to manage his personnel in a manner which is in the best interests of the Agency as a whole. Being field commander doesn't just end with directing missions after all.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sat 1 Mar 2014 - 21:39

Meanwhile in Italy, CH14 - Strangers From a Strange Land (Part 04) is now up an beginning to bring the full AtAC tie in to a close.

Special thanks to Charon for his help in ironing out the SRT parts.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 1 Mar 2014 - 22:09

That's not gone well...

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Sat 1 Mar 2014 - 22:21

Holy shit on a stick. That's... not good.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Sun 2 Mar 2014 - 14:53

Danilo seems rather stiffer and even more entrenched in his opinions than usual. Boredom and isolation getting to him, perhaps, as it is to Raych.

Suddenly I'm imagining Danilo in a park at night, saying, "What is it you wanted to show me again?" Not that he'd ever pay the least attention to something Raych wanted...

You really built the tension here, Alf. 'Is she going to do it? No, she's not. She couldn't. Wait a sec ... No. Of course not. No, wait...'

Strong work. Definitely forgot I'd seen this from another angle. Nothing but surprises.
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 2 Mar 2014 - 15:16

Thescarredman wrote:Danilo seems rather stiffer and even more entrenched in his opinions than usual. Boredom and isolation getting to him, perhaps, as it is to Raych.

Suddenly I'm imagining Danilo in a park at night, saying, "What is it you wanted to show me again?" Not that he'd ever pay the least attention to something Raych wanted...

I don't see Raych pulling an Elsa.

Honestly, at this point I'm wondering when Jean decides it's time to recondition Danilo. He's clearly just not suited for the position. Wink

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Mon 3 Mar 2014 - 3:22

Thescarredman wrote:Danilo seems rather stiffer and even more entrenched in his opinions than usual. Boredom and isolation getting to him, perhaps, as it is to Raych.
Bit the opposite actually I think. The way I see it: Danilo hasn't really been presented with much to directly challenge his beliefs up until now bar the word of others, whom he is disinclined to see as being more correct than he can ever be. Now, in the space of about two days, he's been hit with Monty being, well, Monty, and now Triela demonstrating that she also is capable of operating without direct intervention from her handler. The first he probably could have just about dealt with. I don't know if I've managed to maintain it or not right through, but Danilo only refers to cyborgs as cyborgs, or units or machines... never as girls or in another manner which might credit them as human. Monty he keeps referring to as a "girl", and occasionally correcting himself back when he catches it. I think he was on the cusp of simply writing her off as an anomaly, part of the 99th percentile you write off in statistics... but then Triela went and did her thing.

Unfortunately, Danilo's personality it such that, on being presented with evidence or opinions that might challenge his view of the world/fall outside his own reasoning, he is prone to just dig his heels in harder, rather than adjust. Worse, Raych has heard all of it, so it's also a direct challenge to his authority over her by showing him up as wrong, so he also needs to reassert that in his head. He's not someone very good at being wrong or recognising there may be any other/better way than his.

Umm... that's the intention at least, not sure how well its coming across.


Thescarredman wrote:You really built the tension here, Alf. 'Is she going to do it? No, she's not. She couldn't. Wait a sec ... No. Of course not. No, wait...'

Strong work. Definitely forgot I'd seen this from another angle. Nothing but surprises.
To be honest, I was never entirely happy with that last part of the story, it always felt to me like it was trying just a bit too hard, but I could not find a way to make it work otherwise.

Glad to hear about that last though: I was worried about essentially writing the same story again in that it might feel too much like simply watching from the sidelines/done because I had to/an excuse to put J+M on a pedestal, rather than like its own story taking place at the same time. Frankly, I think it was there for a bit, but hopefully this chapter has given the previous ones some purpose.


Kiskaloo wrote:Honestly, at this point I'm wondering when Jean decides it's time to recondition Danilo. He's clearly just not suited for the position. 
Who knows, something may shock Danilo into getting his act together. Also...
Spoiler:
...I can't actually cause too much of a furore just yet, as D&R still have parts to play that tie to AtAC, and I would need to explain why so little of a fuss was made. Once MiI is up to speed timeline wise, I'll have a bit more leeway.


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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Vett on Sun 16 Mar 2014 - 12:04

I'm still in the middle of reviewing chapter 3 of AtAC, so you won't be seeing anything substantial from me for quite some time yet, but...

Alfisti wrote:...I can't actually cause too much of a furore just yet, as D&R still have parts to play that tie to AtAC, and I would need to explain why so little of a fuss was made. Once MiI is up to speed timeline wise, I'll have a bit more leeway.

As I'm reading MiI, I'm finding it increasingly funny as to how much both Danilo and Rach (intentionally or otherwise) think about Monty compared with what complete non-entities they (probably) are from Monty's perspective.

I have visions of Danilo finally losing his cool after the Chief calls him in to talk about his progress, then frothing at the mouth as he rants about how difficult it is to have a cyborg that operates effectively when she keeps following bad examples like the Blacker g - cyborg, with Monty being summoned in and just looking blankly at him until Lorenzo reminds her who he is.

Meanwhile Rach sits outside, paralysed as her two role-models are put in a situation where only one is going to come out intact.


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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Mon 17 Mar 2014 - 4:37

Vett wrote:As I'm reading MiI, I'm finding it increasingly funny as to how much both Danilo and Rach (intentionally or otherwise) think about Monty compared with what complete non-entities they (probably) are from Monty's perspective.

I have visions of Danilo finally losing his cool after the Chief calls him in to talk about his progress, then frothing at the mouth as he rants about how difficult it is to have a cyborg that operates effectively when she keeps following bad examples like the Blacker g - cyborg, with Monty being summoned in and just looking blankly at him until Lorenzo reminds her who he is.

Meanwhile Rach sits outside, paralysed as her two role-models are put in a situation where only one is going to come out intact.
That is actually a pretty amusing idea, I shall stow it away in case I should find opportunity to utilise it.

It's actually been interesting writing the same story from the other side of the coin, and it's giving me a better idea of how Monty (and, to a lesser extent, Jethro) fits in to the collective cybernetic conscious. At the moment, I tend to picture her presence on campus as, to a greater or lesser extent, sort of throwing the cat amongst the pigeons psychology wise (sort of hinted at in Bianchi's bit previously). Some might find insecurities bubbling to the surface, whilst others my lift their game or, for her detractors, her arrival may give them a new cause to complain or find an increased sense of self-righteousness. Either way, she's something foreign and an interruption to the normal flow of SWA life, with enough rumour, gossip and stories gone around about her that it becomes difficult to discern fact from fiction, so even though she doesn't actually interact directly with people/cyborgs much, she still causes ripples.

To be fair my view may be skewed right now as, I've been writing a lot from the perspective of Danilo and Raych, for whom she does sit close to the front of their thoughts, but that's sort of my current take.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Wed 19 Mar 2014 - 5:49

Real life means I'm having to run this chapter on an accelerated timeline, which also means an early posting.

Meanwhile in Italy, CH15 - Strangers From a Strange Land (Part 05)

...which also marks the end of the direct tie-in to And the Adventure Continues. I hope it was somewhat interesting, rather than just a story repeated.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Wed 19 Mar 2014 - 6:38

Great turnabout with Raych and Danilo. Who would have thought an incident like this might strengthen their relationship? But you made it so smooth and believable, it seems in hindsight almost inevitable. A lot of people are getting fed up with Danilo - I wonder how many he can dismiss as driving down the wrong side of the road before it occurs to him to switch lanes...

That last bit hints at some serious fun to come.
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Wed 19 Mar 2014 - 9:49

Thescarredman wrote:That last bit hints at some serious fun to come.

And laid the foundation for how to separate the two story-lines moving forward.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Wed 19 Mar 2014 - 10:25

Thescarredman wrote:Great turnabout with Raych and Danilo. Who would have thought an incident like this might strengthen their relationship? But you made it so smooth and believable, it seems in hindsight almost inevitable. A lot of people are getting fed up with Danilo - I wonder how many he can dismiss as driving down the wrong side of the road before it occurs to him to switch lanes...

That last bit hints at some serious fun to come.

I'll agree that it's contributed to a lower chance of conflict in the future, but it seems to me that it's just about guaranteed that Danilo's going to be more of an ass. By confirming one part of his theory, he's probably going to just assume that everything else is correct too, which means that if Raych ever doesn't fulfill his requirements, he'll just be more shocked, stupefied, and furious. Alternatively, he'll just be quietly disappointed but RAYCH will be the one devastated. In either case, the next slip up is probably going to cause wild oscillations in Raych's psychological state. I'd argue that not only has the operational effectiveness of the Danilo+Raych Fratello just dropped two notches, but Danilo is going to make Raych catastrophically melt down at some point, killing her.

--

Needless to say though, Alfisti, good work and looking forward to the next installment. It's rather frightening how similar Danilo is to some of the supervisors my parents have had to deal with at work. Micromanaging obsessive and stubborn asshole much?

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Thu 20 Mar 2014 - 6:18

Thescarredman wrote:Great turnabout with Raych and Danilo. Who would have thought an incident like this might strengthen their relationship? But you made it so smooth and believable, it seems in hindsight almost inevitable. A lot of people are getting fed up with Danilo - I wonder how many he can dismiss as driving down the wrong side of the road before it occurs to him to switch lanes...
Il Direttore wrote:I'll agree that it's contributed to a lower chance of conflict in the future, but it seems to me that it's just about guaranteed that Danilo's going to be more of an ass. By confirming one part of his theory, he's probably going to just assume that everything else is correct too, which means that if Raych ever doesn't fulfill his requirements, he'll just be more shocked, stupefied, and furious. Alternatively, he'll just be quietly disappointed but RAYCH will be the one devastated. In either case, the next slip up is probably going to cause wild oscillations in Raych's psychological state. I'd argue that not only has the operational effectiveness of the Danilo+Raych Fratello just dropped two notches, but Danilo is going to make Raych catastrophically melt down at some point, killing her.
It's certainly made for a usable turning point.  Very Happy 

While I don't think Danilo and Raych will probably ever have a properly functional relationship in the manners of, say, Hilshire & Triela, Michele & Kara or Jethro+Monty (the best either could probably hope for would be Jean and Rico), I sort of envisage that they'll eventually settle into positions that are at least workable for them. It'll never be a two-directional conversation between them mind, but they'll at least figure out how to respond to each other in master and weapon roles, and I think the scene in the van is sort of the start of that.

To be honest, it was a scene that just sort of happened when I got to it. My original intention had been for the Sniper arc to wrap up with Raych going home disappointed again at not getting to do anything and being overlooked for Triela. She and Danilo have, however, needed moving on character wise for awhile now (at least I think so), and this seemed like a good way to do it.

It's worth noting that, on the working up timeline I envisage for my take on the universe at least, Raych isn't all that far behind the eight-ball. She's been active for just over a month and a half only, and I don't see the SWA expecting much out of fratelli for at least their first two months. She's certainly not a leading light either mind... she's probably just on the edge of where the brass would actually start getting concerned and taking a more active interest... which is partly why Gaetano got put in the van with D&R. Partly that was because his fratello is a pragmatic, experienced, level-headed pair, and because the handler has the personality to give Danilo the smack upside the head he needed.

Either way, given a chance, Raych herself isn't entirely ineffective as a combatant. Problem is, as much as she would like to, she's lacks the independent, self determining, self-directed streak of those she puts on pedestals. She's a nice kid (not said like Monty would say "nice kid" this time... which is basically an insult), but not real bright, and she needs others badly in order to gauge her place in the world. Where she's most comfortable is being giving explicit instructions on what to do and how to do it.  Problem is, Danilo has never really given her an explicit instruction on what he wants from her: he's just given orders and expected them to be followed, leaving his cyborg to flounder around trying to figure out how to best please him. Now that he's told her exactly what he wants, she's no longer having to guess and is much happier for it. She doesn't need to be Triela or Monty to please him (though that will probably not remove her envy), she just has to do as he says.

For Danilo's part, I think the bit in the van will require a certain amount of self-assessment, albeit assessment coloured by his own biases, which I intend to touch on next chapter. Short version though: what you're likely to see is a reversion to something more akin to early Danilo, the one with a brand new cyborg whom he didn't expect to know anything, the one who took it upon himself to spoon feed her and do all the thinking for both. Notably, that's the same Danilo who also considered his cyborg completely blameless under all circumstances. You can't, after all, blame a gun for shooting the wrong person, you can only blame the user (or the manufacturer).


Thescarredman wrote:That last bit hints at some serious fun to come.
Kiskaloo wrote:And laid the foundation for how to separate the two story-lines moving forward.
The fallout from that conversation is hinted at a bit through AtAC, though mostly as an aside to show there had been some fallout from the whole Roman Sniper shemozzle, and also to help lay groundwork for MiI.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 8:29

Meanwhile in Italy, CH16 - Fleeting Horizons is now up.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Kiskaloo on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 12:27

Alfisti wrote:Meanwhile in Italy, CH16 - Fleeting Horizons is now up.

I continue to be impressed by how well you write two fratelli so independently in style and personal dynamics. It's like I am reading two stories written by different people because you don't, even unconsciously, allow any "cross-bleed" between them.


Last edited by Kiskaloo on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 14:22; edited 2 times in total

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 12:44

Alfisti wrote:Meanwhile in Italy, CH16 - Fleeting Horizons is now up.
 clapping  Looks good Alfisti! I like how the characters are developing...I want mor! Very Happy

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In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
----
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 21:01

Kiskaloo wrote:I continue to be impressed by how well you write two fratelli so independently in style and personal dynamics. It's like I am reading two stories written by different people because you don't, even unconsciously, allow any "cross-bleed" between them.
Cheers mate. I have been trying to keep the two stories somewhat stylistically different, and Danilo and Raych's world is certainly less purposefully stylised than Jethro+Monty's is. It probably helps that D&R are so different character wise to J+M, as simply keeping them in character aids the process, and the demarcation lines are more easily drawn. Their attitudes and responses are different, not to mention that, because J+M are both better read and more observant than D&R, descriptions of the world through their eyes are somewhat more verbose and atmospheric than those tabled by the domestic Italian pair.

I know that for this chapter, I tried to let a little of AtAC's style creep in for the descriptions and thoughts on J+M in the carpark, though it was quite minor.


PolosElite23 wrote:  Looks good Alfisti! I like how the characters are developing...I want mor! 
Cheers Polos. Yeah, it's getting time to move D&R on a bit, they've been static character wise for a bit too long.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 22:20

It's funny, but you contract Danilo and Raych into "D&R", whereas Jethro and Monty are "J+M". It is possible that the former implies merely association and partnership, whereas the latter implies a summation to a greater whole. I'm not sure if this is intentional or if it even means anything, but it's fun to interpret it this way.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sat 12 Apr 2014 - 23:37

Il Direttore wrote:It's funny, but you contract Danilo and Raych into "D&R", whereas Jethro and Monty are "J+M". It is possible that the former implies merely association and partnership, whereas the latter implies a summation to a greater whole. I'm not sure if this is intentional or if it even means anything, but it's fun to interpret it this way.
It is actually intentional. The J+M was originally a stylistic choice as the comic cover pages always referred to "Jethro+Monty", and I carried it over to how I type it. These days, if I'm typing J+M with the plus sign it generally means I'm referring to them as a singular whole, if it's "Jethro and Monty" I'm probably talking about them as individuals. To that extent, it probably does imply J+M are a greater whole, as I don't have an equivalent for D&R.

To put it a different way: I find it easy enough to think of Danilo or Raych individually. Jethro and Monty tend to arrive in my head together and are difficult to separate.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Mon 5 May 2014 - 5:12

Meanwhile in Italy, CH17 - Lorem Ipsum, is now up...

...in which I probably make too many in-story introductions.

Special thanks to Voodoo for running an eye over Elio's part.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Il Direttore on Mon 5 May 2014 - 8:48

This is.... unprecedented. 

Danilo having to deal with problems on his end? That's unexpected, and I don't mean that mockingly. He seems to be taking it... well? I suppose?

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Tue 6 May 2014 - 4:52

Il Direttore wrote:This is.... unprecedented. 

Danilo having to deal with problems on his end? That's unexpected, and I don't mean that mockingly. He seems to be taking it... well? I suppose?
Yeah, this time Danilo too has his problems, and they're not just Raych related.

As to him taking it well... The way I see it, as far as Danilo is concerned, he's been asked to do something beyond what should be expected of him (read: taking up a role outside his job description and major experience). He'll give give it his best shot, but he's no the sort to see it as a challenge to be defeated, just his bosses being unreasonable and, so, if he fails, the onus is entirely on them. He doesn't want to be seen to fail of course, an ego is an ego after all, but he has, to put it one way, already got his excuse prepared.

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sat 24 May 2014 - 7:03

Meanwhile in Italy, Chapter 18 - Stranger in Moscow, is now up...

So, I reckon there's two, maybe three chapters left in this before I end/put MiI on hiatus, to switch the story's focus back to J+M.

Then again, I thought I had four or so chapters left just before Christmas... which was obviously a very accurate prediction.  sweat

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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Sat 24 May 2014 - 16:15

Pretty Good Alfisti.

So ah...When we switch POV from Kara to Danilo, You lost me for a bit. I had to reread a few times. Linebreak perhaps?

Very interested to see how this goes forward. I'm liking all the cyborg interaction here. You write good story Alfisti.

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In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
----
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

-Stanzas 2+4 of Invictus by William Earnest Henley
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by tremec6speed on Sat 24 May 2014 - 17:36

Cool story you're shaping up Alfisti, always enjoyable read. Smile
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Thescarredman on Sat 24 May 2014 - 21:07

You pulled another 'Excel spreadsheet' bit with the lecture, Alf: You say that you don't really know how to use Excel, yet for Monty it's a productive and indispensable tool. Here, you pack a hall with fratelli taking instruction in Moscow Rules, but manage to avoid actually talking about the subject. Switching to Danilo's POV was a perfect way to do this, I think, since he could probably sit in a lecture hall for hours while Sandro and Michele spoke and not absorb a thing.

Raych's robotic docility is heartrending as always. I'd like to see her take sniping instruction from someone else for a week, then ace her qual, just to stuff Danilo's arrogance down his throat. I'll note once again that he's making friends wherever he goes.
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by PolosElite23 on Sat 24 May 2014 - 21:17

Not just friends TSM.... He's making BFFs

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In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
----
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

-Stanzas 2+4 of Invictus by William Earnest Henley
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Re: Alfisti's Ramblings

Post by Alfisti on Sun 25 May 2014 - 1:29

PolosElite23 wrote:So ah...When we switch POV from Kara to Danilo, You lost me for a bit. I had to reread a few times. Linebreak perhaps?

Very interested to see how this goes forward. I'm liking all the cyborg interaction here. You write good story Alfisti.
Yeah... I was um-ing and ah-ing over whether to linebreak that or not. One one had it would help delineate the swap of perspective, but on the other the sections are a bit short for my taste to be breaking them up to brutally. I thought I might be able to write around it, but it's still an awkward transition.

I will admit, I do enjoy writing the cyborg interactions , and playing with/fleshing out (for better or worse) the various personalities using what can be gleaned from the manga/anime.


thescarredman wrote:You pulled another 'Excel spreadsheet' bit with the lecture, Alf: You say that you don't really know how to use Excel, yet for Monty it's a productive and indispensable tool. Here, you pack a hall with fratelli taking instruction in Moscow Rules, but manage to avoid actually talking about the subject. Switching to Danilo's POV was a perfect way to do this, I think, since he could probably sit in a lecture hall for hours while Sandro and Michele spoke and not absorb a thing.

Raych's robotic docility is heartrending as always. I'd like to see her take sniping instruction from someone else for a week, then ace her qual, just to stuff Danilo's arrogance down his throat. I'll note once again that he's making friends wherever he goes.
Now if I could just figure out how to do the whole sniper bit without having to actually talk about it that would be great...  sweat 

Frankly, despite having written J+M for so long, I really have no idea where I would start with an "espionage" lecture, or even what to put in one. To be fair, I think Sandro and Michele are feeling a bit put upon as well.

Besides, I'm fairly certain no-one wants to read a lecture word for word (see info dumping conversation over in "on writing" ).  sweat 


And yes, Danilo is making friends left, right and centre.


Cheers chaps.

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