New OC in here

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New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Mon 4 Jun 2012 - 22:09

I saw others have been posting the OCs here...So i guess this is alright.


CYBORG INFO
Past Name: Ginerva Bertriolli
Cyborg Name: Marigold

Age: 8
Gender: Female
Height: 4'5
Ethnicity: Italian
Type: type 1

Eye Colour: Golden Brown
Hair Colour: Sandy/light gold blonde

Known Biography:
Marigold was the lone daughter of a wealthy single father and agent for the Agency (not for section 2 though), her mother had died years ago from terminal bone cancer when Ginerva was 4. She lived a fortunate life filled with ease and carefree. Her father was very protective of her seeing as she was the only thing left that related to his wife so he always had her close in hand, homeschooling from private tutors to keep her from dangerous children, nannys time after time, and he always bought her extravagant gifts.She would always be his little princess. They're bond wasn't very close but he felt like it was, he knew everything she wanted because she would tell them and he would get them for her without question, she started to grow a bit crude having want to see her father more and really spend time with him and started to grow more aggressive to the nannys. One day some crafty capers set up an elaborate plan to get some money by kidnapping the girl, they bribed the tutor heavily and she complied. Drugging Ginerva and taking her while she was out they staged it well taking her to a secret location and even went as far as killing the tutor afterwards so she couldn't snitch. With her dead body they left a letter stating that if they did not pay the proper amount they would reveal the secret of the social welfare agency blowing it wide open and that they had proof. The nappers "proof" wasn't all that of a bluff, the team filled with ex-cons and trained killers they had staged it for when the agency sent out the killer children they would capture them as well and keep them to blow open the case. The money was paid but of course they had to send out the kids and various agents one of them being Ginerva's father. The child had been abused in all sorts and was staged in a trap room, if anyone located it a pull string that had various connections throughout the room would trigger hidden guns placed into the walls to murder the one coming in and the girl. Her father had miraculously seen the wires and took precaution, there was no way to get to her without setting off the devices. So he dove in, setting off the triggers but grasping his little girl covering her body from the harsh bullets using himself as a sheild in order to save her life. The kidnappers had ran out with the money most being caught or dead but the main man had gotten away.
The agency decided to take her in, despite her injuries and torment they had to keep her going, for in memory of the brave agents death. They could not let his sacrifice go in vain. (~sobs~ ;_; )

HANDLER INFO
Name: Amable Dubois

Age: 37
Gender: Male
Height: 5.11
Ethnicity: French

Eye Colour: Brown
Hair Colour: Black

Known Biography:
Back in France Amable was a respected military colonel for the front lines, his battle plans were superb and never failed. His life seemed nearly perfect, a loving wife, beautiful daughter, what could go wrong? Buts there's always some underlying force in the world that has to ruin its most precious things. As he was out with his daughter on the day that he sees her seeing as he and his wife had divorced finding that they love they had no longer existed but did not want to keep a relationship solely around his daughter. They were out and unfortunately got in the middle of a random crossfire between to fighting gangs, his daughter was struck and resulted in a fatality. The pain that he bore for wanting to kill these terrible sons of bitches was overwhelming but he did not want to continue to live in this place that he fought so dearly fore but gained no recognition amongst the people. Ami has finished his service with the French army, and is on vacation in Italy for some sight seeing. While there, he meets up with his old army friend, who is now working for the Agency. His friend is involved in investigating the kidnapping of Marigold, and asks Ami for help, as Ami is such a talented strategist/operator. Ami agrees; he is part of the team that storms the kidnappers' hideout, and witnesses Ami's father sacrificing himself for his daughter.Ami is horrified, as Marigold reminds him of his own daughter he lost his daughter a long time ago, and he does not want this little girl to die just like she did. He decides to stay with the Agency and look after Marigold, becoming her handler. There is nothing left for him in France besides painful memories.

(revised story concept gernal idea came from Nachtsider, thanks man ^^)


ahh sob storys everywhere v.v
meanwhile i have pictures~ Awesome!


(2nd one was getting the concept more down, the final is the pink one)marigold was spoiled and believes that shes a princess, so she always has her little crown to remind herself that. And with have been kept from other children she has terrible social skills and is sorta rude with straightforwardness. She doesn't have many friends aside from her handler or claes, claes just debates back at her and pwns her with knowledge yee. shes a big tsundere too because shes smaller then the other girls she feels the need to prove herself all the time and will be all "come at me bro!" (she doesn't actually say that though)

all i have for ami (i shall call him ami) is this wittle drawing.. Instead of a suit jacket he has a leather jacket but he does button up the shirt collar. He cant stand marigold sometimes because of how she acts and had dealt with soldiers that followed his orders not little kids. but she reminds him of his daughter so he cant bring himself to be to mean to her. I wanted him to have a french background because I thought marigold calling him "frenchie" or "french fries" and other french related things would be cute if she couldn't pronounce his name so it centered around that aspect >w<


Last edited by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 4:35; edited 2 times in total
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Re: New OC in here

Post by crazyidiot78 on Mon 4 Jun 2012 - 22:44

Very interesting. I am looking forward to how the handler balances his family and new found cyborg. There is potential for some interesting interactions.
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Re: New OC in here

Post by 11thpareidolia on Mon 4 Jun 2012 - 23:02

brilliant Good and i wish i draw like that. i suck Cry

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Triela on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 1:27

... Aaaaaand I feel like an inferior artist yet again...

Great OCs there!

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Nachtsider on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 1:38

Oh THANK GOD. At long last, an OC cyborg who isn't one of those Gen2 teenagers. Praise heaven on high.

Your artwork is BEAUTIFUL. Marigold looks every bit the proverbial spoilt daddy's little girl; does she behave the same after becoming a cyborg? Also, Ami looks suitably distinguished. The backstory is a little bit James Bond/Saw, although I do like the idea of the kidnappers' intent being that of wanting to lure the Agency girls into a trap (one has to wonder how they got so much information - do they have links with any of the terrorist organisations that the Agency fought before?).

What I have problems with is Ami's dossier. A general at the tender age of 32? No general is that young. The most I would make him is a major or a colonel. Either reduce his rank, or increase his age. As a reference, the youngest general I know of made that rank in his early forties, and the youngest colonel made his rank in his mid-thirties.

The part about being forced to work with the Agency after accidentally witnessing an operation of theirs is a little unusual. I just don't see them doing something so hasty/reckless, especially with a soldier from a different country (that might cause an international incident). Something more plausible would be as follows.

Ami has finished his service with the French army, and is on vacation in Italy. While there, he meets up with his old army friend, who is now working for the Agency. His friend is involved in investigating the kidnapping of Marigold, and asks Ami for help, as Ami is such a talented strategist/operator. Ami agrees; he is part of the team that storms the kidnappers' hideout, and witnesses Ami's father sacrificing himself for his daughter.

Ami is horrified, as Marigold reminds him of his own daughter. Here is where I would alter Ami's backstory a little; perhaps he lost his daughter a long time ago, and he does not want this little girl to die just like she did. In that regard, I would make him a widower, or divorced. He decides to stay with the Agency and look after Marigold, becoming her handler. There is nothing left for him in France besides painful memories; maybe that was partly why he took the vacation in the first place.

I'm not saying your work is bad. It just needs some brushing up. The aim is to keep things plausible. Good

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Three Dog on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 2:34

I get the impresion Marigold is quite the little brat. I can see potential for some very, very interesting arguments btween she and Ami. Nice picture too, I wish I could draw at least an eighth as good as that. Ruddy brilliant! cheers And that wouldn't happen to be an FNC Marigold is holding would it? I'm always happy to see another FN weapon.

@Nachtsider wrote:Oh THANK GOD. At long last, an OC cyborg who isn't
one of those Gen2 teenagers. Praise heaven on high.
S'pose this is just another situation of 'haters gonna hate'.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 3:38

@Nachtsider wrote:Oh THANK GOD. At long last, an OC cyborg who isn't one of those Gen2 teenagers. Praise heaven on high.

Your artwork is BEAUTIFUL. Marigold looks every bit the proverbial spoilt daddy's little girl; does she behave the same after becoming a cyborg? Also, Ami looks suitably distinguished. The backstory is a little bit James Bond/Saw, although I do like the idea of the kidnappers' intent being that of wanting to lure the Agency girls into a trap (one has to wonder how they got so much information - do they have links with any of the terrorist organisations that the Agency fought before?).

What I have problems with is Ami's dossier. A general at the tender age of 32? No general is that young. The most I would make him is a major or a colonel. Either reduce his rank, or increase his age. As a reference, the youngest general I know of made that rank in his early forties, and the youngest colonel made his rank in his mid-thirties.

The part about being forced to work with the Agency after accidentally witnessing an operation of theirs is a little unusual. I just don't see them doing something so hasty/reckless, especially with a soldier from a different country (that might cause an international incident). Something more plausible would be as follows.

Ami has finished his service with the French army, and is on vacation in Italy. While there, he meets up with his old army friend, who is now working for the Agency. His friend is involved in investigating the kidnapping of Marigold, and asks Ami for help, as Ami is such a talented strategist/operator. Ami agrees; he is part of the team that storms the kidnappers' hideout, and witnesses Ami's father sacrificing himself for his daughter.

Ami is horrified, as Marigold reminds him of his own daughter. Here is where I would alter Ami's backstory a little; perhaps he lost his daughter a long time ago, and he does not want this little girl to die just like she did. In that regard, I would make him a widower, or divorced. He decides to stay with the Agency and look after Marigold, becoming her handler. There is nothing left for him in France besides painful memories; maybe that was partly why he took the vacation in the first place.

I'm not saying your work is bad. It just needs some brushing up. The aim is to keep things plausible. Good
oo I like what youve came up with..Im gonna have to edit that abit with now all this greatness I see Very Happy truth be told though a friend of mine came up with the character mostly and i just helped with the picture, I don't know too much about military things so I sorta just took her word for it..would you mind if I use parts of your story? its simply amazing. and I believe she would still have a bit of her spoiled ways afterwards having always been raised that way but ami would keep her in balance with hard work for everything she wants and make them rewards instead.

ty for the art compliments ^^ sorry for replying so late I laid down and took a nap early n fell asleep I suppose.
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Re: New OC in here

Post by Officer_Charon on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 3:39

Some folks just see the Gen2's as blatant fan-service potential, while the Gen1's had far more potential for pathos and stronger story-telling.

It's all about different tastes, is all. Gen2's can still have strong stories to tell - the trick is to navigate it from behind the wall of fanservice. *grins*

Excellent base concepts here! Look forward to seeing more of these two!

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Professor Voodoo on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 3:44

Very impressive art, D-H. The handler in particular could easily fit in with the canon handler designs.
Back in France Amable was a respected military general for the front lines, his battle plans were superb and never failed.
For greater authenticity, I'd recommend doing a little research into what military operations France participated in during Amable's tenure. Working little "real world" details into your story works great.

I haven't forgotten about Marigold (she seems like the type to pout if I did). You mentioned Claes but how will she relate to the other cyborgs? I can see Triela putting up with her attitude out of a sense of obligation (like she did with Elsa in the anime). Henrietta would be a rival for the title of "Top Section Two Princess."

That crown/tiara could be a problem on missions. Does Ami let her wear it off-compound...or can she only wear it back at the base?
@Officer_Charon wrote:Some folks just see the Gen2's as blatant fan-service potential,
Marisa: I'm a Gen 2. What's this "Fan Service" I keep hearing about?

John: (wipes sweat off his forehead) Ehh...nothing you need to worry about.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 3:57

@Professor Voodoo wrote:Very impressive art, D-H. The handler in particular could easily fit in with the canon handler designs.
Back in France Amable was a respected military general for the front lines, his battle plans were superb and never failed.
For greater authenticity, I'd recommend doing a little research into what military operations France participated in during Amable's tenure. Working little "real world" details into your story works great.

I haven't forgotten about Marigold (she seems like the type to pout if I did). You mentioned Claes but how will she relate to the other cyborgs? I can see Triela putting up with her attitude out of a sense of obligation (like she did with Elsa in the anime). Henrietta would be a rival for the title of "Top Section Two Princess."

That crown/tiara could be a problem on missions. Does Ami let her wear it off-compound...or can she only wear it back at the base?
@Officer_Charon wrote:Some folks just see the Gen2's as blatant fan-service potential,
Marisa: I'm a Gen 2. What's this "Fan Service" I keep hearing about?

John: (wipes sweat off his forehead) Ehh...nothing you need to worry about.
alright, thanks for the tips in Ami's history! and hehehe the others.. well with Henrietta wouldn't be that bad like elsa, she still wants friends on the inside but doesn't exactly know how to get them so it would be very conflicting for her. Ricos pretty great with personality though, marigold would just be very annoyed at the the fact that she doesn't dress like a girl and thinks she doesn't care about appearances like she does her own.

how would the crown propose a problem? just with it falling off maybe or standing out? i would think Ami doesn't have the heart to tell her no about it and would get her like a crown necklace in replacement for when they go out so she can always be a little princess ` v `
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Re: New OC in here

Post by Nachtsider on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 4:17

@Deathly-Hallows wrote:oo I like what youve came up with..Im gonna have to edit that abit with now all this greatness I see Very Happy truth be told though a friend of mine came up with the character mostly and i just helped with the picture, I don't know too much about military things so I sorta just took her word for it..would you mind if I use parts of your story? its simply amazing. and I believe she would still have a bit of her spoiled ways afterwards having always been raised that way but ami would keep her in balance with hard work for everything she wants and make them rewards instead.

ty for the art compliments ^^ sorry for replying so late I laid down and took a nap early n fell asleep I suppose.
No problem. I'm more than willing to help you with anything regarding military stuff, as are the other members here. And go right ahead and use parts of what I proposed; it would be my privilege. Very Happy

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 4:52

@Nachtsider wrote:
@Deathly-Hallows wrote:oo I like what youve came up with..Im gonna have to edit that abit with now all this greatness I see Very Happy truth be told though a friend of mine came up with the character mostly and i just helped with the picture, I don't know too much about military things so I sorta just took her word for it..would you mind if I use parts of your story? its simply amazing. and I believe she would still have a bit of her spoiled ways afterwards having always been raised that way but ami would keep her in balance with hard work for everything she wants and make them rewards instead.

ty for the art compliments ^^ sorry for replying so late I laid down and took a nap early n fell asleep I suppose.
No problem. I'm more than willing to help you with anything regarding military stuff, as are the other members here. And go right ahead and use parts of what I proposed; it would be my privilege. Very Happy
allright, all used and credited ^^ thanks for the feedback on the chars!
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Re: New OC in here

Post by Schaschanist on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 5:29

@Deathly-Hallows wrote:I saw others have been posting the OCs here...So i guess this is alright.


CYBORG INFO
Past Name: Ginerva Bertriolli
Cyborg Name: Marigold

Age: 8
Gender: Female
Height: 4'5
Ethnicity: Italian
Type: type 1


Aww, what a cute little princess.
She should meet the "goth princess" Emilie. ^_^
However, looks like Larissa finally gets a friend of her age and height.


Cool drawing, Mate *takes off hat and makes a formal bow*.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Three Dog on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 5:32

@Professor Voodoo wrote:
@Officer_Charon wrote:Some folks just see the Gen2's as blatant fan-service potential,
Marisa: I'm a Gen 2. What's this "Fan Service" I keep hearing about?

John: (wipes sweat off his forehead) Ehh...nothing you need to worry about.

Victoria: *pressing the end of a bowie knife against her finger to test the sharpness and wearing an evil glare* Fan service you think? You just try and put me in a mini skirt and I'll gut you like a fish.

And don't get any advice from me concerning military things. I may sound like I know what I'm talking about, but trust me, I don't .

@Deathly-Hallows wrote:how would the crown propose a problem? just with it falling off maybe or
standing out? i would think Ami doesn't have the heart to tell her no
about it and would get her like a crown necklace in replacement for when
they go out so she can always be a little princess ` v `

The necklace seems sensible. And loosing the necklace could lead to an interesting story arc I think.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Lyndist on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 5:41

Some folks just see the Gen2's as blatant fan-service potential

Nah ... Gen2's is an improvement :They Have Bigger breasts  can be used in a different role that Gen1's couldn't do : Espionage


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Re: New OC in here

Post by Alfisti on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 5:43

Nice one mate, love the drawings. Very... pink. But it suits her. Very Happy

Interesting back stories for both parties, and it certainly sounds like the fratello's dynamic should make for some interesting moments. Having read Ami's background both pre and post Nacht's comments, I think the change is an improvement. It's generally worth bearing in mind that the SWA is the sort of thing that can, to a greater or lesser extent, leave Italy open to international trouble.

Picking up a bit of what Voodoo said, I could certainly see a bit of quiet, background one-upmanship going on between her and Henrietta (and any other slightly spoilt cyborgs who happen to be wandering around for that matter) for whose handler dotes on the more. I'd be interested to see her interractions with the other girls, and her handler's interactions with the other staff for that matter.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 5:58

@Alfisti wrote:Nice one mate, love the drawings. Very... pink. But it suits her. Very Happy

Interesting back stories for both parties, and it certainly sounds like the fratello's dynamic should make for some interesting moments. Having read Ami's background both pre and post Nacht's comments, I think the change is an improvement. It's generally worth bearing in mind that the SWA is the sort of thing that can, to a greater or lesser extent, leave Italy open to international trouble.

Picking up a bit of what Voodoo said, I could certainly see a bit of quiet, background one-upmanship going on between her and Henrietta (and any other slightly spoilt cyborgs who happen to be wandering around for that matter) for whose handler dotes on the more. I'd be interested to see her interractions with the other girls, and her handler's interactions with the other staff for that matter.
speaking of the other girls, does anyone here rp the canon characters? ive seen the triela person but im not sure if they rp the char or just use the name.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Nachtsider on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 6:01

We mostly stick to our OCs, although an RP that used canon characters would be nice. Our Triela's just a big Triela fan, although I reckon she'd call dibs on the character if we gave her the chance to RP. She's awesome; you'll like her.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 6:06

@Nachtsider wrote:We mostly stick to our OCs, although an RP that used canon characters would be nice. Our Triela's just a big Triela fan, although I reckon she'd call dibs on the character if we gave her the chance to RP. She's awesome; you'll like her.
hmm maybe I can get one of mi buds that im turning into a gsg fan who rps to come and play a canonn character snice shes not really a maker of ocs.. mm yes sounds good

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Deathly-Hallows

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Forum Posts : 79

Location : Florida

Fan of : claes,rico

Original Characters : Marigold/ Ami

Comments : ahhh yes, i have finally discoverd where the fandom hides ; u ;!

Registration date : 2012-06-04

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Alfisti on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 6:07

@Deathly-Hallows wrote:
@Alfisti wrote:Nice one mate, love the drawings. Very... pink. But it suits her. Very Happy

Interesting back stories for both parties, and it certainly sounds like the fratello's dynamic should make for some interesting moments. Having read Ami's background both pre and post Nacht's comments, I think the change is an improvement. It's generally worth bearing in mind that the SWA is the sort of thing that can, to a greater or lesser extent, leave Italy open to international trouble.

Picking up a bit of what Voodoo said, I could certainly see a bit of quiet, background one-upmanship going on between her and Henrietta (and any other slightly spoilt cyborgs who happen to be wandering around for that matter) for whose handler dotes on the more. I'd be interested to see her interractions with the other girls, and her handler's interactions with the other staff for that matter.
speaking of the other girls, does anyone here rp the canon characters? ive seen the triela person but im not sure if they rp the char or just use the name.
I'll let Triela answer the latter...

...as to the former, I don't think I've seen anyone specifically set out to RP the canon characters. The RPs around here tend to be pretty casual, spontaneous, and often OC based, so the canon characters seem to wind up as sort of common property, with people using them when required to further the thread.

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Alfisti

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Forum Posts : 5765

Location : A Town by the Sea, NSW Central Coast, Australia

Fan of : Triela, Hilshire, Priscilla, Ferro

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Comments : If in doubt, overdress.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 6:22

@Alfisti wrote:
@Deathly-Hallows wrote:
@Alfisti wrote:Nice one mate, love the drawings. Very... pink. But it suits her. Very Happy

Interesting back stories for both parties, and it certainly sounds like the fratello's dynamic should make for some interesting moments. Having read Ami's background both pre and post Nacht's comments, I think the change is an improvement. It's generally worth bearing in mind that the SWA is the sort of thing that can, to a greater or lesser extent, leave Italy open to international trouble.

Picking up a bit of what Voodoo said, I could certainly see a bit of quiet, background one-upmanship going on between her and Henrietta (and any other slightly spoilt cyborgs who happen to be wandering around for that matter) for whose handler dotes on the more. I'd be interested to see her interractions with the other girls, and her handler's interactions with the other staff for that matter.
speaking of the other girls, does anyone here rp the canon characters? ive seen the triela person but im not sure if they rp the char or just use the name.
I'll let Triela answer the latter...

...as to the former, I don't think I've seen anyone specifically set out to RP the canon characters. The RPs around here tend to be pretty casual, spontaneous, and often OC based, so the canon characters seem to wind up as sort of common property, with people using them when required to further the thread.
alright, so for example say that a oc is snooping in a trielas room it would be ok to control claes's reactions from the top of her bed bunk or w/e she might be doing?

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MeganeMoe This is my gun
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Deathly-Hallows

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Forum Posts : 79

Location : Florida

Fan of : claes,rico

Original Characters : Marigold/ Ami

Comments : ahhh yes, i have finally discoverd where the fandom hides ; u ;!

Registration date : 2012-06-04

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Alfisti on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 6:31

@Deathly-Hallows wrote:alright, so for example say that a oc is snooping in a trielas room it would be ok to control claes's reactions from the top of her bed bunk or w/e she might be doing?
As long as no-one has taken dibs on her I don't see why not... Piero's probablyl the best one to ask as he runs the more structured RP part of the forum. The ones I've partaken in have been more of the off-the-cuff, spontaneous variety: someone makes a post in another thread and a bit of RP just sort of grows up around it.

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Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency.
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Alfisti

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Forum Posts : 5765

Location : A Town by the Sea, NSW Central Coast, Australia

Fan of : Triela, Hilshire, Priscilla, Ferro

Original Characters : Jethro + Monty

Comments : If in doubt, overdress.

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Re: New OC in here

Post by Deathly-Hallows on Tue 5 Jun 2012 - 6:40

@Alfisti wrote:
@Deathly-Hallows wrote:alright, so for example say that a oc is snooping in a trielas room it would be ok to control claes's reactions from the top of her bed bunk or w/e she might be doing?
As long as no-one has taken dibs on her I don't see why not... Piero's probablyl the best one to ask as he runs the more structured RP part of the forum. The ones I've partaken in have been more of the off-the-cuff, spontaneous variety: someone makes a post in another thread and a bit of RP just sort of grows up around it.
allright thanks :3!

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Deathly-Hallows

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Original Characters : Marigold/ Ami

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