Cyborgs vs. Bears

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Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Il Direttore on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 1:52

Tonight on "El Conservatore Is Being Insane", we investigate who would win in a one-on-one, mano-a-mano duel to the death between a European Brown Bear and an enraged Henrietta!

OUR CONTESTANTS:

First, the European Brown Bear! Weighing in at between 265 kg and 355 kg, this brown furred omnivore of the forests of Eurasia has ten inch long, blunted claws and forty two teeth embedded in a foot long skull. It is capable of utterly crushing a grown man's bones, either by biting through them or using its immense size and strength to pulverize the merely human frame before them.

Opposing this natural terror is Henrietta, Generation One cyborg of the Italian Social Welfare Agency! Conditioned to protect her handler at all costs via hypnosis, this 30 kg miniature weapon of mass destruction is capable of taking a rifle bullet to the chest without much issue, has been stabbed without suffering anything resembling actual damage, and has been specially engineered to be faster, stronger, and have a higher pain tolerance than a world-class mixed martial artist.

OUR ARENA:

An empty field in the Italian Alps, which Henrietta and her handler, Giuseppe, are strolling through on their day off. Not expecting any trouble, they have left their weapons in the car. Suddenly, a Bear! In the immediate confusion, Henrietta becomes separated from Giuseppe, with the Bear between them. Her conditioning kicks in, and what should have been an easy meal for the bear suddenly becomes much more serious.

The stage is set, our contestants have been thrown into the arena, and now it's up to you, forum goers, to decide:

WHO

WILL

WIN?!!


Last edited by El Conservatore on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 1:56; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Pax on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 1:54

Bones are gonna shatter, this is like two mother bears going at it. My moneys on 'Etta though... she freaks out when Jose gets pushed. gadforbid somethings gonna eat him...

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Three Dog on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 2:00

I think if 'Etta slips up and the bear manages to get a hold of her arm, it could crush it or thrash her about a little, possibly enough to disorient her so it can get a nice skull stomp. But if 'Etta is fast enough and can stay out of the bear's teeth - as we know the 'borgs are ment to be quick, though 'Etta isn't the most agile - she could keep it distracted long enough to get it tired and wait for the opportunity to deliver a throat colapsing punch.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Il Direttore on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 2:04

In the interests of playing devil's advocate:

The bear is ten times her mass. It doesn't even really need to attack, because it should be able to absorb the one hit from Henrietta before it gouges out her eyes or dislocates a limp with a single thrash/swipe.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Pax on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 2:07

be that as it may, Henrietta gets roughed up the most of all the cyborgs, in addition to her fierce devotion/tendency to violence, she should have the best pain tolerance. Unless the bear takes the arm clean off (its claws aren't sharp enough for that, methinks) she'll keep going and take it down.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Thescarredman on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 3:45

I think 'Etta would take it home to Triela.
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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Nachtsider on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 3:56

How the hell is a bear supposed to break a cyborg's bones?

Henrietta will just jump to the height of the bear's head and smash its skull in with one punch.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Hamster on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 21:27

Best case scenarios for the bear: ----5% chance
1) Henrietta rushes in foolishly and the bear scores a lucky first strike, knocks her out of the air and smashes her unconscious body into the ground. Henrietta suffers traumatic brain injury despite no damage to her reinforced skull.

2) Etta charges the animal and lands a full force punch. Her fist glances off the bear's eye-socket tearing away all the skin, flesh and musculature from one side of its face. The creature pivots and the its teeth clamp down on the back of the cyborg's neck. After a vicious thrashing Henrietta is paralyzed from damage to the upper spinal cord.

Likely results: ----85% chance
1) She flies forward and lands on the monster's shoulder. Reaching over, Etta grabs the bear's lower jaw and rips it free. Follow up punch pushes through the bear's palate into its brain-stem.
--Superficial damage to Henrietta's arm.

2) Etta's first haymaker compromises the animal's forehead.
--Some damage to the joints of her hand.



Best case scenario Henrietta:----10% chance
Etta happens to be standing near one of the charming park benchs along the nature trail.

Bear is KTFO'D by flying bench.



**Wild Card: The bear is wearing a ski mask. Henrietta kills both the bear and Jose.


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Last edited by Hamster on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 21:44; edited 3 times in total
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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Robert Frazer on Tue 26 Feb 2013 - 21:32

The bear has an inherent advantage over all first-generation cyborgs.

The cyborg's first reaction is "ohmaigawd issabear issocute!"

The bear's first reaction is "rawr, food!" - so it always gets first blood.

All of the Agency's preternatural conditioned sense are useless - by the time they've kicked in, the bear is already flossing with Henrietta's violin bow.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Il Direttore on Wed 27 Feb 2013 - 0:02

I can't tell which is better, Hamster's probability based scenario post or Rob's excellent "this is exactly what would happen" post.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Thescarredman on Wed 27 Feb 2013 - 23:37

Diverging slightly from the opening premise: how would the other girls deal with a bear?

Angie would mistake it for Perro, try to pet it, and get swatted into the next province.

Triela would kick its *ss, then let it go to be with its cub.

Claes would perch her glasses on its nose and tell it to be good.

Petra would dance around it until it was dizzy.

Rico would rodeo-clown the thing until it got tired and gave up.
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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Pax on Wed 27 Feb 2013 - 23:39

@Thescarredman wrote:Rico would rodeo-clown the thing until it got tired and gave up.

best possible outcome right there. Very Happy

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Tross on Thu 28 Feb 2013 - 4:54

@Nachtsider wrote:How the hell is a bear supposed to break a cyborg's bones?
Well, if a bear can smash a metal fence like a cobweb, then it's possible. It would have to be quicker than the cyborg though. As for who would win, I'm not really sure. Awesome topic though. It reminds me of the one scene I liked from that awful Will Farrell basketball movie that I don't remember the name of(which is the only reason I remember that film at all).
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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by FearTheLASERFACE on Fri 1 Mar 2013 - 0:03

A bear's mass actually gives it a huge disadvantage in agility. An SWA cyborg is extremely fast, strong, and are made of carbon fiber. With such a combination of advantages, the cyborg could conceivably win.
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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Il Direttore on Fri 1 Mar 2013 - 0:04

@FearTheLASERFACE wrote:A bear's mass actually gives it a huge disadvantage in agility. An SWA cyborg is extremely fast, strong, and are made of carbon fiber. With such a combination of advantages, the cyborg could conceivably win.

It's worth noting, however, that bears are shockingly agile in combat. It might be the muscles and their size, but in any case, Youtube seems to indicate that they can move very quickly when motivated.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Nachtsider on Fri 1 Mar 2013 - 0:56

@Tross wrote:Well, if a bear can smash a metal fence like a cobweb, then it's possible.
It can?

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Hamster on Sat 2 Mar 2013 - 22:27

How strong are the cyborgs anyway? I may have sold the bear short.
The girls have regular sized limbs so the artificial muscle must be many dozens of times more powerful than the real stuff to achieve what we see in the anime.

I see the subject has been discussed earlier in this thread.

@Kiskaloo wrote:I think some of those scenes in the anime were for "dramatic effect" and I am disinclined to take them at face value.

I just don't see the girls as "the Bionic Woman" capable of running at 100km/h and dead-lifting 1000kg. That just makes them ridiculous, in my opinion.

In the end, I see Gunslinger Girl as science fiction, not a super hero comic.

Aren't cruise missiles more than 1000kg? Just a one time rule of cool then?

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Il Direttore on Sat 2 Mar 2013 - 22:38

The Storm Shadow Medium Range Cruise Missile, employed by the Italian Military, weighs 1,230 kilograms (2,711.7 lb).

The Tomahawk Cruise missile's explodey bits weigh 2,900 lb (1,300 kg). So.

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"We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Nachtsider on Sat 2 Mar 2013 - 23:35

@Hamster wrote:How strong are the cyborgs anyway? I may have sold the bear short.
Rico was able to stand perfectly still and upright on top of a narrow wall about ten feet high, a man weighing at least 170 pounds dangling from her one hand.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Kiskaloo on Sun 3 Mar 2013 - 0:58

We should note that Bice "only" lifted the warhead. The propulsion system is likely where the bulk of a missile's weight is.

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Il Direttore on Sun 3 Mar 2013 - 1:00

@Kiskaloo wrote:We should note that Bice "only" lifted the warhead. The propulsion system is likely where the bulk of a missile's weight is.

I think it's an extra 1000 kg.

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"We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."

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Re: Cyborgs vs. Bears

Post by Tross on Fri 8 Mar 2013 - 4:07

@Nachtsider wrote:
@Tross wrote:Well, if a bear can smash a metal fence like a cobweb, then it's possible.
It can?
Well, So I've heard. I've never seen it, but I've heard that that they can. It's possible I've heard wrong. Then again, it could vary from bear to bear. I'm less familiar with the European Brown Bear. Puzzled Bears are a force to be reckoned with though. Granted, so is a cyborg. just whistlin'
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