Some advice or just a few words

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Re: Some advice or just a few words

Post by Pax on Tue 23 Dec 2014 - 2:11

I may not be the most normal guy, but I like to think I'm pretty at peace with myself, the world, and what others do/say, even if my peace may seem a bit callused towards others. And to me, if there's nothing you can do about something, its not worth a single bit of mental agony, stressing, worrying, or even thinking about really if you can help it. What will be will be, worry about yourself and what or who you can directly affect or help (and you can only truly help those willing to accept your help)... of course that's a mindset that took me a few years to get into. So if you cant do that, I'd say your all adults free to make your own decisions at this point (even if you still live with one or both of them), so let it roll, or at least make the decision that feels best for you. If it works out, awesome! Seize the moment and make up for lost time! If not, well, their both family to you, and unfortunately, its a return to the status quo you've lived with your whole life, so help anyone who's hurt pick up the pieces and keep on going.

True happiness and peace of mind come from the inside, not the outside man. Either way you still have both of your parents, and I'm sure that they both still love you either way. As long as you do what feels right to you you'll at least have the peace of that to keep you going.

Like I said, I'm more than a bit of an oddball, I know it, and I'm damn proud of it, but this song here always helps me square off the shoulders, tilt the chin up and keep heading forward to the future I want for me no matter how bleak my own life seemed to me at the time. Maybe it will help you too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc6NOyFfJSs.

...

I'll get off my soapbox now, sorry, heh

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Re: Some advice or just a few words

Post by Thescarredman on Tue 23 Dec 2014 - 15:32

Vita, I'm sure that, at 19, a decade seems like a very long time - it's half your life, after all - but believe me, to someone your parents' age, the interval seems much shorter. If your mother had left your father for another man, that would be a fork in the path of their lives that would be more difficult to bridge. But you say they remained single after the divorce, almost as if they couldn't be happy with someone else. It sounds to me as if there was a lot of pride and anger involved in the decision to separate, and you got caught in the middle of it. I'm sorry to hear that. It all probably made a bigger impression on you than it did on your parents.

I've heard it said, and I believe, that a man truly becomes an adult when he recognizes that his parents are just people. Your mom and dad are trying to be happy together. The odds aren't good: most such rapprochements unravel faster than the marriage, especially if the underlying reasons for the split were never resolved. It's going to be hard for you, especially if you're still living at home, to see them struggling to make a life together again, wondering how long it will last. All I can advise is that you try to view them as you would two friends who have broken up and are trying to get back together. You're not an eight-year-old any more. Just try to keep an emotional distance and let things between them unfold. It may turn out better than you expect.
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Re: Some advice or just a few words

Post by PolosElite23 on Tue 23 Dec 2014 - 16:54

First off I hope everything goes well.

Just remember that you being happy and such should be a thing that like Pax said, comes from the inside. I'd like to think I'm similar to that.

Man, remember though. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, but don't get caught up in it. Like TSM said, let it work on its own. It'll be tough and it may hurt, but remember man. You'll make it through fine and you'll be a better person for it.

And if you ever Ever need people to rant and vent and cry to. Just remember we're all here. I like to think of this forum as a rag-tag internet family. Our own little patch where we share everything and get to know and care for people here.

In tough times I like a poem from a poet called William Ernest Hensly. It goes:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

Remember you control your own destiny. Your parents control theirs. Its up to you to make peace with their decisions and forge your path. 

I'll link you a song as well. Helps cheer me up. Click! Very Happy


Last edited by PolosElite23 on Tue 23 Dec 2014 - 16:58; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Wrong video version...^^;;)

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In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
----
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

-Stanzas 2+4 of Invictus by William Earnest Henley
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Re: Some advice or just a few words

Post by ElfenMagix on Tue 23 Dec 2014 - 18:47

You're 19? You need to continue on with your life and create something that you can support yourself with it. Job, college, so on. If you have brothers and sisters, you need to be able to support them as well.

Your parents f'ed up their marriage and the family you are part of, nothing here is your fault. Furthermore, you say that it was your mom's fault by being unfaithful to her husband, she can not be counted on as a reliable source of anything. You stated that she would give your father a chance? That is so wrong. Wrong because it is he who is giving her the chance, she does not have the right to make such a claim - ever!  She stating that she would give him a chance means that she will cheat again, causing more drama for you and the rest of the family to suffer through once again.

10 years is nothing. 31 years ago on 12/20 my wife and our unborn child in her were murdered, and we were only 21 when it happened. It took me 15 years to hunt down who did it and drag his ass screaming and kicking to justice. So excuse me if I sound stand-offish. This is not a good time of year for me. But again, 10 years is nothing. Play your cards right, you can have many more "10 years" cycles - many of them good ones. You need to do what is right for you.

That means - what support the parents give - take it. But if they bring in the drama - walk away. You need to say "F-it. I do not want drama. I want a happy life and I will work on it. And that means that I will do what has to be done to get it done." Relationships are not easy. But they are great when things are equal and shared. You, as a young adult (which you are right now), need to understand that sooner or later you will be sharing your life with somebody else. And you need to do what is right for that person you couple with. You do not need the drama that your parents have.

So get up, stand up, walk away and tell them that you got a life to live, not to be dragged down by the drama they would make. Because if you decide to stay, your parents are going to make you choose sides. Choose to get away from the both of them, but as your parents, make them proud of what you set yourself to accomplish. Career, Fame, Money. That means getting a job and continuing school, do your best as you can and do not make excuses that you can't. Just Do.

Hell, It's not easy. It never is. But I've and many of us here have been there and done that. Now it's your turn. I raised three beautiful girls into lovely young women on my own - a single dad, and I told them the same thing. Now I got 2 doctors and a computer security consultant making more money a year than I seen in 5 years in my last job. They did well by me by doing well for themselves, doing me proud as they did. You need to do for yourself. You only got one chance to get it right, so do it right. As a parent and for myself, I accept no excuses. For you for yourself, neither should you. Get it done, that is all I have to say.

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