Lyndist Writings

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Lyndist Writings

Post by Lyndist on Mon 16 Jan 2017 - 11:21

Teaser 

"It doesn't take the most powerful nations on Earth to create the next global conflict. Just the will of a single man." 



Rome is burning ... Rome was burning in front of me, right now . The fire lit the night sky , illuminating the great works of the city. The most prominent of which is the Great Colosseum . It looks like a giant furnace , or an inferno from the old Renaissance tale , or both . Flames welled in the aisles and smoke spilled from the doorway , bring the soul of the dead through the afterlife .They're burning the dead, and the dying, at that place . Along the streets, gunfire rang out everywhere and screams are carried by the wind into the doorway, creating a ghostly song of death and chaos . 


Roma , the oldest and greatest city in human history , once called the Eternal City , has become the City of the Dead and Dying . And I'm in the middle of it , looking at it and swallow it whole . Because tomorrow , when the sun rises , I will become a part of it.







Here you go, a starting script. Have you found it interesting?
I have planned out the next two chapters but hasn't started writing yet. I don't want to start writing before getting confirmation that the story and style is indeed worth writing more with. Thank you for reading.


Last edited by Lyndist on Tue 17 Jan 2017 - 11:36; edited 2 times in total

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Lyndist

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Re: Lyndist Writings

Post by Thescarredman on Mon 16 Jan 2017 - 20:18

Attention-grabbing first few paragraphs, Lyndist. Keep an eye on tense continuity, and you're golden.

Nice illustration as well.

How soon will the cyborgs enter the fray, do you think?
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Re: Lyndist Writings

Post by Lyndist on Tue 17 Jan 2017 - 11:27

edit


Last edited by Lyndist on Wed 31 May 2017 - 6:43; edited 4 times in total

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"Your world as you knew it is gone. How far would you go to bring it back? "
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Lyndist

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Re: Lyndist Writings

Post by Thescarredman on Tue 17 Jan 2017 - 13:55

Poor guy. Hopefully Colonel Duong doesn't speak Italian. Wink

Again, Lyndist, I suggest you keep a close eye on your tenses to avoid mixing past events in your narrative with current ones. Aside from that - carry on!
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Thescarredman

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Forum Posts : 1851

Location : Toledo, Ohio, United States

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Comments : .
Mario Bossi would make a better handler than Marco Toni. Come to think of it, so would Christiano.
.
Elizaveta didn't jump - she was pushed.
.
Sofia was pregnant. It would have been a boy.

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Re: Lyndist Writings

Post by Lyndist on Wed 18 Jan 2017 - 0:55

Thescarredman wrote:Poor guy. Hopefully Colonel Duong doesn't speak Italian. Wink

Again, Lyndist, I suggest you keep a close eye on your tenses to avoid mixing past events in your narrative with current ones. Aside from that - carry on!
Thank you for advice . I'll rewrite it later and I hope you can help me fix it , as a proofreader . What do you think ?

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Re: Lyndist Writings

Post by Lyndist on Wed 18 Jan 2017 - 8:12

Chap 1 part 2 : "Call of duty"
 
" Hold on!  Who are you ? " Hai frowned  



" This is Colonel Thai Van Duong from TC2. Do You Read Me?! " 
 


"Yes ! Lould and clear , Colonel .  What do you want from me ?" 


" Lieutenant , we have a mission for you "  


"Excuse me, but it seems you've mistaken me for someone else"  Hai stood up from his chair , unconsciously " Sir !" 


"There was no mistake , Lieutenant Hong Hai . We have a mission for you "  He paused a moment and then continued "This is a direct order from the Department of Defense" 


" You should know that I am no longer a soldier . Not anymore "


" As I said, this is a direct order from the Department of Defense " His voice becomes harsh  " You must comply or else , Things will get worse for you and your family " 


"You are threatening me or what ?" 


"No , Lieutenant . It is a fact  "


" Choose someone else , I was discharged 6 years ago " Hai take a deep breath , then plopped down on a chair . He was hoping it was a joke, but it's not . Now he must find a way to avoid it, otherwise he will be dragged into a tangle of unending trouble  " Surely there must be someone better than me for things like this  "


" I will not drag you into this if I have other options .Lieutenant " He could hear the sighs at the other end  " All our contacts in Rome are dead, or dying . The city have been sealed off, no one in and no one out . We have no other way to do this " 


"And I'm in the middle of the city ... No ... in the midst of this hell hole , too convenient . Right ?"



" Yes . You're in the right place at the wrong time . Lieutenant  " he said, sarcastically " But do not worry , You and your family will be rewarded for your dedication " 


"  Spare me ! I have no other choice , right ? " He replied , nonchalantly . It seems that everything has been arranged in advance, and he had no way to avoid it   "But thanks, at least it makes me feel better "  


“You're welcome ! Comrades ” 


"You should know that I'm just a regular infantry officer . Although I have participated in several diplomatic missions as an embassy guard but I have never been trained for espionage missions "


"We know about that, Lieutenant . And rest assured, we do not ask you to do a spy mission .You do not have the skills, or equipment for such tasks. Now ... Your first orders is is to prepare your luggage and have a good rest .  Be ready to move in the morning"


"YES SIR! " He replied in a loud and clear voice "Sir ! About my family , Did they know anything about this ... mission ? "


"No , they didn't .  Lieutenant . We will arrange a talk with your family to help them understand about this... Special situations.  Now you need to rest and prepare for tomorrow . "



"Roger that .Over and out " 


"Over and out ... " 

Hai put the phone down, sighed, and then climbed into bed , prayed that tonight he'll have a nice dream. Because tomorrow he will step into a true nightmare . 




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"Your world as you knew it is gone. How far would you go to bring it back? "
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Lyndist

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